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16 things that it took me over 50 years to learn
12-14-2007, 03:33 PM
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#1
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,596
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16 things that it took me over 50 years to learn
16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2 If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman, that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the cr*p out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
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12-14-2007, 03:39 PM
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#2
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 192
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Thanks Purron, I needed that...
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12-14-2007, 04:26 PM
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#3
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 61
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#13 is very true. I always took anyone I was interviewing out for lunch to see how they treated the waiter/waitress.
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"The surest sign that there is intelligent life out there is that they haven't tried to contact us yet." Calvin & Hobbes
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12-14-2007, 07:19 PM
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#4
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,895
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i also relate real well to #13 because i was friends with a snob once. he was the most charming person i'd ever met until i later saw how badly he treated others. silly me, i thought i could change him. i was young & stupid and, after all, i knew he could be so incredibly nice.
finally i'd had enough. when i cleaned up my act of booze, meat, cigarettes and soda (you know, all the bad things), i rid myself of him too.
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"off with their heads"~~dr. joseph-ignace guillotin
"life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages."~~mark twain - letter to edward kimmitt 1901
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12-15-2007, 11:57 AM
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#5
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
Posts: 1,979
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Good post. Thanks. I like #6 and #15.
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Dreams Worth Dreaming are Dreams Worth Planning For. I Spent a Career Planning for Early Retirement.
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12-15-2007, 12:33 PM
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#6
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Boise
Posts: 7,882
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I can personally vouch for #10.
2Cor521
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"At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough, and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may in fact be the first steps of a journey." Violet Baudelaire.
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12-15-2007, 12:48 PM
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#7
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
Posts: 1,979
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SecondCor521
I can personally vouch for #10.
2Cor521
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Missed that one the first time thru.
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Dreams Worth Dreaming are Dreams Worth Planning For. I Spent a Career Planning for Early Retirement.
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12-15-2007, 01:10 PM
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#8
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: athens
Posts: 802
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Great list!
I was doing some work in an office a month or so ago. I was with a sub-contractors that works for me on a regular basis. Totally out of the blue he asks the receptionist when her baby was due. (I knew this would not end well, but there was no place to run.) She looked him straight in the eye and said, "You better be kidding." Not being a total idiot in spite of his original idiotic comment, he allowed that yes he was kidding. The temperature suddenly felt 20 degrees cooler. Boy was I glad to get out of there.
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Can't you see yourself in the nursing home saying, " Darn! Wish I'd spent more time at the office instead of wasting time with family and friends."
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12-15-2007, 08:50 PM
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#9
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
Posts: 1,979
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I also like #9. I have railed against daylight savings time for years. Either make DST permanent year round, or make standard time permanent year round. It is crazy, and upsets our circadian rythms twice a year. Causes lots of wrecks too.
__________________
Dreams Worth Dreaming are Dreams Worth Planning For. I Spent a Career Planning for Early Retirement.
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12-15-2007, 09:08 PM
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#10
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 202
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Thanks, I needed a lift...and that worked just fine.
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12-15-2007, 09:10 PM
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#11
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,015
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And everyone still working should memorize #5...might help a few who are on the fence about retiring.
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