Coming To Grips With Your Own Mortality

[easysurfer]

There's great lines in a song by Jackson Browne's song "For a Dancer" which goes "I don't know what happens when people die /Can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try".

My last birthday, I reached a milestone decade. During my last physical I half jokingly said told my doctor that this decade is going to be brutal (as for my health decline). He just ignored me .

I find myself thinking more lately, my days are numbered. I'd be shocked if 20 years from now I'd still be around. 20 years can fly by quickly.

Which leads to topic of the thread. How do you come to grips to with your own mortality. My approach is to try not to dwell and cherish every day. Yet at the same time I have that sinking feeling of like the song can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try.

 

[Midpack]

Other than remaining healthy and active, there’s nothing I can do so I don’t worry about it. I learned not to worry about things I can’t change many years ago - may seem easier said than done but I read several (spiritual and other) books that hammered home the point. That’s the best answer IME.

But if not, DW and I always remind ourselves that one day we won’t be physically and/or mentally able to do/enjoy some activities - so better to enjoy those things sooner rather than later. For example:

• We’re not putting off travel.
• We both participate in sport/activities as much as possible (e.g. not fretting about cost within reason), for me that’s lots of golf, sailing, biking, for DW that’s paddleboard yoga, tai chi, personal trainer once a week and lots of pickleball.
• We’re live theater season ticket holders, we never allowed ourselves that luxury during our working years (…stupid in retrospect)
• When we think of something new to try, we just do it, whereas we often didn’t when we were younger.
• We both have daily activities to exercise our minds as well, crucial IMO.

I could give more examples, but you get the idea.

 

[Time2]

There's great lines in a song by Jackson Browne's song "For a Dancer" which goes "I don't know what happens when people die /Can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try".

My last birthday, I reached a milestone decade. During my last physical I half jokingly said told my doctor that this decade is going to be brutal (as for my health decline). He just ignored me .

I find myself thinking more lately, my days are numbered. I'd be shocked if 20 years from now I'd still be around. 20 years can fly by quickly.

Which leads to topic of the thread. How do you come to grips to with your own mortality. My approach is to try not to dwell and cherish every day. Yet at the same time I have that sinking feeling of like the song can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try.

I'm 67 and yes, how much time I have left is certainly something that does cross my mind. Every one has a limit, not much you can do except try to stay healthy and enjoy your life. My daughter just finished Dental degree, her and her husband have made a 10 year plan to retire or at least have FU money. I did the math wondering if I would be around to see if they make it. Even though they are high income, knowing the numbers, even with a good stock market, I don't see how they could accumulate much over $1.5M, and I don't think that is enough for them, especially 10 years from now. But, I'm certainly not going to discourage them. They should be able to save $80k to $100k a year, whether they actually do that is to be seen.

 

[Gumby]

In retirement, I have become interested in genealogy and have traced a very large part of my family back to the Great Puritan Migration of the 1630s. In my research I have seen a familiar pattern emerge through the years.

My forebears, each in their turn, played their role on the world's stage. They were born into a family, then left to make their own way. Some moved for better opportunities and took chances. Some stayed where they were born. All enjoyed successes and suffered failures, loved and were loved by others, worked hard and enjoyed the fruits of their labor, and then passed on - to be remembered for at least a few years by their friends and immediate family, but now only though the few scattered records that have survived the ravages of time.

So will I, in my turn. And that's okay.

 

[target2019]

There's great lines in a song by Jackson Browne's song "For a Dancer" which goes "I don't know what happens when people die /Can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try".

My last birthday, I reached a milestone decade. During my last physical I half jokingly said told my doctor that this decade is going to be brutal (as for my health decline). He just ignored me .

I find myself thinking more lately, my days are numbered. I'd be shocked if 20 years from now I'd still be around. 20 years can fly by quickly.

Which leads to topic of the thread. How do you come to grips to with your own mortality. My approach is to try not to dwell and cherish every day. Yet at the same time I have that sinking feeling of like the song can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try.

"These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten, my friend"

Mortality thoughts should be more frequent as you age, if you believe in mortality curves. The uncertainty that immediately comes to mind may be enough to close the door on the thought.

It's interesting that your doctor ignored you when you brought up mortality. About a year ago I recall my cardiologist remarking that my heart was strong enough to carry me forward. However, when I recently asked my oncologist about possible colonoscopy (I get frequent reminders for this through a portal), he suggested that if they found something serious I was not a great candidate for intervention. IOW, don't waste my time, and use remaining time wisely.

At 62 I estimated the end date as 72nd year. 7 years later it is getting more likely. So I go with the flow and do what I want every day. Mortality is a certainty. Whatever. At least one major Euro trip each year for awhile, and so on.

 

[Rianne]

I'm not concerned about my mortality. Death is just another journey everyone will take, that's a fact. The question is what journey will we take? I don't think I want to be reincarnated. That's come up recently in some documentaries.

“Energy cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be changed from one form to another.” (Albert Einstein)

So, where do we go? It's a mystery. Some who've had near-death experiences say it's pretty nice on the other side.

 

[easysurfer]

I'm not concerned about my mortality. Death is just another journey everyone will take, that's a fact. The question is what journey will we take? I don't think I want to be reincarnated. That's come up recently in some documentaries.

“Energy cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be changed from one form to another.” (Albert Einstein)

So, where do we go? It's a mystery. Some who've had near-death experiences say it's pretty nice on the other side.

In more recent years, I've become more spiritual. Have come to the belief that we are spiritual beings with a human experience. Instead of humans having a religious experience.

I am leaning into the belief in reincarnation. If Einstein was right, doesn't it make sense that human energy could just return in some not human energy form?

Yes, still in the back of my mind, I still have the thought of what if after my final heartbeat, I just cease to exist?

Then that takes me back to just cherish the present and not dwell.

 

[Souschef]

Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.”

That is basically my philosophy. My dad lived to 92, my mom lived to 102. Taking the average, I will live to 97, barring any unforeseen disasters.
I am 84, and to celebrate my soloing 50 years ago on my birthday, I flew to Santa Barbara and back. For my 80th birthday, I celebrated by flying a P-51 fighter.
This year I will be celebrating our 15th anniversary.
I am in the process of gifting part of our holdings every year to our 4 sons. Our philosophy is that it is better to give with a warm hand than a cold one.
As far as my mortality, I know I will die some day. But we have filled our bucket lists, and are now content to be with each other.

 

[Car-Guy]

Stuff happens. Not much more I can/will do about how long I live... I probably have about a decade left in my account, maybe less. Good news is my "cash" account will easily outlive my "life" account.

 

[Which Roger]

I approach this just as one should approach most things: Accept the things I cannot change (e.g., time moving forward), and actively try to change what I can (e.g., stay healthy).
I've seen too many people in denial, to the point where they refuse to even do the basics like create a will, the denial thought being "I don't need one. I'm not going to die anytime soon". That's not fair to the people who will still be around and have to clean up their mess. Fortunately none of the people I need to discuss my mortality with (DW, siblings, etc) are like this and we have all accepted our mortality and can talk freely about it.

 

[Rianne]

I often think about what my last thought will be. Maybe we won't have a last thought because our energy continues.

 

[bloom2708]

Keep your BMI in the 20 to 22 range.
Eat mostly plants. Limit processed junk. You are what you eat.
Exercise (walking, biking, yoga, Pilates, anything is better than nothing.
Know your family risk areas and compensate
Limit alcohol or eliminate

The end is coming for all, but you certainly CAN speed up the process. Mostly by eating poorly and being overweight. Drinking, smoking etc.

I feel a bit bad when people throw their arms up in the air and say "it is out of my control". Then eat terrible and do destructive things. Self fulfilling.

Stay positive and enjoy life. Pick your battles and make good choices.

 

[CindyBlue]

Interesting and timely topic, for me.

Just yesterday I was sitting on the sidelines in a chair while waiting to play in our pickleball game (we have 6 people in our group, so two rotate out each game.) The sun was shining in the late afternoon, the sky was so very blue, the cool breeze was making the tree branches wave and moving gently past my face, the sound of happy people playing and the "pock" of the pickleball" was filling my ears...I turned to my friend sitting next to me and said "I sometimes think about how, sometime in the next 20 years of so when I am gone, this park will still be full of people playing pickleball with the sun shining and the breeze blowing..."

For some reason, that made me feel content, thinking that I am part of a continuum, and the world will continue without me, without most people on earth even knowing I was either here or gone.

 

[Chuckanut]

FWIW, I find that time moves slower if I am busy doing something interesting.

As far as mortality goes, I don't know when I will die. I am more concerned with how I live up until I die. One thing I know for sure, is that as I grow older I have more aches and pains. That's going to happen no matter what. So, do I want to be feeble and have aches and pains, Or do I want to keep as much strength as possible and have aches and pains? I vote for the latter since I think it will provide a better quality of life.

 

[CaptTom]

Deep stuff.

My aim is to live in reality. Wishful thinking should never cloud our decision making.

Here's the reality, paraphrasing Neil Degrasse Tyson: We have a hard time imagining what it's like to no longer be here. But never ask ourselves what it was like before we were here. For almost the whole history of humanity, of the Earth, of the universe, we weren't here. Do you remember that? That's what it's like not to be here.

You can invent mystical "energy" of any kind you want. You'd be in good company, many cultures have invented all kinds of hopeful (and some frightening) mythology. Obviously they can't all be right. The chances of you picking the right one are infinitesimal. And don't pin your hopes on Einstein. He wasn't talking about that kind of energy. Appropriating sciency-sounding words doesn't make a belief real.

 

[Sojourner]

Here's the reality, paraphrasing Neil Degrasse Tyson: We have a hard time imagining what it's like to no longer be here. But never ask ourselves what it was like before we were here. For almost the whole history of humanity, of the Earth, of the universe, we weren't here. Do you remember that? That's what it's like not to be here.

You can invent mystical "energy" of any kind you want. You'd be in good company, many cultures have invented all kinds of hopeful (and some frightening) mythology. Obviously they can't all be right. The chances of you picking the right one are infinitesimal. And don't pin your hopes on Einstein. He wasn't talking about that kind of energy. Appropriating sciency-sounding words doesn't make a belief real.

+1
My thoughts, exactly. Death is, well... nothing. An eternal, timeless void. As Epicurus wisely said: "Death is nothing to us. When we exist, death is not; and when death exists, we are not. All sensation and consciousness ends with death and therefore in death there is neither pleasure nor pain. The fear of death arises from the belief that in death, there is awareness."

That being said, while I don't want to die, it is inevitable and not worth my time fretting about. I know the world will go on without me, and that while I'll regrettably no longer experience any of the joys and pleasures of life, I will also be spared all the boredom, pain, and suffering. And, I won't be around to be aware of any of this, as I simply won't exist anymore. Exactly as it was for the infinite stretch of time prior to the first moment of my conscious awareness.

 

[easysurfer]

Interesting and timely topic, for me.

Just yesterday I was sitting on the sidelines in a chair while waiting to play in our pickleball game (we have 6 people in our group, so two rotate out each game.) The sun was shining in the late afternoon, the sky was so very blue, the cool breeze was making the tree branches wave and moving gently past my face, the sound of happy people playing and the "pock" of the pickleball" was filling my ears...I turned to my friend sitting next to me and said "I sometimes think about how, sometime in the next 20 years of so when I am gone, this park will still be full of people playing pickleball with the sun shining and the breeze blowing..."

For some reason, that made me feel content, thinking that I am part of a continuum, and the world will continue without me, without most people on earth even knowing I was either here or gone.

I had a somewhat similar thought the other day during a walk to my dentist. It was a beautiful summer and as I walked, a beautiful butterfly was floating by. Then my mind went to both the past and future. I recalled the past when I was probably about 6 years old observing butterflies. I also thought about the future when I'm long gone, there'd still be butterflies about .

 

[Hank]

Keep your BMI in the 20 to 22 range.
Eat mostly plants. Limit processed junk. You are what you eat.
Exercise (walking, biking, yoga, Pilates, anything is better than nothing.
Know your family risk areas and compensate
Limit alcohol or eliminate

The end is coming for all, but you certainly CAN speed up the process. Mostly by eating poorly and being overweight. Drinking, smoking etc.

I feel a bit bad when people throw their arms up in the air and say "it is out of my control". Then eat terrible and do destructive things. Self fulfilling.

Stay positive and enjoy life. Pick your battles and make good choices.

I think this is excellent guidance. I would add to floss too because avoiding dental problems if possible can make the last leg of the ride a little easier.

 

[Midpack]

I've become more spiritual. Have come to the belief that we are spiritual beings with a human experience. Instead of humans having a religious experience.

+100, one of the best lessons I ever learned, I’ll leave it at that.

You can invent mystical "energy" of any kind you want. You'd be in good company, many cultures have invented all kinds of hopeful (and some frightening) mythology. Obviously they can't all be right. The chances of you picking the right one are infinitesimal.

Fortunately more than one can be rightly hopeful —- some never get that.

 

[Car-Guy]

The fear of death arises from the belief that in death, there is awareness."

I would have thought the exact opposite.

 

[sengsational]

The ego doesn't like the idea of being extinguished, and so most of us live as though we have plenty of time left. There will be the last time each of us does anything, including breathe. The stoic philosophers figured that occasionally reminding ones self of this would allow one to appreciate what they had in the moment. To be effective, though, thoughts like that have to become habitual.

As to what happens to the energy of a human and other creatures when they die, nobody knows, of course. I heard an interesting take on it by Alan Watts, who was a popular philosopher in the 60's and 70's. It was a twist on the idea of reincarnation where, rather than all of you coming back as a single entity, some networky, sparky, attraction, thing happens (not doing it justice), and the result is you're not gone, but you're split and combined.

All these kinds of things seem to me to be the force of all the egos in history not wanting to admit to the fate of not being.

 

[Sue J]

Our philosophy is that it is better to give with a warm hand than a cold one.

Oh, I like this one!

I have a long history of being a natural saver and I've always held money very tightly. Stuff breaks and sh!t happens, things could go wrong any minute, I need all this for the rainy day.

The last few years I've been working on being a more generous person. Maybe it's having grandchildren, maybe it's seeing people my age and younger dying. It took a while to sink in but after both of my parents died I realized that I'm part of the generation that will die off next.

So I'm trying to practice letting go and being more generous. So far I'm really enjoying it! I'm doing it not so much about what the receiver needs, but what I feel in my heart that I want to give. Sometimes I'm surprising myself.

About mortality. I try to be prepared. Hope for the best and plan for the worst. None of us gets out of here alive.

 

[Car-Guy]

In more recent years, I've become more spiritual. Have come to the belief that we are spiritual beings with a human experience. Instead of humans having a religious experience.

I think that make sense to me too.

I am leaning into the belief in reincarnation. If Einstein was right, doesn't it make sense that human energy could just return in some not human energy form?

I don't think so but what do I know.

Yes, still in the back of my mind, I still have the thought of what if after my final heartbeat, I just cease to exist?

That's the big one, isn't it!

Then that takes me back to just cherish the present and not dwell.

+1

 

[Jerry1]

Interesting topic. I don't think I deal with it well but my main focus is to live my life knowing that tomorrow is not a given. Frankly, I'm dealing with a big dose of that right now.

A few weeks ago back in June, I would have told you I was pretty healthy. Going about my business and doing fine. Since then, due to an odd/rare autoimmune issue, I have lost all kidney function and am on dialysis the rest of my life unless I get a transplant. Further, the treatment for the autoimmune issue is not a lot of fun plus the way they treat it is to shut down the immune system. All to say, my outlook of living to 90 like my father has now changed. So dealing with mortality is in the front of my mind these days, but it still boils down to one day at a time. I guess that's how I deal with it. Some days are better than others.

 

[Out of Steam]

I seem to have taken after my father, and am relatively blasé about my own mortality. That could be because we have in common being in good health through middle age.