Interesting Perspective on the Death Process !

[frayne]

Not something we like to ponder but seems like there are as many creeps in the funeral business ready to exploit you, as there are in the financial industry.

CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » Working at the Crossroads of this World and the Next

Priceless Advice: I can’t stress enough how important it is to think about dying and death BEFORE it takes place. Write a living will, write out your will, name a power of attorney, name an executor. If you can, make “prearrangements” with a funeral home well before you die, that way your loved ones aren’t confused about what you want; nor are they having to make funeral decisions in their confused and grief stricken state of mind when you die.

[Walt34]

When my mother passed I was so grateful that she had made prearrangements, and we just went through that with FIL. It makes things so much better for those left behind.

[braumeister]

I was lucky with my parents. Before they were actually close to the end, we talked about it and I asked what they wanted me to do. I had visions of burials in ancestral cemeteries, etc.

But they both surprised me by saying "What do I care; I'll be dead!"
Both told me to simply arrange a quick, no-ceremony direct cremation and scatter their ashes in the ocean.

When I pressed the issue, my father eventually said it would be nice if I could scatter his ashes at his favorite fishing spot off the NYC coast. I added Mom's ashes in the same place when she went.

DW and I have the same sort of arrangement for ourselves. When it's over, it's over, in our view.

[Tortoise]

I am the executor for my mom. My dad passed away about 8 years ago. Mom had him cremated and is keeping his ashes in the bottom of a china cabinet. She has said to cremate her and spread their ashes offshore together. As frayne pointed out, my mom has given me all pertinent documents for dealing with her passing and her estate.

[dontworry]

DH is a funeral director and has been for many years. He always reminds me that the visitation/wake and funeral are for the living, not the dead. I lost three relatives this fall (grandma, cousin, and aunt). Cousin was cremated (other 2 traditional) and I definitely didn't feel as much closure during his visitation/wake. I always thought I wanted cremation for myself until cousin's services. Leaning more towards traditional now because I want my children and grandchildren to feel closure, and hopefully ensure a "normal" grieving process. DH (btw) is one of the most moral people I have ever known (I might be biased though).

[MRG]

We've lost both sets of parents. DW's wanted no ceremony, we respected their wishes. I think my wife got her closure. FIL had put together a package years before detailing out their wishes.

My DM went in 2009, choose to be creamated. We had a normal celebration of her life, her great grandson got up(8 years old), said how he'd miss her, gave examples of how she showed love to him. She was 92 and suffered with Dementia for years, as miserable as that diease is, somehow DM was always happy. My DF passed last week, at 96. We have no idea what to do for him, service wise. He's been creamated, we've had to push the service out for a month or more. I'm grateful my sister was there and able to help him, I don't think anyone else could have.

Both sets of parents made sure that living wills, POA, trusts, were in order. All expenses were done in advance, to make it easier on the family. I would encourage everyone to plan things ahead of time.
MRG

[Live And Learn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MRG My DF passed last week, at 96. MRG

My condolences on your loss. No matter what age, no matter how "expected" its still difficult in many ways. You'll come to remember what was in his heart as far as services.

As for me, I told DH that a Green Burial is fine with me. Or cremation. The only thing I specifically asked for was a church service so that my remains could get their final blessing. Rented pine box is good enough.

I remember when my DF died suddenly. The funeral director was a family friend, but the only thing I knew what that I wanted daddy to have the best casket they had. No regrets but I know it wasn't the wisest decisions and that it was "the face of grief" making the decisions at that moment.

Oddly my DM has asked that she have a closed casket but to ensure that her dentures are in .... go figure that one out !

[Rustic23]

Not an expert on this subject!
However, most of what I read on consumer boards, is not to make pre-paid funeral arrangements, but make your wishes known. Check out the local funeral homes, leave a document of what you wish, where to go, and where to get services.

[Walt34]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rustic23 However, most of what I read on consumer boards, is not to make pre-paid funeral arrangements, but make your wishes known. Check out the local funeral homes, leave a document of what you wish, where to go, and where to get services.

Exactly. When we were discussing that issue with the elder law attorney regarding FIL I mentioned that at our ages - I'm 63, DW is 57 - prearranged is okay. Prepaid is not. They agreed wholeheartedly. Too many things can and probably will change in the meantime.