Dating in your 50's and beyond - questions

[Khan]

As a hermit and a geezer (age 56) and an introvert, I don't want to date or live with anyone ever again.

It's just not worth the trouble.

 

[FinanceDude]

Yikes! I am having a hard time dating at 32!!! I can just imagine what it'll be like at 60!

I agree with you Ha....after a certain amount of work and time, you want someone you can click with initially....not someone you have to mold.
I have been on a few dates.....it's easier to be single!

Don't sweat it, you're 32 and a LBYM kind of woman, which makes you hot..............

 

[LOL!]

That's what I'm asking for Ha Am I wrong to suspect that there ARE men out there who are actually looking for a partner? (not solely in the bedroom ) Who can accept that there are "good girls" out there (meaning not hopping in the sack right away or without an "exclusive" relationship) ?

Yes, you are wrong.

 

[citrine]

Don't sweat it, you're 32 and a LBYM kind of woman, which makes you hot..............

Only on this forum! I have tried to share my dream of ER on a couple of dates, they looked at me like I had three heads.

As for the comments of building an interesting life and working on yourself....I have been doing that the last couple of years and I am in a place where a guy is not necessary....but would be the icing. I have watched too many friends just let a guy define them....I'm not doing that.

I have dated older men and men my age...most of them are still out in the playing field, not wanting to get serious.

As for the internet sites....my few experiences were not that good, but they make great stories!

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

I was widowed at 51 so I was forced to get a new life . I joined any clubs that looked interesting .I took classes and I joined a gym .I met some nice guys and had some fun .Rather than looking for another guy I'd advise anybody who's single to fix up your life and make it interesting .If you meet someone great if not you still have a great life .Don't look at a guy and imagine him married to you ,look at him and imagine just having fun with him.

I think this is a great idea! I have no personal experience with this, being married over 30 years and still going, but I have seen this work. And it is work. You have to get out and get involved with activities that can take a lot of time.

For those with kids, Parents Without Partners also looks like a good idea. At my university there was a University Singles group that was all adults. Go for groups that organize outings and activities. Universities usually have interest groups of all kinds. You will quickly find out which ones are most promising with respect to age group and unattached folks.

It won't help to join same-sex groups, such as a quilter joining a quilting group.

Oh, and I would be very, very careful about giving out even hints of financial situation. There are predators out there.

Good luck to all in this situation. Sooner or later we marrieds will either lose our spouse or they will lose us.

 

[W2R]

Only on this forum! I have tried to share my dream of ER on a couple of dates, they looked at me like I had three heads.

I can understand that, at 32! As you get older, it will become easier to find a partner with similar dreams of retirement. Although I am 59, Frank (my steady date) is only 52. He plans to retire at about the same time as I do, though, so that aspect of our lives meshes beautifully.

As for the comments of building an interesting life and working on yourself....I have been doing that the last couple of years and I am in a place where a guy is not necessary....but would be the icing. I have watched too many friends just let a guy define them....I'm not doing that.

That's very advisable. Most men I have met do not seem to want to date a reflection of themselves, or to rule over every aspect of a woman's life. Besides, we only live once so I think a woman should live her own life, not his.

I have dated older men and men my age...most of them are still out in the playing field, not wanting to get serious.

Most men do not want to get serious with someone they have just met. Also I think that when a woman gets too serious, too fast, it connotes a degree of desperation that men do not find attractive. But then many women do not want to get very serious right away, either. We want to build friendships, first. The conflict (to me) is that the non-serious man wants to have casual sex, and the non-serious woman wants friendship.

As for the internet sites....my few experiences were not that good, but they make great stories!

LOL!!! Most of my experiences from those sites were awful. But since I don't drink, and I am not religious, I can't really meet men at bars or at church. I refuse to date men from my work (too complicated), so internet dating sites are helpful. This method requires great patience, though, because a lot of screening is necessary.

 

[Lakedog]

Only on this forum! I have tried to share my dream of ER on a couple of dates, they looked at me like I had three heads.

Although I am a 51 year old male (divorced over 20 years ago), I have had a similar experience with the women I have dated recently. I have also found that many women say they are looking for a long-term commitment (and maybe they are) but also seem interested in a sexual relationship before really getting to know someone. So, the playing the field thing is not reserved just for men. I would love to find a life partner but so far no success. Women that I work with claim I am "too picky" or set the bar too high, but I would prefer to live my single life than "settle".

 

[W2R]

I have also found that many women say they are looking for a long-term commitment (and maybe they are) but also seem interested in a sexual relationship before really getting to know someone.

I'm sure that certain single men on this board would like to know how/where you are meeting these women! Me too, since I want to be sure not to ever search there (if I am ever back "on the market").

Inquiring minds want to know.

Women that I work with claim I am "too picky" or set the bar too high, but I would prefer to live my single life than "settle".

That is an excellent outlook on dating. Good for you.

 

[Lakedog]

I'm sure that certain single men on this board would like to know how/where you are meeting these women! Me too, since I want to be sure not to ever search there (if I am ever back "on the market").

Inquiring minds want to know.



That is an excellent outlook on dating. Good for you.

So, you are saying that most women have a much higher moral standard than men in general? Not sure I agree with that thought. I was talking about internet dating and not just in my current location. Of course, I did not say all women I have dated were that way (by any means) but surely you cannot think women are above that.

 

[SecondCor521]

That's what I'm asking for Ha Am I wrong to suspect that there ARE men out there who are actually looking for a partner? (not solely in the bedroom ) Who can accept that there are "good girls" out there (meaning not hopping in the sack right away or without an "exclusive" relationship) ?

If I were looking, I would claim to be one such man.

A woman hopping in the sack right away would be appealing in the short term but repulsive in the longer term sense.

Oh, and frugal is hot, too, to a guy with similar opinions.

2Cor521

 

[Nords]

A woman hopping in the sack right away would be appealing in the short term but repulsive in the longer term sense.

As much as I'm inclined to agree with such a sentiment, I feel obligated to support the effort to conduct additional research...

 

[limpid lizard]

Dating at 55 is interesting. My perspective on plenty of things has seriously changed over the years. More than once in the last year I have asked, "What would I talk to her about?" when some third party is trying to arrange a blind date. An intelligent, mature mind seems to be taking precedence over youth and firmness.

There is little more fun than asking for the senior discount while on a dinner date. It give good insight into the date's mindset.

 

[ladelfina]

The Science of Insulting Women - Freakonomics - Opinion - New York Times Blog

Pro. geared towards a younger crowd, but the comments are kind of interesting.. they definitely run the gamut.
(signed, someone who has never figured out a real productive balance between modern m/f)

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

As much as I'm inclined to agree with such a sentiment, I feel obligated to support the effort to conduct additional research...

Having conducted extensive research, I'd be pleased to share my findings for the reasonable sum of two dollars.

 

[Nords]

Having conducted extensive research, I'd be pleased to share my findings for the reasonable sum of two dollars.

I think most researchers would agree that it's reasonable to provide access to the raw data for peer review, so to speak...

 

[Dreamer]

Hey 73SS454, our anniversary is on the 26th. By the way, does your handle refer to a car? My DH has a 454 big block engine in his baby and just curious if you do also.

I am back from the wedding of my friend that remarried at age 60. They seemed so happy today and I am so glad that they found each other!

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

I think most researchers would agree that it's reasonable to provide access to the raw data for peer review, so to speak...

At what point did you mistakenly find me reasonable?

 

[clifp]

Hum dating advice from CFB and Nords, $2 is way overpriced.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Maybe the advice, but definitely not the data.

Two bucks is cheap.

 

[Texas Proud]

Only on this forum! I have tried to share my dream of ER on a couple of dates, they looked at me like I had three heads.

As for the comments of building an interesting life and working on yourself....I have been doing that the last couple of years and I am in a place where a guy is not necessary....but would be the icing. I have watched too many friends just let a guy define them....I'm not doing that.

I have dated older men and men my age...most of them are still out in the playing field, not wanting to get serious.

As for the internet sites....my few experiences were not that good, but they make great stories!

Hey... you want an old "slightly overweight" guy I need a young 'trophy' to show around.. someone who thinks ER is great and willing to travel cheap!!!

Sorry to hear your you had bad stories with some guys... but us guys can say the same thing about women... Like "What do they want?"... or "how long a list do they have?"...

With some, they are ready to take you off at your knees with one mistake..

 

[CyclingInvestor]

Sorry to hear your you had bad stories with some guys... but us guys can say the same thing about women... Like "What do they want?"... or "how long a list do they have?"...

With some, they are ready to take you off at your knees with one mistake..

Boy, is that the truth. I never could handle trying to decode a series of hints, gestures,
and historical incidents to come up with the correct action, then get ripped into for
not 'doing what was plainly obvious'. All statements of my inability to interpret hints
and requests for direct requests and statements were ignored. This was my greatest
problem with relationships.

 

[Khan]

Boy, is that the truth. I never could handle trying to decode a series of hints, gestures,
and historical incidents to come up with the correct action, then get ripped into for
not 'doing what was plainly obvious'. All statements of my inability to interpret hints
and requests for direct requests and statements were ignored. This was my greatest
problem with relationships.

Same here.

My approach: "Just tell me what you want and we can negotiate."

But no: that's cheating; we have to play by the unwritten/unspoken rules.

 

[W2R]

Boy, is that the truth. I never could handle trying to decode a series of hints, gestures,
and historical incidents to come up with the correct action, then get ripped into for
not 'doing what was plainly obvious'. All statements of my inability to interpret hints
and requests for direct requests and statements were ignored. This was my greatest
problem with relationships.

(sigh). I know what you mean. Most guys seem awfully slow when it comes to that sort of thing, especially when it comes to gifts. And I refuse to tell a guy to buy me a gift, or what to buy. That takes all the fun out of it. It's the spontaneous aspect of his choice in buying me a gift that I enjoy most.

Although I long for flowers or jewelry as a romantic gift, I have to admit that the most romantic gift that I ever got was a Mr. Coffee coffeemaker. Frank bought it for me when we ended up in a trailer in Alabama a couple of days after Katrina. He doesn't even drink coffee, and I didn't have the money for it (since I had just sent off every spare cent towards the principal of my house the Wednesday before the storm). Pretty sweet of him to do that.

 

[Sam]

The conflict (to me) is that the non-serious man wants to have casual sex, and the non-serious woman wants friendship.

I don't know a single thing about dating. The first clause I think is somewhat true. But I have to wonder about the second? Is it also mostly true, or only half true?

 

[HFWR]

Let's solve the universal healthcare issue, and cure cancer, before we start on the tough issues...