How to protect alcoholic relative?

[ER Eddie]

Wow, I'm just reading through this thread. What a stressful time you've been through!

I'm glad things worked out in the end. I was pondering what the best advice would be, as I was reading through, but wasn't coming up with anything brilliant ... so I'm glad things worked out. Seems like you handled a touchy situation very well.

I can understand why her alcoholism would've spiralled out of control when her husband was removed from the home; he must've been a stabilizing force.

Good luck with sorting out the mess of her finances. She was probably just a couple months away from some financial train-wreck. That is what we call "our lives became unmanageable" in the alcoholism biz.

I love the con man's threats of a civil law suit. lol. What a clown.

[Teacher Terry]

Eddie, I found it so strange that the guy thought he had a right to be there. The sister certainly dodged a bullet by getting rid of him. I hope the treatment works.

[Amethyst]

The scary thing is, if he'd been there much longer, he might have even had a bit of a case...because his clothes and belongings were there, he had established a "pattern of living," etc. He could have pretended to be the sister's "caretaker" and she might have let him get away with this.

Having her husband removed from the home must have been a terrible morale drain, unless it was her idea, which it sounds like it wasn't.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry Eddie, I found it so strange that the guy thought he had a right to be there. The sister certainly dodged a bullet by getting rid of him. I hope the treatment works.

[Bestwifeever]

Compared to your first post, Scuba, those results so far are amazing. Even though your relative may be choosing long-term rehab over the possibility of a jail term (for the DUIs?), she at least will be in a place that reinforces sobriety and at her age, the program may finally take. You have a good heart.

[Amethyst]

I think everyone can agree, they are serious contenders for Sister and BIL of the Year.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bestwifeever Compared to your first post, Scuba, those results so far are amazing. Even though your relative may be choosing long-term rehab over the possibility of a jail term (for the DUIs?), she at least will be in a place that reinforces sobriety and at her age, the program may finally take. You have a good heart.

[Scuba]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst I think it's more that they don't want to set a precedent. Then have a bunch of snowbirds, etc. dumping their pets for "fostering" (cheap boarding) for 3-6 months at a time. Some people will lie to save money.

I didn’t think of that. I’ll bet you’re right!

[Scuba]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst I think everyone can agree, they are serious contenders for Sister and BIL of the Year.

Awww, you guys are very sweet! However we still have two more days to get her into rehab. Unfortunately she had a stash of vodka somewhere and has been wasted since Saturday evening. It’s Sunday night now and we were supposed to take her for intake interviews tomorrow morning. Not sure if she’ll be conscious to do that. We found some of her stash and poured it out but there must be more. We hid her wallet, cash, etc and she doesn’t have a car so the stash must be in the house somewhere.

We are calling her attorney in the morning. If she’s still wasted then, we might call paramedics and have her taken to the hospital. They could dry her out there and discharge her straight to rehab.

We CANNOT WAIT to go home Tuesday. This trip is even worse than when we helped DS & BIL clean up after Katrina!

[Scuba]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst The scary thing is, if he'd been there much longer, he might have even had a bit of a case...because his clothes and belongings were there, he had established a "pattern of living," etc. He could have pretended to be the sister's "caretaker" and she might have let him get away with this. Having her husband removed from the home must have been a terrible morale drain, unless it was her idea, which it sounds like it wasn't.

You’re absolutely right. We are very lucky the police even got involved. They said FL law is slanted towards tenant rights and because he had moved so much stuff in and had a key, he technically was her tenant already. The police here know DS and appreciate her vulnerability so that helped. What a jerk that con man was, preying on a lonely, depressed 65-year-old alcoholic. Sad and I’m very grateful we got rid of him pretty easily.

[Teacher Terry]

You guys are angels!

[Scuba]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry You guys are angels!

Thank you! We tried. We’re at the airport about to fly home. The con man is hopefully gone for good, but DS is still avoiding going to rehab. She was supposed to go with us to do intake interviews yesterday and check in to one of two options today. Instead, she was so drunk yesterday that she passed out on the way from her front door to the car. We had to put her on a quilt and drag her to the car. Rehab won’t take drunk people so we took her to detox. They wouldn’t let her check in without her being medically cleared by a hospital so she spent last night in the hospital having all kinds of tests.

The hospital concluded she’s fine except for being drunk (over .3 blood alcohol) and released her today. She told us she was ready to go straight to detox, but we had to leave for the airport so the hospital said they would transport her. The nurse called me a half hour later and said she decided to go home instead.

I see death or jail in her near future. Clearly she has no intention of stopping. I’ll be sad for her, but we did everything in our power to try to help her. At least I can go home with a clear conscience. I suspected this would happen so today I gave her all of her unpaid bills back and told her she’ll need to handle sorting these out until she’s in rehab or jail. Other than helping her retain ownership of her home by ensuring that property taxes and insurance are kept up to date, I’m probably not going to help pay other bills. This is her mess to fix and her being drunk the last 3 days of our visit, plus lying about going to detox, did not motivate me to be more helpful.

Thanks again for all of your support. You all are the angels for caring enough to comment!

[Aerides]

You've done all you can. And I agree there are only a couple of outcomes here, neither pleasant, both soon. But I'm glad you left anyway, she has to want to get sober, but it doesn't appear she wants to.

[omni550]

Scuba,

So heartbreaking to hear. She's making her choices.

You've done all you can do.

omni

[braumeister]

Yes, you've done more than many would have even considered, so please don't guilt-trip yourself no matter what happens.

At that blood alcohol level, death seems more likely than jail, and without at least some commitment from her, there is nothing that anyone can do.

Maybe time to turn your focus back onto your own life.

[Idnar7]

I think I would consider a restraining order against the neighbor. He obviously doesn't want to lose what he had. Even if she is in rehab he could try and visit and worm his way back in. It is especially bad if he is next door. I don't see how could continue living next door to him long term. Best of luck. You are amazing people. It would just be too easy to write her off.

[Bestwifeever]

Scuba, you and your DH are still angels. Peace.

[aja8888]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bestwifeever Scuba, you and your DH are still angels. Peace.

Agreed!

I'm afraid that without you being there full time, this situation will just get worse (I went through it with Dad and I was 3,000 miles away).

And finding hidden Vodka (or whatever she is drinking) is a real challenge. My Dad was like your sister and we could never figure out where the stash was. Alcoholics can be pretty clever.

[Calico]

Quote:

Originally Posted by braumeister Yes, you've done more than many would have even considered, so please don't guilt-trip yourself no matter what happens. At that blood alcohol level, death seems more likely than jail, and without at least some commitment from her, there is nothing that anyone can do. Maybe time to turn your focus back onto your own life.

^^^^This.

You have done what you can, and more than many would do. My father and mother were alcoholics all their lives, and my older sister has been (and still is) the same. No matter how much help they got, none of them ever wanted to change.

Take care of yourself, and don't get sucked into the "crazy" any more. It will only drag you down and make you ill. You are allowed to be healthy and happy, regardless of whatever choices your sister makes for herself.

[Scuba]

Yes, I agree. Easy to focus on our life now that we’re back home. We are moving in one week! Lots of packing and social outings with friends in our near future.

[Amethyst]

Kicking alcohol has to be hard, hard, hard. One of my high school classmates has been "clean" for 35 years, and says "one day at a time" is STILL how she has to approach it. "It would only take one drink," she says.