Annoying MegaCorp people !!!!!

[Geld ist Freiheit]

We have a Magnanimous Microwave Mary.
Puts lunch in microwave, sets for 1 minute, pulls it out after 54 seconds.
Can’t be bothered to wait the last few seconds or even push the Clear button.
I guess she figures those last seconds are her gift to the next person.

[JoeWras]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geld ist Freiheit We have a Magnanimous Microwave Mary. Puts lunch in microwave, sets for 1 minute, pulls it out after 54 seconds. Can’t be bothered to wait the last few seconds or even push the Clear button. I guess she figures those last seconds are her gift to the next person.

Along with the swamp fish smell she left to help infuse your meal with the wonderful aroma.

[Carpediem]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geld ist Freiheit We have a Magnanimous Microwave Mary. Puts lunch in microwave, sets for 1 minute, pulls it out after 54 seconds. Can’t be bothered to wait the last few seconds or even push the Clear button. I guess she figures those last seconds are her gift to the next person.

And there is also "My Microwave Mike" who puts his lunch in the microwave for 2 minutes and then disappears for 5-10 minutes leaving co-workers waiting for the micro to wonder if they should remove his lunch from the microwave.

[albireo13]

Fish-Head-Fred:
reheats leftover rank fish, stinking up the entire office area

[Cassius King]

These are great. Please keep this thread going,lol!

[kgtest]

Negative Nancy's really annoy me. They are never positive, never smile or say hi, their spouse's are terrible, their kids are loser's, they never have enough time to do their work, they complain about a lot of pointless things, generally lack serenity and grace, and appear to clock-watch for everyone but themselves, complaining they worked late last night, extra the night before, came in early today etc. etc yet their results never seem to match up with their bi%#ing

[travelover]

Dedicated Dan. If asked how he is doing, he immediately spews out how over worked he is, how important he is to the company, how much overtime he has to work just to get his important job done, how he might have to work a holiday due to his vital function in the company.

Generally seen roaming the halls with a cup of coffee, looking a little lost. Never seen after 4:30 or on weekends.

[Mr._Graybeard]

I worked for many years in a newspaper newsroom. Movies get the basic setting down pretty accurately: desks butted up against each other, piles of paper everywhere, a constant, low-level hubbub. The "sports fan" never seems to make an appearance, though.

At night, TVs (which are on constantly) are turned to the nightly Big Game. Right around the copy deadline, while editors are trying to sort through a reporter's convoluted math, some action on TV prompts the "fans" to send up a cheer and chatter excitedly about what they had just seen. Conveniently, the most pressure-packed time on the news desk coincides with the climactic stretch of each night's televised game.

Toward the end of my career, enlightened newsroom management moved the entire sports department next to the news copy desk so we could all share in the excitement of the big game. The news-side editors could squeeze in a little work while waiting for Bo Belinski to score his big slam-dunk.

[Revlefty]

Killin' Time Kenny. "I have an hour and a half before I have to go to a doctor's appointment and I thought I'd come over to your office to see what was going on..." Those people who are just killing time, so they figured they'd kill it with you--as though you weren't doing anything important anyway.

[skipro33]

Chronically Sick Sam, the coward
This is the project leader who inevitably is out sick the day the project goes live. The ONE guy who has the authority to make any changes to the project on the fly and he's out sick. But... if you call him at home during this time, he doesn't answer. Coward!

[skipro33]

Best Lunch Bob
This is the guy who awards contracts or authorizes purchases based on which rep bought him the best, or sometimes first, lunch. His best buddy at work is Freebie Frank. He awards based on best freebies. Anything from a hand full of pens to out of town junkets.

[ExFlyBoy5]

These have been great to read...and yet another reminder why w*rking in an office environment SUCKS. Thankfully, I spent most days on an airplane, and while there were similar annoyances to deal with, almost all days in an airplane were much better than the days in the office.

Nonetheless, I would like to add Too Much Talking Ted You know this guy, he will talk, at length, about anything and EVERYTHING for a very extended period of time. Usually about subjects you didn't give a rat's ass about. And they would do it anywhere. They are also really good about taking the middle urinal in a row of three when no one is there. There was nothing like heading out for the day and seeing Ted walking towards you on the very large, expansive ramp that you had to traverse to get to your car. You knew what was coming, and there was no escape...it was like walking into the hell mouth.

[truenorth418]

Destroyer of Weekends

This is the boss that emails out a complicated assignment so underlings can prepare them for some lame Monday morning meeting so they can look good to their own boss.

Usually the assignment is communicated late Friday afternoon or evening - and often Saturday morning - and typically requires hours of number crunching and power point preparation. Of course this usually happens on a rare good weather weekend, sunny, 70 degrees out while we are stuck inside on the computer.

To make matters worse, when the boss sends out the assignment they will usually finish the email with "Enjoy the weekend!"

[JP.mpls]

I want in on this post.


Most of my co-workers are decent people. I typically have more problems with the management. I do have one co-worker who needs to be called out on this post.


Mr. Self Promoter.


Here are some of his behaviors:
- He is focused 100% on impressing the people above him. He is very obvious about it, and it makes all of his co-workers sick being around it.
- He actually isn't very good at his job, but the people above him truly enjoy their butts being kissed, and they don't seem to notice his below average technical performance level.
- He is the master at handing off work to his peers. (This skill should be a new category. Handoff Harry?)
- In the project meetings, he takes credit for all of the work being done.
- He talks down to his peers like he is their boss, and he isn't. He does this while handing off his work to them, because he is "so busy" and important.
- He shows up at the office every Saturday morning for about four hours. Sends out e-mails dated Saturday, and always copies the bosse, so they know how hard he is working. Spends most of the Saturday morning surfing the net, drinking coffee, and making sure anyone in the building knows he is there.


Argh!


JP

[MRG]

The mooch:

The guy always knows when food has been catered in and us there as soon as the guests are done.

There's plenty to share with your co-w*rkers but the sense of power had by hoarding food is overwhelming.

I watched a mooch get canned for being a mooch. He was at a site where after 6pm soft drinks were free. He'd stay to 6:05 pick up a six pack to take home!

He didn't understand when they sent him packing. I guess he didn't get the point we were tracking trillions of other people's dollars for them.

[Souschef]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 38Chevy454 Related to the Popcorn Burner, the person that burns popcorn in the microwave, whereby the resulting burn smell permeates every space within 200 ft of the microwave.

I had someone trying to make popcorn by putting the kernels in a metal pan and putting it inside a paper bag. Well the paper caught fire and melted the microwave.
It destroyed the microwave, so nobody in the building could reheat their lunch.
A few weeks later, I looked down the aisle just as he tripped and did a faceplant.
Karma is a bit*h

[bingybear]

It would be helpful if you identified which category your in when you put everyone else in their categories.

[robnplunder]

Psychopaths - those who do anything to get ahead at the expense of peers, underlings, and any others who they can exploit. E.g, Sauron.

Megalomaniacs - those who thing they are bigger than their position they hold. Often, they also happen to be psychopaths. E.g, Saruman.

Kissing machines - those who do anything and everything to please their boss or other influential types for a scrap. Wormtongue.

Survivors - those who just can't be laid off, fired, or quit.

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by robnplunder Survivors - those who just can't be laid off, fired, or quit.

Well, there was Sam Slacker in my last job. Clearly a bright guy- he had a degree in Physics- but his heart wasn't in the work and he did very little of it. I actually started keeping stats of who was at their desk at given points and his disappearances were way above others'. (When confronted, he said he drank lots of water and took a lot of bathroom breaks.) Coworkers had seen him ordering shoes on-line at work, and he once took the afternoon off so he and his fiancee could select wedding bands. He was the son of a highly-placed, highly-respected executive in the company.

I finally got my boss and HR to back me up and I fired his a*s. Morale in the department improved immediately and when I was given access to his e-mail I learned a lot about his hobbies, his Dad's exasperation with his and his sister's financial irresponsibility, and the number of times he told people he was working on something that he hadn't even touched. Firing him was one of my major accomplishments in that job. His replacement turned out to be an absolute treasure.

[aja8888]

My short time in Corporate (no cubes) resulted in one guy who came back from a trip to Indonesia and had some clove cigarettes with him (office smoking was OK then). So he lights up in the hallway and proceeds to smoke this thing, creating a clove cloud all over the floor.

That got a lot of attention and there were no more clove smokes allowed.