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Old 03-27-2018, 07:39 AM   #21
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That's your choice and I respect it.

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With great respect to you and Amethyst, I give gifts to young family members because that's what I want to do. I am happy to be in a position to do it, whether or not the recipients ever acknowledge the gift.
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Old 03-27-2018, 07:46 AM   #22
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While I cannot argue with someone else's observations, my own observations of this age group have been somewhat different. Granted, many (though not all) of them are based on work experience.

Somehow, even the youngest people in a workplace seem to know how to say "thank you" for help or favors. I think it would be interesting to know if they are as quick to thank relatives...or if they maybe take relatives' kindness for granted, compared with their benefactors at work.

As for being seen as the "bad guy," why would one care how one is seen by people who don't appreciate one? *They,* the recipients, get to keep score, but the giver doesn't? Just wondering.

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Every case is different, but in my experience, many in the generation of about age 20 to 40 do not say thank you and do not appreciate gifts. They expect then and know they deserve them, but do not feel obliged to say thank you unless it is immediate and in person and their mother is present.... and even then it is half-hearted.

I continue to give gifts because if you turn off the tap due to a lack of courtesy and gratitude , you are the bad guy. So, fork out the money and bite your lip.

Of course there are exceptions and those young folks are to be commended.
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Old 03-27-2018, 07:48 AM   #23
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I don’t really notice any more if I don’t get thanked; as long as I know the gift was received so I don’t have to go chasing it down, I’m okay with it. BUT I do notice every single sweet sincere thank you I might be lucky enough to receive.

I think the OP should mention to the son about the lack of thank you’s and then let it go. Like Gumby, I would still send the gifts regardless, as we may never know how important it is to the grandchildren that someone cares enough to send them, but it is totally up to the OP and understandable if you choose to stop sending them.
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Old 03-27-2018, 07:53 AM   #24
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All our kids acknowledge gifts with a thank you, usually written, sometimes with a phone call.

Because we make them do so.
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Old 03-27-2018, 08:09 AM   #25
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to the OP, since this has gone on a long time, and given their ages, I would agree with those who say stop giving gifts. Still acknowledge the event with a card.

The effort to say "thank you" is is much less than the effort it took to to prepare and send the gift. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

DW and I give gifts to our nieces and nephews and their kids, ranging in age from early 40's down to 3. We have always gotten some time of acknowledgement - phone call, letter, text message, picture. For the younger ones, the parents teach them to acknowledge gifts.

It is fine to make your kids acknowledge gifts. That is how they learn. If they are not taught... well, IMHO it falls into the "were they raised by wolves?" category.
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Old 03-27-2018, 08:11 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by travelover View Post
Every case is different, but in my experience, many in the generation of about age 20 to 40 do not say thank you and do not appreciate gifts. They expect then and know they deserve them, but do not feel obliged to say thank you unless it is immediate and in person and their mother is present.... and even then it is half-hearted.

I continue to give gifts because if you turn off the tap due to a lack of courtesy and gratitude , you are the bad guy. So, fork out the money and bite your lip.

Of course there are exceptions and those young folks are to be commended.
Really? You don’t stop giving gifts because otherwise you are the bad guy?
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Old 03-27-2018, 08:15 AM   #27
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I continue to give gifts because if you turn off the tap due to a lack of courtesy and gratitude , you are the bad guy. So, fork out the money and bite your lip.
If stopping giving gifts to those who do not acknowledge them makes one the bad guy, then I am more than willing to be the baddest guy on the planet.
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Old 03-27-2018, 08:21 AM   #28
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Please send the next $250 check to me, instead. Also, let me know your preference of communication: note, short letter, email, etc. I promise the thank you will go out within 24 hours of receipt of gift.
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Old 03-27-2018, 09:11 AM   #29
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I can't tell you what to do but I will tell you what I would do in your situation....

I would continue with the birthday gifts but much more modestly - maybe something worth $20-$30 max. I would give the gift with no expectations of anything in return, not even a thank you email. That seems to be 'normal' among youngsters in the 20's and even 30's. For some reason we become rather invisible to them.

In no case would I make an issue of it, harbor a grudge or let it effect my relationship with the kids, your son or your daughter-in-law. I would love them because they are family.

I have never understood grandparents who willingly engage in hostilities or get into tiffs with their kids or grand-kids. I have seen to many of them get their hearts ripped up when they get cut off from their own child or their grandchild due to bad feelings. It's not worth it.
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Old 03-27-2018, 09:14 AM   #30
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I like some sort of thank you. When children become adults in our family, our family agrees to stop most gift giving.
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Old 03-27-2018, 09:18 AM   #31
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On a related note, my partner and I attended a wedding back in November. Prior to the happy day, we used the couple's wedding registry to purchase a gift (>$200). The value was the same as we gave to the older daughter and her groom a few years ago. The registry service provided us with a receipt and explained that they would notify the couple and wait to ship the gift until the couple got back to them. That was fine with us. The holiday season ensued along with a family emergency, recuperation from shoulder surgery (me) and planning for a European trip. I kind of forgot about it until recently when I realized we had never received a thank you for the gift. Since these young people would not be the kind NOT to send their thanks, I wondered if the gift registry had screwed up. So I contacted them and they claimed that the couple had never contacted them to ship the gift and so the service was still waiting for the go-ahead! I told them to send notice again which the confirmed they did. So I contacted the couple by email along with the father of the groom who is an old friend from decades ago. Diplomatically, I suggested that the gift registry had perhaps messed up and to let me know if there was any problem in getting the gift shipped to them now. We're waiting to hear but if we don't I'm not sure what else if anything to do.
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Old 03-27-2018, 09:23 AM   #32
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I like some sort of thank you. When children become adults in our family, our family agrees to stop most gift giving.
Yep - same in here in terms of event gifts.

I give pretty substantially to my siblings early in the year. They always let me know they appreciate it right a way. :cool smiley:

But they are demonstrative folks anyhow. And we are close in general.
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Old 03-27-2018, 09:45 AM   #33
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Really? You don’t stop giving gifts because otherwise you are the bad guy?
I should have been more clear. If I stop giving gifts, I'm the bad guy to DW. She thinks, like others here, that this generation has different expectations and rules, is hobbled by a lack of paper and pen, no knowledge of email and have no way of knowing my phone number to send a text or call. So, yes holding them to my ridiculous standards makes me a bad guy.
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Gift Acknowledgements -- Care or Don't Care?
Old 03-27-2018, 09:52 AM   #34
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Gift Acknowledgements -- Care or Don't Care?

Times have obviously changed from when I was a kid. Mom always made sure we wrote a thank you note. That said, I give a gift either because I want to help the person or because in some tangible way, I want to recognize and honor the relationship and what they mean to me. While it’s always nice to get the thanks, whether I receive one or not is not crucial...
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Old 03-27-2018, 10:14 AM   #35
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All our kids acknowledge gifts with a thank you, usually written, sometimes with a phone call.

Because we make them do so.
Mine too, and now my grandchildren. But it still doesn’t bother me not to get an acknowledgment from others.
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Old 03-27-2018, 10:30 AM   #36
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No thank you means no future gift.
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Old 03-27-2018, 12:14 PM   #37
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Ian S, in your case I would be annoyed, but probably leave it be and not do anything else, spend no more time trying to chase them down. As a newly married couple, perhaps they are planning a move and will have stuff shipped from the registry to the new home? (I'd have half a mind to cancel the order, but probably wouldn't).

Either way, for weddings, that's bad form still.... a handwritten thank you card is still how it should be done. Bet you got a lovely printed invite? Yup those same printers showed the bride and groom thank you cards to match.
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Old 03-27-2018, 12:14 PM   #38
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As a ‘youngin’ myself I think it’s odd to not say anything. Minimum a text thank you or a quick phone call, especially for that kind of money.
Someone said email isn’t cool any more? I guess nobody told the 25-35 year olds we associate with. Text is fast/easier for regular and ongoing conversation of people you are close with but email is still the go to for non-urgent communication or something you want to be grammatically correct.
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Old 03-27-2018, 12:16 PM   #39
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My son married a woman with two children so, for the past three years, I have had two grandchildren. The oldest, a 23 year old boy who is in the Navy, I've only met once at Christmas a couple of years ago. My DGD is 20 and lives in the same city, and I see her more frequently and have done things with her. I give both of them money for their birthdays and once gave them $250 each (along with my kids and their SOs). Unless I am face-to-face with them, I never get a thank you text, email, card, etc., no acknowledgement whatsoever.

It kind of bothers me. But I hesitate to say anything because the relationship with one is pretty nonexistent and tenuous, though okay, with the other. Still, it bothers me so I think, should I quit giving them gifts or just suck it up and realize they are never going to acknowledge the gift? I need to do something because it niggles at me. Anyone else have this issue?
The way I approach these things is to clarify my goals in the transaction. This will usually indicate how to best respond or to just drop it.

It hurts to feel that one is going to thought and effort for nothing, so clarify whether there may be some benefit, even though it is not immediately clear to you that there is. I definitely would not say anything to the giftees, or their mother, or your son.


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Old 03-27-2018, 02:49 PM   #40
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+1 It would look a little pathetic..."don't you care about me?" when the answer, after all, may be painfully clear.

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I definitely would not say anything to the giftees, or their mother, or your son.


Ha
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