It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020

[cute fuzzy bunny]

I cringe in advance for whatever Al comes up with. Saw this one and wanted to share...

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own f***ing blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.

 

[wabmester]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

There were three little old ladies sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

The first lady immediately had a stroke.

Then the second lady also had a stroke.

But the third lady, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Larry LaPrise, the inventor of the "hokey pokey" has passed away.

The funeral home had a tough time getting him into the casket.

They put his left leg in, took his left leg out, then after reinserting the left leg and shaking it a little, all went smoothly.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Michael Jackson, fresh from a courtroom victory that has all but wiped him out financially was seen recently at a wal-mart.

One astute observer noted that the walmart weekly flyer was offering boys pants, half off.

 

[TromboneAl]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

My wife and I do it doggy style...

I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead.

 

[Eagle43]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Woman's sitting in a bar with a chicken in her lap.

Drunk enquires, "Where'd you get the pig?"

She replies angrily, "It's a chicken, you fool."

Drunk asserts: "I was talking to the f***** chicken!"

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Uh oh, it appears it has become Dirty Joke Thursday...

 

[VoyT]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Not a joke per say ... but still funny.

Some of the artists of the 60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.

They include:

1. Herman's Hermits -- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

2. The Bee Gees -- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip

3. Bobby Darin -- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash

4. Ringo Starr -- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends

5. Roberta Flack -- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

6. Johnny Nash -- I Can't See Clearly Now

7. Leslie Gore's -- It's My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want To

8. Commodores -- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

9. Marvin Gaye -- Heard it Through the Grape Nuts

10. Procol Harem -- A Whiter Shade of Hair

11. Leo Sayer -- You Make Me Feel Like Napping

12. The Temptations -- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

13. Abba -- Denture Queen

14. Tony Orlando -- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

15. Helen Reddy -- I am Woman, Hear Me Snore

16. Willie Nelson -- On the Commode Again

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

The wifes been watching some tv show where big name singers/groups from the 70's and 80's come on the show and sing their old hits. Bunch of fat bald guys. Weird seeing these dudes that look more like my dad than rock stars belting out pop songs...

 

[VoyT]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

What's worse, these groups are still out touring. The oldies station here (before it was reformatted ) used to promote their concerts, which carried inflated ticket prices...

 

[HFWR]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

I've given up on old classic rock acts... burned too many times...

A Frenchman, and Greek, and a Jew were walking down the street, when suddenly a city bus swerved out-of-control, striking the threesome, killing them all.

When the three arrived at the Pearly Gates, they all cried and moaned about being too young to die, etc., until finally, exhausted from their incessant whing, St. Peter agreed to send them back to Earth. There was a catch, however, in that each would have to give up their biggest vice. They all agreed, so, poof, they were returned to Earth.

As they proceeded down the sidewalk, the Frenchman noticed a small cafe, where patrons were sipping wine and smoking cigarettes. He walked to the window to peak in, then, poof, he vanished.

The Greek and the Jew looked at each other, shrugged, and continued down the street. As they turned a corner, the Jew noticed a $100 bill on the ground. Eyeing it briefly, he bent over to pick it up.

Poof, the Greek disappeared...

 

[riskadverse]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

The exception to the rule - The Rolling Stones!

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

I'm convinced Keith Richards has been dead for 25 years. They just rub him down with a preservative once a week and then on concert night set him up on stage and hit his body with electrodes to simulate movement.

 

[Nords]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

The exception to the rule - The Rolling Stones!

Another one: Jimmy Buffett.

 

[Eagle43]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Another one: Jimmy Buffett.

Just the greatest, Mr. Buffett is, IMHO.

 

[BigMoneyJim]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

The wifes been watching some tv show where big name singers/groups from the 70's and 80's come on the show and sing their old hits. Bunch of fat bald guys. Weird seeing these dudes that look more like my dad than rock stars belting out pop songs...

I watched that last night. I was disappointed. They talked too much, showed too many commercials and played abbreviated versions of all the songs. The only good one was the one who didn't rely on aftermixing fixups to make her sound better in the 80's. She blew the rest away and was the only one I enjoyed watching. At least she won, and at least I recorded it and fast forwarded through the boring parts and commercials. (Funny how a 1-hour show turns into a 15-minute show that way.)

By the way, I think they were all lip syncing. Even the one I liked....there were a couple of times she pulled the mike away from her mouth but kept singing just as loud. Very disappointing.

 

[daddyboy]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Q: Did you hear about the 2 bald guys who put their heads together

A: They made an a$$ out of themselves.

DaddyBoy

 

[greg]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Q: Did you hear about the 2 bald guys who put their heads together

A: They made an a$$ out of themselves.

DaddyBoy

So, just to turn this into a lawyer joke: If Martha went bald too, and we . . . .

 

[TromboneAl]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Funny how a 1-hour show turns into a 15-minute show that way.

Exactly.  I've said that same thing many times.

The prize goes to the American Idol results shows in which the they turn a 5 second show ("The winner is blah blah") into a one-hour show.

Thank goodness for VCRs and DVRs.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Yep, first thing I noticed when I got a tivo was that I could watch twice as much stuff in the same time, or the same stuff in half time.

Football games are amazing. You skip the blah blah and the commercials and you can watch a four hour game in under 2. In fact, if things get boring, I found if I hit the '30 second skip' button as soon as a guy is tackled it gets just about to the point where the QB is about to take the snap. Nice.

Plus having moved from the east coast to CA, it allows one to watch the games at 1pm and 4pm as god intended, not at 10am and 1am. Fer chrissakes you cant even crack open a beer at 10am in good conscience. Thanks be to the inventor of the bloody mary.

 

[uncledrz]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Plus having moved from the east coast to CA, it allows one to watch the games at 1pm and 4pm as god intended, not at 10am and 1am.  Fer chrissakes you cant even crack open a beer at 10am in good conscience.  Thanks be to the inventor of the bloody mary.

I couldn't get use to the 10 am games either. Football and coffee, a bad idea. Bloody Mary, Hmmm.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Mimosas are good too, and chock full of vitamin C !

I have the tivo start recording, my dad and a couple of friends drop by for lunch at 12, at 1:00 we start watching. The beauty of tivo is watching something while its still being recorded, or watching one thing while recording another...something you cant do with a vcr. By 5pm we've watched the early game and catch up to the end of the late game just before its over. Then dinner and a few hours later start watching the sunday night game at 7-8pm instead of 5. Something else I still cant get used to...watching sunday or monday 'night' football and then not going to bed immediately after its over.

 

[Eagle43]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

Yep, first thing I noticed when I got a tivo was that I could watch twice as much stuff in the same time, or the same stuff in half time.

Football games are amazing. You skip the blah blah and the commercials and you can watch a four hour game in under 2. In fact, if things get boring, I found if I hit the '30 second skip' button as soon as a guy is tackled it gets just about to the point where the QB is about to take the snap. Nice.

I believe it was James Michener who wrote a book called "Sports in America". Seems if you do away with the commercials, timeouts, and the huddles you get 12 repeat 12 minutes of action in a football game. Average play lasts 6 seconds. No wonder it's perfect for tv. All that commercial time.

 

[REWahoo]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

I know, I know...it's Friday. But since I retired three weeks ago I've had a little trouble keeping up with the day of the week (and I'm lovin' it! ).

----------------

Mother Superior calls all the nuns together and says to them, "I must tell you something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank goodness," says an elderly nun at the back. "I am so tired of Chardonnay."

REW

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Re: Its funny joke Thursday!

I only knew it was thursday because I checked...