Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 07:26 AM   #1
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 388
I have no problem with retirement, but...

everone else does. I am really tired of people asking me to do things for them, "because I don't work anymore." I don't mind helping some, but I didn't retire so I could handle all my friend's and relative's Honeydo lists. In addition, my unmarried daughter stays at our housefour or five times a week and expects me to do "something" with here every Monday, which is her day off. I love my daughter, but at age 29, she needs to get her own life so I can live mine. Or, am I being too selfish? Any of you had these problems. Any suggestions? Thanks.

setab
__________________
I told you I'd taunt you a second time.
setab is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 08:43 AM   #2
Moderator Emeritus
Martha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: minnesota
Posts: 13,228
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

Isn't it nice to know you are loved?

A heart to heart with the daughter might be in order.

Little white lies are not so bad.

My husband often helps out people with this and that; including former tenants. But he doesn't have a hard time saying no if he doesn't want to do something or the timing isn't right. Unlike me.
__________________
.


No more lawyer stuff, no more political stuff, so no more CYA

Martha is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 09:28 AM   #3
Moderator Emeritus
Rich_by_the_Bay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 8,827
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

I'd give my eye teeth to have a half-day to spend with my kids each week. Too bad they're 1200 miles away

Guess it depends on their style. Might be one of those "careful what you wish for" deals.
__________________
Rich
San Francisco Area
ESR'd March 2010. FIRE'd January 2011.

As if you didn't know..If the above message contains medical content, it's NOT intended as advice, and may not be accurate, applicable or sufficient. Don't rely on it for any purpose. Consult your own doctor for all medical advice.
Rich_by_the_Bay is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 10:36 AM   #4
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 13,151
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

Yeah setab, following up on Rich's comments, it is hard to fine tune the level of involvement others want to have in your life.* Since I'd rather be over-socialized than lonely, I tend to err on the side of welcoming people in, even when it's really too much.* I'm very gentle about pushing people away.* My latest issue.........* three young neighbor ladies heard I'm ER now and want me to join them for afternoon bridge on Wednesdays.* DW, not a bridge player, isn't sure I can afford this time expenditure in my busy ER schedule.* What to do, what to do?*
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 10:57 AM   #5
Moderator Emeritus
laurence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: San Diego
Posts: 5,267
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

It's a fine line, I'm concerned because now that DW is semi-retired, her mom is dumping her little brother and sister on her on a regular basis (they are 9 and 12) since it's summer break and she's still working. There is some tangled emotions there, involving guilt of one party and resentment on the other about mom not ever being able to stay home (DW is still earning more money with her home business than her mom ever did, but that's beside the point, I guess).

They are good kids though, and love Tori to pieces, so you have to weigh that in.
laurence is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 11:41 AM   #6
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
retire@40's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,670
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by setab
...I am really tired of people asking me to do things for them, "because I don't work anymore."* I don't mind helping some, but I didn't retire so I could handle all my friend's and relative's Honeydo lists...
There are two kinds of friends:* Friends that like you because of your company, and friends that like you because you do things for them.

I've shaken off a few "friends" when I told them I just couldn't loan them money anymore or I just couldn't babysit their kids every other Friday.* Without their use of my money or my time, they have no need to be "friends" with me.

At the same time, I've made new friends that do things like invite me to their parties or I ask to go fishing with me.

Reminds me of this scene in The Godfather:

Corleone: We've known each other many years, but this is the first time you ever came to me for counsel or for help. I can't remember the last time that you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee, even though my wife is godmother to your only child. But let's be frank here. You never wanted my friendship. And uh, you were afraid to be in my debt.

Bonasera: I didn't want to get into trouble.

Corleone: I understand. You found paradise in America, you had a good trade, you made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. And you didn't need a friend like me. But uh, now you come to me and you say - 'Don Corleone, give me justice.' But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you, uh, ask me to do murder for money.
__________________
No man is free who is not master of himself. --- Epictetus
Enjoy Yourself (It's Later Than You Think). --- Guy Lombardo
retire@40 is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 11:50 AM   #7
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,341
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by youbet
Since I'd rather be over-socialized than lonely, I tend to err on the side of welcoming people in, even when it's really too much.
Where did you say you lived and when do we eat? I'll just be staying for a day or 2 or 3 or .............
__________________
I look to the present moment because that's where I live my life.
MJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 11:57 AM   #8
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
TromboneAl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 12,880
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

Quote:
Reminds me of this scene in The Godfather:
I'm curious: I'm assuming that you didn't have that scene memorized. Did you get the DVD out and transcribe it? Did you look it up in the book?
__________________
Al
TromboneAl is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 12:20 PM   #9
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 13,151
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by vagabond
Where did you say you lived and when do we eat? I'll just be staying for a day or 2 or 3 or .............*
Good one!
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 12:27 PM   #10
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
ladelfina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,713
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

Tell them you are a new franchisee of Rent-a-Husband® and will be available for odd jobs and errands for a modest fee (with a Friends and Family discount of 50% if you wish).

assuming you are "Tall, Dark and Handy®"

http://www.rent-a-husband.com/
ladelfina is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 02:38 PM   #11
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
retire@40's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,670
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TromboneAl
I'm curious: I'm assuming that you didn't have that scene memorized.* Did you get the DVD out and transcribe it?* Did you look it up in the book?
Transcribe from a DVD or book?* That would involve work.

By the way, I thought you had accumulated more than 60 posts?* What happened?
__________________
No man is free who is not master of himself. --- Epictetus
Enjoy Yourself (It's Later Than You Think). --- Guy Lombardo
retire@40 is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 02:59 PM   #12
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 388
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ladelfina
Tell them you are a new franchisee of Rent-a-Husband® and will be available for odd jobs and errands for a modest fee (with a Friends and Family discount of 50% if you wish).

assuming you are "Tall, Dark and Handy®"

http://www.rent-a-husband.com/
I wish I could say I was even one out of three!
I'm 5'9", gray and, let's just say those are the two that come the closest.

Thanks for the perspective from the rest of you. Is whining one of the phases of early retirement? Sorry to be that way. I should be thankful.

setab
__________________
I told you I'd taunt you a second time.
setab is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 03:02 PM   #13
Moderator Emeritus
SteveR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,811
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by retire@40
Transcribe from a DVD or book?* That would involve work.
Here is one place you can get this...
http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Godfather.html
__________________
Work? I don't have time to work....I'm retired.
SteveR is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 04:43 PM   #14
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
lazygood4nothinbum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,895
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

i have one cousin who might have been a bit too close to her dad. she was noticeably jealous of her mother and later so jealous of her dad's second wife that the relationship turned mean for many years.

i have another cousin who doesn't get along well with her parents and i never understood quite why as they are truly lovely people. so she will have her mom around probably for another 20 years. during that time they will see each other maybe once a year and i will be forever jealous that my cousin has that and angry that she doesn't take advantage of it.

i spent a lot of time with my parents all throughout life aside from sleepaway camp, sleepaway college and, of course, sleeping around. i worked for family for about 10 years. after i took off to my own so-called career my brother started working for family. we all spent many of our weekends together on the boat or away on vacations. we had a really excellent relationship and a lot of great times.

soon i will have no parents to hang out with. but i will have memories of some really very fun people. we shared some tears, some yelling, some great conversation & just a whole lot of laughs.

so of course i think it is great that your daughter wants to spend time with you. imagine if she didn't want to spend any time with you at all. you are right though that this should not interfere with you having your own life and with her having her own life. there needs to be a healthy balance.

we found one trick was having a big enough boat so everyone could invite their friends as well. that, and a lot of beer.
__________________
"off with their heads"~~dr. joseph-ignace guillotin

"life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages."~~mark twain - letter to edward kimmitt 1901
lazygood4nothinbum is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...
Old 07-10-2006, 09:21 PM   #15
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 388
Re: I have no problem with retirement, but...

lazygoodetc.,

Thanks. You make a very good and heartfelt point. Of course, you are right, especially about the beer part. For that matter, wine works well also. :

setab
__________________
I told you I'd taunt you a second time.
setab is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Tax Policy Promotes "Early" Retirement REWahoo FIRE and Money 19 07-21-2017 02:10 PM
Vanguard Adding More Target Retirement Funds Lusitan FIRE and Money 23 03-21-2006 06:17 PM
Targeted retirement funds - I don't get it. HBH FIRE and Money 7 03-11-2006 01:58 PM
Declining COL in retirement?... Cb FIRE and Money 31 06-09-2005 01:47 PM
Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending PL FIRE and Money 49 12-22-2004 10:59 AM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:49 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.