DNA Testing and New Sibling?

[atmsmshr]

Friend of mine became a donor at a fertility clinic starting in the 1980's for spare cash. With the advent of DNA registries, his mother pestered him to get tested, but he refused. So his mother got tested and placed on a DNA registry about three years ago.

Apparently, you can trace close blood relatives with ease if you test and match - as in the case of some children who learn that their mother was artificially inseminated.

He is now up to three daughters and a son. And a grandson. A happy blessing for him since he never had children in his marriage.

[wompo]

Just found out my older sister is actually my half sister. I did 23andMe years ago and recently my sister did the test primarily for the health part of it. We always knew my mom was pregnant before they got married back in the 50s but they never mentioned this. Maybe they did not know or she just assumed it was dad. Everyone who would know is gone so it is what it is I guess.

[Katsmeow]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wompo Just found out my older sister is actually my half sister. I did 23andMe years ago and recently my sister did the test primarily for the health part of it. We always knew my mom was pregnant before they got married back in the 50s but they never mentioned this. Maybe they did not know or she just assumed it was dad. Everyone who would know is gone so it is what it is I guess.

Actually it is likely that it would be possible to determine your sister's biological father. I am an adoptee and I found my deceased biological father thru DNA testing. One of my main retirement hobbies is helping people solve these kinds of searches.

Your sister may or may not want to know about her biological paternal side. But, if she did the odds are good that she could either identify her biological father or could narrow it down significantly. Of course, it depends. I have solved a search as quickly as half an hour while others I have worked on for over a year. Most are more time than half an hour but well less than a year.

[braumeister]

I've known a few adoptees and none of them have had any interest in tracking down their birth parents. I couldn't be that way -- I would want to know.

[ivinsfan]

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Originally Posted by braumeister I've known a few adoptees and none of them have had any interest in tracking down their birth parents. I couldn't be that way -- I would want to know.

Since you aren't adopted your perspective is not the same,so how do you really know how you'd feel ? I think you have to walk a mile in those shoes.

[wompo]

At this point, she is undecided on trying to identify her biological paternal family. I guess time will tell.

[Chuckanut]

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Originally Posted by wompo At this point, she is undecided on trying to identify her biological paternal family. I guess time will tell.

From my coffee cup:

Quote:

Anybody can be a Father, but it takes somebody special to be a Daddy.

[EastWest Gal]

DH is adopted and knew it from an early age. Years after his adoptive parents passed, his biological mother tracked him down. He was delighted to meet her. She has since visited us and we have visited her, and it has been interesting. He is fairly indifferent to his half siblings but we have connections and stay in touch with his biological mom, and visit when we can. She lives close to where my cousins are and one cousin has been her tenant for about 4 years.

I've done ancestry stuff but am not really interested in that aspect of the family as our connection is limited and we have no family experience with them. DH's bio-mom has done extensive research on her family and that of her two husband's, and even the bio-father of DH despite his existence being the result of a date rape when she was a teenager. DH's adoptive parents doted on our son, their only grandson, but they passed away before he was four. DH's adoptive brothers barely acknowledge our existence.

It is what it is.

[Sunset]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katsmeow Actually it is likely that it would be possible to determine your sister's biological father. I am an adoptee and I found my deceased biological father thru DNA testing. One of my main retirement hobbies is helping people solve these kinds of searches. Your sister may or may not want to know about her biological paternal side. But, if she did the odds are good that she could either identify her biological father or could narrow it down significantly. Of course, it depends. I have solved a search as quickly as half an hour while others I have worked on for over a year. Most are more time than half an hour but well less than a year.

I did the 23andMe test, to see if I could find biological relatives on my bio father side.
I did talk to my bio mom, (at least she said she was, when I spent 5 days searching the internet). She refused to tell me the bio father's name. Later I realized she might not actually know and it would be embarrassing to give me a list of names.

23andMe tells me I have 1,500 DNA relatives
Of course only about 3 are more than 4% related.
If I read it correctly almost all are on the bio father side.
The closest relation is 15%, but she didn't answer my connect request.

So far it's been a puzzle, and not as simple as seeing someone related 50%.

[DrRoy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wompo Just found out my older sister is actually my half sister. I did 23andMe years ago and recently my sister did the test primarily for the health part of it. We always knew my mom was pregnant before they got married back in the 50s but they never mentioned this. Maybe they did not know or she just assumed it was dad. Everyone who would know is gone so it is what it is I guess.

Not too far from my situation, except that I found out the bio Dad was a sperm donor. I have also found 4 other half siblings, 3 of whom I have now met, and the 4th I am meeting in about a week. Found the donor too, but no contact there.

[Alan]

DW's oldest sibling is a half sister she only discovered 2 or 3 years ago. This sister had always known she had been adopted from a few months old, and her adoptive parents were wonderful folk. After they were both long gone she was curious and did DNA testing through Ancestry.com, and when my wife noticed there was someone very closely related she got in contact. It has been a very positive experience all round and we now have a whole new family living in Cornwall that we visit when we can.

Turns out my wife's father, who is Cornish, had this relationship back in 1948, long before he met her mother. She found a photo of her about 15 years ago when she was going through old photos they had and scanning in the ones she thought were worth keeping. (My wife is the "family historian" for both her and my family). Her father said it was an old girlfriend who had dumped him, when in reality the family had whisked her off to the country once they found out she was pregnant and subsequently the whole family moved away to escape the scandal

[marko]

While I find it fascinating, from what I know of my existing family tree/history, I think I'll leave well enough alone!

IMO there's a reason our genes have remained hidden for all these millions or years.

[Gumby]

I found out last year that I have a first cousin I never knew about. It turns out that one of my dad's two sisters had a baby girl when she was young and single. My aunt gave the child up for adoption, and not a word was ever again spoken of it in the family. The woman's adoptive parents recently died and she decided to track down her birth family. She found my dad/her uncle through a "23 and me" match. (He had submitted a swab right before he died in 2018.) Sadly, my aunt/her birth mother died of cancer in 1972. She was, however, able to track down my other aunt and meet with her. My newfound cousin is two years younger than me, so I remain the oldest of my generation. I don't know if she has found her birth father.

[target2019]

A month or so ago I emailed a match after years of encountering her interesting email addy on various testing sites. She was part of a cluster of matches I couldn't tie into. She responded and asked me to call, and I did so.

Two hours later I had a fascinating story. But it didn't really involve recent ancestors, and it turns out the connection is 5-6 generations ago. I don't know the specific connection, but is became obvious what part of my family this was in. It was very informative for many reasons.

About 65 years ago, a 3rd-5th cousin of mine impregnanted a young girl. She was sent out west to a well-known facility, had the child, and she was put up for adoption. The adoptee recently found out through DNA and a researcher who the father was, and met him. They are witholding the mother's name from her. And her husband recently died, which has devastated her in many ways, especially since he helped her for many years to deal with this, and was involved in the discovery process.

It made me incredibly sad to find this out. But she seemed to be positive about life, and that's all that matters.

[Out-to-Lunch]

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Originally Posted by marko While I find it fascinating, from what I know of my existing family tree/history, I think I'll leave well enough alone! IMO there's a reason our genes have remained hidden for all these millions or years.

+1!

[Katsmeow]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wompo At this point, she is undecided on trying to identify her biological paternal family. I guess time will tell.

There are a couple of options. She could try to identify the family but not make contact. Or, she could make contract. I knew my birth father was deceased when I found him using DNA (my birth mother is still living and I found her almost 25 years ago). I waited a full year before I ended up contacted his children (stepchildren that he had raised from young childhood and had adopted).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunset I did the 23andMe test, to see if I could find biological relatives on my bio father side. I did talk to my bio mom, (at least she said she was, when I spent 5 days searching the internet). She refused to tell me the bio father's name. Later I realized she might not actually know and it would be embarrassing to give me a list of names.

In the searching field we says "DNA doesn't lie." Most bio moms don't lie, but some do. Some aren't really sure of the biological father's name (short term relationship, pregnancy happening near end of one relationship and beginning of another, rape, etc.). Some think they know and are simply mistaken. So I take info from the birth mother with a grain of salt. Yes, it can be helpful but I have seen people get so wedded to that information that they ignore DNA evidence that leads to a different conclusion. In most instances it is entirely possible to complete a search without that information.

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23andMe tells me I have 1,500 DNA relatives

You can upgrade on 23andMe and get a few more relatives. 23andMe artificially limits the number of matches they show you. I have over 150k matches on Ancestry. That is really high because I have Colonial ancestry on both sides. If I had a recent immigrant parent or grandparent it would be different.

I like 23andme because of its excellent chromosome browser. But, for searching I always tell people to start with Ancestry as it has so many more people testing. Also, most matches have trees. On 23andme, few have trees and I usually have to try to manually build a tree for matches based upon their name and information given. Very tedious. For most searchers, if the search can't be completed from Ancestry alone then I recommend testing at 23andme.

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Of course only about 3 are more than 4% related.

4% works out to about 298 cM. (All the other DNA sites uses cMs not percentages so tend to convert the percentages to what they are used to working with). That is around a 2nd Cousin level. You would probably have more people at that level on Ancestry.

That said, you don't really need matches that high for searching. It certainly helps.

I found my own birth father from a third cousin match. So higher matches are great to have. When I solve a search in 30 minutes it is due to really high matches. But, many many searches are quite possible with more distant matches.

Quote:

If I read it correctly almost all are on the bio father side. The closest relation is 15%, but she didn't answer my connect request.

Is this on your bio father's side. That is indeed a close relationship.

There is a 94% chance this relationship falls within one of these relationships:

Great Grandchild (or Great Grandparent) - whether that is possible depends on age. I assume great grandparent is impossible. Great Grandchild would depend on if you have children who could be a grand parent and on age

Great niece/Nephew or great aunt/uncle - Probably not likely. Great niece/Nephew would require you to have a full sibling. Great aunt/uncle probably doesn't work due to age.

First cousin - Your parent would be a full sibling to their parent. If this is a paternal side match, then their parent would be a full sibling to your bio father. I would be cautious contacting this person and telling them this. Many people are very uncomfortable about searches and will shut down communication. I would recommend trying to identify this match and trying to build a tree for them. If they used their name (which most do on 23andme) use people search sites or obits to find them. If they have provided birth year or location or surnames or grandparent locations this can all be used to track the person down.

The rest of the possibility is the relationship is more close such as a Grandchild, half sibling, full aunt/uncle or full niece/nephew. Those would be quite uncommon.

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So far it's been a puzzle, and not as simple as seeing someone related 50%.

Yes, it is a puzzle. Solving these kinds of puzzles is my main "hobby" during retirement. People sometimes wonder why I do this on a volunteer basis (some people charge to do this kind of thing). The answer is that I enjoy solving the puzzle. It is fun. Also, I just enjoy helping people to find the answers. Most searches are not that difficult to do, but most people have no idea how to do a search.

[Sunset]

I have found this site pretty interesting to build family tree's and find old relatives.
It worked well for my bio mother.

For each person it lists what the records are, and you can actually view some of the records. All this is probably old news to pros, but I find it very interesting.

https://www.familysearch.org

[Taxman59]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut Most kids know who 'daddy' is. The problem is sometimes not knowing who the birth father is. Alas, fathers are not always daddies. .

My DS always said it just takes a drop of sperm to make a father, but a lifetime to make a Daddy.

[Koolau]

I've never had any desire to know if I have undisclosed relatives. I found out shortly before my dad's death that my mom had been divorced - no children. I won't say it was a big deal but if I didn't know, I don't think it would hurt me. This whole subject is very much YMMV.

[Sunset]

One of the issues of not knowing biological history is it affects my thinking on taking SS.

The extreme case is I find out all male relatives for the past 200 yrs lived to 90+ vs they all died around age 65

Then there are certain diseases that run in the family, and this knowledge is passed down from generation to generation. I have nothing of this history.