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05-07-2021, 11:41 AM
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#41
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 13,151
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joylush
.......... we didn’t want to offer any explanations for him to try to counter.
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+1. Excellent.
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
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05-07-2021, 11:48 AM
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#42
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 6,129
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aerides
The neighbor hasn't taken "No" for an answer, therefore, they should no longer be afforded polite consideration.
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I disagree with this. One can continue to say no and be very polite. I do this all the time with salespeople. If they get bent out of shape, that is on them. But I prefer to not justify them getting bent out of shape due to my impoliteness .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Major Tom
"Thank you for your offer, but we don't want to rent it out" is a reply that can be delivered politely yet firmly. It can be repeated if the request is made again.
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I agree with this. One does not need to say "no" in different ways, just in one way.
__________________
FIREd date: June 26, 2018 - "This Happy Feeling, Going Round and Round!" (GQ)
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05-07-2021, 11:49 AM
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#43
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 9,951
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joylush
Liability is a concern. But there are ways to reduce that. I could hear him saying, I’m happy to sign a liability waiver. Thus we didn’t want to offer any explanations for him to try to counter.
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This reminds me of the Debecker book "The gift of fear" it's a great book which we gave to both our DD"s as they reached high school.
He talks about stalkers and if you ignore their first 20 phone calls and then tell them to leave you alone on the 21st, all you have taught them is to be persistent. If you have any young people in your life, you might give them a copy of this book.
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05-07-2021, 12:32 PM
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#44
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,597
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I am reminded of a man who began stalking me in college. I was 19 and he was 33. I had found his company amusing, but when he wanted to advance the relationship I grew cool. I would not date someone so much older, but was willing to stay friends on campus. He kept pestering me, though, and I finally told him I didn't want to see him any more. He showed up at my home, very drunk, demanding to see me...to be met on the doorstep by my 66-year-old Dad, holding his .45.
He never bothered me after that
Quote:
Originally Posted by ivinsfan
He talks about stalkers and if you ignore their first 20 phone calls and then tell them to leave you alone on the 21st, all you have taught them is to be persistent. If you have any young people in your life, you might give them a copy of this book.
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__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Even a blind clock finds an acorn twice a day.
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05-07-2021, 12:56 PM
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#45
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Twin Cities
Posts: 3,927
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Music Lover
The problem with being kind and tactful is that sometimes they think you just need a little more prompting to say yes. It took me a lot longer than it should have to learn that a polite but firm no immediately is almost always the best option.
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Correct. Anything beyond, “No, I’m just not interested” creates openings to be wedged further.
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05-07-2021, 01:33 PM
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#46
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: seattle
Posts: 646
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If he owns livestock, he should also know his way around fencing, or at least know some fence contractors. "Months" to repair a 5 wire fence?
He's got the cart before the horse here. Fix fence, get horse then. Build a corral fence set in a corner of the pasture till it's fixed.
I agree a simple no is sufficient, going into fabricated detail or real detail reasons will give people fodder to argue with you. If he pushes back, you know he is not respectful.
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05-07-2021, 05:30 PM
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#47
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 35,712
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Major Tom
"Thank you for your offer, but we don't want to rent it out" is a reply that can be delivered politely yet firmly. It can be repeated if the request is made again.
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+1
No need to be rude, nor any more justification necessary.
__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940)
"Those Who Can Make You Believe Absurdities Can Make You Commit Atrocities" - Voltaire (1694-1778)
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05-07-2021, 06:26 PM
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#48
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 9,951
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound
+1
No need to be rude, nor any more justification necessary.
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I'm just curious why when someone makes an unsolicited offer that you have no interest in and you politically tell them No, why you have to say Thank you for the offer!! This is the second go round. You don't mean thank you for the offer, so why say it?
This makes Thank yous pretty much worthless.
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05-07-2021, 06:34 PM
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#49
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 35,712
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ivinsfan
I'm just curious why when someone makes an unsolicited offer that you have no interest in and you politically tell them No, why you have to say Thank you for the offer!! This is the second go round. You don't mean thank you for the offer, so why say it?
This makes Thank yous pretty much worthless.
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Fine. No "Thank you" then. One could just say "No, we do not like to rent it out". Again and again if necessary.
I am easy. The point is that the OP does not want to make it worse with a neighbor, when they just moved into the neighborhood.
__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940)
"Those Who Can Make You Believe Absurdities Can Make You Commit Atrocities" - Voltaire (1694-1778)
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05-07-2021, 06:38 PM
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#50
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 9,951
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound
Fine. No "Thank you" then. One could just say "No, we do not like to rent it out". Again and again if necessary.
I am easy.
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LOL, my oldest GD would do this all the time..example I say GD please hold the rail going down the steps..GD "No Thank you"
In other words, I can't hear you, in the OP's case they can't hear the No.
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05-07-2021, 06:54 PM
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#51
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 390
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Joylush mentioned the barn is in use, the neighbor is now seeking pasture when he already has pasture. Any chance the land is a rectangle? If so he could fence across the middle of his pasture allowing horses on one side and work on the other. Rinse and repeat. The middle fence would also allow pasture rotation later too.
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05-07-2021, 07:19 PM
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#52
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: the prairies
Posts: 5,027
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bld999
If he owns livestock, he should also know his way around fencing, or at least know some fence contractors. "Months" to repair a 5 wire fence?
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I read the original post but that part slipped by me without registering. I just went back and read it again. Why will it take months to fix a fence?
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05-07-2021, 10:11 PM
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#53
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 629
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I have a neighbor that used to ask the same thing. Told them no because I prefer not to have others on my property and because of potential liability. They asked a couple more times and I gave them the same answer. Eventually they quit asking.
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05-09-2021, 01:27 PM
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#54
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 338
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Quote:
Originally Posted by springnr
Joylush mentioned the barn is in use, the neighbor is now seeking pasture when he already has pasture. Any chance the land is a rectangle? If so he could fence across the middle of his pasture allowing horses on one side and work on the other. Rinse and repeat. The middle fence would also allow pasture rotation later too.
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That’s exactly how it is fenced. It’s fenced all the way around (large rectangle). The back area contained the barn and is where we will be building soon. The front area is empty. I think he wanted the barn area but when he saw it was in use asked about the other separately fenced area.
So in his mind it’s not being used (and it’s not). We just bought it in January and will be building a large workshop on it. The whole explanation he gave doesn’t make sense to us (he has a pasture, and why can’t he just fix his own fence if that’s the issue). We just didn’t feel comfortable about it but didn’t want to rub the guy the wrong way. My husband was going to offer to help him fix his fence but when he found out he has two sons who live with him decided he didn’t want to do that either. Sometimes you just get a feeling about things....
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05-09-2021, 01:49 PM
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#55
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: the prairies
Posts: 5,027
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joylush
So in his mind it’s not being used (and it’s not). We just bought it in January and will be building a large workshop on it. The whole explanation he gave doesn’t make sense to us (he has a pasture, and why can’t he just fix his own fence if that’s the issue). We just didn’t feel comfortable about it but didn’t want to rub the guy the wrong way. My husband was going to offer to help him fix his fence but when he found out he has two sons who live with him decided he didn’t want to do that either. Sometimes you just get a feeling about things....
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So, because you're not currently using your land the neighbor thinks he should be allowed to use it? That's irrelevant. Are his sons old enough and physically able to help him repair the fence? It's not rocket science after all.
A bit OT but similar...I have 1.67 acres of land and a large double garage in the city. Some people think that just because I have space that I'd be happy to store their quad, trailer, or extra car tires for them. The answer is always no.
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05-09-2021, 02:20 PM
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#56
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 10,863
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Major Tom
"Thank you for your offer, but we don't want to rent it out" is a reply that can be delivered politely yet firmly. It can be repeated if the request is made again.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound
+1
No need to be rude, nor any more justification necessary.
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+1
__________________
20's "something" mind, trapped in a 70's "something" body
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05-09-2021, 02:36 PM
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#57
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 338
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Music Lover
So, because you're not currently using your land the neighbor thinks he should be allowed to use it? That's irrelevant. Are his sons old enough and physically able to help him repair the fence? It's not rocket science after all.
A bit OT but similar...I have 1.67 acres of land and a large double garage in the city. Some people think that just because I have space that I'd be happy to store their quad, trailer, or extra car tires for them. The answer is always no.
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I agree completely. Just trying to understand how he might be thinking. And yes, sons seem able-bodied, one is 19. The man asking isn’t all that old either, maybe 45-ish.
We just need to practice saying no. Lots of good suggestions here and nobody seemed to think we weren’t being reasonable. Sometimes it helps to get opinions.
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05-09-2021, 04:36 PM
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#58
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 262
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Maybe you should offer to buy his horses for $200-300 each since he doesn't have a place to keep them.
That would let him know how much you think his horses are worth and that you don't think he can afford to care for them.
Done. LOL!
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05-09-2021, 04:52 PM
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#59
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 1,375
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One of the good things about getting older, I am better at saying no and not doing things that I don't want to do. Covid helped with that.
This seems like a pushy question to me and I don't think you owe your neighbor any further info or explanation.
__________________
Retired in 2013 and we are living the dream!
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05-10-2021, 06:11 PM
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#60
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
Posts: 1,979
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joylush
Some great answers and points made by all. How does this reply sound:
Hi Neighbor, I appreciate the offer but still must decline. I understand you only need a temporary place for your horses, but we have plans for the property and are not prepared to have anyone use the pasture at this time. Thank you for understanding.
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+1
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Dreams Worth Dreaming are Dreams Worth Planning For. I Spent a Career Planning for Early Retirement.
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