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Old 05-17-2018, 11:10 PM   #61
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My wife and daughter will probably meet with him at some point. I'm not sure I'm ready for that, but I've been supportive for both of them.

At the same time, I have some sympathy for the young man, since he is searching for his biological parents. I have no idea what that's like.
Like many (probably most) adoptees I had good adoptive parents. I loved them and considered them to be my parents (still do). But, even as a child I always felt like I just sort of came from nowhere. I felt like I was just plopped down on the earth. I remember being in school and having an assignment about where your ancestors came from. I had no idea. It just always felt odd.

Some people are driven to know where they came from and I was one of them. As a young woman, I just wanted to know because I wanted to know that kind of thing, where I came from. I searched for over 20 years before finding my birthmother (that was in the pre-DNA, pre-Internet days). By the time I found here, I was married with a child of my own and I was aware of health issues. By then I was tired of telling every doctor that I had no health history. I especially hated it when I had a child and couldn't answer some questions.

I found my birthmother over 20 years ago. It is a unique relationship. I ultimately met her children from her marriage and they immediately were happy to have a sister. (My birthmother's husband never accepted my existence. He refused to have any contact with me in the 13 or so years he lived after I found her.).

20 years later, she and my siblings are simply part of my family. My kids have basically known them their entire lives. It is different from my adoptive parents. My birthmother didn't raise me. I didn't grow up with my half-siblings. So it is different. But it is its own relationship. Of course, that doesn't always happen. Sometimes people meet and they aren't interested in pursuing a relationship. They get info and that is all they want. I actually thought that is what would happen when I found my birthmother. But, everyone wanted to get to know me and I got along well with them so we developed a close relationship over the years.

And it was very satisfying to find her. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when I found her. It was interesting to find out how we are alike. My adoptive mom is an early riser and thinks being a night owl is basically a moral failing. My birthmother is a night owl like me. Of course, while there were similarities we weren't alike in every way. But, it was interesting to see the similarity. And, as I mentioned earlier, when I found my deceased birthfather I found out that he was a lawyer who graduated from the same law school that I graduated from. People in his family have said that I am very much like him in a number of ways.
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Old 05-18-2018, 11:49 AM   #62
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Thanks for sharing Kat. Very interesting!
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Old 04-20-2019, 10:37 PM   #63
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After giving her pictures of my dad and his family as well as helping her finish the family tree she said to never contact her again. Any future relatives can buzz off.
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Old 04-20-2019, 11:48 PM   #64
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After giving her pictures of my dad and his family as well as helping her finish the family tree she said to never contact her again. Any future relatives can buzz off.
Wow, that is a shocking response!
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Old 04-21-2019, 12:17 AM   #65
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Anyone else take a DNA test from ancestry or 23 and me and find out you have a half sibling? I am 63 and totally shocked. When my Dad went off to WW II he was casually dating my Mom and she dated others while he was away. They married when he got home. While in England he conceived a child. We have no clue if he ever knew about the child. I have a half sister. She contacted me as she is doing the family tree. She said her Mom mentioned it once and said she was in love with my Dad. She seems very nice. I sent her photos and the family history that I have.

Your life is like a soap opera considering this and other threads you started. You should write a book of short stories, or script for drama.
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Old 04-21-2019, 05:04 AM   #66
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If you have not been out to Ancestry.com lately, they have a new feature called Thrulines. It is in beta testing phase. Thrulines takes all of your matches and shows how they are related to you and the common ancestor. It organizes them into a family tree view. For me it was a great improvement over the simple list of matching relatives.
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Old 04-21-2019, 05:37 AM   #67
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One lesson learned from genealogical pursuits is that one should consider the impact of the outcomes. Next lesson is that a company is monetizing your results and also your effort at building out a tree. Final lesson is that most of what is on Ancestry in trees is suspect, and needs confirmation.

Back to the topic, I have found at least two AOI (areas of interest) in my tree. The first pertains to a cousin, maybe 2nd or 3rd. He has exchanged his paternal surname for his maternal grandmother surname. I never met anyone from that branch of the tree, so the situation does not have much impact for me personally.

Second AOI applies to a young lady who was adopted. I have not conversed with her, but a 1st cousin has. Recently I've been trying out a new application that uses your downloaded data (from FTDNA, GEDMatch, Ancestry, etc.) and then applies algorithms and further processing into a colored matrix called an auto-cluster. Hard to explain in words, but you end up with nicely outlined and colorized blocks which group your matches. I now see the approximate place in my ancestral family where AOI lady belongs.

As I find out more, I understand my own mother's reluctance to involve her children in the extended family more. Growing up we had little contact with cousins, and maybe her instincts were correct. Still, I'll keep looking for missing ancestors. Getting closer through judicious use of tools.
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Old 04-21-2019, 05:44 AM   #68
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I was adopted and knew my birth mothers name but had never met her. We exchanged a letter back in the 70's when she agreed to release my birth certificate. No father was listed on the BC. My daughter was curious and did the 23 and me test and called me up and said "I think I found your half brother". I took the test and it confirmed the relationship.
Through him I found 3 more half siblings.
The surprise was that it was my biological fathers son, not my birth mother.
No one was particularly happy to find out about me.
I exchange an occasional message with him at Christmas but my other 3 siblings want no contact, which is fine with me.
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Old 04-21-2019, 05:48 AM   #69
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Interesting stories abound from the results of DNA testing. Like a lot of interesting things I have seen in movies, or read in novels, I'd just as soon not get involved in such interesting things in my own life. So I have decided not to pursue it, myself.
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Old 04-21-2019, 06:09 AM   #70
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After giving her pictures of my dad and his family as well as helping her finish the family tree she said to never contact her again. Any future relatives can buzz off.
Teacher Terry,

So sorry to hear this. Apparently she got what she was seeking and has now closed this book.

I am sad for you.

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Old 04-21-2019, 06:10 AM   #71
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Anyone else take a DNA test from ancestry or 23 and me and find out you have a half sibling? I am 63 and totally shocked. When my Dad went off to WW II he was casually dating my Mom and she dated others while he was away. They married when he got home. While in England he conceived a child. We have no clue if he ever knew about the child. I have a half sister. She contacted me as she is doing the family tree. She said her Mom mentioned it once and said she was in love with my Dad. She seems very nice. I sent her photos and the family history that I have.
No, but I did discover the child of one of my half-brothers, whom my half-brother didn't know about. It started with 23&me's DNA similarity list. I've done some genealogy as a hobby and didn't recognize the last name. So I contacted him, figuring him to be a 2nd or 3rd cousin or something. It took only about 3 or 4 back-and-forths and some discussions with his birth-mother on his part. He knew he had been adopted but hadn't yet put all of the pieces together.

Anyway, he's a grownup with kids of his own. And he lives less than 50 miles from my brother. Funny thing, he has the same first name as my half-brother's other son.
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Old 04-21-2019, 06:26 AM   #72
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DW recently found a new half sister through DNA testing. Very interesting story and everyone is very happy at the new discovery. She lives in Cornwall and we should meet up next month. Turns out that DW’s Dad had a relationship several years before he met DW’s mother. It was right after the war and the 19 year old girl was whisked away to the country to have the baby which was then given up for adoption. The adopting parents were extremely nice and DW’s new half sister says that she has ahead a wonderful life, married 50 years with children and grandchildren. She always knew that she was adopted and does have a copy of her adoption papers.

They spend a lot of time on the phone together plus exchanging photos, stories etc. DW’s 3 siblings are also very accepting of the news and have also been in contact with their new half sister.
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Old 04-21-2019, 07:13 AM   #73
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Yes this did happen to me. I learned last year I have a younger half sister living one state over from where I lived growing up. She is very excited to have found her family as she was adopted. My father is deceased and we think never knew. Birth mother unknown, that is kind of a twist.

I also have 3 new nieces that are around my son's age. Have met one which was a great experience.

My sister is also a financial person with a very similar education and career background. We know where she was born and it was blocks away from where I attended elementary school. Her adoptive mother (now deceased) was the attending nurse when she was born.

My brother and I are very happy. We have a younger half brother who wants nothing to do with his new half sister. This is strange to me.
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Old 04-21-2019, 07:16 AM   #74
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After giving her pictures of my dad and his family as well as helping her finish the family tree she said to never contact her again. Any future relatives can buzz off.
That's odd considering she started the contact between you. The never contact you again thing is pretty dramatic, I guess she felt conflicted about the whole thing.

I have a first cousin in England too. Never had a lot of contact with her. She joined FB where I have a lot of activity with 4 other English cousins. I friended her and said so glad to see you here, we all have a lot of fun sharing our lives from across the pond. Her response was "I didn't come on here to be friendly with people. I joined looking for missing connections on our family tree" Apparently she didn't see the irony in that comment.
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Old 04-21-2019, 07:32 AM   #75
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I found a few new ~1st cousins. They apparently all were through a sperm donor. So an uncle or cousin must have been donating.
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Old 04-21-2019, 07:57 AM   #76
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I think there is an initial buzz when two related people meet through a DNA test, and confirmed connection. For at least one party, though, I suspect there is a lot of disappointment when this information is taken to relatives, especially the parent(s). Probably a lot of anger and loud discussions. This could cause to disconnect from further search. I think I've run into that.
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Old 04-21-2019, 09:11 AM   #77
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I would like to take the test and have my dad's second family to take the test to settle a 50 year old who's your daddy question. I think they are my step siblings but their mother says she and my father got married 10years earlier then likely. He was not even in the country at the correct times. Plus the fact that he was still married to my Mom.
Wouldn't matter if they didn't quarrel over it at the funeral/memorial. Would have liked to keep in touch with the kids but I moved away and I do not know them at all.
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Old 04-21-2019, 09:35 AM   #78
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I found a 1st cousin once removed through 23andme, but she was adopted at birth and doesn't know anything about her birth parents. The DNA says we clearly share a pair of grandparents, but I don't know which ones. She hasn't been able to get her birth records so it's a moot point. Pretty interesting, anyway.
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Old 04-21-2019, 10:01 AM   #79
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Interesting stories everyone. My 2 siblings wanted nothing to do with her and had no contact. We texted everyday and had great conversations. All the parents involved are long dead. I was really shocked and hurt. Rob, I seem to be having a run of unfair luck lately.
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Old 04-21-2019, 10:08 AM   #80
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I guess this is God's joke on us. Who knew we all had traceable serial numbers?
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