Are You Afraid Of Your Neighbors?

[Midpack]

I’ve seen a surprising number of threads on NextDoor.com with members complaining about their neighbors, they know which house the offending neighbors live in. Things like “smoking weed in their backyard”, “spying on us in our backyard” or “I didn’t see it but their dog peed on my flowers.”

If I have an issue with a neighbor, whether I’ve met them or not, I’d politely ask them about it. There might be a logical explanation, they might change their behavior if we talk it over, or we might find a compromise we can both live with. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’d want my neighbor to talk to me before resorting to the police, an HOA or another outsider first. If that doesn’t work, you accept or consider another step if it’s worth it.

But about half the replies want to “call the police” or “report them to the HOA” as a first response? Others say drop an anonymous nasty note in their mailbox or taped to the door, threatening to call the police. They tell the OP you shouldn’t have to be involved at all. These respondents seem highly indignant and self righteous to me.

About half the replies are the former (incl me) and half the latter. Comical and sad IMO.

Unless it’s obviously criminal, dangerous or a long history, seems sad we can’t just talk to our neighbors.

 

[target2019]

I think holding back when you see/hear stuff only makes things worse.
Makes more sense to talk with the neighbor, at least once.

MJ is not a big thing in a lot of places.

 

[Teacher Terry]

People complain on that site about people smoking pot in their backyard and the smell. It’s legal here. As long as they aren’t making loud noises late at night I could care less what they do.

 

[erkevin]

This is one of the reasons that I have ignored multiple invites to join Nextdoor in my neighborhood.

 

[davebarnes]

Smoking a J in the backyard is not an offense in my neighborhood.
I have never read this complaint on NextDoor.
I have also never seen: spying on us in our backyard” or “I didn’t see it but their dog peed on my flowers.”

Our NextDoor is 70% lost/found animals.

 

[Rianne]

We love our neighbors. I had severe buyers remorse when we bought this house. Neighbors so nice and we did a major remodel. Now I think we'll stay here. DH goes out drinking with the guys on the block. I gossip with the ladies about everyone. We've had them over for cookouts.
Happy about this, b/c I was heading towards a depression when we moved in.

 

[travelover]

It all depends. When we moved to the PNW, we rented a house to get the lay of the land. Unknown to us, the guy next door was a real screwball, as in had been in and out of jail for drugs, the cops all knew him by sight. This guy had a big aggressive dog that he let run loose and we tangled with him over that after being attached twice. The third time I maced the dog, then the vandalism started - car keyed. We ended up having to squeeze both cars inside the garage every night. One night we awoke to flashing blue and red lights and they took his girlfriend out on a stretcher - he had shoved her down the stairs. He was in jail for a few glorious weeks, but she wouldn't testify and he was released.

Fortunately we found a house to buy and left 2 months early on the lease.

 

[gauss]

This is one of the reasons that I have ignored multiple invites to join Nextdoor in my neighborhood.

+1

My thoughts exactly. I really see no upside to reading threads mongering fear etc.

-gauss

 

[aja8888]

Answering the question about being afraid of my neighbors:

The one to the south of us is dead, and has been for 3 years (vacant house, only son won't move on putting it up for sale)

The one to the north is a 75 year old widow and we are the best of friends.

No one smokes MJ around here, that I know of. Although, when DW was healing from having four fractured vertebrae (osteoporosis fractures), I got her some medical MJ from Colorado and that helped her immensely. Doc's wouldn't prescribe necessary pain meds so I found an alternative. I'd do this again in a heartbeat even though it was an all day drive to get it.

Nextdoor website? I went on it a few times and found it to be a total waste of time and full of ads. Kind of like a mini Facebook out of control.

 

[target2019]

Evidently, we live in heaven.

 

[Buckeye]

We have a closed neighborhood Facebook page and I am one of the moderators. I had to call the cops and file a police report when one of the neighbors threatened to come to my door and kill me because I deleted one of her foul-mouthed posts. She was still messaging me ugly stuff when the cop arrived at my house. I never responded to her but let her dig herself deeper and deeper to have plenty of evidence for the police report. Finally, the cop sat down at the table and typed out a reply on my computer ordering her to cease and desist.

She and her husband have made it known they have guns at home and won't hesitate to use them to 'defend' themselves. They have a big German shepherd and threatened another moderator with the dog as she walked her dogs by their house.

Sometimes there is a really good reason to fear your neighbors and to never confront them directly over an issue.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Our site has helped many lost pets get home. People have given away items that others need. Some young people were looking for fruit so we let them pick our trees instead of going to waste.

 

[travelover]

............. one of the neighbors threatened to come to my door and kill me .........

Well, aren't you the nit picker.

 

[Sunset]

I joined the neighborhood, so far it's a waste of time, but it's small so I just look at the emails to know what is going on.
What really does show is how dumb some folks are in life.

As for our direct neighbors, the worst is the one beside us; a sex offender

Next time I buy a house I'm going to check the sex offender lists !!

 

[W2R]

Answering the question about being afraid of my neighbors:

The one to the south of us is dead, and has been for 3 years (vacant house, only son won't move on putting it up for sale)

The one to the north is a 75 year old widow and we are the best of friends.

No one smokes MJ around here, that I know of. Although, when DW was healing from having four fractured vertebrae (osteoporosis fractures), I got her some medical MJ from Colorado and that helped her immensely. Doc's wouldn't prescribe necessary pain meds so I found an alternative. I'd do this again in a heartbeat even though it was an all day drive to get it.

Nextdoor website? I went on it a few times and found it to be a total waste of time and full of ads. Kind of like a mini Facebook out of control.

+1

Aja8888's neighbors sound older, like ours. We live in an older, established neighborhood without an HOA. All or nearly all of our neighbors are civilized, older New Orleanians who bought their home back in the 1960's when these houses were built, and have lived here for half a century. They raised their kids here, and now that the kids are grown and gone, they are aging in place.

They don't smoke weed anywhere, much less in the back yard. Nobody spies on anybody in the back yard because it is usually too hot here to spend much time outside. Almost nobody has a dog, and even if they did the yards are fenced.

The only time the police are here, is when one of the neighbors is carted off in an ambulance or has died and the body is being taken out of the house. It's sad when that happens. If/when it does, usually one of their kids eventually moves in and they are a lot like the parents, except for their age. The kids are in their 50's or 60's instead of in their 80's or 90's like mom 'n' dad.

I don't belong to Nextdoor or read that site. From everything I have heard, it's pretty awful and not worth reading.

P.S. - - one of my neighbors is my best friend! Frank, of course.

 

[Midpack]

This is one of the reasons that I have ignored multiple invites to join Nextdoor in my neighborhood.

+1

My thoughts exactly. I really see no upside to reading threads mongering fear etc.

I don't disagree about the whining threads, but it's a useful site for 1) local contractor/service recommendations especially since we're new to the area, 2) selling or giving away stuff, 3) lost & found (pets and other stuff), and some local events. I try to ignore the whining threads, but I haven't fully mastered yet...

 

[mountainsoft]

As for our direct neighbors, the worst is the one beside us; a sex offender Next time I buy a house I'm going to check the sex offender lists !!

Other than the stigma of being a sex offender, has that neighbor done anything that specifically makes you uncomfortable? There are many reasons a person can be put on that list, and not all are a threat to kids or women in the neighborhood.

As for neighbors, we live in a rural area and in the 28 years we've lived here, I've only met one or two or our neighbors. Most of the ones I met have since moved away. I have no idea who lives across the street from us. We hear our neighbors dogs bark occasionally, but it's not enough to be a nuisance. I make my share of noise with lawn equipment and woodworking tools, but try to be respectful and not run machinery at night when people are home.

 

[Jerry1]

I "fear" anyone I don't know. I know the neighbors right next to me. If something came up, I'd talk to them. Beyond that, if I don't know the neighbor, I'd be reluctant approach them to bring up an issue. No matter how nice/polite/respectful you think you're being, if you're there to discuss something that the neighbor did that concerns you (complain), you just don't know how they might react. Just not worth it.

I have a pretty high bar for getting the police involved so likely I'd just suck it up if I did have some concerns. I'm sure not going to go knocking on a door to tell someone their dog peed on my flowers. If I lived in a HOA community, I may, under certain circumstances notify them if there were an infraction, but again, the bar would be pretty high. It's just not worth pissing off a crazy person. So, yes, I'm a bit "fearful" of my (unknown) neighbors.

 

[MRG]

Am I afraid? No, not now. We did have a neighbor that we were afraid of years ago. He and his DW had a cocaine habit that was causing issues. Somehow we were wrapped into his nonsense and it wasn't any fun. After they claimed I keyed their vehicle we moved.

Around here we have as many rental homes as occupied SFHs. The renters come and go, seldom get to know them. A full time couple nextdoor are retired FBI, they don't scare me either. Generally nice people all around us.

As far as cannabis, it's legal here. Not sure I can smell it anymore than I can smell the stuff they put in natural gas. If you don't think your neighbors are consuming you might be surprised.[emoji41] When I go to a local dispensary I'm generally one of the younger people at 62.

I don't care if their dog pees or craps in the yard, I do wish the bears would do it elsewhere.

 

[pacergal]

I joined our Next-door, but finally cut out all local neighborhoods except the small one we live in. I rarely go on unless I get a global email about some criminal activity or want to ask about a recommendation.

Luckily, we have good neighbors and most have been here for several years.

 

[Calico]

I "fear" anyone I don't know. I know the neighbors right next to me. If something came up, I'd talk to them. Beyond that, if I don't know the neighbor, I'd be reluctant approach them to bring up an issue. No matter how nice/polite/respectful you think you're being, if you're there to discuss something that the neighbor did that concerns you (complain), you just don't know how they might react. Just not worth it.

I have a pretty high bar for getting the police involved so likely I'd just suck it up if I did have some concerns. I'm sure not going to go knocking on a door to tell someone their dog peed on my flowers. If I lived in a HOA community, I may, under certain circumstances notify them if there were an infraction, but again, the bar would be pretty high. It's just not worth pissing off a crazy person. So, yes, I'm a bit "fearful" of my (unknown) neighbors.

I have lived in my house for twenty years. I know the neighbors on each side of me and we coexist peacefully - no problems. We have no HOA, and I'm happy about that.

However, there is a neighbor a few doors down behind my house who leaves their dogs outside 24/7, as far as I can tell, and the dogs bark constantly. Am I going to speak to that neighbor? Heck no! I live in semi-rural NC, and I'm pretty sure every neighbor in the vicinity owns a gun or two (except me). This is not to say everyone is trigger happy - lots of responsible hunters around here - but it would only take one nutcase to ruin my day. I have no intention of playing Russian roulette to find out which house happens to be occupied by a nutcase.

I intend to live a long, happy life enjoying my coming retirement. When the barking gets to be too much, I turn on the small white noise machine in the kitchen and listen to a babbling brook instead of the barking dogs.

Note: if I thought the dogs (or any animals) were being mistreated, I would call Animal Control anonymously. But they are not - the barking does not sound distressed. I personally would never leave a dog outside 24/7, but it is a common occurrence around here.

 

[GrayHare]

IMO some of this arises from a growing culture of independence. Do what you want because you can, without regard for others. When I've asked neighbors to stop violating laws, their general response has been "Make me!"

 

[Midpack]

IMO some of this arises from a growing culture of independence. Do what you want because you can, without regard for others. When I've asked neighbors to stop violating laws, their general response has been "Make me!"

I hate to admit it, but that's probably part of it. More people generally have less respect for others and themselves than when I was a kid a million years ago, or so it seems. We're generally more "siloed" now than I remember in the past.

Fortunately I've never lived in a bad neighborhood and we just moved to a neighborhood where everyone seems very friendly and nice, so that probably makes it easier for me to approach a neighbor I don't know. And I'd like to think I'd realize in a sentence or two if I should just walk away...kinda like a very few people here whose posts I quietly ignore.

 

[Sunset]

Other than the stigma of being a sex offender, has that neighbor done anything that specifically makes you uncomfortable? There are many reasons a person can be put on that list, and not all are a threat to kids or women in the neighborhood.

....

He did something with a teenage girl as far as I can tell, and was upset an across the street neighbor girl accused him of leering..

I haven't read any court stuff on him, so don't really know. Naturally we don't invite him over. He is about 65, and really fat and out of shape, in poor health, so we are not too worried about a physical attack. I assume his crime was being friends with some girl, and then getting too friendly.

One problem is when we go to sell, smart buyers will do what I didn't do, and might be discouraged. At best it doesn't help a sale.

 

[brewer12345]

Next door is fine for keeping tabs on what is going on, reuniting lost dogs with owners, etc. Don't take it too seriously, and I view much of it as free entertainment. Just had a 200 post thread about someone hitting a Canada goose and shrieking that they are protected and it is a felony. We are in the middle of goose season where the local bag limit on canadas is 5 a day, so the humorous and unintentionally hilarious responses were worth reading. Other than that, not so much.

I know most of my neighbors. Many of them are elderly and long time residents. The biggest issue is that a heavy snow results in a long day of shoveling because the list of older, single women with physical problems that I don't want to see shoveling keeps growing longer.