Coming To Grips With Your Own Mortality

[skyking1]

I'm with Midpack's first post. Don't put things off. Not because you may not be around, but for most folks, you won't be more capable later. Do it while the doing is good!!

[donheff]

For some reason death doesn't worry me at all (yet). I even reacted with equanimity when an orthopedic doc looking at my broken hip Xray mistakenly advised me that I had cancerous spots on the bone - likely from metastatic prostate cancer. It took about a month to confirm that I had no such thing but in the meantime I was surprisingly calm about a rapid death sentence. Now approaching 74 with slowly developing Parkinson's my concern is not fear of death but rather control of death if my quality of life deteriorates. I expect this to become the primary issue facing me within about 10 years. There are no good options in the US and I don't want to fly to Switzerland to end my days.

[old medic]

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
In 36 years as a medic, the reality of mortality has been ground in. It will get here whether I worry about it or not, so if I worry about anything, its going to be about something I can change.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJlY7-u_HZE

[street]

Quote:

Originally Posted by old medic Eat right, exercise, die anyway. In 36 years as a medic, the reality of mortality has been ground in. It will get here whether I worry about it or not, so if I worry about anything, its going to be about something I can change. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJlY7-u_HZE

You said it all and how it will be.

[jollystomper]

Because I saw sudden, violent death too many times by my early teens, I came to grips with my mortality many years ago. So I feel blessed to have made it this far, and just take every day as a blessing. I will have no complaints whenever my life on earth does end .

[Midpack]

Quote:

Originally Posted by donheff …my concern is not fear of death but rather control of death if my quality of life deteriorates. I expect this to become the primary issue facing me within about 10 years. There are no good options in the US and I don't want to fly to Switzerland to end my days.

+1. Losing quality of life scares me WAY more than death itself - all the reason more to stay mentally and physically active and as healthy as possible. Voluntary sedentary is asking for trouble IMO. My Dad lived to be 96, he would have chosen to end his life years sooner.

[oldphd]

At age 39 I had an unexpected emergency life saving operation. Docs estimated I had about 12 hours to live without intervention. I spent 5 days in the hospital recovering. Plenty of time to consider one's mortality. It changed my outlook on how I conduct my life, finding a balance between live for today and save for tomorrow. This change in attitude helped me to retire early and enjoy my years more than I would have otherwise.

At age 54, I experienced another life threatening event. I wasn't entirely coherent during this event, but when it started, I had a couple of minutes where I thought I was a goner, and mainly wanted to get back into my house so my wife wouldn't find me in the backyard. As luck would have it, I made it through. I recall thinking that it wasn't a painful way to go, just sort of fading away into nothingness.

Lots of interesting comments here, some I agree with, some not so much. One that strikes home is that I've seen two different people live into their late 90s in a condition that they didn't enjoy, and would've preferred to end it sooner. Here's hoping we can all find a balance to Live Long AND Prosper

[Calico]

I never gave much thought to my mortality.

Then in 2018 I was diagnosed with cancer. During the next 6 months of treatment (and 12 months of recovery from said treatment) I had a LOT of time to think about my mortality.

I am now four years cancer-free. I consider every day to be a gift, and I don't take life for granted any more.

As far as what happens after we die, I think we fade to nothingness. Which is fine with me.

I'm more interested in having a positive effect in the lives of my loved ones; hopefully a few folks will remember me fondly after I'm gone. That's enough for me.

[brett]

Quote:

Originally Posted by donheff For some reason death doesn't worry me at all (yet). I even reacted with equanimity when an orthopedic doc looking at my broken hip Xray mistakenly advised me that I had cancerous spots on the bone - likely from metastatic prostate cancer. It took about a month to confirm that I had no such thing but in the meantime I was surprisingly calm about a rapid death sentence. Now approaching 74 with slowly developing Parkinson's my concern is not fear of death but rather control of death if my quality of life deteriorates. I expect this to become the primary issue facing me within about 10 years. There are no good options in the US and I don't want to fly to Switzerland to end my days.

This is my only fear. I have had a charmed life up to now.

Fortunately medically assisted dying (MAID) is legal and available where we live.

DW and I at are very opposite ends of spectrum about this. I believe firmly that I have the right to choose and that no one should deny me this right. Being at opposite ends of the spectrum would not change my opinion/decision should the time come.

The trick is to make this choice and move forward with it before being declared mentally incompetent to do so.

[Gumby]

Military service when you are young can cause you to come to grips with your own mortality. When I was a submariner spending months at a time under water, death was only an inch or so of steel away, every minute of every day. There were two memorable occasions when it was unclear whether we would survive the next ten minutes.

I'm sure that those who were in other climes getting shot at with malicious intent had their own epiphanies.

[marko]

Quote:

Originally Posted by H2ODude To each his/her own beliefs. Before I was born H2ODude had no conscious awareness, I certainly don't recall any preincarnation existence. I don't expect anything after this one. And that's OK. Tough to take in many ways, but that's just it for me.

When our nephew, now a grown man, was about 4 or 5 years old, he would constantly comment about having done this or that "when I was big and lived with the other people ". Spooky.

[daylatedollarshort]

I want to stay as healthy as possible, enjoy my remaining years and keep my family healthy, too. We're doing extensive biomarker testing insurance doesn't cover, much more than a regular physical, and the results have been amazing. We've flagged a number of conditions linked to serious health issues so far already. It is not a 100% guarantee of good health, but I'm all for upping the odds, especially when the tests are so simple and cheap, and most of the fixes relatively easy with diet adjustments and natural supplements. We have the money, so what better way to use it than for better health.

[Turbo29]

Verus, leaving Lucilla behind, then Lucilla. Maximus,
leaving Secunda. And Secunda. Diotimus, leaving
Epitynchanus. Then Epitynchanus. Faustina, leaving
Antoninus. Then Antoninus.
So with all of them.
Hadrian, leaving Celer. And Celer.
Where have they gone, the brilliant, the insightful ones, the
proud? Brilliant as Charax and Demetrius the Platonist and
Eudaemon and the rest of them. Short-lived creatures, long
dead. Some of them not remembered at all, some become
legends, some lost even to legend.
So remember: your components will be scattered too, the
life within you quenched. Or marching orders and another
posting.


--Marcus Aurelius, Meditations


And the book ends like this:


You’ve lived as a citizen in a great city. Five years or a
hundred—what’s the difference? The laws make no
distinction.
And to be sent away from it, not by a tyrant or a dishonest
judge, but by Nature, who first invited you in—why is that so
terrible?
Like the impresario ringing down the curtain on an actor:
“But I’ve only gotten through three acts . . . !”
Yes. This will be a drama in three acts, the length fixed by
the power that directed your creation, and now directs your
dissolution. Neither was yours to determine.
So make your exit with grace—the same grace shown to
you.

[razztazz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by oldphd I recall thinking that it wasn't a painful way to go, just sort of fading away into nothingness. .... ...One that strikes home is that I've seen two different people live into their late 90s in a condition that they didn't enjoy, and would've preferred to end it sooner. Here's hoping we can all find a balance to Live Long AND Prosper

I've mentioned it before. Two yrs ago I was literally watching the clock count down the seconds. Fortunately, it never got to zero and I didn't get to see "The Other Side." It was almost shockingly underwhelming. Nothing like what I imagined. One "good thing" to come out of the heart attack is my chances of living long enough to suffer years of deterioration, feebleness, Alzheimers are only slightly better than zero. And any other major medical event e.g. stroke, Parkinson's, etc will be beyond my ability to withstand for very long. So, it's like nothing but good times ahead because I won't survive anything else.

[pacergal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jerry1 Interesting topic. I don't think I deal with it well but my main focus is to live my life knowing that tomorrow is not a given. Frankly, I'm dealing with a big dose of that right now. A few weeks ago back in June, I would have told you I was pretty healthy. Going about my business and doing fine. Since then, due to an odd/rare autoimmune issue, I have lost all kidney function and am on dialysis the rest of my life unless I get a transplant. Further, the treatment for the autoimmune issue is not a lot of fun plus the way they treat it is to shut down the immune system. All to say, my outlook of living to 90 like my father has now changed. So dealing with mortality is in the front of my mind these days, but it still boils down to one day at a time. I guess that's how I deal with it. Some days are better than others.

Jerry1--You are in my prayers.

My belief system allows me to know/feel that I will move on to a better place, spiritual and loving, no pain or sorrow and be with those who have gone before me.
Leaving will be hard, the physical part being here with family. But I believe I will be with them in spirit, as I often feel my parents and others are here with me as I walk my path in life.
The most worrisome to me, is what happens beforehand. Hopefully/wishfully, I am healthy and well until suddenly I am gone. I do not wish for a lingering passing.

[youbet]

I've been in and out, up and down and around and around with my religious beliefs and philosophy of life thinking. Currently, I'm happiest with the "Let the Mystery Be" outlook towards human existence. Accepting that "we just aren't going to figure it out from this side so stop trying" wasn't easy, but I've finally become comfortable with it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlaoR5m4L80

[marko]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pacergal My belief system allows me to know/feel that I will move on to a better place, spiritual and loving, no pain or sorrow and be with those who have gone before me. Leaving will be hard, the physical part being here with family. But I believe I will be with them in spirit, as I often feel my parents and others are here with me as I walk my path in life. The most worrisome to me, is what happens beforehand. Hopefully/wishfully, I am healthy and well until suddenly I am gone. I do not wish for a lingering passing.

Pacergal, what a nice sentiment.

For me the past six weeks have brought me my 70th birthday, the death of my mother, a 16.5 (less than 4 is normal)on my prostate PSA screening and I'm currently on a heart monitor after a serious AFIB scare. All of a sudden the sh$t hit the fan on me! A guy who everyone says looks 40 years old!. I do believe in the afterlife, but I have so much to do before I get the there and I must outlive my disabled brother!

The gift of the past month has been the realization that each day is precious. A bit of a rant, but I'm on my second Manhattan tonight.

[street]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jerry1 Interesting topic. I don't think I deal with it well but my main focus is to live my life knowing that tomorrow is not a given. Frankly, I'm dealing with a big dose of that right now. A few weeks ago back in June, I would have told you I was pretty healthy. Going about my business and doing fine. Since then, due to an odd/rare autoimmune issue, I have lost all kidney function and am on dialysis the rest of my life unless I get a transplant. Further, the treatment for the autoimmune issue is not a lot of fun plus the way they treat it is to shut down the immune system. All to say, my outlook of living to 90 like my father has now changed. So dealing with mortality is in the front of my mind these days, but it still boils down to one day at a time. I guess that's how I deal with it. Some days are better than others.

I wish you the best.

[Spock]

A couple of things:
My La-Z-Boy recliner is now 38 years old and falling apart. I always try to buy quality items, but I realized my replacement recliner doesn't need to last another 38 years...

Early c*vid projections with higher mortality for the elderly got me to wondering why I have my spreadsheets set assume my money has to last until I'm 90. Then my Dad went senile at 85 and I decided I don't want to live that long. A couple of bad PSA tests might seal the deal.



Shortening the duration needed to be funded raised my potential annual savings burn rate considerably.

Now with inflation well into the double digits for the stuff I buy I have to revisit the burn rate again.

The primary problem with my mortality is "what happens to my wife?". She can't copy/paste on a computer and there is nobody, family nor friend, capable of managing the estate for her.

[Kroeran]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spock The primary problem with my mortality is "what happens to my wife?". She can't copy/paste on a computer and there is nobody, family nor friend, capable of managing the estate for her.

Find the largest Bank in your area that handles estate trusts, and rewrite your will under their advice, so that your will sets up the trust properly, to manage your wife’s affairs.

Went through this to cover unlikely event that my mother outlives me.

So many stories of otherwise honorable men leaving their wives in impossible circumstances.