It's funny joke Thursday! - 2021

[Car-Guy]

During the middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies. Does anyone know if they have something like that planned for the end of covid-19? Asking for a friend...

Never cared much for wine myself....

 

[Car-Guy]

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. The reluctant chauffeur pulled over along the roadside, climbed into the back of the limo, and the Pope took the wheel. The Pope then merged onto the highway and accelerated to over 90 mph to see what the limo could do.
Suddenly, the Pope noticed the blue light of the State Patrol in his side mirror, so he pulled over. The trooper approached the limo, peered in through the windows, then said, "Just a moment please, I need to call in."
The trooper called in and explained to the chief that he had a very. very important person pulled over for speeding. "How do I handle this, chief?" asked the trooper.
"Is it the Governor?" questioned the chief.
"No! This guy is even more important!"
"Is it the President?" asked the chief.
"No! Even more important!"
"Well, who the heck is it?" screamed the chief.
"I don't know, sir," replied the trooper, "but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur!

 

[Car-Guy]

Hard to believe there are so many WACKO's in the world.

 

[Car-Guy]

 

[Car-Guy]

Hoorah

 

[Car-Guy]

 

[Car-Guy]

 

[Leo1277]

More "science" about doctors smoking Camels - and even more "science", something they call the "T-Zone"

 

[Leo1277]

But in the old days, it was not only docs and cigs, also kids and beer:

 

[Leo1277]

And DDT to protect Baby...

 

[Leo1277]

And even cocaine for toothaches.

 

[Leo1277]

Things started improving for humankind when the meds at least didn't hurt folks anymore:

 

[Leo1277]

Hoorah

A goal without a plan is really just a wish

I suppose your motto is very fitting here

 

[kevink]

The value of a #2 HB pencil in a Catholic Education

Carol was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through class. One day her teacher, a nun, called on her while she was sleeping in class. "Tell me, Carol, who created the universe?"

When Carol didn't stir, little Johnny, who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Carol.

The nun said, "Very good," and continued teaching her class. A little later the nun asked Carol, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Carol didn't stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt. "Jesus Christ !!!" shouted Carol."

And the nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Carol fell back asleep.

The nun asked her a third question...."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Carol jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!

The nun fainted.

That's the value of a #2 HB pencil in a Catholic Education

 

[Car-Guy]

Each Friday night after work, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux would fire up their outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Boudreaux and Thibodeaux's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally went and talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, and suggested that they should become Catholic. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux attended Mass. As the priest sprinkled holy water over them, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you two are Catholic my children."
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and again, the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Boudreaux and Thibodeaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold them, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Boudreaux and Thibodeaux both clutching a small bottle of holy water which they carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

 

[Car-Guy]

A few love stories?



A friend of mine told his wife he wanted to be cremated. She
made an appointment for him next Tuesday.


His wife asked him to take her to one of those restaurants where
they prepare the meal right in front of you. He took her to Subway.
Needless to say, they went home separately.


He's been married so long he doesn't care anymore where his
wife goes, as long as he doesn't have to go along.


These days, when his wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make
love," his response is, "Pick one."

 

[Leo1277]

Pioneer rancher Joe is sleeping at night and is awakened by his agitated neighbor approaching on horseback. "Hey Joe, my cow is having a bad stomach colic, didn't yours have the same a few weeks back? What did you do?" Joe says: "Oh, I gave her two Gallons of Lye". "Thanks, Joe", and the neighbor rushes off.

The next afternoon the neighbor comes over again, but this time riding slowly. Joe asks: "So how's your cow doing?" The neighbor replies: "Well, unfortunately she died shortly after the treatment." Joe nods and says: "Yep, mine too"

 

[Leo1277]

No point moping and sulking around if you think life is treating you badly.

 

[Leo1277]

A British, American, and Russian admiral are having drinks at the bar. Says the Brit: "Her Majesty's submarines are so good, they can stay under for a whole week." Says the American admiral: "Well, that's great, but all you have to defend is the North Sea. We have much bigger waters to protect, ours can stay under for a whole month." Says the Russian: "Oh, you Westerners. Russia rules the world, and her submarines don't ever come up anymore"

 

[Car-Guy]

 

[Car-Guy]

 

[Car-Guy]

And today's winner IMO...

 

[Walt34]

My doggies:

 

[Car-Guy]

Another updated oldie.



Dear Son,


I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.
Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

 

[braumeister]

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