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Re: In-laws may need my money - how to cope?
Old 03-17-2006, 09:09 PM   #21
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Re: In-laws may need my money - how to cope?

Justin, I agree with Laurance things will probably work out.

It sounds like the family might have already decided what to do. The brother may take most of the responsibility for the parents. The house may eventually pass to him.* This could be an implicit deal.

I would be suprised if the family accepts the idea of a financial solution for the house either a reverse morgage or a buy out. They may not really accept the idea that the house is a financial asset or the parents' property alone.

I don't know where you live or US living expenses anymore but the parents may not need as much as normal Americans. In Cambodia, a retirment plan is a vegetable patch and children. They may not expect too much.

IMHO I would let the family take the lead especially the brother. I would support the family from behind my wife. Just figuring out ss and how much you guys want to put in may be enough.

Of course, I am probably totally full of it.



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Re: In-laws may need my money - how to cope?
Old 03-18-2006, 07:17 AM   #22
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Re: In-laws may need my money - how to cope?

This is an interesting thread!

I love MickeyD's family's solution - if we all could get our families to be so cooperative!!

Nords- Thanks for the memory of your grandfather - that's really cool. My Grandma was a pip in her last years. Used to tell my aunt all about how she (my aunt) was out carrousing when she was really just sitting right there with her! My aunt used to agree with grandma and say "yeah, that Fran sure is a wild one!" Too funny! Unfortunately my MIL really has no/very little speech ability - lost it years ago. She has different issues than the "normal" alzheimer patients. My husband says we can walk her in circles and she still thinks she is going somewhere! We just enjoy being able to visit with her and make sure her needs are being met. FIL visits frequently and she knows him, but we don't think she knows us anymore. Hard on my DH, but I think he feels good that he is at least able to watch over her.

Justin- I think mikew hit it on the head with the "follow THEIR lead" and stay back out of the scene. You can always quietly subsidize the parents on the side later if need be. Also, I think you will find that you will be able to handle it better later on than you think - it all works out over time - more time, more money, more WISDOM! It comes with age and grey hair!

Wishing you good luck!


Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!
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Re: In-laws may need my money - how to cope?
Old 03-19-2006, 09:41 AM   #23
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Re: In-laws may need my money - how to cope?

The best defense is a good offense.* When you ER, tell your wife's family that you lost your job and you hope you can get something before your savings run out.* Periodically, tell them about a job interview.* That will work very well when you take a trip.* Nothing like an out of town interview.* They also invited the wife because they want to make sure she will like the area.* Darn!* None of those interviews ever work out!* When they get suspicious, ask for a small loan to tide you over until the welfare check comes in.

I think my BIL may be doing this.* He supposedly lost his job over 2 years ago.* He's gone on lots of interviews but nothing ever seems to work out.* He's determined not to take a job "beneath his capabilities."* He and my SIL have made 2 trips to Europe.* My SIL has made comments to my wife that make her think money is getting tight.* I'm waiting to be asked for a loan.*

BTW my in laws are also heading into a money problem.
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane -- Marcus Aurelius
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Re: In-laws may need my money - how to cope?
Old 03-19-2006, 01:43 PM   #24
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Re: In-laws may need my money - how to cope?

We just enjoy being able to visit with her and make sure her needs are being met.

This is a very big thing. When my father was in his nursing home, my sister and her husband visited him often, she sometimes on her way home from work. We believe it made a significant difference in the care and attention he received. When relatives visit often, get to know the staff and are up on their loved one's condition, the staff pay more attention to that patient. Even so, my wife noticed a mole that had turned cancerous that the staff were not aware of.

Not to mention that it is a big boost for those being visited. There were patients who nobody came to visit. Of course, there are many reasons for this, but I am happy that we all lived close enough to be able to be part of Pop's life in his declining years. Considering my brother's line of work and mine, it could very well been next to impossible.


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