Advice from a senior senior

[jollystomper]

How was he supported throughout his life?

That got me thinking about the healthiest "senior senior" I know. DW has a uncle, her mother's oldest brother, who is now 93 and in excellent shape. He exercises daily and goes for daily jogs in a park near where he lives. He is at a healthy weight. He is somewhat eccentric about eating only things he has grown or raised himself as much as possible (and very little meat), or only shop at like Trader Joes.

However... he never really has had the stress of having a job. He has been on a "never enough to learn" quest since I have known him. He is intellectually brilliant, several undergraduate and graduate degrees, but has mainly written poetry (volumes, but won't publish as he feels it is "demeaning" to do so and will only be valuable after he dies). Poetry readings at several Ivy league colleges is probably the closest thing he has done to work. He can play several instruments and has written music but won't do anything in public. He was supported by his mother until she died. She left money for him that was managed by one of his brothers (who also has since died); it enabled him to purchase and live in a nice downtown area of a city which has since gentrified and increased the value of his house tenfold over the last 20 years.

Once could argue that some of his excellent health and longevity has been due to never having the pressures of a job (or any accountability beyond studying). Now that his brother who has taking care of him has died, I don't know where he will continue to look for support (there is enough general dysfunction among MIL and her siblings that DW does not want to get drawn into it).

 

[Midpack]

From our talk, I got the following advice:

Get a good education
Travel when you're younger
Move to an area with nice weather and services close by when you retire.
Downsize when you retire
Get plenty of exercise
Drink plenty of water

Anyone still getting advice from the older generation?

+n. Looks like a pretty complete list. We're working on the third, no progress after 5+ years.

And I've listened to my retired parents, who would concur with the above list except they haven't downsized at all. When my sister and I ask them, even volunteer to help, to declutter - they chuckle and tell us good luck when we're gone. Just mean...

 

[Hermit]

You forgot older whiskey!!

You're right!

 

[Danmar]

There are as many "secrets of happy old age" as there are old people. We all make our choices and have to live by them. We tend to prioritize our own advice, based on what seemed to work for us, and sometimes this might work for others, but not always.

 

[Nemo2]

"Does it feel that your life's become a catastrophe?
Oh, it has to be for you to grow , boy.
When you look through the years and see what you could
have been oh, what you might have been,
If you'd had more time.

So, when the day comes to settle down,
Who's to blame if you're not around?
You took the long way home
You took the long way home..."

Supertramp

 

[imoldernu]

Get a good education
Travel when you're younger
Move to an area with nice weather and services close by when you retire.
Downsize when you retire
Get plenty of exercise
Drink plenty of water

@80
add...marry the right one and...
don't sweat the small stuff...

 

[Danmar]

@80
add...marry the right one and...

Right, this is pretty complicated to actually put in practice. I would say "marry the right one, if not the first time soon thereafter".

 

[Choices]

What's this drink plenty of water stuff? If that's the best advice I have to give at the end of my life I'll be on anti-depressants. My advice will be:

Don't waste time regretting things. If it sounds fun and possibly survivable, give it a shot. Only drink good booze. And retire as soon as you financially are able to.

Harley, some of the " fun and possibly survivable" have been life altering, and not in a good way

 

[Hyperborea]

You forgot older whiskey!!

That's not universally true. Some whiskies are better at a younger age. If you age some of them too long they lose their character and become a bit bland.

 

[W2R]

Right, this is pretty complicated to actually put in practice. I would say "marry the right one, if not the first time soon thereafter".

Believe me, I understand!

In my case it would be, "find the right one, establish a deep emotional commitment but don't marry, and enjoy each other's company, affection, and conversations every day."

 

[Hermit]

@80
add...marry the right one and...
don't sweat the small stuff...

Right, this is pretty complicated to actually put in practice. I would say "marry the right one, if not the first time soon thereafter".

Well... If you "marry the right one" and she leaves this world much sooner than you, it certainly complicates things. If she is not only the right one, but also the perfect one, it would be hard for another to compete with perfection, especially if perfection is a memory. The result is a single lifestyle for the retirement years. In some cases, even the life of a hermit!

 

[bmcgonig]

Certain medications have been found to be the culprit of this. Google/Research the side effects of the meds you are taking to find out.

Rich

Don't take any meds...

 

[pb4uski]

...Anyone still getting advice from the older generation?

I just look up some of imoldernu's posts.

 

[Moemg]

Well... If you "marry the right one" and she leaves this world much sooner than you, it certainly complicates things. If she is not only the right one, but also the perfect one, it would be hard for another to compete with perfection, especially if perfection is a memory. The result is a single lifestyle for the retirement years. In some cases, even the life of a hermit!

Even if she was the perfect one that does not have to eliminate finding someone else for at least companionship.

 

[Hermit]

Even if she was the perfect one that does not have to eliminate finding someone else for at least companionship.

Thanks for the encouragement. I am certainly a fan of the saying "Never say never!"

 

[RobbieB]

I got a lot of good advice from seniors, but they're all dead now.

So I learned to have fun now -

 

[Out of Steam]

I've mentioned a few times about the older guy I met one night. We were waiting for our table at the restaurant bar and struck up a conversation.

He said: "How old are you? 60?...you need to realize that even if you live to be 90, you only have 15 or 18 good summers left. Twenty at the max. Enjoy them wisely"

This is close to what goes through my mind in thinking about whether I'd take an early retirement offer in the year or so between by my child's college graduation and full retirement eligibility.

I probably have about 10 years where I can manage distance hiking. My former group of hikers is older than me and most have aged out of it.

 

[Music Lover]

Anyone still getting advice from the older generation?

I'm 54 and my mother still tells me to dress warm...

 

[Chuckanut]

I've had many similar experiences.

The worst advice I got was from an old neighbor of my parents. It was " Never grow old". I felt like asking at what age did he recommend suicide, but I held my tongue.

Better advice followed, thankfully.

And older fellow - 72 - I met in Turkey told me that he had noticed most of his older friends slowed down somewhere past 80 so he figured he and his wife figured they would do as much as possible in their 60's and 70's.

An old guy in Rome advised me to climb the stairs of St. Peter's dome while I was a youngster. He was in his mid 60's and had a bad heart so he was unable to do it. I did. A few years ago I climbed the dome in Florence and up Giotto's Tower. I was certainly among the oldest people up there if not the oldest.

Another old fellow advised me to get a younger wife so I would always have somebody to take care of me. His wife was 30 years younger than he was! Alas she died of a massive stroke about five years before he did. So, I have nixed the young wife idea. Give me a woman in her 50's or 60's with some experience, not some wet behind the ears 40-something.

A good friend of mine, now deceased, told me to always be growing in some way, and ignore the daily news shows. He advised, "Control the change that happens to you since change is going to happen anyway". I consider that even better advice today than it was 20+ years ago.

 

[kcowan]

Well... If you "marry the right one" and she leaves this world much sooner than you, it certainly complicates things. If she is not only the right one, but also the perfect one, it would be hard for another to compete with perfection, especially if perfection is a memory. The result is a single lifestyle for the retirement years. In some cases, even the life of a hermit!

I have several male friends who have remarried after losing their partners. All seem to be happy.

 

[kcowan]

I just look up some of imoldernu's posts.

I must admit that I pay attention to them!

 

[Nemo2]

I have several male friends who have remarried after losing their partners. All seem to be happy.

I consider myself to be very fortunate to have met/married DW after my late wife died.

 

[rayinpenn]

Karl Pillemer has spent the last several years systematically interviewing hundreds of older Americans to collect their lessons for living.

Pillemer admits he’s an advice junkie. He’s also a Ph.D. gerontologist at Cornell University.

Some years ago, after turning 50, he wondered whether there is something about getting older that teaches you how to live better. “Could we look at the oldest Americans as experts on how to live our lives?” he asked. “And could we tap that wisdom to help us make the most of our lifetimes?”

His first book, “30 Lessons for Living,” synthesized advice from over 1,000 elders on topics like happiness, work, and health.