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Old 05-10-2017, 10:59 AM   #21
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Any chance of getting your almost 28 year old daughter married off? That might get her out of the house.
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Old 05-10-2017, 11:07 AM   #22
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Yeah, that's one of my concerns right now. We're making plans to retire in six years, and part of making that happen is not having to support a third person in the household. She's not only stunting her own future, she's affecting ours.
Our kids didn't turn into savers until they had to pay their own rent and other bills out of their paychecks. They are more careful with spending now that it is their money, though we paid for college and have helped with some big expenses like cars and health care.
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Old 05-10-2017, 11:11 AM   #23
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Both our sons lived here for a limited time after college graduation. From the first day it was stated and understood that they would pay a contribution to the household. We didn't need the money, but they needed to feel the weight of supporting themselves.

Some may think it's harsh, but we charged them a hefty percentage of their income. I think it was 35%-40%. Do your own laundry and if you don't like what I'm cooking, make your own.

The contribution to the household was enough to make them feel it but also allowed them to save plenty for moving out. Neither son was a spendthrift or a partyer. We had no curfews or rules as they behaved like responsible adults. One son had some late nights but it was for work.

They each stayed a while and then successfully moved out. We are loving the empty nest!
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Old 05-10-2017, 11:23 AM   #24
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Every family seems to have one member with the affinity to avoid working. Often they're depressive personaliities, bipolar or simply "good for nothing," unmotivated people.

My 29 year old daughter is bipolar and downright unpleasant to be around. She had Section VIII housing but chose to crash on our couch for 10 months. Being a realist, it's doubtful she's really employable. I bought a 2800 square foot house in a really nice neighborhood for $105K--TO GET HER OUT OF OUR HOUSE. Worse comes to worse, I can evict her and make good money selling that house.
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Old 05-10-2017, 11:47 AM   #25
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Well OP, the common denominator between this and the caring for an elderly parent thread you started is your spouse Chew on that for a while.When you say you want your 28 year old out of the house, she says you lived with your parents until you were 22, what the heck does that have to do with anything. When it comes to her Mother, she decides how much time goes to her Mother, even when you say it's affecting your life negatively.

Uh, I think you and your spouse need to have a serious talk, not just about your daughter but about why your wishes don't seem to count for much. If her Mom wanted DD out on her own, your DD would be looking for an apartment. It's two against one and it's not the two your think it is.
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Old 05-10-2017, 11:50 AM   #26
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Well you can call your DD a freeloader, but then you have to call you and your spouse enablers.

How did this happen?..there has to be part of the story you are not telling us...
Nailed it.

You are making it easy for her, and then wonder why she stays? Think about that, for one second, that's all it should take.

The max we had an adult child in the home was about one year. It was fine, a transitional thing. We all figured it made sense to give her new job about a year to make sure she wanted to stay at that job, before moving. She ended up staying, and got an apartment closer to her job at about the one year mark. All is good.

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Old 05-10-2017, 12:06 PM   #27
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You aren't helping her.

Our son graduated college 1 year early so we gave him until his 4 year grad date and then we started charging rent. $600 a month Look up rooms on Craig's list and see what rooms are going for in your area. He's now 23. He just moved to the smaller room at our house for a reduced rent of $500. We made an agreement that he can stay until 25 and then the rent will go up to market rate for a studio which is $1200 minimum in our area. So if he choose to stay, we will have some nice weekends away with the cash. He is very responsible, saving for a house, contributing to chores and keeping his stuff clean. He does eat a lot. LOL. If he wasn't respectful, then things would be very different.

We've always told our kids we would be a safety net so they could take more risks when they are young. But she sounds like she needs a little nudge out of the nest.

Did she go local to college? Or did she live at school?
Is there a grandma she can live with and help take care of?
Most govt programs require that you pay 1/3 of your salary towards rent...hmmm
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Old 05-10-2017, 12:08 PM   #28
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Any chance of getting your almost 28 year old daughter married off? That might get her out of the house.
Unfortunately, no. She hasn't even dated anyone in years.
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Old 05-10-2017, 12:22 PM   #29
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Ah the Z generation...and I thought my millennial generation were bad.

I agree with others...start charging rent. BUT...take that rent and stick in a savings account and dont spend it. Once they move out give it all back to them...explain how you were teaching them a lesson in life...to be independent, blah blah blah.
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Old 05-10-2017, 12:37 PM   #30
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the common denominator between this and the caring for an elderly parent thread you started is your spouse
Ya think? Haven't you heard, I'm a control freak. What I say goes. I'm the man of the house ya know.
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Old 05-10-2017, 12:40 PM   #31
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The OP wants an empty nest....not more money.IMO he has a better chance of getting her to move out then he does of collecting rent after 28 years of paying her living expenses
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Old 05-10-2017, 12:42 PM   #32
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Look up rooms on Craig's list and see what rooms are going for in your area.
Good idea. Part of the problem is knowing how much to charge her. I want to make a point, but also not put so much of a strain that she can't move out.

She went to college locally and lived at home. She's never been away from home more than a few days.

She is very respectful, doesn't party, or spend money needlessly. I'm proud of her, I just want her to do something with her life.
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Old 05-10-2017, 12:58 PM   #33
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Good idea. Part of the problem is knowing how much to charge her. I want to make a point, but also not put so much of a strain that she can't move out.

She went to college locally and lived at home. She's never been away from home more than a few days.

She is very respectful, doesn't party, or spend money needlessly. I'm proud of her, I just want her to do something with her life.
Is there a family friend or someone she knows where she could rent a room? I would ask her what her plans are. She may have an age in her head where it would be weird to still be living with your parents. Maybe she needs to get on govt assistance? She could even have mild depression.
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Old 05-10-2017, 12:59 PM   #34
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My 3 sons boomeranged back and forth a few times each when in need. My youngest came back after grad school and i could see that he was getting too comfortable living with us. I gave him a 2 month hard deadline to be out. My DH stayed out of it because he is not his Dad. It was really hard and I felt terrible but I was more afraid that he would still be there 5 years later.
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Old 05-10-2017, 01:12 PM   #35
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Bamaman bought his daughter a house. That's a solution but doesn't always work. We have a friend who did the same but the bills got ahead of the daughter and she's back home and the house is a rental now (maybe not a bad thing though).

We figured it out as we had a few cycling through over the years. We downsized to a two bedroom house and made the second one an office. No room for boarders!
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Old 05-10-2017, 01:23 PM   #36
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Do you still have an adult child living at home? Our daughter will be 28 next month and still lives at home. By now, I was kind of hoping for an empty nest, running around the house naked with my wife. But our daughter hasn't show any interest in moving out.

She works two minimum wage part time jobs. I doubt she could support herself on what she earns now. But again, she hasn't shown any motivation to look for better work. When we bring it up, we get the stink eye and "stop bothering me" responses.

I love her dearly, but she eats our food, uses our electricity and internet, and doesn't pay us a dime. She's got more money in her own checking than we do! Is it wrong to call your child a freeloader?

How do you lovingly boot your child out of the nest?
We required that DS pay us $400/month while he lived at home... the $400 was a little less than the cost of sharing an apartment or renting a room in our area.

We told him that he could have all the money back when he moved out. Every so often I would remind him how much there was in the "DS Freedom Account" and it would be his if he moved out. He was working about 50 min away at the time so by moving he could both get the cash and reduce his commute and get out from under DW... so he had incentives to leave the nest.

If you did something similar with your DD, after there is $4-5 grand or more sitting in her freedom account, I would think it would be a good incentive for her to find an apartment to share.

As it turned out, DS found an apartment share for less than the $400/month that he was paying us only 15 minutes from work... its a bit of a dump... but it is his choice and he isn't underfoot so it seems to be working good.
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Old 05-10-2017, 01:30 PM   #37
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Bamaman bought his daughter a house. That's a solution but doesn't always work. We have a friend who did the same but the bills got ahead of the daughter and she's back home and the house is a rental now (maybe not a bad thing though).

We figured it out as we had a few cycling through over the years. We downsized to a two bedroom house and made the second one an office. No room for boarders!
I live so far out in the boon-docks that I don't think I will need to worry! DS is still going to college on my nickel at 26 though. Sort of. He now has credit union loans for his living and tuition. Unfortunately, I am backing the loans.
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Old 05-10-2017, 01:31 PM   #38
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Is there a family friend or someone she knows where she could rent a room? I would ask her what her plans are.
She had hinted about getting an apartment with two different friends of hers. Of course, before she acted on it they each got married and started families of their own.

We've tried asking about her plans. We get the blank stare and "I don't know", and has no real plans for the future. She seems quite happy and confident otherwise.
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Old 05-10-2017, 01:38 PM   #39
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While it is great to help out a child when they are improving themselves with a better education, or in times of rare trouble, the child freeloading while working minimum jobs is hurting their future.

They don't internalize motivation, drive, responsibility, etc. and this will hurt them later when the free lunches are gone.

My BIL used to work, has an education, but then moved into parents home during a job loss, no need to pay rent.... so 20 YEARS later, he still is there, and basically never worked during that time. Still does not pay rent, or even for groceries.

LOL... I used to have a friend who was similar... he did not have an education, but did various jobs, had a wife and kids... got a divorce, got laid off (many times)... move back in with parents, but he did work low paid jobs off and on.... his brother also moved back home... they were there until both parents died.... I think both are still living there.... decide to look and the property is still in their dads name in an estate... he died 10 to 15 years ago....
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Old 05-10-2017, 01:39 PM   #40
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We required that DS pay us $400/month while he lived at home... the $400 was a little less than the cost of sharing an apartment or renting a room in our area.

We told him that he could have all the money back when he moved out. Every so often I would remind him how much there was in the "DS Freedom Account" and it would be his if he moved out. He was working about 50 min away at the time so by moving he could both get the cash and reduce his commute and get out from under DW... so he had incentives to leave the nest.

If you did something similar with your DD, after there is $4-5 grand or more sitting in her freedom account, I would think it would be a good incentive for her to find an apartment to share.

As it turned out, DS found an apartment share for less than the $400/month that he was paying us only 15 minutes from work... its a bit of a dump... but it is his choice and he isn't underfoot so it seems to be working good.
I think this is a great idea. Give her 12 months. First six at $400/mth and second six at $500/mth. That is the drop dead date. Then she has first/last and deposit money plus food stocking $.

I have had two sons in and out a couple of times in their 20's. I will say the male species needs a bit more time in general to get their sh*t together.

I do see an issue with your DW because it doesn't seem that you two are on the same page and that would be the #1 priority.
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