You are correct -- I am a "Rumintator" too, even though you own the name!
Like you, I never thought that I identified much with my work or that my "sense of self" came from my work. I often told people "this is what I do; it is not who I am." Much of the time, I did not even really like what I was doing, though I was pretty successful at it. And I certainly have other interests, though they have been shoved aside by years of long hours at work (and by kids, etc.). But as it gets closer to the point at which I could actually pull the plug, I worry that maybe I am deriving more of my sense of self-worth from work than I would like to admit to myself. It seems the only way to test that is to leave and see how things go -- but that is a high-risk experiment.
That gets to the issue of how easy it would be for me to return, if I were to leave and then subsequently change my mind. I could probably get back into it if I made the decision to do so within a couple of years after leaving, but I would likely take a big pay cut. And as time passed, it would become more difficult, even if I were willing to do the same work for much lower pay. I am operating under the assumption that "when I am done, I am done."
It would be very unusual, in my company, for me to leave in my mid 50s. I can recall only two other people who have done that, in the 25 years or so I have been here. You might say "what difference does it make how common it is; you should do what you want, not what others choose". I guess that is right. But the environment creates a certain "baseline" for one's thinking. If there's hundreds of people standing around the perimeter of the swimming pool, but nobody has jumped in, you will probably think twice before taking the leap. ("I think I fancy a swim, but all these other people are pretty much the same as me -- I wonder why none of them are in the pool").
I like your "thought experiment" (why am I working if I have enough money; would I do this for free). I guess I would say if I continue to work it would be to increase the margin of error (increase the likelihood that I will have enough money to meet my needs and wants for the rest of my life). Even if the odds are pretty high, they could be higher. Inflation could be higher than expected. I could live longer than anticipated. My kids could need more support than I anticipate. My wife or I might decide we would like to spend a lot more than we presently anticipate. I realize this risk-averse mindset could lead one to work forever. I don't want that. Really, there is zero chance I would work past age 60. It is just a question of how much before that I retire. (I am 52 now).
Besides being risk averse, why might I continue? Possible answers: it is the path of least resistance (an object in motion...); slight fear of the unknown (what if I don;t like it); everyone else is doing it (follow the crowd); the external validation thing; a desire to leave on a high point (things are not going as great for me right now; I hate to feel like I left at a low point); and ability to do more charitably. I realize these are not very good answers (with possible exception of the last one). But they are a part of what I am trying to sort through.
On the other hand, a motivator to leave is that I am really not enjoying work very much these days. I am frustrated and annoyed at it. Why should I live my life frustrated and annoyed, if I don't have to? Why not accept the benefit of the money I have earned and saved?
Regarding "wife as psychologist" -- yea, many of us have that, I guess (when we want it, and maybe even when we do not!). The problem is she's too close to the situation. I feel like I need a sounding board who is totally objective and has no skin in the game.
. We sold our expensive home and paid cash for a home in a lower COL area. We cut our living expenses (with basically zero pain) by 40% by just paying better attention. And the income kept going up as expected.
