Is it possible to have it all?

We may not have had it all but what we did have was enough. Our priority was to raise the kids with me not working and we were able to do that. It was enough to keep up with work/school/drumming lessons/library visits/housework that the house hummed along at a good pace without being stressed too much.

The older son wasn't interested in sports (he liked frequent library trips) but the younger one tried one sport at a time and took weekly drum lessons.

We all seemed to need some "down-time" during the week, time with no commitments.
 
If you have it all, you still don't have it all. You can have two earners with high flying careers, a few perfect kids, and a perfect self-maintained house and yard (replete with white picket fences). But you won't have much free time to enjoy life, relax, contemplate, socialize, etc.

We come pretty close, but it is a balancing act. I have turned down higher paying professions and higher paying jobs to have more time to spend with family and relax. I intentionally spend less time working than some peers in order to allow my wife to develop her career (by relieving her of kid-care and house-related duties). We spend a lot of time with our kids, but they are always wanting us to spend more time with them and they get sad when we tell them we have to go to work (they are still young!). The house is frequently chaotic, yet never filthy or unsanitary. Our yard has the most unkempt grass on the block, but it won't after this weekend. It is all about trade-offs.
 
We're a young family with 2 baby kids. I think it helped a lot that we waited 5 yrs before deciding to have kids and, in the meantime, save money. We both can decide to get high flying jobs and make more money but choosing to take good work/life balance jobs b/c we saved enough prior to kids and don't need extra money. Oh yeah, also helps that we're generally LBYM types and choosing to not buy a house in So Cal.

I have a friend who's wife comes home at 8pm, he's planning to take a job where he'll come home at 8pm and they have 2 kids. I ask him when will you see your kids? He said it's ok b/c his son sleeps at 10pm so he can see him in between. They have 5k monthly housing payment, high spending habit, 2 car payments, etc. I do wish them the best but how can you come home at 8pm and expect kids to turn out ok? Pretty sad...
 
Dangermouse, I'm with you. I can't imagine even attempting to have it all, and like HFWR, where would I put it?
No matter what, people can't do all those things well, period. Something gives--either the kids, the job, or worst of all, the marriage.
Thank god we didn't have kids. We have a peaceful life and low stress jobs, plus our health and wonderful friends. That is all the "ALL" I need.
 
I certainly feel no regret in my life that I never had it all. As a singleton I had a very demanding job, worked a minimum of 6 days per week, stayed late every night. However there would have been no way I could have done that as a married person or having a child.

Up until recently I have not been able to work because I did not have the proper permit. Not having that piece of paper was my excuse to be a house mouse. However, it is amazing how people have been hounding me since with questions about when I am going to get a job. They can not understand we would choose to have less stuff and a better quality of life. I think it makes people uncomfortable that I choose not to be employed.
 
Yes, exactly. I've been nagging DH to quit at the end of the year instead of waiting. What I'm hoping he'll do is take a few months off to think about what he'd like to do and then find a way to work at something he'd really enjoy for a few more years.
I'd be very happy for him to be a house mouse! At least for a little while until the burnout from his job fades away.
You need to stay away from those people who are hassling you!
 
DW and I have it all, IMHO, so yes I think it is possible. However, I may not define 'Having it all' exactly the way you do. We raised two well adjusted kids, we both worked, my career more high flying than hers :), however, she is a teacher and did not work much during the time the kids were raised, the house has never been immaculate, with or without outside help. However, it is absolutely ready for company most of the time. (The advantage of a Living Room, that can not be seen from the Family Room). We are now both retired, have sufficient income to do all that we want, and live in our dream house on the lake.
 
One word: enough. One phrase: I don't work.

:D :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :greetings10:

heh heh heh - all praise to Bogle's folly. ;) Further detail is irrelevant. :cool:
 
It has never occurred to me to try to have it all. I can say quite truthfully that throughout most of my life, I was satisfied with what I had and never looked for more at the time. I wish desperately that my late husband (who died young) could have been gifted with more years. This is my greatest regret, as I have no real regrets about anything else. My present life is not what I wanted, but I am reinventing myself as I go along. I am working hard on personal growth and awareness as a middle-aged single person...a task which is at times bewildering but mostly enlightening. I really did neglect a lot of things for many years in favor of what I saw as my primary roles of wife and mother.
I never thought of myself as a career woman but thank goodness I had a good stable job and a few stalwart friends and family when disaster struck. My dear mother was so right about getting an education and having something for yourself that no one can take away from you!
 
Depends on one's definition of all!
 
I know a few families who have it all according to the OP's description.

And DW and I have "had it all" - life has consistently exceeded our expections since we married without any issues of importance - but our definition of having it all is different than the OP's.
 
If you don't have a maid or maids, then, by definition, you don't have it all.

I know folks who have it all. One example: An anesthesiologist working part-time at an outpatient surgery center married to a successful entrepreneur who has sold a couple of companies and started another that employs a couple dozen people. The entrepreneur knows how to delegate. For them work seems to take about 12 hours a week out of the house. The kids are well-adjusted by anyone's definition. Plus they have dogs and cats.

And the kids were borne after all this happened which means that all this happened before they were 40. These folks have plenty of leisure time, vacation time, down time, whatever.

Great parents. Great kids. Unpretentious and gracious hosts.
 
Exactly. Why does having it all include having a J*B. Most of us here think the j*b is HIGHLY over-rated.

Having it all includes not having to work.
 
kumquat said:
Exactly. Why does having it all include having a J*B. Most of us here think the j*b is HIGHLY over-rated.

Having it all includes not having to work.
Click to expand...

Quite true...if one has sufficient vision and discipline. Speaking for myself only, my w*rk saved me at a time when I was quite low by drawing me out of myself into the larger world, a form of therapy if you like. I think I could give it up now but have chosen to continue for a while longer for the pension, health insurance and comraderie ( disclaimer: unlike some here I do not have a stressful and demanding job but rather one with short hours, good pay, close proximity to home, no travel and caring co-workers).
 
Great thread. What I get from it is that "having it all" means different things to different folks. And it may not mean the same thing today that it did yesterday because life throws things at us that weren't part of the plan.

For me, LBYM is the biggest predictor of being satisfied / happy with your situation. Much less stress in all kinds of ways - not comparing yourself so much with the neighbors, not stressing about car and credit card payments if the layoff roulette lands on your number, just knowing you have options. And passing that on to the kids is priceless. Our DD who graduates from college next month told us recently that she has been helping her friends with lots of basic "how to live out there in the big bad world" questions that she learned growing up.

Anyone want to queue up "Teach your children well"? :)
 
DangerMouse said:
However, it is amazing how people have been hounding me since with questions about when I am going to get a job.
Click to expand...
They probably mean well. Freud famously said "Love and work," when asked what was important for a healthy life. Or maybe Erik Erikson said that. Anyhow, many professional people (especially) accept that work is important to our individual health, so I'd guess your friends are genuinely concerned about you.
 
Sarah in SC said:
Thank god we didn't have kids. We have a peaceful life and low stress jobs, plus our health and wonderful friends. That is all the "ALL" I need.
Click to expand...

Yeah, kids are stressful, but............what was REALLY stressful was coming from a very small family, and if I would not have had at least ONE boy, or family name would die out with me, that's pressure.........:blink::blink:

If we didn't have kids, we would be retired already..........but I would not trade them for anything........:D
 
FinanceDude said:
Yeah, kids are stressful, but............what was REALLY stressful was coming from a very small family, and if I would not have had at least ONE boy, or family name would die out with me, that's pressure.........:blink::blink:

If we didn't have kids, we would be retired already..........but I would not trade them for anything........:D
Click to expand...

Pardon me your majesty, I didn't know you were royalty! :LOL: Seriously, who is generating the pressure to reproduce? Why is preserving the family name so important?
 
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I started with my "bucket list" at my twenties and it did include having it all. I did get it all, but not all at the same time or time frame. I bought my house in my young twenties, finished paying it off in my thirties. It was a starter that needed TLC but never having a permanent place growing up, that home was IT. I took part time classes until I had my degree and honor society. Having parents that never graduated high school, that was a happy accomplishment for all. I had a family, including a wonderful wife and daughter. I just became a grand-dad. Daughter, wife and I all graduated the same year! We also built our magic number in investments.
I did get a black belt ( a few actually) and still work out, but I never did get my pilots license or jump out of a perfectly good airplane with a chute. The black belt discipline was where I learned to appreciate the simple LBYM life. I also learned to play a couple of musical instruments.
Some were huge goals, some were just fun. I've enjoyed my bucket list and have really got it all. And had a lot of fun doing it, too.
 
I'm sure it is not possible to have it all. Equally positive that many had blown all they had.
 
Yup, you can have it all......but it's temporary. Why? Health! Healthy children! And, you can have two careers, DW has a PHD and LOVES to be a mom and homemaker. I like to work, have fun and make money.

I've said I'm the luckiest guy in the world......health, family and business. But, for many reasons beyond my control, it could change tomorrow.

Strive for all YOU and your family want.......be happy with what you earn and life gives you. It's not always fair.
 
Having it all means to be rid of most if not all annoyances in my everyday life while being able to come and go as I please without having to work.

For me, this means being ERed, being rid of my awful commute to work, being childfree, and being in good health. Having a significant other is good, too.

It would be nice if I were living in a bigger place with no neighbors living above me. Central A/C for the summer months would be nice, too. A better parking spot in my apartment building's garage would be helpful.

I may not have it "all" but I surely have nearly "all" of it, especially the parts that count. :)
 
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