Do people really like to connect after 30-40 years?

[athena53]

A bit long-winded but I have to tell this one.

In college I dated a guy a couple of times when he and I met in a class my senior year. He was an Engineering major and I don't think he had much dating experience but we enjoyed each others' company. Perfectly platonic- I think he was too scared to try and go beyond that. We drifted apart after graduation in 1975; in 1978 I moved to the East Coast.

When I was adding contacts to LinkedIn, I thought of him and sent him a note. He later said that that e-mail had been like a lightning bolt. All those 30+ years he'd been beating himself over the head for losing contact with me, thought I was furious at him, said I was the great "what-if" in his life. He'd found references to me on the Internet (I never did change my last name through 2 marriages) but hadn't contacted me.

We met a couple of times when he was in my area- with my husband's knowledge and support. Haven't seen him for maybe 5 years. He's married but it sounds pretty dead. No fantasies on my side about running off with him- he's way too talkative for my temperament so I think we'd drive each other nuts- but we e-mail frequently. Never anything that I wouldn't want his wife to see- he gives me long missives on home and auto repair questions and I think he gets a vicarious thrill reading about my travels and my participation in local athletic events (such as tomorrow's 35-mile Tour de Bier bike ride).

I'm still stunned and a little flattered that he had such vivid memories of me all those years and glad that I could put his mind at ease.

[MRG]

We moved away before our first reunion(we graduated together) and have never been to one. We went back to the area for our 30th, but bailed on attending. Instead we went to our one really great friends place and watched black bears in his yard.

There was a bunch of our old crowd there so it was a reunion. Better yet, just the folks we liked. Since then I have connected with some on FB. Most are still living in the same small town, small mindset we left 40 years ago. I guess I'm grateful for where I'm from!

On another hand I have an old buddy like you describe. I gave him an ultimatum 15~ years ago(don't call me when you get drunk....). Haven't heard from him since. I'd like to call as I just learned his DW passed away last year. However based on his past behavior he's not a healthy person for me to hang around with.

[FUEGO]

Yep. My best friend growing up. Last I heard from him, he was calling me at my parents' house from jail and begging me to please call his mom to bail him out because she wouldn't pick up the phone from an unknown number. I made that difficult phone call to his mom (who I knew pretty well from spending so much time at their house growing up). Haven't heard from him since other than a facebook friend request and a "hey we should hang out sometime" message that I didn't respond to.

He got really into drugs and the party scene right as I was getting serious in college. That time he called me from jail I just randomly happened to be visiting my parents' house for the day. From the sparse details I see on facebook he's engaged to some zany chick and working a minimum wage job while "pursuing art".

[Elbata]

I didn't finish traditional high school (in MD), so my peers were those in grade school. Many of the same classmates for 7 years, though lost contact shortly after.

A few years ago I'm in downtown LA with wife and our golden. Two women walk over and ask to pet the dog. Strike up a conversation and lo and behold, one of them was my classmate from ~50 years ago.

I was so happy, I started to cry. Couldn't believe it.

I think we made five back and forths on FB and never heard from each other again.

[timo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R Also I was surprised that over 10% are dead already.

My high school alumni group found me and sends updates on the class. My class of 1971 has at least 13% that are dead (they can't find some people so we don't know about them). That should convince anyone to start enjoying life if they are not already!! ( I'm retiring in less than a month, so I'm off to a new start there)

[brucethebroker]

No FB here either. I have stayed in touch with the people from HS/College important to me through visits, email and phone. I really don't care to hear from the others. Went to a couple college reunions early on (10th, 15th), but haven't been now for 20 years. For the reason mentioned earlier.

Hope it does not seem insensitive, but I really don't want to see people I knew casually 40 years ago. And the fact that they cannot find me on FB is a plus.

[Car-Guy]

I've kept in touch with a few friends from my high school days but not many. A couple of us had very common lifelong hobby interest that kept us in touch. We kept running into each other at trade shows so we figured it was fate.

[misanman]

We've enjoyed going to HS reunions, especially the 50th. We found that most folks have mellowed over the years. We just got back from DW's 50th nursing school reunion and she enjoyed reconnecting with the "girls". I stay in touch with two of the couples we hung out with when I was in the army. There are some people I'd really like to see again but they have never chosen to participate in group events and I don't want to bother them by reaching out to them personally. Overall, I'm a little sad to lose touch with old friends and relatives but thankful for the ones where we still have contact.

[Christine]

Not so much.

I never had a classical best friend growing up since we moved around and I never lived anywhere for more than 3 years. So no one I think about wondering what happened to them. Well except for the guy I thought would grow up to be a serial killer.

I have occasionally enjoyed talking to my cousins on family do's - but I did not grow up among them either so we don't have that much history in common.

[Aerides]

I have more FB "friends" that were high school friends than current RL ones. But FB allows me to keep them at arms length at least. With a couple of exceptions of course.

My class is having a 30th reunion this summer. They are organizing it in a group on FB also, so it was easy for me to see who all is going: No one that I actually like, and a whole bunch I barely know, so that helped - skipping!

But yeah if someone were actively seeking me out that would be creepy. Half the time if I get a HS friend request I think "but I didn't like you then and I'm pretty sure you knew that!.

One thing now I'm RE'd, I no longer bother to accept requests on Linked In unless I actually like that person.

[EastWest Gal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by athena53 A bit long-winded but I have to tell this one. In college I dated a guy a couple of times when he and I met in a class my senior year. He was an Engineering major and I don't think he had much dating experience but we enjoyed each others' company. Perfectly platonic- I think he was too scared to try and go beyond that. We drifted apart after graduation in 1975; in 1978 I moved to the East Coast. When I was adding contacts to LinkedIn, I thought of him and sent him a note. He later said that that e-mail had been like a lightning bolt. All those 30+ years he'd been beating himself over the head for losing contact with me, thought I was furious at him, said I was the great "what-if" in his life. He'd found references to me on the Internet (I never did change my last name through 2 marriages) but hadn't contacted me. We met a couple of times when he was in my area- with my husband's knowledge and support. Haven't seen him for maybe 5 years. He's married but it sounds pretty dead. No fantasies on my side about running off with him- he's way too talkative for my temperament so I think we'd drive each other nuts- but we e-mail frequently. Never anything that I wouldn't want his wife to see- he gives me long missives on home and auto repair questions and I think he gets a vicarious thrill reading about my travels and my participation in local athletic events (such as tomorrow's 35-mile Tour de Bier bike ride). I'm still stunned and a little flattered that he had such vivid memories of me all those years and glad that I could put his mind at ease.

You never know. One of our adjunct professors in medical school had a group of students over to his house, as was a common practice at our school. We were just chatting about life. He and his wife told a story about how they got together, just a few years before (they were in their early 50s). They were friends in high school, never dated, but apparently liked each other a lot. They went off to their lives. She married and divorced; he married and later his wife died. He lived in Los Angeles. He went to a conference in NYC, and they crossed paths. They exchanged phone numbers. They started calling and talking for hours. With astronomical phone bills $900/month in the late 70s, they decided to get together. After a short time, they decided she would move to L.A. They were clearly delighted with how it all worked out.

I maintained friendly terms with all my ex-boyfriends, as most were in my social group in high school and college (as was my husband). I had several short term somewhat-beyond-platonic relationships in high school. There were other boyfriend/girlfriend relationships in the group. One of mine lasted through college. He was one of my husband's best friends, and introduced DH and I when I was 15. There were no blow-ups in any of those relationships. We were friends before and after. But at that age, interests drift, theirs and mine.

I lost touch with some for about 10-15 years, after moving out of Silicon Valley. Then social media started.

Social media has allowed re-connection to varying degrees. I was surprised when one old flame still held me in high regard, something like Athena53 described. It is flattering and enjoyable. He spent a day with us walking around my old Berkeley haunts a few years ago. Along with DH and DS. It was fun and informative.

One very special member of our group who had drifted away, died right about the time we started using Facebook. He had a rare cancer. In fact, I found out through Facebook. That was very sad. He was brilliant. I found out when I was trying to reconnect with old friends. Ouch. He was 52.

I have more in common with my high school friends than I do with my current friends. Politics,religious views, and interests are similar, despite never having discussed them in high school and college. I think it was a product of our early life experiences.

40th reunion this year. Due to time constraints and cross country travel, I probably won't go. But I'll be spending half of December in the Bay Area. I plan on seeing family and friends.

[Scuba]

Quote:

Originally Posted by brucethebroker No FB here either. I have stayed in touch with the people from HS/College important to me through visits, email and phone. I really don't care to hear from the others. Went to a couple college reunions early on (10th, 15th), but haven't been now for 20 years. For the reason mentioned earlier. Hope it does not seem insensitive, but I really don't want to see people I knew casually 40 years ago. And the fact that they cannot find me on FB is a plus.

[emoji23] +1

[Koolau]

One story (maybe): Was at a national meeting of my professional society attending a workshop. The meeting was in Toronto - 600 miles from where I grew up. The leader asked us to introduce ourselves and give a brief bio. After my intro, a lady from the back ran up to me and hugged me. It took me a couple of seconds to recognize her, but I had gone to church with her 25 years before. Her husband had dated my little sister during high school - heh, heh, this lady broke it up, which was fine with my family, but thats ANOTHER story.

We got together for lunch and caught up. I mentioned that when my little sister had passed, we found the high school class ring of this lady's husband. I arranged to send it to them. We have kept track of this lady (and her mom) for quite some time.

[Bryan Barnfellow]

I have connected with only a few HS and Uni friends via FB. Some have turned out as I expected, while others are a surprise. I have always been struck by the fact that those early days and today are forever connected by an unbroken string of days in between, during which we lived our lives. So, I don't consider these relationships all that much different from today's. It is just a matter of the passage of (connected) time.

That said, I am now imagining a forum somewhere on the internet byways (that I don't subscribe to), where an old HS acquaintance is writing: "Yeah, I had one friend from HS who retired early! Can you believe it?!"

Erm...guilty as charged.

-BB

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by timo2 My high school alumni group found me and sends updates on the class. My class of 1971 has at least 13% that are dead (they can't find some people so we don't know about them). That should convince anyone to start enjoying life if they are not already!! ( I'm retiring in less than a month, so I'm off to a new start there)

Oh my gosh, how awful! That's even worse than my class, that graduated 5 years earlier. One of my classmates died of pancreatic cancer, but nothing was said about the cause of death for any of the others. I guess that no matter the causes, they are just as dead.

Glad you are retiring in a month, to enjoy your life, since it appears that many of our classmates never got the chance to enjoy much of theirs.

[Dash man]

Quote:

Originally Posted by timo2 My high school alumni group found me and sends updates on the class. My class of 1971 has at least 13% that are dead (they can't find some people so we don't know about them). That should convince anyone to start enjoying life if they are not already!! ( I'm retiring in less than a month, so I'm off to a new start there)

I was listed as a graduate who had died by my high school reunion group way back in 1984 when they were planning the ten year reunion. I'm not dead yet.

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by EastWest Gal I have more in common with my high school friends than I do with my current friends. Politics,religious views, and interests are similar, despite never having discussed them in high school and college. I think it was a product of our early life experiences.

I described it as meeting a group of new friends with whom I strangely had a lot in common. It was a Roman Catholic HS but even then, religious views and politics are all over the map, but we still were together for four years and appreciated the school that shaped us. I'm guessing that the ones who didn't appreciate it aren't the ones who come to reunions.

[easysurfer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dash man I was listed as a graduate who had died by my high school reunion group way back in 1984 when they were planning the ten year reunion. I'm not dead yet.

Did you go to a reunion and do your best Paul McCartney? Would have shocked some folks upon your return.