Financial assistance for the in-laws?

[Sunset]

Quote:

Originally Posted by IMATERP Personally, I believe able bodied folks make choices throughout their life which essentially leaves some people retiring comfortably and some people uncomfortably. A. I would not offer to fund 1/4 of anyone’s retirement. B. I would not discuss the matter with other relatives. Many seniors live in subsidized housing with their healthcare needs met by Medicare. They receive social security and other assistance based on the amount they have. Thus, they will be fine. The only real conversation that you should have is to determine what their final wishes will be (burial, cremation, etc.). This is where you and your family may have to step up financially. I

So you'll pay to bury them but not feed them ?

If you really want to save money, just don't declare the body, leave it with the city.

[IMATERP]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunset So you'll pay to bury them but not feed them ? If you really want to save money, just don't declare the body, leave it with the city.

I did not say “that I would not feed them.” I said “I would not offer 1/4 of their needs.”

I have previously given $1,000 to my BIL 7 or 8 years ago - in order that he had a down payment for a car. I did not co-sign any loans and I made it clear - that our (wife and I) gesture was not a loan. He is 56 and a Walmart worker.

We buried a SIL earlier this year where we had to pay 2k for a portion of a burial. She was 53 and died of end stage liver failure (alcoholism.) The SIL who died constantly begged for monies from the church and other relatives but we continued to say “no” to her requests because of her daily life choices.

Hence, each situation has to be looked at in context of the individual. Facts dictate how much help one should or can provide. Also, the decision needs to be looked at with respect to how much discretionary money one has to give away.

I

[Luck_Club]

OP-My wife and I find ourselves in a similar situation. Her parents are still working and can "never retire". Over the past 30 years we have been together we have observed them make 1 bad financial decision after another.

Back in 2010 the cracks started to show themselves, when the parents had to file for bankruptcy. Even that was done the most expensive way possible dismissing a small attorney we had found that would do the filing for flat fee of $1000 in favor of someone charging several thousand dollars. At the time we first spoke with the other siblings about helping protect the parents by buying out the house and allowing them to live in it so they would always have a place to live as they got older. The response from the two other siblings was we will help them just not yet.

Fast forward to 2016 and they absolutely had to buy a new car because the car needed expensive repair and couldn't be registered. Wife and I agreed to front them the money and bought for them a used car, and sold their old car, which I continued to see on the road for several more years. After about a year or so the car was giving them all kinds of problems and had been racking up all kinds of repair bills, and they had to get rid of it and buy a new car, with the down payment of the car we had bought for them. We said to them they couldn't use the car as a down payment, because they hadn't paid us back yet for the car.

There was supposed to be a windfall from the mothers estate, which was due to settle in months at the time of the purchase when we bought the car. They contested the will, and the executor tying it up for several more years only to get less than the original amount, they were entitled to receive.

At age 73 while both are still working they received the money. It took less than 6 months of planning to wipe out all the money. Now all children are on the same page it will end badly when they can't work but it isn't their problem.

My wife and I being the only siblings living close enough will be tasked with cleaning out the crap at pennies on the dollar, while the parents go kicking and screaming into the government safety net.

Your family should enjoy what you have worked so hard for and be sympathetic but steadfast in not subsidizing a lifetime of bad decisions.

[Teacher Terry]

Luck, what a awful situation. Can they sell the house or did they take out all the equity?

[MarieIG]

My thoughts are this. Keep an eye on the situation. When FIL retires, you and DW can get involved in ensuring they have the basics - not necessarily footing the entire bill to keep their standard of living where it is now.

There are a number of government safety nets available for those with minimal income. You and DW can work on getting them signed up for that - and supplement with grocery gift cards, etc. w/n your budget. Again, I think your "job" will focus on making sure they are getting the basics, food/ heat / electricity. If you and DW want, you can also fund a "treat" for them now and then.