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10-17-2019, 08:45 AM
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#41
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,598
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The girl friend might be quite knowledgeable and even "in on it," so to speak. Getting regular "progress reports." Yes, I am making that up, but would not be surprised if it were true.
Feeling frustration on your behalf. You and husband are doing the right thing - the guy's had his bluff called. His next step could be to try to induce your sister not to trust you, so be careful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scuba
He kept saying he has a girlfriend and my sister is only a friend that he just wants to help. Bizarre that a virtual stranger is willing to provide so much “help” that he neglects his primary relationship, .
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__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Even a blind clock finds an acorn twice a day.
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10-19-2019, 09:48 AM
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#42
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,661
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DH and I are still in the midst of our trip here, but so glad we came. My sister’s life is even worse than I realized. Her finances are a disaster zone - very disorganized, lots of unpaid and unopened mail and bills, etc. The con man supposedly wasn’t living with her fully, but the entire guest BR closet was full of clothes and he had keys to her place. We got him out today! On Thursday she told him we needed the guest room so we could stay there. Thursday night we changed the locks, and Friday she told him he couldn’t stay there any more and needed to pick up his belongings. He got extremely aggressive and threatened her with civil litigation and told her he had every right to be there and was coming back to stay. We went to the local police, and thank goodness they agreed to call him and tell him he had to get out at 8 am today. The police supervised the entire process. Yay, he’s gone!! And the girlfriend apparently kicked him out a while ago because he’s a con man. That’s when he targeted my sister. He needed another free place to stay.
My sister has agreed to go to long-term alcohol rehab (6 months plus) and her lawyer told her if she didn’t, she would likely go to jail on 11/22 for 1-2 years. We are trying to find a program to take her by next Tuesday. We also have to help her find a place for her cats and get me set up to take care of her finances, etc., while she’s there. Lots to do but I think this will be a fruitful trip!
Thanks to all for your interest and advice.
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10-19-2019, 09:59 AM
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#43
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spending the Kids Inheritance and living in Chicago
Posts: 17,012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scuba
DH and I are still in the midst of our trip here, but so glad we came. My sister’s life is even worse than I realized. Her finances are a disaster zone - very disorganized, lots of unpaid and unopened mail and bills, etc. The con man supposedly wasn’t living with her fully, but the entire guest BR closet was full of clothes and he had keys to her place. We got him out today! On Thursday she told him we needed the guest room so we could stay there. Thursday night we changed the locks, and Friday she told him he couldn’t stay there any more and needed to pick up his belongings. He got extremely aggressive and threatened her with civil litigation and told her he had every right to be there and was coming back to stay. We went to the local police, and thank goodness they agreed to call him and tell him he had to get out at 8 am today. The police supervised the entire process. Yay, he’s gone!! And the girlfriend apparently kicked him out a while ago because he’s a con man. That’s when he targeted my sister. He needed another free place to stay.
My sister has agreed to go to long-term alcohol rehab (6 months plus) and her lawyer told her if she didn’t, she would likely go to jail on 11/22 for 1-2 years. We are trying to find a program to take her by next Tuesday. We also have to help her find a place for her cats and get me set up to take care of her finances, etc., while she’s there. Lots to do but I think this will be a fruitful trip!
Thanks to all for your interest and advice.
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Great news and progress. Be sure to get POA over her finances so you are legally safe in case she changes her mind once you are gone.
__________________
Fortune favors the prepared mind. ... Louis Pasteur
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10-19-2019, 10:03 AM
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#44
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,110
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Very good news. Maybe the best news of all is her agreement to go to long term rehab. Hopefully it takes and she can someday retake control of her own life
__________________
“Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.” John Muir
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10-19-2019, 10:04 AM
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#45
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,661
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunset
Great news and progress. Be sure to get POA over her finances so you are legally safe in case she changes her mind once you are gone.
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She has signed paperwork adding me to her accounts. Would like to also get POA but haven’t done it yet. At least I can legally move $$ between investments and checking, and can pay bills.
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10-19-2019, 10:13 AM
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#46
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 3,431
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Sounds like great progress!
You're a good sis.
omni
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10-19-2019, 10:45 AM
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#47
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,598
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This is great news! It actually plays out in my mind like a scene from a good movie. I hope all the good guys continue to win, and the villain is gone for good. Also that your sister is able to face down the real villain, alcoholism. She is very lucky to have you!!
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Even a blind clock finds an acorn twice a day.
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10-19-2019, 10:50 AM
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#48
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 5,803
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Bless you, Scuba, for taking time to be with her and help. Its not an easy road, however it sounds like your sister is willing to accept help and hopefully recognizes her addiction needs work.
Glad you have been able to take the steps to get con man out and start financial support.
__________________
Give a Man a fish, he will eat for a day.
Teach a Man to fish, he will eat for a lifetime.
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10-19-2019, 12:32 PM
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#49
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 7,002
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Great news!
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10-19-2019, 01:10 PM
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#50
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,661
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Does anyone know of a cat fostering service in the Tampa, FL area? We need to try to find someone who will care for two indoor cats for six months. Neighbors, friends and family have been explored already.
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10-19-2019, 01:13 PM
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#51
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 3,431
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scuba
Does anyone know of a cat fostering service in the Tampa, FL area? We need to try to find someone who will care for two indoor cats for six months. Neighbors, friends and family have been explored already.
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Perhaps call one of the links on this list and explain your situation:
catrescue
omni
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10-19-2019, 01:23 PM
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#52
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 112
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I posted another response but then saw above where you said the relative agreed to go to treatment. I am so glad to hear that. As someone who watched his sister almost die from alcoholism and see the impact first hand the disease has on one's family, I can feel nothing but relief for you.
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10-19-2019, 02:43 PM
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#53
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Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 13,879
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Wow, great updates. As an outsider looking in this is a fascinating story. I'd recommend you also get the locks changed asap - guarantee that the con man has an extra set. And since you won't be there long term in person, maybe look into a security setup as well.
ETA: in a large area like Tampa there are bound to be tons of smaller and larger cat rescue and foster networks you can find.
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10-19-2019, 03:33 PM
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#54
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Gone but not forgotten
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 11,447
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I am so glad it all worked out for the best .
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10-19-2019, 09:12 PM
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#55
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,661
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Quote:
Originally Posted by omni550
Perhaps call one of the links on this list and explain your situation:
catrescue
omni
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Thanks Omni. Today we called our visited every cat rescue in and around Tampa. Some have foster programs, but no one will take cats to foster and later return to their owner. My sister’s last resort is to offer to pay her neighbor to visit her cats three times per week. I have suggested this is not right, definitely isn’t putting the cats’ needs first as they would get very lonely with minimal human companionship for six months. I think she should just give them up for adoption. In her current state, she can’t care for them properly. Even if her rehab is successful, I think pet ownership is a responsibility she shouldn’t take on until she readjusts to life post-rehab.
We’ll see what happens. Appreciate the referrals.
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10-19-2019, 09:28 PM
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#56
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,661
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aerides
Wow, great updates. As an outsider looking in this is a fascinating story. I'd recommend you also get the locks changed asap - guarantee that the con man has an extra set. And since you won't be there long term in person, maybe look into a security setup as well.
ETA: in a large area like Tampa there are bound to be tons of smaller and larger cat rescue and foster networks you can find.
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Yes this has been quite the drama. Two police officers watched Mr. Con Man move out this morning. Yay!! If he returns to the property, trespassing charges can be filed. Neighbors have been alerted and asked to call police if they see him hanging around, or see anything amiss at her place.
Mr. Con Man is quite angry and is still threatening a civil suit. I doubt he’ll follow through but if he does, I think he will lose.
That’s the good news. Also good news that she will go to rehab. Bad news is she’s only going to stay out of jail. She is still in major denial about her alcoholism. I hope they can help her change that in the rehab program. If they don’t, nothing much will change. She did finalize the sale of her car today so at least she can’t drive anymore.
Many thanks to you all. Your support and suggestions have really helped, both from a practical perspective as well as helping me see that many other have been down this path and can relate. Alcoholism is a terrible thing. It’s very hard not to be angry about it.
Once I get home, I’ll have to figure out her finances better. DH & I will not subsidize her, but I’ll be deciding what bills to pay and not pay. There is no way she can cover all of the outstanding medical bills, credit card bills, etc. as she is months behind on them. Her resources are less than $85K and the only income she now has is SS at something like $1,100/month. I’ll probably start a separate thread on that once I figure out more details but I think she’s going to have to default on a lot of bills to survive. At least she shouldn’t be spending much in rehab.
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10-19-2019, 09:33 PM
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#57
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 7,002
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I am surprised a rescue group won’t foster and return her cats. Sad that no friends can help out. I have kept friend’s dogs when there has been a need. I think knowing she can keep her cats would be beneficial in her recovery.
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10-20-2019, 06:42 AM
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#58
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,661
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teacher Terry
I am surprised a rescue group won’t foster and return her cats. Sad that no friends can help out. I have kept friend’s dogs when there has been a need. I think knowing she can keep her cats would be beneficial in her recovery.
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She has alienated most of her friends due to her alcoholism. Remaining friends are allergic, have their own pets, or don’t want the responsibility. Part of the problem for anyone who knows her cats is that she has always allowed them everywhere including the kitchen counters and dining room table.
I think foster programs aren’t designed for long-term care of animals that will eventually go back to their owners. Several have suggested boarding, which is designed for such situations, but she can’t afford that. I thought about hiring someone to stay in her home such as someone on trustedhousesitters, but her place is a mess and she has no furniture in the living room. Piles of stuff everywhere.
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10-20-2019, 08:08 AM
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#59
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,598
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I think it's more that they don't want to set a precedent. Then have a bunch of snowbirds, etc. dumping their pets for "fostering" (cheap boarding) for 3-6 months at a time. Some people will lie to save money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teacher Terry
I am surprised a rescue group won’t foster and return her cats. Sad that no friends can help out. I have kept friend’s dogs when there has been a need. I think knowing she can keep her cats would be beneficial in her recovery.
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__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Even a blind clock finds an acorn twice a day.
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10-20-2019, 09:34 AM
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#60
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 7,002
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Even if she has alienated her friends they should do it for the cats. My son went into a year treatment program and we drove across the country to get his 2 big old dogs.
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