Man who stuck dates with the bill looking at prison time

[Omega]

I recently joined an online dating site. I used current photos, but my bio, admittedly, is pretty lame. I have no clue what to say lol. I would never use old or doctored photos. What's the point of that

I've been on one date so far. It was "fine" but we both knew right away that there were no sparks at all. We split the bill for drinks and apps and left. And for the record, we both looked exactly like our photos.

Interestingly, I find myself caring more about the bio than the photo.

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Newventurer What awesome friends you are...maybe there is a job in retirement - “Rent a Grandpa” Ladies that are going on online dating first dates pay you to be available to ‘show up’ at the table for an ‘imagine meeting you here grandaughter’ moment if you get the signal things aren’t going well.

Oh gosh, what a great idea!

I would do it for the price of a good beer or cappuccino.

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Omega I recently joined an online dating site. I used current photos, but my bio, admittedly, is pretty lame. I have no clue what to say lol. I would never use old or doctored photos. What's the point of that I've been on one date so far. It was "fine" but we both knew right away that there were no sparks at all. We split the bill for drinks and apps and left. And for the record, we both looked exactly like our photos. Interestingly, I find myself caring more about the bio than the photo.

Don't be discouraged. There is someone out there for everyone, but it can take a while to find that person. I dated for a number of years until I found someone that liked me for who I really was and vice versa.

[dvalley]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Omega I recently joined an online dating site. I used current photos, but my bio, admittedly, is pretty lame. I have no clue what to say lol. I would never use old or doctored photos. What's the point of that I've been on one date so far. It was "fine" but we both knew right away that there were no sparks at all. We split the bill for drinks and apps and left. And for the record, we both looked exactly like our photos. Interestingly, I find myself caring more about the bio than the photo.

In my dating age range (late 30s to mid 40s) bios are not important because unless they like your pic they won't read your bio. If they like your pic enough though the bio can be literally be blank and they'll still reach out. I do put something basic in there about my hobbies etc. but that's about it. YMMV.

Oh yes, don't do old or touched up pics, that's just bad form.

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dvalley In my dating age range (late 30s to mid 40s) bios are not important because unless they like your pic they won't read your bio. If they like your pic enough though the bio can be literally be blank and they'll still reach out. I do put something basic in there about my hobbies etc. but that's about it. YMMV. Oh yes, don't do old or touched up pics, that's just bad form.

When I was using Match.com 15 years ago, many profiles had no picture. I found that the most attractive people did not post their pictures - in fact that is how I, a plain looking bald guy, ended up marrying such a good looking woman.

[JustCurious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dvalley In my dating age range (late 30s to mid 40s) bios are not important because unless they like your pic they won't read your bio. If they like your pic enough though the bio can be literally be blank and they'll still reach out.

I do not agree. That may be true for some people, but it's not true for me and I don't think it's a fair generalization.

[jollystomper]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Newventurer What awesome friends you are...maybe there is a job in retirement - “Rent a Grandpa” Ladies that are going on online dating first dates pay you to be available to ‘show up’ at the table for an ‘imagine meeting you here grandaughter’ moment if you get the signal things aren’t going well.

I just may add that to my "alternate retirement options" list!

The woman (I'll call her Stacy here) is a great friend of DW's, even though she is about 15 years younger than us. For whatever reason DW says she really likes me and, Stacy has asked me "what to guys think about..." questions that would make a sailor blush. She was a model when younger, had a difficult time as a single mom but was never the "I'm a victim" type and always optimistic. So we performed this service as we really wanted to protect her.

[dvalley]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious I do not agree. That may be true for some people, but it's not true for me and I don't think it's a fair generalization.

Understood. Are you currently on the dating apps? If so, have you noticed the very first thing that's shown and in most cases the only thing shown first is the pics? There's a reason for that, everyone looks at the pics first, if there's no physical attraction they swipe left and move on. Only when there's physical attraction people spend the time to read bios. I'm not saying don't put anything in the bios because they can help break the ice but online dating is all about the pics.

[scrabbler1]

For me, after years of using earlier versions of online dating (i.e. newspaper personal ads and similar phone ad systems), I found on line systems reduced my chances of getting dates but improves the screening process. Before online dating, I found women in their 20s and 30s looked mostly at a man's height, the picture (if the system allowed it), and his money/job. I found that women always demanded a picture and used any lack of one to dismiss a man. However, men, like me who usually got far fewer responses, were not able to place such a requirement and often had to choose women without seeing a picture beforehand.


Once online dating became the more common means starting in the late 1990s, the order changed to picture (which tended to include height) and job/money. But my biggest hurdle was kids. Being childfree (i.e. doesn't have kids or want to have kids), eliminated about 95% of potential candidates because nearly all women in the 20s and 30s either had at least one or wanted to have at least one. Before online dating, when ads were charged by the line or even the word, this trait was not usually learned right away. I would at least date some women for a little while before something broke us up, but not always the kids thing because we often didn't date long enough to realize this incompatibility.


Thankfully, I met a woman on line 14 years ago and have been together since.

[Badger]

30+ years ago I used a local dating service after a divorce a few years earlier. It took me that long to take the chance. First date was always a breakfast or lunch date. I didn't have enough income to afford dinner dates. Met a lot of interesting women and rarely asked any of them for a second date. The one time the first date was for happy hour I met my future wife. She didn't drink or smoke children were grown, was well dressed from work, articulate, pleasant demeanor, and attractive. It turns out she had tried meeting other men and I was the last chance. I was pretty much of the same mind set. Still married 31 years later.


I wouldn't know what to do today if I was single again. I may have to subscribe to the following:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4rY52SWklc

Cheers!

[JustCurious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dvalley Understood. Are you currently on the dating apps? If so, have you noticed the very first thing that's shown and in most cases the only thing shown first is the pics? There's a reason for that, everyone looks at the pics first, if there's no physical attraction they swipe left and move on. Only when there's physical attraction people spend the time to read bios. I'm not saying don't put anything in the bios because they can help break the ice but online dating is all about the pics.

I am currently using dating apps and I do not agree with your generalizations. Also, the apps I use do not have the option of "swipe left."

[dvalley]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious I am currently using dating apps and I do not agree with your generalizations. Also, the apps I use do not have the option of "swipe left."

OK please elaborate then. Do you read bios first, ignoring the pics? or are you saying you read bios even after you don't find someone attractive? I'm a bit confused. Also curious what dating apps you're using.

[JustCurious]

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Originally Posted by dvalley OK please elaborate then. Do you read bios first, ignoring the pics? or are you saying you read bios even after you don't find someone attractive? I'm a bit confused. Also curious what dating apps you're using.

You made several generalizations about what "everyone" does, including this one..."everyone looks at the pics first, if there's no physical attraction they swipe left and move on."

I don't think it's ever true to claim what everyone does. I am not going to get into my personal life on a public forum or what apps I use, but it's common knowledge that one of the most popular dating sites is Match.com, and they do not have the option of "swipe left." You asked if I read the bios first and ignore the pics... it depends on the profile, there is no one single answer. If someone stands out as particularly unattractive for whatever reason, then yes, I will move on without any further inquiry, but most profiles are like most people...they are not stunningly model level attractive, nor are they particularly unattractive... they fall somewhere in the middle. And for those majority of people, I try to look at the whole profile, including at least reading some of the bio before deciding whether to move on. I will tell you that the opposite of what you are saying is true in my case...even if I find the picture to be attractive, if there is no bio, I will move on. No matter how attractive a woman may be, if she can't take the time to write something about herself and what she is looking for, I'm not interested.

Edit to add: I agree with Aerides' comments in the post after mine...there are women in whom I become much more interested despite a lack of initial physical attraction if they have a well written profile and I find points of common interest. I am looking for the whole person.

[Aerides]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dvalley Do you read bios first, ignoring the pics? or are you saying you read bios even after you don't find someone attractive? I'm a bit confused. Also curious what dating apps you're using.

When I used Match (as a female), I absolutely looked past less-than-ideal photos in hopes of finding a great bio. A woman who is looking for an actual serious relationship is going to have a whole person in mind, not just a face. And yes I can for sure say there were men who were more attractive once I read a good profile - plenty of times.

Just as there were some men who I met, despite little or no immediate physical attraction, found myself reconsidering after 30 mins of good conversation.

When I saw a man with a lightweight profile, I'd assume they were just looking for a bonk or a few dates, but not marriage or anything serious. Even if I thought someone attractive, a scant profile was a signal to keep looking. So if your profile is written as if you assume no one is bothering to read it, you may be waving away a lot of the quality serious women, and left attracting only the "date for dinner+" types.

I also learned after a few tries to be more honest and specific with myself and my profile of what I was looking for, and who I was, quirks, interests, flaws, and that really helped. The responses I started getting once I took that approach were far far better suited for me.

I got married well before Tinder, but my single friends (male and female) don't view that as a place to find a partner.

[dvalley]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious You made several generalizations about what "everyone" does, including this one..."everyone looks at the pics first, if there's no physical attraction they swipe left and move on." I don't think it's ever true to claim what "everyone" does. I am not going to get into my personal life on a public forum or what apps I use, but it's common knowledge that one of the most popular dating sites is Match.com, and they do not have the option of "swipe left." You asked if I read the bios first and ignore the pics... it depends on the profile, there is no one single answer. If someone stands out as particularly unattractive for whatever reason, then yes, I will move on without any further inquiry, but most profiles are like most people...they are not stunningly model level attractive, nor are they particularly unattractive... they fall somewhere in the middle. And for those majority of people, I try to look at the whole profile, including at least reading some of the bio before deciding whether to move on. I will tell you that the opposite of what you are saying is true in my case...even if I find the picture to be attractive, if there is no bio, I will move on. No matter how attractive a woman may be, if she can't take the time to write something about herself and what she is looking for, I'm not interested.

Gotcha. I guess since I haven't used Match in a long time I don't know about their 'app' but all the modern dating 'apps' like Tinder, Bumble, CMB, Hinge, even OKcupid now are all swipe-style apps that emphasize on pics because most people, "not everyone", don't want to waste time reading stuff about someone they're not at least somewhat physically attracted to.

[dvalley]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aerides When I saw a man with a lightweight profile, I'd assume they were just looking for a bonk or a few dates, but not marriage or anything serious. Even if I thought someone attractive, a scant profile was a signal to keep looking. So if your profile is written as if you assume no one is bothering to read it, you may be waving away a lot of the quality serious women, and left attracting only the "date for dinner+" types.

Makes sense. I'm just relaying what I see out there. Also, many apps limit profiles to 150 characters or even less now.

[JustCurious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dvalley I guess since I haven't used Match in a long time I don't know about their 'app' but all the modern dating 'apps' like Tinder, Bumble, CMB, Hinge, even OKcupid now are all swipe-style apps that emphasize on pics

Online dating using Match.com is not modern? Is it ancient?

[JustCurious]

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Originally Posted by dvalley Makes sense. I'm just relaying what I see out there. Also, many apps limit profiles to 150 characters or even less now.

This must be a generational thing, are you under 30?

[dvalley]

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Originally Posted by JustCurious Online dating using Match.com is not modern? Is it ancient?

Sorta... It's all about the apps now not 'websites'.

Match is still doing good though because many relationship minded people who are serious are willing to pay their monthly fee.

Eharmony is pretty much dead though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious This must be a generational thing, are you under 30?

It is. No, I'm in my early 40s but I usually date mid to late 30s.

[GravitySucks]

Personally, the photos do get the first look, but the bio is more important. I'll pass on contacting someone with a great looking photo but an incomparable write up. And will send a note to someone with a great bio and not so great pictures.