How to help a family

[HF63]

Last night, I got some devastating news from a real good friend. He was working at home on a car and got into accident, it kill him.
I am really hearth broken since he was a special friend. I consider him like a son and now I like to find a way to help the family: 3 kids all under 10.

The only idea that comes to mind is to set up a gofoundme page. If you can think of other ideas, it is greatly appreciate

[finnski1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HF63 Last night, I got some devastating news from a real good friend. He was working at home on a car and got into accident, it kill him. I am really hearth broken since he was a special friend. I consider him like a son and now I like to find a way to help the family: 3 kids all under 10. The only idea that comes to mind is to set up a gofoundme page. If you can think of other ideas, it is greatly appreciate

Don't have any brilliant ideas but my condolences!

[pb4uski]

Horrible news... I lost a good friend in a wierd car accident 30 years ago... a wheel came off a car coming the other way and went through his windshield, killing him as he sat next to his wife, who was uninjured. At the time, he had two kids under 10.

Did your friend have life insurance, either on his own or through work? Many workplaces provided a couple years of salary as a life insurance benefit.

Also, assuming that he was participating in social security then his family would be eligible for survivor benefits.

[MarieIG]

Don't know much about your situation (your ability, finances, family), but help over the long run, i.e.

- mowing the lawn (or hiring lawn service)

- helping with minor repairs around the house

- taking one or more of the kids to sports (or other) activities that their dad used to do

If you have a wife/ spouse, this would need to be with her ok (and/or involvement), and if you have your own kids, also would need to coordinate so as to not to neglect their needs as well.

[Aerides]

At the memorial service, ask a close family member how you can help (not his widow or the kids). But a sibling or parent. They are most likely to be close to knowing the needs and gaps, and can point you in the right directions.

[ERD50]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aerides At the memorial service, ask a close family member how you can help (not his widow or the kids). But a sibling or parent. They are most likely to be close to knowing the needs and gaps, and can point you in the right directions.

Yes, the widow/kids are probably not in a presence of mind to respond. Asking someone close is a good idea. If that isn't working, I find people respond better to specifics, rather than open ended questions.

So instead of "what can I do for you?" (puts the burden on them and they may feel like they are putting you out to ask for this or that), maybe something specific like "can I cut the grass for you on Monday?", or "Can I bring dinner over Tuesday?", etc. Simple yes/no questions.

-ERD50

[MarieIG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ERD50 Yes, the widow/kids are probably not in a presence of mind to respond. Asking someone close is a good idea. If that isn't working, I find people respond better to specifics, rather than open ended questions. So instead of "what can I do for you?" (puts the burden on them and they may feel like they are putting you out to ask for this or that), maybe something specific like "can I cut the grass for you on Monday?", or "Can I bring dinner over Tuesday?", etc. Simple yes/no questions. -ERD50

Smart. Note - there will be a lot of people milling about in the beginning, but that will taper off soon.

[HF63]

I would like to thanks every one who commented on this tragedy. The news gets worse, the SUV that crush him belong to the wife's only brother.


I am not sure how the wife will deal w/ his brother going forward. He did do work on the wife's relatives cars.


My friend has no other relatives by us here. The parents and brothers are all in Mexico.

[Janet H]

Ask if help is needed making burial / funeral arrangements.
Ask if the wife needs help with paperwork
Deliver some groceries
Run some errands

[jollystomper]

So sorry to hear this.

Was the family involved at all in their community, particularly a religious gathering (church/synagogue/mosque/etc)? Sometimes the community rallies around them, and someone/some group in their community is a good point of contact.

[Scrapr]

I have contributed to several families that needed help repatriating bodies to Mexico. There will be time to volunteer. Stay in touch. If you see something that needs done go ahead & do it. Don't ask...is there anything you need. The family's mind cannot tell you what they need. A bag of groceries every week would be nice...esp after the first month

[jollystomper]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scrapr A bag of groceries every week would be nice...esp after the first month.

This reminds me of something we did to help out a friend who ended up in a bad situation. We would give them gift cards to local grocery stores anonymously (slip them in their door or the paper section of their mailbox when they were out).

[HF63]

Thanks for providing me w new ideas.

[pacergal]

My sympathies on the loss of your friend.
Most likely, anything you do to help during this time will be appreciated.
Help with paperwork--death certificates, life insurance, SS survivor benefits, health insurance, etc.
GoFundMe is a good option, as are arranging help with housework, yard work, kid sitting if wife works.
DoorDash cards and local grocery store cards are also helpful, gas cards, if they still have a car.
Keep checking in with them over time, they will appreciate your support.