Jr. is now a Senior!

[bright eyed]

So, the awkward little boy I met 7 years ago is about to become a full fledged Senior in high school! I can't believe it.

We just had his summer counseling session to assign his classes for the year, and check off the lists for graduation and college requirements and believe it or not he's about made it through. This is the kid who failed (badly) several classes in jr high school, tested for special ed and didn't know where the pacific ocean was in 7th grade.

He's now doing all his work on his own (no prodding from me - it took 6 years of weaning him off of that) and gets mostly B's (still shocks me) with the occasional slip in one area or the other.

So looks like he's on track to attend a local cal state school - which i think is right up his alley - and may try to walk on the basketball team there.

The only thing he does besides school and friends is play ball. We're encouraging him to look at sports related careers (training, coaching, phys therapy etc), but also to keep an open mind of course.

We can afford the tuition (about $3500 per year yee haw!) and will likely ask him to work part time to pay for extras (especially if he'll be driving) etc.

I really want him to enjoy his senior year - he's made good friends and has been overall, very successful at the school.

Are there other things I should be doing, thinking about to make sure we set him up as well as possible for college?

I'm a little nervous since it's a whole nother transition for all of us, but do have confidence we can all figure it out.

Up until now he's remained relatively sheltered, although he's very social - he doesn't go to a lot of parties, or drink etc. So i know that will be a bigger opportunity in college. Also, he doesn't drive yet, which seems to be a trend with many of his sports/guy friends. I told him i'm not dropping off to college! so it's either a bus pass or he gets some motivation to drive...

Are there any things that can help him do better or avoid doing that may derail him?

He had a rocky start in life, mom disappeared after toddler-hood, but had a great, loving grandma help raise him. His academics were obviously all over the place, but we now have that in order. He and his dad are like best friends now and are able to talk about everything and I know jr. cares about that relationship very much. But sometimes I continue to worry that the earlier instability will be a "trick knee" someday and a drink or drug or girl will help it all to come crashing down!

I'm asking since i know there are a lot of fellas here who've taken various paths, so your insight is particularly welcome.

 

[W2R]

Gee, congratulations and what a wonderful part of life he is about to embark upon.

All I can think of is to start easing him into some of the changes he will be making. For example, encouraging him to gradually ride the bus more and more this year might be good. Re-examining any curfews and such might be a good idea right now. Letting him be more independant gradually in various ways is easier for some kids to handle than suddenly being out on their own. But you are probably the best at judging what he can and can't handle right now.

We always allowed Christina to drink at home (but not elsewhere), hoping that she would learn about the effects of alcohol and her limits while in a safe environment. But despite our encouragements, she did not want to drink at home. Later in her early 20's she began to drink socially. So, you can provide these freedoms but that doesn't always mean that they will willingly take that step if they don't feel ready to do so.

 

[Nords]

So looks like he's on track to attend a local cal state school - which i think is right up his alley - and may try to walk on the basketball team there.
The only thing he does besides school and friends is play ball. We're encouraging him to look at sports related careers (training, coaching, phys therapy etc), but also to keep an open mind of course.
Are there other things I should be doing, thinking about to make sure we set him up as well as possible for college?
Are there any things that can help him do better or avoid doing that may derail him?

We have a "Days until college!" countdown timer on our desktop. (Only 748 days until 15 Aug 2010!) We started it as a joke but she's taken it as gospel and it's inspired a lot of good dinner-table talks.

I pester her all the time with questions about what her older friends are doing for college and what sort of planning they've done. She's finally started to take the hint and ask them, and of course she's scandalized to find out that most of them have no plan.

I don't know if this is still the case, but sales staffs & stock brokerages used to recruit college athletes. The idea was that they'd developed great team & people skills. (Maybe an actual sales professional can update me on this.) Another option would be sports business/management-- a college classmate of mine just would never shut up about football this, ESPN that, sports the other thing. He got off to a good start at Goldman Sachs and now he's an NFL VP.

I do my best to deglamorize alcohol. I go into great detail about my drinking days with our kid-- when I started, how I got it, how much I was drinking, and how I missed all sorts of opportunities because of it. ("Whaddya mean you don't know how to get a beer at high school?!? What are you gonna do at college if you haven't studied that subject?!? I tell ya, kids today...") I make sure she understands how people are taken advantage of while drinking, how her ancestors have a tendency toward alcoholism, and how women metabolize alcohol a lot more slowly. Every time she comments "You seem to have turned out OK", I point out that she never knew me when I was drinking.

We have a lot of fun playing the "Does that make him a chick magnet?" game. I suspect she's not going to start bringing home her dates until she's in her 30s.

 

[Htown Harry]

Good advice I happened to read just this afternoon, from an interview with Luci Baines Johnson:

How easily did he [LBJ] persuade you to do things?


Here’s what my father did. He would say things like “I’m fifty years old. I don’t have all the answers. God is not through with me yet, Luci Baines. But my judgment says that nothing good happens on the streets past midnight, and that’s why I really am concerned about you being out then. But you’re a bright girl, and you’re a good girl, and I expect you to do the right thing. You always have. So I’m not gonna tell you what you can or cannot do because I don’t want to make our relationship adversarial. I’m just gonna tell you I have faith in you.”


If he had just told me, “You cannot,” I might have been up to defying him. But when he told me I was smart and I was good and I was thoughtful and he had faith in me—ohhh! There was no chance of me doing anything except what he wanted me to do.
​

 

[bright eyed]

We have a "Days until college!" countdown timer on our desktop. (Only 748 days until 15 Aug 2010!) We started it as a joke but she's taken it as gospel and it's inspired a lot of good dinner-table talks.

I pester her all the time with questions about what her older friends are doing for college and what sort of planning they've done. She's finally started to take the hint and ask them, and of course she's scandalized to find out that most of them have no plan.

I don't know if this is still the case, but sales staffs & stock brokerages used to recruit college athletes. The idea was that they'd developed great team & people skills. (Maybe an actual sales professional can update me on this.) Another option would be sports business/management-- a college classmate of mine just would never shut up about football this, ESPN that, sports the other thing. He got off to a good start at Goldman Sachs and now he's an NFL VP.

I do my best to deglamorize alcohol. I go into great detail about my drinking days with our kid-- when I started, how I got it, how much I was drinking, and how I missed all sorts of opportunities because of it. ("Whaddya mean you don't know how to get a beer at high school?!? What are you gonna do at college if you haven't studied that subject?!? I tell ya, kids today...") I make sure she understands how people are taken advantage of while drinking, how her ancestors have a tendency toward alcoholism, and how women metabolize alcohol a lot more slowly. Every time she comments "You seem to have turned out OK", I point out that she never knew me when I was drinking.

We have a lot of fun playing the "Does that make him a chick magnet?" game. I suspect she's not going to start bringing home her dates until she's in her 30s.

Ha, that's funny - i ask him what his friends are doing too and he says the same thing - nothing. However, his school is full of overacheivers and a huge percentage of them are college bound so i think it helps him feel like it's the "thing to do" vs some other schools in the next town over where a tiny percentage go to college ... However, his close group of friends think he's a nerd because he's reading books over the summer (not a school requirement a mom requirement!) but i get ones he'll enjoy (mostly). so his close group of friends aren't fostering any productivity - but sometimes offer more good examples of what not to do! Good thing is he's seen some of the sr. slacker athletes move on to community college, drop out and do nothing - proof that you can't keep that behavior up and he knows we mean business that he can't do that without a plan or something productive (ie a job!) going on to stay in our house.

he's a very social kid, easy going, gets along well with others etc. and listens well to directions - although does not go above and beyond that we've noticed. so whatever job that personality is good for let me know! growing up we always told him that his personality is hurting him now in school (always talking) - but will help him when he grows up if he learns how to harness it...

he's seen enough adult men in his family act foolish over alcohol so i hope there's not "mystery" there for him! and at least now it's not appealing to him.

and girls have long been a distraction for him, but he's finally figured out that his attraction to high drama, high maintenence pretty girls has not worked out well for him! hehehe

 

[laurence]

I might suggest preparing him for and encouraging him to go to a state school that isn't within driving distance of the house. Dorm life did a lot for me in the growing up department (you can't cart your clothes home to be washed). I have experience with Cal State Northridge, San Diego State, and San Marcos State and San Diego was the best for being an actual university as opposed to a commuter school. I might suggest San Francisco State, I've heard better about that.

 

[CitricAcid]

We have a "Days until college!" countdown timer on our desktop. (Only 748 days until 15 Aug 2010!) We started it as a joke but she's taken it as gospel and it's inspired a lot of good dinner-table talks.

I pester her all the time with questions about what her older friends are doing for college and what sort of planning they've done. She's finally started to take the hint and ask them, and of course she's scandalized to find out that most of them have no plan.

I don't know if this is still the case, but sales staffs & stock brokerages used to recruit college athletes. The idea was that they'd developed great team & people skills. (Maybe an actual sales professional can update me on this.) Another option would be sports business/management-- a college classmate of mine just would never shut up about football this, ESPN that, sports the other thing. He got off to a good start at Goldman Sachs and now he's an NFL VP.

I do my best to deglamorize alcohol. I go into great detail about my drinking days with our kid-- when I started, how I got it, how much I was drinking, and how I missed all sorts of opportunities because of it. ("Whaddya mean you don't know how to get a beer at high school?!? What are you gonna do at college if you haven't studied that subject?!? I tell ya, kids today...") I make sure she understands how people are taken advantage of while drinking, how her ancestors have a tendency toward alcoholism, and how women metabolize alcohol a lot more slowly. Every time she comments "You seem to have turned out OK", I point out that she never knew me when I was drinking.

We have a lot of fun playing the "Does that make him a chick magnet?" game. I suspect she's not going to start bringing home her dates until she's in her 30s.

It also depends on the sport, Nords. For a major sports program, being on a sports team is a 25 hour a week "job" which shows dedication, teamwork, and the ability to remain focused. Similar to how employers like seeing their applicants have prior job experience, I assume the sports teams seam similar.

Also, kids these days have a drinking age of 21... don't forget that.

 

[FinanceDude]

It also depends on the sport, Nords. For a major sports program, being on a sports team is a 25 hour a week "job" which shows dedication, teamwork, and the ability to remain focused. Similar to how employers like seeing their applicants have prior job experience, I assume the sports teams seam similar.

Also, kids these days have a drinking age of 21... don't forget that.

When I was in college track and cross country, it was a LOT of work. However, employers liked that a lot. Also, ANY military service was primo for employers..........

 

[Nords]

Also, kids these days have a drinking age of 21... don't forget that.

Irrelevant!

I think the legal drinking age was 18 in Pennsylvania when I started at age 13, but it was never a subject of discussion-- much less an impediment. I doubt that she's going to wait for the state to tell her it's OK to drink, either, especially at college.

She says that she's capable of figuring out how to get a beer at her high school, but chooses not to take the risk. I guess that means they're drinking Bud Light.

Like I said, I'm trying to deglamorize alcohol. The last thing I want to do is make it more attractive by somehow appearing to make it forbidden.

 

[CitricAcid]

Irrelevant!

I think the legal drinking age was 18 in Pennsylvania when I started at age 13, but it was never a subject of discussion-- much less an impediment. I doubt that she's going to wait for the state to tell her it's OK to drink, either, especially at college.

She says that she's capable of figuring out how to get a beer at her high school, but chooses not to take the risk. I guess that means they're drinking Bud Light.

Like I said, I'm trying to deglamorize alcohol. The last thing I want to do is make it more attractive by somehow appearing to make it forbidden.

Still, it depends on who your daughter is friends with. 18 year olds can be juniors or seniors in high school, or, older brothers and sisters of friends who are still in town. Now, to be 21, you generally need to be in college for a couple of years, which for many mean that they are farther away. Also, I am sure they are more strict nowadays and have nothing to base it on. My 2 cents.

 

[Walt34]

Is a part time job after school or on weekends a possibility? That did a lot of positive things for me, although the motivation was to get out of the house.

It taught me independence, the importance of reliability, cooperation (teamwork, if you will) and I got to spend what I earned on what I wanted. This taught me the value of a dollar and how hard it is to earn one, and how easy it is to be stupid with hard-earned money.

I learned some leadership skills at that gas station too, as two years later I was running the evening shift with four or five people, including a guy who was 50 years old. THAT was a motivation for college!

 

[Leonidas]

I do my best to deglamorize alcohol. I go into great detail about my drinking days with our kid-- when I started, how I got it, how much I was drinking, and how I missed all sorts of opportunities because of it. ("Whaddya mean you don't know how to get a beer at high school?!? What are you gonna do at college if you haven't studied that subject?!? I tell ya, kids today...") I make sure she understands how people are taken advantage of while drinking, how her ancestors have a tendency toward alcoholism, and how women metabolize alcohol a lot more slowly. Every time she comments "You seem to have turned out OK", I point out that she never knew me when I was drinking.

I've tried the same, without going into as much detail about my personal experience. Whenever I do release some such personal tidbit, the kids look at my and I know they are wondering how the old man stayed out of prison.

I might suggest preparing him for and encouraging him to go to a state school that isn't within driving distance of the house. Dorm life did a lot for me in the growing up department (you can't cart your clothes home to be washed).

It seems to be working wonder for my oldest son. Being an 8-10 hour drive from home has been very good for him.

His younger brother has picked up on this over the Summer and started reeling off the name of a lot of out-of-state schools the other day.

 

[Nords]

...and I know they are wondering how the old man stayed out of prison.

Because the juvie judge offered you the option of joining the Marines, right?