Cheney Shoots, Scores

maddythebeagle said:
you would think that they guys would have enough money to have a good bird dog or maybe they shot it earlier in the day :D
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Right on maddy! This was not a birddog in the field hunt. This was a bloody mary hunt. You're driven around in a Hummer and let out at "hot spots" to take your best potshot...what could go wrong? ::)
 
0213061cheney1.gif
 
I remember comedian Arsenio Hall apologizing to Bill Clinton & Todd Bridges when he was doing his talk-show standup:
"Bill, man, I love you, but... I'm a comedian and this is what I do!"
"Todd, bro, I give up-- I just can't deliver the material as fast as you keep giving it to me."

From that perpective, I'd think that most self-respecting comedians would be embarrassed to exploit the VP's unfortunate circumstances. It's like shooting fish in a barrel with a shotgun after the water's been drained out. Oh, wait, that would be Cheney. Oh, but there I go again-- how embarrassing!

I'm still waiting for the three-hour all-star network special stand-up!
 
"Late Show with David Letterman," CBS:

• "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney."

• "But here is the sad part — before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor."

• "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."

• "The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."

__

"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," NBC:

• "Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear.

• "That's the big story over the weekend. ... Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent."

• "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?'"

• "Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!"

___

"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Comedy Central:

• "Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."

• "Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted — it's just not worth it."

___

"Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," CBS:

• "He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can use his other face. He'll be all right."

• "You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.' "

• "The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep."

"Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past."
 
Just heard on the news that the guy Cheney shot is having additional medical problems. Apparently one or more of the bird shot lodged near the heart has moved and caused cardiac problems.

It would be terrible if this initially humorous accident resulted in a long-term problem or a fatality. But the guy is 78, and you just never know. :-\
 
TromboneAl said:
Close your eyes and imagine this:

What if it had been Bush that had been hunting with Cheney, and Cheney had shot Bush dead!

Man, can you imagine what a big news event that would be?  Vice President kills President -- does he become president?  Was it really an accident?  

Now that would be something interesting for a change.
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Interesting in a legal sense, but Cheney has a much better job acting through the president than becoming the president.   
 
Obviously, this is a bigger deal than they are letting on. "He got peppered". Come in, the doctor said he had ”fewer than 100 pellets that were being left behind." Fewer than 100? That must be pretty close to a full load of #71/2 bird shot. The guy was in the ICU for a day. Oh yeah, and since when do you get peppered and the shot migrate to your heart? I believe the heart is an internal organ.

Ha
 
TromboneAl said:
Close your eyes and imagine this:

What if it had been Bush that had been hunting with Cheney, and Cheney had shot Bush dead!

Man, can you imagine what a big news event that would be? Vice President kills President -- does he become president? Was it really an accident?

Now that would be something interesting for a change.
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Easy. After he shoots the president, he swaps guns with the lawyer and then shoots the lawyer. Then he says the lawyer killed the president, but he stopped him before he could shoot again.

Hero AND president.
 
HaHa said:
Oh yeah, and since when do you get peppered and the shot migrate to your heart? I believe the heart is an internal organ.
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The rather rotund doctor at the press conference said the pellet penetrated as deep as it did because the guy was in good shape (read not overweight). The doc pointed out that if it was he who had been shot, the pellet would not have come anywhere near his heart.

Moral: Don't go bird hunting unless you're fat. Don't go bird hunting with Dick Cheney unless you're fat.:)
 
Yep, poor guy had a mild heart attack, but he's reported to be okay.

Now the incident is being reported that "cheney acidentally sprayed the man with bird pellets".

That sure sounds a lot better than shooting someone in the face with a shotgun.
 
Ok, I see "Game Law Violated? (check) Yes."
"P&W Code 43.652"

Sec. 43.652.  MIGRATORY OR UPLAND GAME BIRD STAMP REQUIRED. 
(a)  Except as provided by Subsection (b), a person may not hunt a
migratory or upland game bird in this state unless the person
possesses the appropriate migratory or upland game bird stamp, as
applicable, issued to the person by the department. 
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http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/tlo/79R/billtext/SB01192F.HTM

Is this getting any play? Just curious...
 
Yes it is. He did not obtain the required $7 permit.

I wonder if theres anything in the code about needing a permit to shoot a lawyer... ;)
 
(Cute Fuzzy Bunny) said:
I wonder if theres anything in the code about needing a permit to shoot a lawyer... ;)
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Not in my neck of the woods. Open season, no limits.

BTW, Martha, when are you and Greg coming down for a visit? ::)
 
TromboneAl said:
Close your eyes and imagine this:

What if it had been Bush that had been hunting with Cheney, and Cheney had shot Bush dead!

Man, can you imagine what a big news event that would be? Vice President kills President -- does he become president? Was it really an accident?

Now that would be something interesting for a change.
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From another Al--Al Franken:

Now, I imagine that Cheney and the President have hunted together. What would have happened if Cheney had shot the President? I think if he shot Bush this way, Bush isn't 78 and he's in pretty good shape, and he's kinda macho. I think he would've gotten up and shot Cheney back. And I think they would've started blasting each other like in a Tarrantino movie.
 
The funniest part of this whole thing to me is how the national press are so pissed off that they weren't immediately notified, that seems to be a bigger issue than the fact that the Vice Pres shot someone.
 
I can't think of an innocent reason to wait 24 hours before reporting it, and I've got a pretty good imagination.
 
The time issue could be a big deal if he had been drinking that afternoon. I read that he didn't talk to authorities until the next day.
 
shiny said:
The time issue could be a big deal if he had been drinking that afternoon.  I read that he didn't talk to authorities until the next day.
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I think you put your finger on it. This had to be a fairly close range wound. Shotgun patterns with the small size  shot that you use to hunt quail get pretty thin pretty fast. The victim was orange. 180pound orange quail are rare, even in Texas. Furthermore, he was wearing a hunting jacket, not a Tee shirt, yet the bird shot penetrated deep enough to get to his heart. All this BS about him being thin etc is crazy. Sure, it might not have penetrated to the heart of a weightlifter, but then a jacket and heavy pecs have stopped point blank shots from a 38 special.

Overall, I would say it is very likely likely that our estimable VP was totally in the bag.

HA
 
HaHa said:
I think you put your finger on it. This had to be a fairly close range wound. Shotgun patterns with the small size  shot that you use to hunt quail get pretty thin pretty fast. The victim was orange. 180 pound orange quail are rare, even in Texas. Furthermore, he was wearing a hunting jacket, not a Tee shirt, yet the bird shot penetrated deep enough to get to his heart. All this BS about him being thin etc is crazy. Sure, it might not have penetrated to the heart of a weightlifter, but then a jacket and heavy pecs have stopped point blank shots from a 38 special.

Overall, I would say it is very likely likely that our estimable VP was totally in the bag.

HA
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OK, I'm pissing myself laughing.
 
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