Divorced, now homeless (from the news)

[Frugalityisthenewblack]

Bad divorce thrusts Boulder County woman into homelessness - Boulder Daily Camera

I read this news article and what struck me the most was there still are many women who seem to look at relationships with rose-coloured glasses, and do not consider the future after possible death/divorce of their spouse. I have always, since my first job, been financially independent and not reliant on a man for support. This women is university educated, yet now homeless. Also undefined is "the housewife thing" she did the last five years since she quit the job she didn't "particularily like". With no school age kids to raise, a day doing "the housewife thing" would seem to me to be close to what many of us hope to do...early retirement!

[Chuckanut]

Note her age - 52. Is the problem her divorce or age discrimination?

[pb4uski]

While Boulder is very expensive, it is hard to believe that she can't rent a room in a house and do some waitressing or whatever until she can find a job more in line with her experience.

She wasn't really married in the traditional sense, so I don't understand why she gave up her financial independence without having the protections that marriage bring.

I wonder what assets she brought to her 6 year common-law marriage - I'm guessing not much - and that is what she left with because she mooched of this guy for 6 years. It is hard for me to be sympathetic as I have known many men who have been financially raked through the coals in their divorces from wives that they actually married rather than women they just co-habitated with.

[W2R]

The article says that her relationship with her common law husband was six years long. It also says that she was earning good money but quit her job at the encouragement of her common law husband in 2007, five years ago. So, let me get this straight - - at age 47 she has known the guy for a year or less, he suggests that she quit her job, and she DOES?

What a moron. She has zero survival instinct. I suppose I should feel sorry for her but all I can dredge up is extreme contempt.

[pb4uski]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R The article says that her relationship with her common law husband was six years long. It also says that she was earning good money but quit her job at the encouragement of her common law husband in 2007, five years ago. So, let me get this straight - - she knows the guy for a year or less, he suggests that she quit her job, and she DOES? What a moron. She has zero survival instinct. I suppose I should feel sorry for her but all I can dredge up is extreme contempt.

I'm glad you made that post. I was beginning to think I was being too harsh on her.

Think of the other side. The guy lives with and supports this woman doing her 'housewife thing" for 6 years but they aren't married and then he wants out and is required to pay her $1,200 a month of palimony.

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pb4uski I'm glad you made that post. I was beginning to think I was being too harsh on her. Think of the other side. The guy lives with and supports this woman doing her 'housewife thing" for 6 years but they aren't married and then he wants out and is required to pay her $1,200 a month of palimony.

I didn't catch that part! Maybe she isn't so stupid after all, but simply scheming; my contempt for her has ratcheted up a notch, though.

[2B]

I should put her in contact with my brother. He's currently unmarried and usually finds women that sound just like her to marry.

[growing_older]

I agree with W2R on this one. The "divorce" didn't suddenly cause her to lose all her job skills, savings, property or employment. She apparently had already given those up or not developed them. She spent the last six years shacking up with a guy, most of that doing "housewifely things" but the article doesn't mention any kids or other occupation during that time. The only thing caused by the divorce seems to be her eligibility for $1200/mo palimony.

[jclarksnakes]

They say love is blind but it also seems to be stupid. She was living with him for a year and decided it was okay to quit her job?

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R What a moron. She has zero survival instinct. I suppose I should feel sorry for her but all I can dredge up is extreme contempt.

I'm sensing some ambivalence here-- it's OK to tell us how you really feel!

Everybody wins on this brilliant media marketing. I think the ad rates for the keywords "homeless" and "divorce" are a lot higher than for "five-year work break" and "job search". The good news is that she's not going to have to send out many more resumes.

[Running_Man]

$1200 a month and a studio could be had in Boulder for 650-700 a month. Better make that a priority to save $1400 get an apartment and get your stuff out of storage. $1200 a month is very hard but not impossible to live on and she is very fortunate to get that windfall.

Since she is using her present money to buy gas, she should sell her car and get a place to live. Then find a job she can walk to. She is not approaching her problem with any determination and instead appears to enjoy the pity party, such as how the $1200 a month made her ineligible for food stamps.

I feel sorry for any employer that hires her in the present state of mind she has

[Mulligan]

Ok.. So up to 2007 she had a good job, then quit and lived with and off live in. The article did not mention how he spent all of her money, nor did she infer that happened. So she did not have any assets saved up from prior to 2007? It was just, he moved out and she had a week to move out and was penniless. I wonder why she didn't have any money or assets to draw on from the 46 years of existence prior to the move in, since she after all did have a good job. Since he did make a promise, I see no problem in paying out some, but shame on her for not having anything from years past even if she hadn't worked the past 5 years.

[sheehs1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R The article says that her relationship with her common law husband was six years long. It also says that she was earning good money but quit her job at the encouragement of her common law husband in 2007, five years ago. So, let me get this straight - - at age 47 she has known the guy for a year or less, he suggests that she quit her job, and she DOES? What a moron. She has zero survival instinct. I suppose I should feel sorry for her but all I can dredge up is extreme contempt.

Like they say: "Can't fix "stupid". At least that is what I thought until I read about the palimony. She lives with him 6 years and gets $1,200 a month. ?? That is more than some get from SSN after a lifetime of work.

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sheehs1 She lives with him 6 years and gets $1,200 a month. ?? That is more than some get from SSN after a lifetime of work.

It depends on what you're willing to let the Social Security Administration do to with you...

[East Texas]

I guess the adage "a man is not a plan" wasn't the case here. It would be interesting to know the timeframe of the temporary support order.

I'm not sympathetic.....

[scrabbler1]

Her story reminds me of many of the stories in a book I read a few years ago titled, "The Feminine Mistake" by Leslie Bennetts.

Amazon.com: The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? (9781401309381): Leslie Bennetts: Books

[lhamo]

I would like to be more sympathetic, but she makes it pretty hard.

Mister Money Moustache should give her a nice strong dose of his particular brand of "what the heck?" She lives in his town.

[Lazarus]

I could not imagine quitting and taking 5 years off unless I was financially independent. She should not be surprised that she is in trouble. Starting from zero at age 52 will not be easy.

[Marita40]

Count me among the unsympathetic. She made stupid choices and choices have consequences. Women should know better these days: there is no excuse for not taking care of yourself financially no matter what kind of love interest/relationships is also chosen. The truth is, however, that some men make stupid choices too and it seems a lot of people have to start over at some time in their life due to divorce, bankruptcy, job loss, etc. So I hope she finds the gumption to reassess her life and start making good choices. It might be the best thing that happened to her.

[2B]

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Texas I guess the adage "a man is not a plan" wasn't the case here. It would be interesting to know the timeframe of the temporary support order. I'm not sympathetic.....

But for many women "a man is the plan." I think many of us remember our college years with the rush for the MRS degree hitting many women.

This woman clearly decided that the best use of her "talents" were on the domestic front. The guy clearly didn't mind supporting her for her "contributions" to the relationship. However, her assets had apparently depreciated to the point that the guy was ready to trade up. Clearly, shacking up shouldn't be mistaken for making a long-term commitment. The palimony is garbage IMHO.