communicating remotely with M-I-L

[bobbyr]

We have my MIL living in assisted living currently. She is a 4 hour drive away and they have been in lockdown pretty much, we only recently were able to visit and that was under an awning outside with no physical contact. I understand the need for that.

Our problem is that it is very difficult to communicate with her on the phone and we need a way to post messages/reminders/photos to her easily. Here are the options we have looked at -- I am looking for feedback and experiences from anyone who can help.

1. A wi-fi enabled picture rotator - we bought one and it does not work, we are returning it (amazon)
2. Sharing google slide document (like powerpoint) on her computer and running it constantly? so we could replace content and teach her how to refresh it (if that is needed)
3. Purchase a website and build/download a javascript rotator script and just manage it that way. keep her computer on all the time with no screen saver or monitor black out (i have a little web background and could manage that pretty easily)


I think I like option 3 the most. We also have an amazon fire that we could give to her so she could have two devices (she has an old pc in her room) where she could read our messages, see new pictures, etc.

Any feedback or other ideas are greatly appreciated

[harllee]

I am a couple of hours away from my mom age 89 who in in a Continuing Care Community.
We are tried several communication things that just frustrate her (she could not figure out an ipad for example). So we stick with the telephone (land line for her). She is hard of hearing so we got her a phone with a speaker that she can turn way up. What is the problem with your MIL and the telephone?

I also send her old fashion letters through the postal service. She loves a handwritten letter with enclosed pictures, articles, etc. She also loves to write letters back to me.

[cathy63]

What is her level of technical skill? I'm guessing very low since you're suggesting keeping the PC on all the time. Building your own website seems like it might be overkill though.

My MIL (age 92) has learned to use Zoom, even though her previous computer use has been limited to read-only email (e.g. she can't figure out how to open an attachment or reply) and playing Freecell. We set up a link to our standing Zoom meeting on her desktop and every Sunday at 5:00 PM whatever family members are available join for a happy hour chat. She already had an all-in-one desktop with a built in camera and microphone though and it really does make a difference to have the video.

Another option might be to have her use FaceBook on the Fire Tablet. Create an FB account for her and then make an FB private group where you and she are the only members. Put a shortcut that goes directly to the group page on the Fire Tablet's desktop. The link should be something like this so she'll see most recent posts first: ...facebook.com/groups/xxxxxxx/?sorting_setting=CHRONOLOGICAL

Something like Instagram might also work if her account only follows you.

[easysurfer]

Along with keeping her computer on all the time, would be nice to remotely control her computer so all she really needs to do is go to the computer when you tell her too and everything would be already set up remotely by you.

[Car-Guy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by easysurfer Along with keeping her computer on all the time, would be nice to remotely control her computer so all she really needs to do is go to the computer when you tell her too and everything would be already set up remotely by you.

Hope they aren't using Microsoft as the OS if they expect it to stay up without needing to reboot for any extended period of time.

[bobbyr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cathy63 What is her level of technical skill? I'm guessing very low since you're suggesting keeping the PC on all the time. Building your own website seems like it might be overkill though. My MIL (age 92) has learned to use Zoom, even though her previous computer use has been limited to read-only email (e.g. she can't figure out how to open an attachment or reply) and playing Freecell. We set up a link to our standing Zoom meeting on her desktop and every Sunday at 5:00 PM whatever family members are available join for a happy hour chat. She already had an all-in-one desktop with a built in camera and microphone though and it really does make a difference to have the video. Another option might be to have her use FaceBook on the Fire Tablet. Create an FB account for her and then make an FB private group where you and she are the only members. Put a shortcut that goes directly to the group page on the Fire Tablet's desktop. The link should be something like this so she'll see most recent posts first: ...facebook.com/groups/xxxxxxx/?sorting_setting=CHRONOLOGICAL Something like Instagram might also work if her account only follows you.

Thanks Cathy, a lot of good ideas in here. We have used facebook messenger but we have to get someone from the office involved to help her. She is not technical and also has parkinsons, so we were just looking for an easy way to post messages to her with pictures as well...just some easy way to send her love and communications - albeit a one way message until we talk on the phone which is dicey with the reception there. (she is in the ozarks).

The website would be just the main page having a rotator on it. real easy, i think i already have the code somewhere from when i did that for a house we were selling.

[f35phixer]

it tough... How about some old fashion communications to, Mail her letters/pictures kid draw, Photos of you and family! Sure that would put smile on her face!

[OldShooter]

Is it possible to privately hire someone on the care staff to help MIL? An hour or two of extra pay per day or a few days per week might be of interest to someone. A less-than-100%-technology solution might be the best choice.

[Amethyst]

My thought, as well.

Being 89 isn't the problem; Parkinsons is. She will never be really comfortable with e-communications, because as we know, there can be little quirks and hiccups to deal with. Even the "Your computer will restart in 1 day" message will intimidate her, especially since you can't explain over the phone.

I am old enough to recall writing 3 long letters a day (imagine!) to other young people, because long-distance phone calls were expensive. Why not set a couple of days as "write to MIL" day. If she's still capable, she may enjoy writing back, too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f35phixer it tough... How about some old fashion communications to, Mail her letters/pictures kid draw, Photos of you and family! Sure that would put smile on her face!

[bobbyr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst My thought, as well. Being 89 isn't the problem; Parkinsons is. She will never be really comfortable with e-communications, because as we know, there can be little quirks and hiccups to deal with. Even the "Your computer will restart in 1 day" message will intimidate her, especially since you can't explain over the phone. I am old enough to recall writing 3 long letters a day (imagine!) to other young people, because long-distance phone calls were expensive. Why not set a couple of days as "write to MIL" day. If she's still capable, she may enjoy writing back, too.

yes, old fashioned is a good reminder. We do that, but should do it more. We are just always thinking of an easy way to reminder her on things like dental appointments, prescriptions arriving, family and friend info...the Covid factor is as large as the parkinson factor in making it difficult.

[f35phixer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobbyr yes, old fashioned is a good reminder. We do that, but should do it more. We are just always thinking of an easy way to reminder her on things like dental appointments, prescriptions arriving, family and friend info...the Covid factor is as large as the parkinson factor in making it difficult.

isn't that partly what you are paying for in assisted living. Been a long time since i have had to deal with this type of helping of older people (DW's Late Uncle)

[easysurfer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Car-Guy Hope they aren't using Microsoft as the OS if they expect it to stay up without needing to reboot for any extended period of time.

With a program like Teamviewer, the remote pc can reboot. Of course even then not 100% controlled as PC's have been known to just hang now and then. But better than nothing.

[walkinwood]

If she has a computer with a camera & microphone, skype may be the answer. All she'll have to do is "answer" when you call. An ipad or android tablet may be a better device.

[bobbyr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by f35phixer isn't that partly what you are paying for in assisted living. Been a long time since i have had to deal with this type of helping of older people (DW's Late Uncle)

She requires a good bit of attention as it is, with an overloaded staff...we we try to limit the extra requests. It can extend beyond normal duties pretty quickly/easily if you aren't paying attention...and you don't want a disgruntled staffer tending to your loved one - plus they work hard as it is, so we are trying to be respectful of their normal duties.

[bobbyr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by walkinwood If she has a computer with a camera & microphone, skype may be the answer. All she'll have to do is "answer" when you call. An ipad or android tablet may be a better device.

there is a guy up front that helps us with using facebook messenger on occasion (like skype). We are looking for a way to send daily messages to her to complement the facetime...