It's funny joke Thursday! - 2021
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Leo1277
Recycles dryer sheets
There is plenty of imitation Starbucks in other countries as well; look closely at this sign:Perfect for the "rich" but LBYM types on this forum.
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Leo1277
Recycles dryer sheets
And look at these fake Nike slippers from two different makers. I wonder how many folks over there recognize the reason why they are so cheap. Let's not forget, there are many folks over here who get some cool-looking Chinese characters tattooed not knowing what they mean, and then get mighty embarrassed when an Asian friend tells them.
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Leo1277
Recycles dryer sheets
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?
Leo1277
Recycles dryer sheets
Haha, I think that is a very valid point! But sometimes, the results can be as bad as the tattoo with Chinese characters - I wonder if anybody in this example from the Arabic world knows the meaning of their new choice of letters.
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hahahaha
Markola
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
His slogan should be, “My straight flush beats your full house!”
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
As a gambler, I find that pretty funny.... But in my case it often describe the ***** hands I'm dealt.
Dtail
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
He is just being efficient.
Jeb-NY
Recycles dryer sheets
Choosing A Wife
A man wanted to get married but he was having trouble choosing among three wonderful candidates. He decides to give each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her and what each might bring to the marriage. Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
A man wanted to get married but he was having trouble choosing among three wonderful candidates. He decides to give each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her and what each might bring to the marriage. Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Jeb-NY
Recycles dryer sheets
I Tried Donating Blood Today
NEVER AGAIN!!!
Too many stupid questions
Who’s blood is it?
Where did you get it?
Why is it in a bucket?
NEVER AGAIN!!!
Too many stupid questions
Who’s blood is it?
Where did you get it?
Why is it in a bucket?
Voice Mail Greeting
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life...
Please leave a message after the beep. If I don't return your call, you are one of the changes.
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life...
Please leave a message after the beep. If I don't return your call, you are one of the changes.
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
A young guy from Newfoundland moves to British Columbia and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Newfoundland."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but the kid got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".
The boss says "Just one?!!? Our salespeople average sales of 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Vancouver. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Newfoundland, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65.′′
The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Newfoundland."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but the kid got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".
The boss says "Just one?!!? Our salespeople average sales of 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Vancouver. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Newfoundland, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65.′′
The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Edited to hopefully pass the censorship filters here... Not nearly as funny as I found it so use your imagination.John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, in bed, under the sheets, making love to my wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John, thinking quickly, replied, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary purred.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears, to get him there, and the other time he fell asleep.”
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