Is Your Partner in Life the Opposite

[street]

A few of us had a discussion on how much opposite, we are from our wife/husbands. It is surprising how many married people have different interests and different views on matters of the world. Yet we are connected to each other and love each other, for who we are and can over look all the things we don't have in common.

My wife and I are opposite in so many ways but still view many thing the same way. Interests, hobbies and passions are almost completely different. After 38 years of marriage it has worked well for us. We get to do what each likes and are given a lot of space and neither have any issues with what each do with their time. One huge thing we are totally on the same page on is money matters.

So, is your life time mate the opposite or do you have all the same or some interests, views, hobbies and or likes?

 

[njhowie]

I would say it is more "complimentary" rather than "opposite". And what's interesting about it is that in DD we see traits of both of us.

 

[Jerry1]

No one would picture me and DW together, but 40 years later, here we are. Not sure we’re opposites, but it sure seemed that way in the beginning. Over the years, she continues to tolerate me and I’ve calmed down so we’re coming closer together. It’s been good.

 

[folivier]

Complimentary, absolutely. In finances my DW was a bank VP with vast experience in loan, compliance, etc. Myself I look at the overall picture where she looks at every detail. I scan documents, she examines them. For other things I'm more adventurous, she is more reserved but still goes along and enjoys our adventures. IOW she keeps me grounded.

 

[Beachcomber]

Yes, I think complimentary is the outcome, but opposite is how I think of it.

For instance, she likes the ends of a loaf of bread, and I don't.

When it comes to chicken or turkey, I like dark meat and she likes the white meat. I like to drive and she doesn't.

When it comes to politics, we think the same, but my parents didn't.

She is detailed and I am not. I like outdoor activities, she likes to sew.

Those are some examples off the top of my head.

 

[Yoheadden]

Complimentary, absolutely. Myself I look at the overall picture where she looks at every detail. I scan documents, she examines them. For other things I'm more adventurous, she is more reserved but still goes along and enjoys our adventures. IOW she keeps me grounded.

This describes the DW and I as well. We also like so many different things, but somehow always think the same. One of us will say something, and the the other always says, that what I was going to say. Lol

We only dated for 6 months, but after 25 years, we are still going strong. Plus, I should add, we have worked together the past 24.

 

[Ronstar]

Polar opposites. Married 39 years.

I like outdoors, DW likes indoors.
I like steak, DW fish.
DW spent 2 hrs yesterday getting ready to go to the post office, me 5 minutes.
I like riding in my Jeep with top off, DW top on.
DW is neat and organized, me not so much.
DW is an extrovert, me introvert
The list goes on and on

 

[street]

Polar opposites. Married 39 years.

I like outdoors, DW likes indoors.
I like steak, DW fish.
DW spent 2 hrs yesterday getting ready to go to the post office, me 5 minutes.
I like riding in my Jeep with top off, DW top on.
DW is neat and organized, me not so much.
DW is an extrovert, me introvert
The list goes on and on

LOL!! Ohhhhhh Yeah, that is us but still I really don't ever remember any arguments over any of those differences. I think it makes us closer then further apart thou.

Interesting isn't it!!

 

[Car-Guy]

Let's see, well over 40 years together....

The DW has always supported me and my hobbies...(Some very expensive and time consuming ones too) Although the only one she was ever interested in, is my love for cars.... Even though she doesn't like to drive, she's loves our cars

She and I are near 100% in-sync on political and world event issues which is good since we both have very strong views... Probably about ~50% of our conversions these days is on politics and related issues.

Money was tight the first few years so I didn't realize until I had some money that she is a super saver... Not like me, a super spender, but it's rarely been an issue or even discussed.

We have been generally in good agreement on family and friend issues through the years but that has been a hot topic at times. Not so much anymore since so many of the family and friends have passed away. I keep track of the dwindling numbers of family and friends by how many Christmas cards we mail out each year...30 years ago, I'd buy a roll (100) of Christmas stamps and use most of them... Now I buy a small booklet.

Probably the main thing we see differently is what we watch on TV.... For me, it has to be something I'm really interested in or I'll fall asleep or go do something else.... She'll watch just about anything. With DirecTV, NetFlix, the streaming services and our home move library, the TV's really get a workout.

 

[FREE866]

16 years together. I wouldn't say "opposite", but we def go to the beat of our own drums. At our core we are both "loners" and love solitude , yet somehow it works. For the most part anyway

 

[Dash man]

More alike than different. The biggest difference is she has a “panic first” personality while I’m more calm in handling things. She also has ADD which adds some entertainment to life, especially when she’s together with her sisters, who also have ADD or ADHD.

 

[Souschef]

Both DW and I were widowed when we met. After what we both went through, we do not sweat the small stuff.
She is an empath and a nest builder. I take a more outward view of things.
But many times she is the cool voice of common sense and reason. "You are going to what with that?"
I think the word complimentary is more apropos than opposites.

 

[Aerides]

DH and I are similar enough on the big stuff. General temperament, politics/values (though we spend very little time annoying ourselves with those topics).

We differ mostly in hobbies. I'm much more outdoorsy, he's more of a homebody. I'm a bit more impulsive, he's more deliberate and contemplative. But we respect our mild differences, and either come together on the big stuff, or defer to the one that would rather not do/buy/change the thing.

But as they say, opposites attract, and then drive each other crazy.

 

[Which Roger]

Similar on the most important things, complementary on most other things, such as managing finances and day-to-day tasks. Very little that I think of as opposite.


Maybe it's an introvert thing. I'm much more comfortable visiting familiar places and interacting with people who are similar to me than I am visiting new and exotic places and meeting people who are different from me.

 

[Midpack]

I would say it is more "complimentary" rather than "opposite". And what's interesting about it is that in DD we see traits of both of us.

We're very much alike in some ways, and not in other ways. I would think being completely alike or opposite would be trouble?

Financially, politically, ethically, morally, we're very much alike but not identical. We're both highly organized.

Socially we've reversed roles over our 41 years together! She was way more outgoing when we married, and I mostly resisted (a mistake in hindsight) - now it's the complete opposite. She was more spontaneous than I was when we married (I used to over plan) - now it's the opposite.

She's always been a creature of habit, I am the opposite - I enjoy new things, and look forward to change! Best example: She'd happily go to the same couple restaurants and order the same things again and again (without trying anything else once she finds something she likes there). I am always looking for the next restaurant we haven't been to, and when revisiting a restaurant we've been to it's unlikely I will order the same thing again. Where we live now we'd been to almost 50 different restaurants before we even moved here, all from our house hunting visits.

 

[street]

We are the Mary Matalin & James Carville family but in the end, we view things very similar and respect each others path.

 

[jollystomper]

We are very different in many ways.

She has to ask me how much 1+1 is. I have to ask her how to spell GE.

She is a beauty, in college she was fending off guys who wanted to date her. Many would ask me "who is that woman you were talking to, is she dating anyone?". I would more likely have the authorities called on me by women who thought I was following them down the street.

She is pale skinned and mixed race. I am dark skinned.

She loves classical music, ancient music from other lands, folk music, and ballroom dancing. I like R&B, jazz, funk, rock, and dancing to those genres.

She is fluent in Chinese, French, Russian, and Spanish. I barely passed my college language requirement (French).


She writes books, poetry, and songs. I write computer programs.

She is musical and can play the piano and organ. I played the turntables when I was a DJ.

She likes opera and ballet. I like sports.

She likes "Golden Age of Hollywood" and foreign movies, and movies that in college we used the term (humorously, not to deride) "artsy-fartsy" (the kind when I watch I have to ask "what does it mean??"). I like movies with crime, explosions, horror, and moderate to high body counts.

She is an extroverted, friendly person. I tend to be introverted and quiet. If she had not asked me out on a date, I might never have dated her (I just thought she was too pretty and too popular for me).

It is amazing that our dating survived all of this . But, we accept these differences as complementary. We each have learned something about those areas from the other. We never put down what the other is interested in. And in the key areas of spiritual, physical, and life goals, we are very attracted to each other and completely in sync.

 

[mountainsoft]

My wife and I have been together 39 years, married for 35 come November 22nd. While we certainly have our differences, we also share many common interests and views about life.

We both like living a simple life and don't need a lot of money. I'm definitely the bigger spender of the two of us, though that's still relative to our lifestyle.

We both enjoy building and fixing things. Most people say remodeling will ruin a marriage but we love working together. We built our house, our garage, and remodeled both of our parents homes, and they only brought us closer together. It helps that we have similar views on styles. Working on projects together is a bonding experience for us.

We love to travel together, see new things, and try new experiences. All on a budget of course.

Despite 35 years of marriage, we're still very much in love with an active and playful love life.

At the same time, we do have our differences.

She likes rock music, I prefer country (though we usually meet in the middle somewhere).

While we both enjoy a wide variety of food and drinks, she likes coffee but I prefer Coca-Cola. She like's sushi and avocado's. I'm not a fan of either.

I like woodworking, she leans more towards crafting.

I'm more of a clean freak and obsessed with organizing than she is.

I'm sure some of my individual quirks drive her nuts, and hers annoy me sometimes. But in the grand scheme of our relationship they're minor and not worth worrying about.

Most important, she's my best friend. I can't image life without her.

 

[Dreamer]

No one would picture me and DW together, but 40 years later, here we are. Not sure we’re opposites, but it sure seemed that way in the beginning. Over the years, she continues to tolerate me and I’ve calmed down so we’re coming closer together. It’s been good.

This is comparable to DH and I. We married 30 days from the day we met. We will be married 49 years next month. I would not want to go through that first year of marriage again.

We are opposites on some things, such as TV shows and movies. We have a few things that we watch together and then separate to watch things that the other has no interest in. He likes to go to car shows and I really don't have an interest in them. He goes with a friend and they normally stay 4-5 days. I travel with my friends also and we travel together.

He has definitely calmed down from the beginning of our marriage. I have also lightened up and realize that most things are not that big of a deal. I use to worry about money, but now feel secure about our money situation. We are definitely closer now and we both feel blessed.

 

[brett]

Completely different backgrounds, different faiths, different politics. Married 47 years.

I think the best thing we did was move away, across the country in fact, away for our respective pasts.

Today, I am still far more liberal than is my spouse. I suspect that we often cancel our each other's vote from time to time.

My spouse made one important concession to me which was not to have our children brought up or attend church in the very conservative denomination in which she was raised. Looking back, my spouse says that she is very thankful that I did this. The Pastor that married us pestered us for a half hour about this and about having children (we were not sure at that point that we wanted to have children) prior to agreeing to marry us. I believe to this day the only reason he agreed is that I told him that if he did not we would simply go across the street to a church denomination that I was raised in.

I believe that it is about respecting other people's values, live and let live, MYOB, and not living our lives according to what other people may thing of us/you. Several of my spouses siblings are from the 'wives obey your husbands in all things' persuasion. Their marriages ended in unhappiness and divorce. In at least one instance they endured years of unhappiness prior to divorce simply because of what others might think of them. Tragic waste of a significant part of one's adult life.

We have many differences. But the basics are there and that is what counts. Fortunately I married someone who was very smart and is quite able to think for herself and make up her own mind. A critical thinker...not someone who accepts whatever nonsense she is told by some so called authority or faith leader.

I cannot imagine how boring life would be if my spouse agreed with me on everything, had all of the same interests, etc. She is of the same opinion.

 

[Trailwalker]

We are opposites in some important ways. She is an extrovert; I'm an introvert. We're both risk takers but in very different ways. I'm intuitive; she is more analytical. Her energy level is steady; mine is in bursts. Both highly competitive, type A. Both ran successful businesses. Married 34 years. Been together for 40 years.

 

[Scuba]

Like most of you, we have the fundamentals in common - ethics, values, priorities. But day to day interests are quite different. I’m much more outgoing, although DH is very social when we see friends. He just doesn’t derive energy from socializing like I do. I’m also much more of an exerciser than he is, but he does exercise with me sometimes and seems to appreciate that it’s good for him. Neither of us is an extreme morning person, but he likes to sleep in until 10:00 or later. That bothered me initially upon ER, but I’ve adapted so I use the mornings to exercise, catch up with friends, or do paperwork or home projects.

The biggest two things we have in common which are both really important are our views on having children (I didn’t want to and DH was OK with that) and managing money (we are both frugal on most things, but like to spend what we need to for wonderful travels and on our home environment).

Been together over 25 years now and still very happy. We appreciate our relationship often.

 

[pacergal]

We've known each other for 47 years, married 43, so something works well in our relationship
More alike than not on most things, but very opposite on those that are!
I am introvert, he is more "extroverted" introvert--being more comfortable around larger groups of people, more talkative, but still really likes his cave.
He is more adventurous, challenger of rules, I am more of a follower (except I was a manager at work--go figure!)
He was a spender early on, I have always been the saver. He came around after time, and is now more frugal than I!
Our views an the other big things (religion/politics/child rearing, etc) are pretty similar.

 

[MRG]

We are a lot alike in most areas.

We met in 1962 when we were in kindergarten together. We married 13 years later and have been for the last 46. We didn't have to get married, we never had kids both of us wanted something we couldn't have in our hometown. It took another 3 years to get away and another 6 to get into a decent career but hey I almost have a doctorate level education in staying alive while working in logging and sawmills. [emoji846]

She's more introverted than me, Megacorp made me change. I went from an introverted developer to someone who was thrust in front of clients often in very bad times.

 

[mystang52]

I could "+1" to nearly all of the comments for the opposites-couples. DW and I are far more different than alike. I'm into exercise and Bridge; DW likes to walk in the morning with her friend but otherwise eschews exercise (oh yeah, she will go on a very short bike ride if it's with me). And she knows how to play Bridge, but hates it.
We are very much alike politically. We watch TV separately because our TV tastes are so different. But we compromise on TV shows when on vacation.
While in hotel room in the evening, our compromise means we watch HER shows.........exclusively.