Cremation or Traditional

[googily]

I am a big, um, fan, as it were, of waiting to do the memorial service. With DH, I was so crazed from nine months of his illness that I knew there was no way I could pull together something fitting for him within a few days. It was held just a smidge more than two months after he died, and we created a wonderful event, full of laughter and love and friendship. Wouldn't have been anything close to that if I had tried to do it within a week after he died.

[aja8888]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marita40 There’s a new option here for “green” burial and when I read about it I immediately thought it makes complete sense to me and something I might choose. No embalming and no coffin at all. The body is simply wrapped in a biodegradable shroud and placed in the ground. Simple and natural. I will definitely have a Catholic funeral Mass with incense and good music.

When one of my friends passed two years ago, he was Jewish, and the burial was traditional with no embalming that consisted of burial in a simple wooden coffin. Friends and family at the cemetery were asked to participate in pacing a shovel full of earth on the closed coffin after it was placed in the grave site. That's pretty green in itself. Nothing new.

[rodi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meierlde One advantage of direct cremation is that any memorial service can be more flexibly scheduled to allow out of towners to make it with easier travel arrangements. (Doesn't have to be done to the tight schedule for burial). Further you can decide if the ashes need to or don't need to be present at the memorial.

This. When my dad passed - his body was donated to the local medical school... and we scheduled his memorial around my brother's chemo schedule... he couldn't travel, due to suppressed immune system, too close to receiving chemo. We scheduled Dad's memorial for a window when I could fly out to escort my brother (dying of cancer) to attend the memorial. (My sister escorted him back.) Having that flexibility allowed my brother to have closure with my dad's death - prior to dying himself a few months later. (They died 2 months apart... it was a rough year.)

My brother, 2 months later, wanted to be buried in 'high country' in the Rockies. Since everyone else in the family had done the medical school thing we had a learning curve. I found a cemetery in Estes Park.

Now a DyingBYM thing... My brother didn't have a lot of assets when he died... His wishes were a 'plain pine box buried in high country'. My sister, when looking through the casket catalog , accidentally found the 'cremation caskets'.... these are less fancy since they are designed to be burned up. The price was about 5 times cheaper for the plain pine box. She asked if there were any legalities about using a cremation casket for a burial.... turned out there was no probem... so his estate saved about $2k. Since he was leaving his estate to his church - we felt good about increasing their small inheritance since his church community had been there for him as he went through cancer treatments, etc. And my sister and I had gotten to know his church family well during my brother's last months.

[gayl]

I'm Jewish so it's a plain pine box for me

[lesjrp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dtail Wouldn't LBYM dictate only a single bag?

The Final question.

Paper or plastic?

[mamadogmamacat]

I vote paper, although at the grocery store it is usually plastic, as I re-use for litter box cleanup

For my final journey:
Cremation
Mass of the Resurrection, which as others have said is really for the living
then burial in a biodegradable paper box in a cemetery near a local monastery

Thanks for starting this thread. Hopefully, it will motivate me to finish planning the readings and music

[Scuba]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rodi DH has written instructions for cremation then half the ashes spread in the Pacific and half in the Atlantic. I've filled out forms to have my body donated to the local medical school. That's my family's tradition - mom, dad, maternal grandparents were all donated to UCSD med school. Our family was never big on casket funerals - preferring a memorial service... so this works for us. My husband's family thinks I am very weird for continuing this. But I won't need the body anymore - and if a med student can learn something by using me as a cadaver... great! My understanding is the body, once used, is cremated. That's ok too. I remember my parents and grandparents in so many ways - don't need a gravesite to visit.

I like the donate to science idea a lot. Will have to check out local options. I’m an organ donor on my driver’s license but donating my entire body is a great idea, followed by cremation.

[LOL!]

Cremation:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzrTl3kYHBE

[mountainsoft]

My wife and I both want to be buried traditionally. We chose our grave sites in a small local cemetery a couple years ago. They offer natural burial options, either a simple "wrap" of some kind, or simple wood coffins that biodegrade easily. They dig the hole, stick you in it, and cover you up. They add dirt to the top as the body decomposes and the earth settles, and finally plant grass on top. I keep meaning to have our gravestone made ahead of time so we can both see it before we die, then they can come out and etch the death dates after we die.


My father-in-law was cremated. He wanted his ashes to be spread in an area he visited frequently when he was younger. Of course, that area is now private property covered with homes. So, my mother-in-law still has his ashes in a box in her closet. She wants to be buried traditionally, so the thinking now is that we'll put his ashes in her casket when she dies.


Funerals are depressing. If my family insists on doing anything, I would prefer a simple grave site service once I'm already buried. Of course, I'll be gone so they can do whatever they want. It's not for me anyway, it's for them. Maybe they'll hold a party, "yahoo, he's finally gone".

[googily]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scuba I like the donate to science idea a lot. Will have to check out local options. I’m an organ donor on my driver’s license but donating my entire body is a great idea, followed by cremation.

Does/Can the family get the cremated remains (I can't in good conscience use the word "cremains," sounds too much like "Craisins")?

[meierlde]

Quote:

Originally Posted by googily I am a big, um, fan, as it were, of waiting to do the memorial service. With DH, I was so crazed from nine months of his illness that I knew there was no way I could pull together something fitting for him within a few days. It was held just a smidge more than two months after he died, and we created a wonderful event, full of laughter and love and friendship. Wouldn't have been anything close to that if I had tried to do it within a week after he died.

Historically funerals were a trigger for an unplanned family reunion. With the ability to schedule the memorial service when convient, you can make it also a family reunion, and likley get more folks there. When my cousin died in mid winter we put a family reunion together the next summer which included a memorial service (note that a cousins husband and a cousin are Presbyterian ministers, so they knew what to do). (Also did it when an uncle died in mid winter, again in summer.

[USA]

When my Dad passed I wanted him buried in the same style casket as my Mother’s. The funeral home no longer carried it. I purchased it on-line and had it sent by air from Dallas. It was 2k less that Mom’s 7 years earlier. Go figure. For DH and I it will be cremation. We had the space allocated for us at the veterans cemetery last year and paperwork filed away with the trust documents.

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by googily Does/Can the family get the cremated remains (I can't in good conscience use the word "cremains," sounds too much like "Craisins")?

Yes. DH and I had looked into that route but they don't accept emaciated bodies. He was down to 117 lbs when he died, and was over 6 feet tall.

[travelover]

Tanned and nailed to the side of my barn.

[NW-Bound]

Will that help or hurt the resale of the property, when your survivors want to sell it?

[aja8888]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NW-Bound Will that help or hurt the resale of the property, when your survivors want to sell it?

In the eastern Kentucky and western West Virginia coal mining areas, it's traditional to bury family members on your property. When I was working back there on a large project years ago, I saw many residential homes with very nice cemetery plots with headstones, etc in the yard. I would assume if the family sells the property and moves, the subterranean residents get to stay. Or maybe they unearth them and re-deposit at the new location?

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aja8888 ......... I would assume if the family sells the property and moves, the subterranean residents get to stay. Or maybe they unearth them and re-deposit at the new location?

Therein lies the beauty of tanning. Just roll up and take to the next place.

[NW-Bound]

I forgot about the rolling up for portability.

Wonder if it makes a good living room display? Hopefully not a floor rug.

Do you have some large tattoos that make it more interesting?

[frayne]

Roast me and toast me and throw my ashes in the nearest sand trap or water hazard.

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NW-Bound I forgot about the rolling up. Wonder if it makes a good living room display? Hopefully not a floor rug. Do you have some large tattoos that make it more interesting?

No, but those could be added just before tanning to suit the survivor's taste..