Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 07-19-2018, 02:39 PM   #41
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 17,751
Quote:
Originally Posted by ponyboy View Post
This is the norm now with young adults. They either want to travel and not work...or just not work and do whatever. That way they can brag to all of their friends at starbucks about how awesome they are for not working.

I understand that the younger generation value life experience over things...which is a good thing. Materialism is toxic. What else is toxic is working, saving a bunch of money...then not working again and blowing all your money. Not a good cycle to be in.

Nothing you can do as a parent...let them figure it out on their own.
You need to meet more young people.
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 07-19-2018, 02:44 PM   #42
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 17,751
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjflyman View Post
Thanks you all for some great advice. I think we will "let the chips fall where they may", and give them emotional support. Maybe it will never come to the point where they request financial help. We love them and really do wish them the best.
Perfect. It really isn’t up to us. We have no idea what our two kids’ and their spouses’ incomes are or what debt they might have.
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2018, 02:54 PM   #43
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
HI Bill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 2,186
The story kind of reminds me of a friend I met on Maui. He was 18 or 19. Got his realtor's license. Started selling condos. Every time he sold something, he'd stop working for several months until he ran out of money, then start working again. He made huge gains on the value of his own condo, took out a HELOC to buy a jet ski. Eventually, he moved back to the mainland. Owns a nice house, and two charter boats, is married, and has 2 cute kids. His path was his path. I would have preferred a more linear path for myself, but his got him to where he wanted to be!
HI Bill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2018, 03:07 PM   #44
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,963
I believe that there is a lot to be said for thinking out of the box and looking at what we oldies may consider to be unusual ways to find employment, self employment, or business ventures.

The world is changing in many ways. We only see the changes through our eyes and our experiences. Another lens may see thing slightly differently and may see opportunity where we see none.
brett is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2018, 03:46 PM   #45
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dtail View Post
If they sell their house, is there enough equity buildup to pay off all their debts, so at least they have a better restart scenario?
No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.
jjflyman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2018, 03:57 PM   #46
Moderator
Walt34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 22,624
Be cheered by the knowledge that even if this venture does turn out to be a financial disaster for them they're young enough to recover from it. So in the great scheme of things this will probably be a minor excursion.
__________________
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
Walt34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2018, 04:18 PM   #47
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Dallas
Posts: 760
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelor View Post
All of my kids know with certainty that I’m not their bank. Though they are all well aware of our wealth, they have no expectations of an inheritance. I think that’s important.

If you do want to incentivize them for good financial behavior, you might want to announce to them and give them an annual gift equal to a certain percentage of their personal income. Just a thought.
I have thought about doing this but more as a percentage of their IRA/401K contributions. Bottom line approach.
pjigar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2018, 08:04 PM   #48
Recycles dryer sheets
SnowBound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: CarUpOnBlocks NY
Posts: 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjflyman View Post
I'm concerned they will "start over" with no jobs and immediately go farther in debt. My wife and I are bothered because we think they are a being a little reckless because they know our financial situation and think we can bail them out when the money gets tight.
We are 2 years from ER and are trying to accumulate as much as we can at this point, and helping support our children because of their bad decisions in not in the plan
Advice?
My wife and I did something similar in our late twenties. We had a dream of buying a campground. So we sold the house, my old muscle car and just about everything else then waited for the perfect place to jump into. She quit W**K and searched full time. Bought, got way over our heads in debt and our abilities, asked dad for money to pay taxes, trip to the food bank every week.

But we had a clear dream, were blessed by the Lord, had a lot of helping hands the first couple of years and LIVED THE DREAM.

SO are they:
A) Passionately pursuing a dream together or
B) Wandering in the wilderness?
If A) they will learn a lot fast and hopefully can enjoy each other in times of trial. Be there for them and encourage them to be brave.
If B) seek counselling, it is going to be a rough road. Be careful not to burn any bridges.

PS: Sold campground 13 years later and she started retirement at 42.
SnowBound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2018, 08:36 PM   #49
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: The Great Wide Open
Posts: 2,774
Bitcoin, I tell you, bitcoin! You don't understand. Put everything in bitcoin! You old folk put your money and effort into the stock market, then go to church on Sunday and pray for it to go up! What a putz! Buy a car? Why? There's Uber. It'll take me anywhere, cheap. Bitcoin, I tell you!
Winemaker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2018, 09:46 PM   #50
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Koolau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Leeward Oahu
Posts: 6,124
I agree with posters who indicate that the kids should do what they want to do while mom and dad remain supportive - emotionally but not financially.

I had a friend (now deceased) who's mom and dad died within months of each other. The inheritance his parents left him, while not extravagant left him in better financial shape than he had ever been in his almost 50 years. His kid graduated HS and decided he wanted to be a welder. So "dad" paid for welding school for 2 years. Upon "graduation" kid decides he doesn't really want to be a welder. He wants to go to undergraduate school. Dad pays. In the mean time, kid gets GF pregnant and dad sets them up in a house (rented?). Kid completes 4-year degree and decides he can't get a job so why not go to graduate school. Dad pays for graduate school. Kid graduates and then decides he'd really rather learn physical therapy. Dad pays for PT school. Kid doesn't really want to do PT but now dad is out of money. IIRC kid did do PT, but dad died penniless. Naturally, YMMV.
__________________
Ko'olau's Law -

Anything which can be used can be misused. Anything which can be misused will be.
Koolau is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2018, 09:54 PM   #51
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Scrapr's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,503
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winemaker View Post
Bitcoin, I tell you, bitcoin! You don't understand. Put everything in bitcoin! You old folk put your money and effort into the stock market, then go to church on Sunday and pray for it to go up! What a putz! Buy a car? Why? There's Uber. It'll take me anywhere, cheap. Bitcoin, I tell you!
which brings up the age old debate (since 2017!)

Etherium vs Bitcoin?
Scrapr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2018, 11:23 PM   #52
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
harley's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: No fixed abode
Posts: 8,421
I don't need to post an opinion, my sig line says it all.
__________________
"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." - Anonymous (not Will Rogers or Sam Clemens)
DW and I - FIREd at 50 (7/06), living off assets
harley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2018, 04:27 AM   #53
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
DrRoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,612
Quote:
You cannot tell adult children what they can and cannot do.
+ many. We had to get used to the idea that our kids were not going to finish college. They have steady jobs but make so little. It seems like a waste to us but that is all they want.
__________________
"The mountains are calling, and I must go." John Muir
DrRoy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2018, 05:52 AM   #54
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
pb4uski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Sarasota, FL & Vermont
Posts: 29,727
Quote:
Originally Posted by marko View Post
Not the norm but our niece's new 28 year old husband just a announced that despite his shiny new MBA he "isn't interested in working 9 to 5" and wants to just work weekends as a DJ at parties.
So what's the problem?... it seems to have worked out pretty good for this guy... though he probably works more than 9 to 5 and DJ's on weekends.

https://www.marketplace.org/2018/07/...chs-new-ceo-dj

Quote:
Full-time company president, part-time DJ.

Goldman Sachs has just announced that David Solomon, 56, will be its next CEO, taking over the reins from the current chairman, Lloyd Blankfein. We found out that when he's not helping steer the direction of one of the world's largest investment banks, he serves as an electronic dance DJ under the name "DJ D-Sol," with gigs in New York, Miami and the Bahamas. ...
__________________
If something cannot endure laughter.... it cannot endure.
Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.
Slow and steady wins the race.

Retired Jan 2012 at age 56
pb4uski is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2018, 05:55 AM   #55
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
pb4uski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Sarasota, FL & Vermont
Posts: 29,727
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjflyman View Post
No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.
Lucky for you that their car and student loans are not with your "family bank".
__________________
If something cannot endure laughter.... it cannot endure.
Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.
Slow and steady wins the race.

Retired Jan 2012 at age 56
pb4uski is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2018, 06:18 AM   #56
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
street's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 4,781
As a parent these decisions our children make can make us very nervous. I also reiterate that give positive support give them your love and pray for the best.

It is very normal to try to live our kids lives and that is where we can fail. Good advise maybe but going over the line could be a disaster.
street is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2018, 06:35 AM   #57
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 229
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjflyman View Post
No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.
This is not "a lot of debt." In fact, if there ever was a time to make a move, it sounds like they're in the perfect place to do it.
DFDubb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2018, 06:44 AM   #58
Moderator
Aerides's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 8,592
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjflyman View Post
No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.
They are, then, quite healthy financially compared to their peers. Had you said they had $20k in credit cards on top of that, then sure, a lot of debt. But car loans - that's everyone, and student loans... almost everyone under 35.

Is there anything in their behavior and conversations that makes you think they would target YOU for a bail out? Like have they said, even joking "hey if it doesn't work out you have that basement right?" - if not, no worries here.

In fact if I may, they are moving...away. That is a sign of independence, not a sign of desire for your help. It's not like they are selling and moving to be closer.
Aerides is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2018, 06:45 AM   #59
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
pb4uski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Sarasota, FL & Vermont
Posts: 29,727
Quote:
Originally Posted by DFDubb View Post
This is not "a lot of debt." In fact, if there ever was a time to make a move, it sounds like they're in the perfect place to do it.
I dunno about that. Unless they are in professions where they can find employment quickly, where will the money to make car loan payments and student debt payments come from? It is easy to see a scenario where they default on the loans, their credit gets trashed and they are scarred for a long time.

If it comes down to a choice of defaulting on the loans and getting their credit trashed or crawling to Mom & Dad for a "temporary" loan to "tide them over", what will they decide? It becomes a real slippery slope for the OP.
__________________
If something cannot endure laughter.... it cannot endure.
Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.
Slow and steady wins the race.

Retired Jan 2012 at age 56
pb4uski is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2018, 10:01 AM   #60
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Teacher Terry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 5,354
I don’t say anything when I think my kids are making dumb decisions but will also not help financially. I did when they were younger but not anymore. We are semi retired and they have to live with what they choose. I would let them know that you cannot help financially.
Teacher Terry is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
kids, no job


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Making the mistake of being informed hotwired Other topics 4 11-23-2011 08:00 AM
Am I making a big mistake? Caroline Health and Early Retirement 24 08-07-2007 09:22 AM
Am I making a mistake? semtex FIRE and Money 75 04-03-2007 05:09 PM
Building new house- am I making a mistake boutros Young Dreamers 15 05-30-2006 08:46 PM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:34 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.