Dating in your 50's and beyond - questions

[W2R]

I don't know a single thing about dating. The first clause I think is somewhat true. But I have to wonder about the second? Is it also mostly true, or only half true?

Well, now that I look at what I said, it was kind of flip. I don't know. I do know that a lot of women SAY they are interested in friendship first.

Are they telling the truth? Who knows. I was. But then, I was pretty thoroughly singed from a rough divorce when I was looking. I wanted to go really slow and just kind of dip my toes in the water cautiously, at first, rather than doing a swan dive into the middle of the pool (so to speak).

Gosh, talk about mixed metaphors!

 

[citrine]

Boy, is that the truth. I never could handle trying to decode a series of hints, gestures,
and historical incidents to come up with the correct action, then get ripped into for
not 'doing what was plainly obvious'. All statements of my inability to interpret hints
and requests for direct requests and statements were ignored. This was my greatest
problem with relationships.

Some of the women ruin it for the rest of us! I have always been a straight shooter....no hints, points system, gestures, and the like. I have dated some real winners when I was younger...no responsibility, lived with their parents, didn't drive, partying all the time.
For the last four years, I have been getting my life together and working on qualities that I want in someone else....because you have to have it in you first to attract it.
I have always been blunt to a fault, but everyone knows where they stand with me. I also cannot stand being suffocated....no attached at the hip relationships for me. I watch a lot of people and the best relationships are the ones that are built on candor, trust, friendship, and the ability to be who you are as an individual. However, this seems to be a tall order in this society.

 

[Texas Proud]

Well, now that I look at what I said, it was kind of flip. I don't know. I do know that a lot of women SAY they are interested in friendship first.

Are they telling the truth? Who knows. I was. But then, I was pretty thoroughly singed from a rough divorce when I was looking. I wanted to go really slow and just kind of dip my toes in the water cautiously, at first, rather than doing a swan dive into the middle of the pool (so to speak).

Gosh, talk about mixed metaphors!

Well, it might be different for the 'older crowd'... but I remember way back when that they did a study with women and they found out that a woman would decide in the first (can remember for sure) 5 to 10 minutes if she will have sex with the guy.... it did not mean she WOULD, just that it was possible.. if she decided NO, the guy had not chance.... EVER...

So, it proved that woman were similar to men... the 'friendship' is a lie.. now, maybe to see if they wanted to marry the guy that is something.... but that is a different discussion...

 

[W2R]

Well, it might be different for the 'older crowd'... but I remember way back when that they did a study with women and they found out that a woman would decide in the first (can remember for sure) 5 to 10 minutes if she will have sex with the guy.... it did not mean she WOULD, just that it was possible.. if she decided NO, the guy had not chance.... EVER...

I know plenty of women of various ages who have expressed a dissatisfaction with the men they have met, and bemoaned the fact that they hadn't met any worthwhile guys who cared enough to develop a friendship first. Like I said, maybe they were lying to me! Who knows.

But then who knows if the study correctly characterized women in general, either?

Really, it seems to me that probably the only person I (or you) can speak for is ourselves. Well, and how those we have dated (briefly or for a longer time) have behaved.

Oh, and I'm editing to add that at least in my case, when I was using dating websites to meet men, I didn't decide ANYTHING in the first 5-10 minutes. After 10 minutes, I was still trying to figure out if the guy was a serial killer or married or what.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

The study actually said about 30-40 seconds.

But it didnt include any variances for whether the guy opened his mouth or just maintained the aura...

 

[Texas Proud]

The study actually said about 30-40 seconds.

But it didnt include any variances for whether the guy opened his mouth or just maintained the aura...

OK... I stand corrected...

Want2retire.... the decision was made in the short time frame... and it affected how the relationship went from there... as I said, it did NOT mean the woman slept with the guy... and if she did she might have waited a LONG time if that is what she wanted to do.... but the DECISION to (potentially) have sex or not with was made very quickly...

 

[W2R]

OK... I stand corrected...

Want2retire.... the decision was made in the short time frame... and it affected how the relationship went from there... as I said, it did NOT mean the woman slept with the guy... and if she did she might have waited a LONG time if that is what she wanted to do.... but the DECISION to (potentially) have sex or not with was made very quickly...

Whew! I'm glad the woman didn't sleep with the guy within 30-40 seconds and instead, just completed making her decision within that timeframe.

Otherwise, Starbucks would be a whole lot more exciting place than it usually is.

 

[Fireup2020]

My attitude when I was on a "dating spree" as we jokingly call it, was if the guy was too high maintenance (meaning he needed too many phone calls to verify my whereabouts, where we stood, etc) or just "something" irritated me, I just cut him loose - and moved on to the next one... My time is too precious to have drama within the first few weeks/months of a "relationship"....I have been advising the dating ladies the post was about to follow suit

And then....I met the current beau ...most effortless, even keeled relationship ever! (but he is crazy too - in all the right ways!)

 

[FinanceDude]

Only on this forum! I have tried to share my dream of ER on a couple of dates, they looked at me like I had three heads.

Wrong kind of men........

As for the comments of building an interesting life and working on yourself....I have been doing that the last couple of years and I am in a place where a guy is not necessary....but would be the icing. I have watched too many friends just let a guy define them....I'm not doing that.

People are always afraid to admit to loneliness. The loneliest people I know all are overcompensate by trying to be the "life of the party"......

I have dated older men and men my age...most of them are still out in the playing field, not wanting to get serious.

I didn't get married until I was in my 30's, so I can relate. However, I did have a LOT OF FUN........

the internet sites....my few experiences were not that good, but they make great stories!

Once they invent 3-D virtual sex, and distribute it on the Internet, all the singles bars will close, or become the "ultimate gaming arcade".........