Advice Needed - Moving Elderly Parents

[joesxm3]

Well, I figured that since you all have been so helpful, I would give a brief progress report so you can feel that your typing was not wasted.

I decided that task #1 is to get a durable power of attorney and health care proxy signed. Luckily the parents seem to be amenable to doing that. Although I can probably get some boiler-plate forms on the Internet, I think I will make have the elder-law attorney do this once I find one and meet with them. Since it seems like an easy set of forms, I hope it will not cost too much.

I am working to talk my parents into us "working together" from now on to do the bills and plan to dig out and organize all the important documents that would be needed for Medicaid etc.

I am starting to look for an elder attorney to have an initial meeting with.

I found one rather large practice that seems to specialize in elder law and estate planning. When I called they told me that the initial meeting would get me an hour and would cost $450. Supposedly the $450 can be applied to any services I purchase within 30 days of the meeting. The receptionist would not give me any idea of their billing rate, so I put off making an appointment. I have my eye on a couple smaller firms and hope to meet with one soon.

The house two lots down from me turned out to have two eight-step staircases, so it is not an option. I am also leaning towards taking the advice of not buying something.

The parents think that they are able to live in a one-level apartment by themselves. I think they may be able to do that for a while if I start to come over once or twice a week to help them or if I get someone to come in for some light cleaning.

I started to look for one-level "senior" independent living rentals. I saw one that looks promising, but it is still about a 50 minute drive for me. My step-father would be happier since it is still in the area he is familiar with. It is in a 27 unit complex run by a husband-wife builder team. It has a walk-in shower and snow removal. However, I am just starting the search and hope to find something similar closer to me.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I am starting to move in a positive direction.

Thanks again for all the help.

[imnontrad]

I just finished going through all this with my mother. The problem with almost every currently built house is not only the stairs but the width of doors and bathrooms. They may need a walker or other aides which makes it difficult in most bathrooms and hallways. The walker really limited where my mother could be in her own house. The last few months she was in her house, she could not even navigate the 3" threshold into the house.
Another factor is isolation. If your parents become virtually housebound, they will also become socially isolated.
One place my parents lived for a while was a community with everything from independent living to nursing home. Residents lived in the section best suited for their needs. Although my parents had an independent living apartment, they had weekly cleaning, an option for group meals, and an call button to summon help if needed. They paid $1,500/month, including utilities (about 10 years ago). This place also had a fund so if any resident ran out of money, the fund paid for their care and they did not have to leave.
You may want to contact an elder care attorney. The attorney can educate you about Medicare and Medicaid and what to do to structure their finances. In addition, if either parent was a military veteran, they may be able for the VA "Aide and Attendance" payment to help pay for care.

In addition,

[zippy2020]

When you talk to the eldercare attorney, ask him to thoroughly explain to you, IF it is allowed in your state, how to split assets when one spouse becomes disabled and requires facility care. If this is permitted, it will greatly help the other spouse to not be financially bankrupted.

This is not something I'm familiar with personally; but a good friend did this when her husband suffered a sudden and complete disability, forcing him to go into Skilled Care. Make sure you take notes and fully understand all the "ins and outs" of your parents' legal and financial situation in regards to both Medicare and Medicaid.

Another item to put on your "to do" list - not a first tier item, but definitely second tier - investigate the convalescent facilities in your area. Many states publish their safety and inspection ratings on the web. Our state rates convalescent and nursing facilities, and even includes turnover ratios. Find out which facilities are rated well, and visit at least two.

It is not at all uncommon to need facility care suddenly, for a limited time, and it is best not to be caught flat-footed when the situation arises. If, in the course of your research, you talk to people who work in the industry, be sure to "pick their brains" and find out what/where/who THEY would want for themselves.

Best of luck to you going forward.