"Alone time" and togetherness - - how is your balance working out for you?

[Moemg]

We live together seamlessly . I never think about alone time . We each have our own TV but we watch certain shows together . We do lots of things together and some things separately .He loves sports . I like it in small doses so he shares the sports love with his sons . I love sappy chic flicks . He doesn't so I share my sappy flics with my daughter or go by myself .We had dated for two years before moving in together . It was an adjustment but we eventually worked out the kinks . I ignore some of his quirks and he ignores mine . It is taking the relationship to another level and once done it may be hard to return to the former relationship without a lot of hurt feelings and some lost money .

 

[Westernskies]

DW and are both still working; we both travel 100+ days annually in our careers. Home together most weekends; it works well, since there isn't time for arguing or for little disagreements to build into something bigger. After spending 4-5 days apart, we really enjoy our time together, and make the most of it; maybe a bit of "absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Note: This is the second marriage for both of us. I believe we both learned a lot from what went wrong the first time around, and appreciate what we have now even more.

 

[haha]

It is taking the relationship to another level and once done it may be hard to return to the former relationship without a lot of hurt feelings and some lost money .

This is the key. No matter what the reason, if you fold up camp someone is going to feel rejected. And that is hard to overcome. Possible to ignore maybe, but close to impossible to erase completely.

Ha

 

[bbbamI]

I wanna 'meet' Frank. Is he a member of this forum?

 

[W2R]

I wanna 'meet' Frank. Is he a member of this forum?

He is a member, but he has only posted a half dozen times or so in the past few years. After posts like some of those that have popped up on this thread he will probably be too embarrassed to ever post again! Oh well - - you can take solace in the fact that at least he has a name you can refer to. Many here have nameless spouses or SO's.

 

[RonBoyd]

Many here have nameless spouses or SO's.

Mine is Brenda. (A serious oversight -- DW, now that I think on it, just doesn't feel right.) On the other hand, "many" here are nameless also.

 

[W2R]

Mine is Brenda.

(Waving "hi" to Brenda and Ron)

 

[neihn]

DW has been away for the last three weeks - Our quality of life has been greatly degraded . I and the kids missed her. I do get lonely without her. However, when we are together we do allow each other "alone time".

 

[Sarah in SC]

Many here have nameless spouses or SO's.

Say hi to Donald, too!

 

[kcowan]

My ex thought he could out-slob me (the stereotypical male passive-aggressive shtick). I figured if I couldn't smell it and it wasn't moving...

So my SO asked: "What on TV?"
and I said: "Dust!"
and that's when the fight started...

 

[W2R]

Say hi to Donald, too!

Hi Sarah and Donald!

 

[W2R]

So my SO asked: "What on TV?"
and I said: "Dust!"
and that's when the fight started...

Ooooh, you're a brave man!

 

[W2R]

DW has been away for the last three weeks - Our quality of life has been greatly degraded . I and the kids missed her. I do get lonely without her. However, when we are together we do allow each other "alone time".

I think most people really do need a certain amount of "alone time". I also think you're a step ahead because at least you know that you need it and allow for it.

 

[Tigger]

So my SO asked: "What on TV?"
and I said: "Dust!"
and that's when the fight started...

Thanks for that! I'm in the office, working overtime... but this made my day better.

 

[REWahoo]

Thanks for that! I'm in the office, working overtime...

...and pharting around on the internet.

 

[ksr]

So my SO asked: "What on TV?"
and I said: "Dust!"
and that's when the fight started...

Gosh, I wouldn't get mad, I'd just be thrilled that SO even noticed the dust! (And then I'd be sure to hand him a dustrag...)

 

[Walt34]

I ignore some of his quirks and he ignores mine .

One SIL (she's a nurse, so is the smarter one) summed it up this way: "Everyone has flaws. The trick is to find someone whose flaws don't matter much to you."

 

[Tigger]

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
-- Katherine Hepburn

 

[Ronstar]

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
-- Katherine Hepburn

That would be perfect - but only if DW cleaned my house whenever she visited.

 

[Khan]

That would be perfect - but only if DW cleaned my house whenever she visited.

I don't even clean my house.

 

[Karloff]

"If you feel lonely when you are alone, then you are in bad company".

I pretty much live by that. Been a happy loner and introvert for most of my life, which served me well when I moved from Argentina to the US at age 23 and pretty much didn't know anybody here. I lived in a 200 sq./feet "efficiency" for about 4 years, saving 80% of my income and reading, listening to music and watching at least one movie per day, thanks to Netflix (those three activities basically define who I am since I was at least 10 years old). When most people my age where getting up to their eyeballs in debt, getting drunk, getting lost in life, getting high, or a combination of all of the above, I don't regret having gone through this "sacrifice stage" at all, and I am grateful I saved as much and lived below my means for so long when it would have been a lot easier to just go with the flow of the masses...

I am now 32, recently married, and life is very different. I still value my "alone time" as perhaps one of the most treasured aspects of my day, and my wife knows about this. She's not quite as independent, self-confident nor self-reliant as I am, but knows how important (and, in the end, beneficial to her) it is to "let me be" as much as she can.

The way I handled this was easy: before we moved in together, I told her she could do anything whatsoever she wanted to do with the house when it came to decorations, arrangements, furniture, etc, as long as I could have one room fully for myself (our house is a 2/2, which is more than big enough for me) and do with it whatever I pleased. She agreed, and now whenever I feel like being my usual self I simply say "I'm going to the room for a while". This operates as both my "sancto santorum", my "man cave", my reading place, my music listening place, my relaxing area, and my "home theater" (all my audio-visual equipment is set-up there). We do, however, make a point of watching at least one movie together every night, and we both love that. I think the fact that we both love movies so much, even though it might sound so irrelevant and simple, is in fact a crucial aspect of why our marriage works (so far).