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Old 06-12-2021, 09:40 AM   #61
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To the OP, the "raffle" thing at stag or doe parties is quite a common thing with young people here in Canada (especially rurally).

In about 2005 I had one particular d-bag who worked in our warehouse ask me to buy a ticket for the raffle at his stag party (which I wasn't invited to). I had the distinct pleasure of telling this unpleasant individual to his face that he could stuff it.

So, see, these tacky traditions can sometimes have an upside.... ha
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Old 06-12-2021, 01:04 PM   #62
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I would expect to pay for a Luau (minus the dancing girls) and would behave accordingly.

I gotta go visit Hawaii soon!
Actually Hula or Sign Dancing is NOT at all uncommon at funeral services here. YMMV as always.
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Old 06-12-2021, 01:27 PM   #63
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I live across the street from a graveyard and really enjoy the latin ceremonies. Mariachi's and beer are common. And picnics at the site with blankets, beach chairs and kids playing and having fun. Dia de los muertes seems a whole lot more fun than regular solemn stuff.
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Old 06-12-2021, 01:36 PM   #64
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I live across the street from a graveyard and really enjoy the latin ceremonies. Mariachi's and beer are common. And picnics at the site with blankets, beach chairs and kids playing and having fun. Dia de los muertes seems a whole lot more fun than regular solemn stuff.
This is the way to go out:

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Old 06-12-2021, 02:02 PM   #65
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Would certainly not contribute towards funeral expenses.
I've not seen request on-line for funerals. It is common to contribute cash as funerals. I have dropped anywhere from $20 to $300.

I have seen "envelope trees" at funeral parlors and also baskets that are intended for card (I assume with $$).

Frequently people collect $$ at w*rk to give to a cow*rker when a relative passes.

I don't see anything wrong with the newer digital version.
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Old 06-12-2021, 05:00 PM   #66
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A very interesting cultural lesson about Hawaii.

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I was surprised to find out that placing cash or check in a card presented AT a funeral OR a check in a sympathy card MAILED TO the bereaved IS A QUITE COMMON CUSTOM in the Islands - and here is why:

Most funerals in Hawaii involve a catered meal AFTER the service. These affairs typically involve many different ethnic foods as Hawaiians are quite mixed in their backgrounds. Not only that, but we are not speaking of "tea and crumpets or a turkey sandwich-let. We are talking a full catered meal, with sit down service, soft drinks of several varieties, MASSIVE amounts as some of us (Hawaiians) can pack away the food at a dinner. I've heard that such a meal can cost the "family" $25 to $45 per head!

One of our closest friends passed quite young (only late 60s). He was a clergyman and was known not only by his large congregation but by business leaders, politicians, other area church leaders, etc. It was estimated that over 1000 people attended his memorial service and I would guess most of them attended the meal afterwords. Multiply 1000 folks by even $25 and you begin to see why most folks slip $20, $30, even $100 in their sympathy card. The widow would have been expected to cover the cost of the meal.

That's WAY more than most folks pay these days pay for an "average" mainland funeral (I have heard $8K to $10K for a "traditional" viewing, embalming, caskette, burial service, funeral cars - a two day affair in many cases.)

It's true that cremation is quite common in the Islands, saving much of the traditional costs BUT there are exceptions. Our best friend in the Island buried both her parents within 2 years. Costs were at least as high as on the mainland PLUS the meal. You can be assured DW and I enclosed $100 cash in our sympathy cards AND we helped by arranging flowers and decorations at the funeral chapel and also helped serve the meals.

It's simply a cultural difference that many malihini are unaware of. You would never see a solicitation for gifts, but it's understood by kama'aina that it is customary. YMMV
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Old 06-12-2021, 05:18 PM   #67
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.....

For us it is a no-brainer to give cash than to deal with wedding registries. We give relative generously and no one has ever complained. In fact we suspect we have been invited to a few weddings solely due to rumors about our gifting .
We always give cash for wedding gifts because every young couple could use some cash when they are starting out together. Then they can buy whatever they want or need, even a honeymoon.
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Old 06-12-2021, 06:42 PM   #68
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When I was young in the Midwest it was common in the polish culture to pay the bride a dollar for a dance. Also you wouldn’t go to a funeral without either sending flowers or a card with money.
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Old 06-13-2021, 05:13 AM   #69
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Never been to an Irish wake but I heard it is an interesting time.
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Old 06-13-2021, 06:49 AM   #70
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When I was young in the Midwest it was common in the polish culture to pay the bride a dollar for a dance.
When my brother was married in Ohio years ago they had a "money dance"- you paid $$ to dance with either the bride or the groom. He thought it was awful but that's what they did in DSIL's family.
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Old 06-13-2021, 09:57 AM   #71
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We give cash for weddings. DW is not keen on that but at the end of the day it is what people appreciate.

And...we wait until after the wedding. The last one was cancelled days before the big event. Fortunately we had not booked air tickets/planning to attend and had not sent the gift.

Instead of a lottery for some smaltzy prizes perhaps they could have made odds on whether or not the wedding would actually proceed!
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Old 06-14-2021, 05:22 AM   #72
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Anywhere I have lived that means a donation to the favorite charity of the deceased, which is usually listed in the notice. Never saw one asking for a donation to the family.
The way I interpret it, if there is not a charity donation request, the family needs the money.
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Old 06-14-2021, 02:49 PM   #73
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Lots of different situations here:

1. For many (perhaps most) people, the cost of a funeral is crushing and will require someone in the family going into debt that they may not be able to afford. I mean, sure, they could just not have a funeral and allow the state to do the burial if the deceased has no state but not many will want that if it can be avoided. It doesn't seem awful for me in that situation to ask for donations to help cover the cost. On the other hand, when my mother died she had pre-paid for her funeral so the out of pocket costs were just a few things (a true obit, etc) and her estate had the money to cover it. In that situation, asking for donations would be crass.

2. Gift registries are great. I like to give a gift and not money when possible and this way I know I am getting someone something they really want. No one is required to buy only from the registry or to give a gift at all. If they had a honeymoon fund (aka cash) as one of the options, I wouldn't mind. Of course, requests like this should only go to people invited to the wedding.

3. Go Fund Me is fine. I have only donated once (to someone I knew who had lost their job shortly after a cancer diagnosis and had lots and lots of expenses). I like that you can read the spiel and decide whether to donate or not. Most times, it would be "not" but I could if I wanted to.
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Old 06-15-2021, 09:21 AM   #74
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What are stag and doe parties? Are they bachelor/bachelorette parties?

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To the OP, the "raffle" thing at stag or doe parties is quite a common thing with young people here in Canada (especially rurally).

a
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Old 06-15-2021, 04:11 PM   #75
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These are new to me too. I would also pass.

I'd agree that people are tacky, but I remember going to a wedding years ago (Polish-American) of a college friend in Detroit where they did the "money dance" and pinned money on the bride. I have a strong feeling tacky has always been with us, but it is more high tech now.
Polish American weddings have always had a bridal dance of some kind like that. Although I never heard of pinning money on the bride. At all my wifes family weddings, including mine, the guys all got in a line and the maid of honor took your money, gave you a shot of whiskey, and let you take a spin with the bride.
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Old 06-15-2021, 04:14 PM   #76
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Its pretty common in the Midwest , as others have mentioned, to put some cash in the card. Most offices I worked at would have a sunshine fund or pass an envelope around when a co-worker died. When my in-laws died, we got small amounts of money in cards- but we donated it to their preferred charity. Next week we are going to the delayed funeral ( because of covid) of a cousin of a friend of mine- they were two ladies who never married and lived in a very modest condo. Im thinking of putting $50 or so in a card and giving it to her at the service, she is having a catered lunch for about 50 people and I think the money would be useful.
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Old 06-15-2021, 04:26 PM   #77
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I donate to GoFundMe campaigns. Kids who are sick, people who have died (usually tragically), losses from fires, a couple restaurants that needed help during covid. Even a historical arcade in SF that's been closed from March 2020 until today.

I've actually changed our charitable giving a bit. GoFundMes are nice because the money goes directly to the person you want to help. I include these funds in the amount we give away to charity each year.
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Old 06-15-2021, 05:56 PM   #78
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Sounds tacky to me. Beyond tacky actually. But little surprises me these days with a culture that has grown insanely entitled. This entitled segment of society, mostly younger (but not always) is reaching out for victimhood in anyway they can.

But antics like this are becoming more common. These groups of people feed of one another. Once you ask for money, you feel obligated to participate in your friends, co-workers and family schemes. Best thing to do is opt out. Go Galt if you will.
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Old 06-15-2021, 07:03 PM   #79
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The "money dance" at a Polish wedding where money is pinned to the bride is a very, very long-standing tradition. Speaking from experience with my 100% Polish DW (of 24 years). Chicago/Wisconsin area. Never seemed tacky to me, and is certainly more entertaining than people stuffing envelopes of cash into a box. ;-)
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Old 06-15-2021, 07:40 PM   #80
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I just read 4 pages on a forum on this topic lol. I need to start a go fund me for stress relief lol
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