How to respond to a neighbor’s request

[Joylush]

My husband was approached by a neighbor down the street who asked if he could rent our unused pasture to bring his two elderly horses over to. He has his own large piece of property with his own barn on it so why he’d want to use our pasture made no sense. We think he wanted to actually use our barn because he mentioned to my husband he noticed it was being used to store wood (husband is drying wood there). So using the barn is out of the question. But we still have the large fenced in pasture not being used.

Husband was a little irritated that the man had been peeking in our barn windows because he has some valuable tools in there as well. So there is that. He doesn’t want anyone on the property because of all the work scheduled to be done, him wanting to use our water source for his horses and it’s location near the barn not near the pasture, and the liability. So he politely declined. The man was disappointed.

Now he is again asking again for us to reconsider, offered a price to rent the pasture ($75 a month- not important to us), and explained it would only be for a few months while he has his fence repaired.

I feel bad saying no because I’m sure he thinks we are just unreasonable. My husband feels put on the spot but does not want the potential hassle.

I’m just looking for a kind and tactful way to respond to him.

 

[Car-Guy]

People do it around here often (pasture rotation) especially folks with smaller chunks of land. I have been asked too but always politely declined... Never been a real problem for us but YMMV.

Since I have a lot of road frontage, I don't want the liability of their cows or horses getting out on the roadway from my land and I don't want to "work" at keeping the fencing in tip top shape all the time. Anyone having cows and horses for any length of time probably knows that they seem to be able to find ways out from to time to time

 

[Aerides]

"Sorry, no, we're planning some work on the property over the next year or so." And leave it at that. His feelings, and your feeling bad, should be irrelevant.

Getting out of this, if you say yes, will be far more unpleasant.

 

[MRG]

No. You don't want to liability or the hassle. Surely he can find some pasture for rent. If he's a long-term resident he'd know someone, otherwise he's just pushing on someone he doesn't know. Let him find someone else he doesn't know and push them..

Sadly nobody wants older horses; be careful they don't become yours[emoji6].

 

[Golden sunsets]

Tell him you checked with your insurance agent and were advised that you would be taking on additional liability.

 

[Mark1]

....
I’m just looking for a kind and tactful way to respond to him.

How is just saying "No, I'm not interested" not kind and tactful? Don't make it harder than it has to be.

 

[Jerry1]

How is just saying "No, I'm not interested" not kind and tactful? Don't make it harder than it has to be.

This. I learned this later in life than would have been nice. “No” is simple and direct and gets the job done. Anything more than that is seldom necessary. Maybe, No thank you. When pressed, “I’m not interested” is as far as you should ever need to go in polite circumstances. After that, something like “please excuse me”, combined with walking away, may be appropriate.

Other scenarios all are things that can be challenged or are untruths used to get out of the situation. None of that helps.

I used to always say things like, “I’ll think about it” and that just puts it off until later. “No” resolves it right then and there. Or, I’d tell people I’d be at some event even though I didn’t want to go and then the day of the event, I’d be trying to make up an excuse why I couldn’t go. “No”, I will not be attending, thank you, worked so much better. And, I think it was more polite to the person asking than any other response short of accepting something I did not want.

 

[Music Lover]

I’m just looking for a kind and tactful way to respond to him.

The problem with being kind and tactful is that sometimes they think you just need a little more prompting to say yes. It took me a lot longer than it should have to learn that a polite but firm no immediately is almost always the best option.

 

[jollystomper]

How is just saying "No, I'm not interested" not kind and tactful? Don't make it harder than it has to be.

+1. Maybe to it with a smile. Think of the neighbor as a FA trying to get you to manage your money - how hard would it be to say no to that request?

If he does not like you saying no... well, welcome to real life .

 

[Winemaker]

Just tell him you ate the last 3 horses that used your pasture; he won't know what to think.

 

[Joylush]

Some great answers and points made by all. How does this reply sound:

Hi Neighbor, I appreciate the offer but still must decline. I understand you only need a temporary place for your horses, but we have plans for the property and are not prepared to have anyone use the pasture at this time. Thank you for understanding.

 

[Calico]

Some great answers and points made by all. How does this reply sound:

Hi Neighbor, I appreciate the offer but still must decline. I understand you only need a temporary place for your horses, but we have plans for the property and are not prepared to have anyone use the pasture at this time. Thank you for understanding.

This just means that the next time he wants to use your property for something, he will ask again. And again.

As others said above - "No" is a complete sentence. You don't have to justify, explain, or ask him to understand your response.

 

[jrcunniff]

The other advantage to a polite, but firm, “no, I’m not interested” is that it’s an honest response. You could say you have other plans for the property, but if it’s not a true statement, why go down that path?

I am kicking myself because I had a situation today that called for a polite, but firm, no. I called the individual back, got a voicemail so I explained my decision. Unfortunately at the end I said: “if you want to call back to discuss...” DAMMIT. Once it was out of my mouth, I regretted it. It gave the other party an opening to further discuss, which is not something I meant.

Honesty is often the best policy.

 

[WestUniversity]

"Sorry, no, we're planning some work on the property over the next year or so." And leave it at that. His feelings, and your feeling bad, should be irrelevant.

Getting out of this, if you say yes, will be far more unpleasant.

++1

 

[Jerry1]

Another point to consider is your intended use of the property in the future. I’m no farmer, but I would think the act of grazing and naturally fertilizing your pasture would be good for it.

 

[ponyboy]

Just tell him No, simple as that. Saying no in life is so valuable, yet its something that a lot of people struggle with.

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

Another approach is to figure out your true cost for the use of the pasture -- include liability risk, maybe increased insurance and/or a waiver, including the cost of legal advice, and another percentage (10? 100?) for your time and trouble -- and then quote that MUCH higher rate, with all the expenses that address your problems with the arrangement. But then, I like this approach because it points out when people are lowballing me and basically asking me to contribute my time or liability or whatever for free. And I don't often use it, but it might be interesting to work that out for yourself even if you don't mention it.

 

[Joylush]

The other advantage to a polite, but firm, “no, I’m not interested” is that it’s an honest response. You could say you have other plans for the property, but if it’s not a true statement, why go down that path?

I am kicking myself because I had a situation today that called for a polite, but firm, no. I called the individual back, got a voicemail so I explained my decision. Unfortunately at the end I said: “if you want to call back to discuss...” DAMMIT. Once it was out of my mouth, I regretted it. It gave the other party an opening to further discuss, which is not something I meant.

Honesty is often the best policy.

I agree completely. The thing is we do have plans for the property. Construction will be going on. The entry road is narrow. Certainly don’t want a man with a horse trailer going back and forth and interfering with other vehicles doing the same. The man was polite and said he respected our decision. Seems like he just though to try again with an offer price and time limit which he didn’t do the first time. Again, we are the new neighbors, he is a local. The locals have a reputation for feeling the out of state newcomers are ruining their town, so we are sensitive to that and just didn’t want to come across as full of ourselves. So don’t want to make an enemy.

We were definitely checked out by the closest neighbor. He’s an 80 year man who still mows his own large property. He’s incredible actually. First thing he asked my husband was, “How did you come up.” Because he was admiring him working, said, I could tell you were just like me. (My husband is a workhorse) Glad to have passed that inspection.

Older neighbor also told husband about the next neighbor behind us who owns an assisted living place outside of town. The old neighbor asked him the cost to stay at his facility and that neighbor said, “You couldn’t afford it.” So that’s how their relationship started. When you are only around part time having trusted neighbors is priceless. Another reason we are sensitive about not rubbing anyone the wrong way.

 

[Midpack]

"Sorry, no, we're planning some work on the property over the next year or so." And leave it at that. His feelings, and your feeling bad, should be irrelevant.

Getting out of this, if you say yes, will be far more unpleasant.

+1.

 

[ivinsfan]

Just tell him No, simple as that. Saying no in life is so valuable, yet its something that a lot of people struggle with.

And since the first No didn't take, I'd go with, I see that you are not happy I said No, but no matter how many times you ask me, No is still my answer.

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

And since the first No didn't take, I'd go with, I see that you are not happy I said No, but no matter how many times you ask me, No is still my answer.

It doesn't sound like they were that bad, but for those who are, you are spot on. I like to remind people that "No." is a complete sentence. Provoking others to justify, argue, defend, and explain are how certain people keep negotiations going when you try to end them, and with people like that, explaining your reasons can lead to gaslighting or other manipulative, difficult behavior. But that doesn't sound like the case here.

 

[Aerides]

The problem is the OP is a polite considerate person, and assumes she is dealing with someone who is also polite and considerate, and wants to treat them as she'd hope to be treated. We all do that, we project and think others are well intentioned if we are.

But there's a flaw in that thinking. The neighbor hasn't taken "No" for an answer, therefore, they should no longer be afforded polite consideration. They should be told No, again, and told not to ask again, the decision is final. And they should do this today and get it over with.

 

[ivinsfan]

It doesn't sound like they were that bad, but for those who are, you are spot on. I like to remind people that "No." is a complete sentence. Provoking others to justify, argue, defend, and explain are how certain people keep negotiations going when you try to end them, and with people like that, explaining your reasons can lead to gaslighting or other manipulative, difficult behavior. But that doesn't sound like the case here.

You don't have to be that bad. Deliver my comments in a pleasant tone of voice and then say, Wow what do you think of this weather?

 

[razztazz]

Not quite off topic: To the people here having trouble saying "Get bent, Bozo" to this guy and who feel like it's against the law to not be polite and understanding: Are you a middle child?

 

[JRon]

I’ve been saying No to requests for quite some time as I figured telling the truth was helping them as much as me. I would rather be told No myself so I know where I stand.

Some people, such as this person, are headstrong (they make great salespeople) and don’t believe the first No really means no. Just keep responding with No and he will get it eventually.