Men Choose Women on Looks; Women Rate Themselves and Try For Best They Can Likely Do

[Zoocat]

plus, people become more attractive to you as you get to know them and like them - it's almost as if the internal beauty shines through, whereas the internal ugliness can shine through as well, marring the physical external attrativeness.

My ex-husband was not physically attractive to me when I first met him but his internal qualities began to shine through almost immediately and I came to view him as very "hot." Unfortunately, the opposite seemed to be true for him, i.e. I seemed very "hot" to him at first and he was drawn to my attractiveness, but after two kids and some years of marriage, he was looking around for other "hotness." Why does sound like an old country song?

 

[FinanceGeek]

My ex-husband was not physically attractive to me when I first met him but his internal qualities began to shine through almost immediately and I came to view him as very "hot." Unfortunately, the opposite seemed to be true for him, i.e. I seemed very "hot" to him at first and he was drawn to my attractiveness, but after two kids and some years of marriage, he was looking around for other "hotness." Why does sound like an old country song?

Sorry to hear of your story, its actually quite common. Sadly, neither partner in a marriage is likely to remain "hot" from an outward appearance standpoint more than 20 years or so into it.

Now us geeks on the other hand, stay geeky forever

 

[Zoocat]

Sorry to hear of your story, its actually quite common. Sadly, neither partner in a marriage is likely to remain "hot" from an outward appearance standpoint more than 20 years or so into it.

Now us geeks on the other hand, stay geeky forever

Also, many women will overlook a lack of physical hotness if there is financial hotness (lots of it). Frankly, I could never marry for $$$, but apparently the practice is still alive and well.

 

[Pavo]

Also, many women will overlook a lack of physical hotness if there is financial hotness (lots of it). Frankly, I could never marry for $$$, but apparently the practice is still alive and well.

Sigh...

Now that I'm older and working, you would be amazed how interest quickly perks up for women after they meet me when it maybe wasn't there at first (or perhaps they hide it). My dress sense is professional for work, so when I say what I do, their eyes light up in the conversation and get much more friendly with me. I did not date most of these women, but one which I did recently was uber-nice to me throughout the whole process - the kind of nice where I sensed something was not right.

I was very catious with her (as with everyone; got burned badly in my last relationship so I take things slow), but within two months she is telling me that I'm the perfect guy. I never slept with her, nor did anything 'major' happen during our brief dating. When I backed off, she told me in a bitter tone "I can't wait to find my rich husband to use his money" among other variations of her future rich spouse. Funny thing is, is that I'm not rich. I dress well for work and have a fancy job title - the rest I plow into savings and outside of work you would think I'm plain Joe from how I dress and how I spend.

I find it pretty common from what I've seen, which is tough for me because I'm a mushy sap and want to date and marry for love. I want to be honest with people I date, but some people have ulterior motives so I'm cautious with what I dish out.

 

[W2R]

When I met Frank about seven years ago, neither one of us had any money. I remember that I was SO relieved when I found out that he had a car nearly as bad as my beat-up old dirty unreliable Plymouth K-car, so that he wouldn't think poorly of me due to my crummy car. We are both doing quite a bit better financially by now.

I don't think either of us was thinking on those first dates that the other was physically "hot", because we were both so glad to meet an intelligent person of the opposite sex that we could actually communicate with, without getting bored.

 

[Khan]

When I met Frank about seven years ago, neither one of us had any money. I remember that I was SO relieved when I found out that he had a car nearly as bad as my beat-up old dirty unreliable Plymouth K-car, so that he wouldn't think poorly of me due to my crummy car. We are both doing quite a bit better financially by now.

I don't think either of us was thinking on those first dates that the other was physically "hot", because we were both so glad to meet an intelligent person of the opposite sex that we could actually communicate with, without getting bored.

As Mother used to say:
"At some point you have to get out of bed and start talking."

 

[FinanceDude]

When I met Frank about seven years ago, neither one of us had any money. I remember that I was SO relieved when I found out that he had a car nearly as bad as my beat-up old dirty unreliable Plymouth K-car, so that he wouldn't think poorly of me due to my crummy car. We are both doing quite a bit better financially by now.

K cars are hot........

My grandma has a 1985 Aries K with 25,000 miles..........

 

[Zoocat]

Sigh...

Now that I'm older and working, you would be amazed how interest quickly perks up for women after they meet me when it maybe wasn't there at first (or perhaps they hide it). My dress sense is professional for work, so when I say what I do, their eyes light up in the conversation and get much more friendly with me. I did not date most of these women, but one which I did recently was uber-nice to me throughout the whole process - the kind of nice where I sensed something was not right.

I find it pretty common from what I've seen, which is tough for me because I'm a mushy sap and want to date and marry for love. I want to be honest with people I date, but some people have ulterior motives so I'm cautious with what I dish out.

Yes, this is a tough situation for men like you. My sympathies. Some men would just enjoy the ride, especially with younger women attracted to an older man who is financially comfortable. My only advice, from a woman's standpoint, is to meet women who are your age, thereabouts, who are financially comfortable or at least competent themselves.

Lots of women still want to meet a "rich" guy who will take away the stress of maintaining financial security. Some are just worried about their own retirement, which is a legitimate worry and they think marriage will solve the problem. I hear this from the horse's mouth. IMHO, they are fooling themselves because divorce is rampant in our country.

 

[Zoocat]

I don't think either of us was thinking on those first dates that the other was physically "hot", because we were both so glad to meet an intelligent person of the opposite sex that we could actually communicate with, without getting bored.

Frankly, I doubt that. From my 58 years of experience with men on this planet, I have a hard time believe that a man would be just interested in a woman because he "could actually communite" with her. There's always physical attraction going on, if not immediate, then soon.

 

[travelover]

........ There's always physical attraction going on, if not immediate, then soon.

Alright guys! Who told?

 

[W2R]

Frankly, I doubt that. From my 58 years of experience with men on this planet, I have a hard time believe that a man would be just interested in a woman because he "could actually communite" with her. There's always physical attraction going on, if not immediate, then soon.

Who knew?

I am just relaying what he tells me...

Edited to add: Somehow I just can't believe that all men are exactly the same. It doesn't seem fair to men to dismiss them this way. I truly think that Frank is an exceptional man in many ways and doesn't fit into anybody's mold but his own.

 

[W2R]

K cars are hot........

My grandma has a 1985 Aries K with 25,000 miles..........

My K-car was embarrassing! It was an ugly, worn out, falling apart, filthy Plymouth Acclaim with a bashed in side and a bazillion miles on it.

I got the grand sum of $200 for it when I traded it in on a new 2000 Camry Solara.

 

[W2R]

As Mother used to say:
"At some point you have to get out of bed and start talking."

Your mother was right!

 

[clifp]

Who knew?

I am just relaying what he tells me...

Edited to add: Somehow I just can't believe that all men are exactly the same. It doesn't seem fair to men to dismiss them this way. I truly think that Frank is an exceptional man in many ways and doesn't fit into anybody's mold but his own.

I am sure he is all that you say he is. (I think there really is something to be said, for you a Frank having seperate residence it keeps [-]illusions[/-] romance alive.

Still I am sure OldBabe is right, even among my friends who married woman I found very unattractive, my buddies always found phyically characteristic that attracted them. Although, in one case she was a great cook, and unfortunately their waistlines continued to "benefit".

 

[bosco]

I have no problem believing what W2R says about the initial stages of her relationship, and I doubt that Frank was lying when he told her what he did. Nor do I believe that all men react the same or are looking for the same thing.

It's been my experience that people I care about become more attractive as I get to know them more. When I was in the "courtship" stage, I tried to keep an open mind.

Obviously, if someone was physically repulsive, I couldn't get past that. But that's relatively rare. Based on the experience of my first failed marriage, I was looking for intelligence, similarity in values and beliefs, and shared goals (in other words, the ingredients for a life together, rather than just a wild weekend). I was not interested in someone 20 years younger than me--seems like way too much difference in life experience. I'm done being a parent.

However, nothing I have said above should be construed to mean that I can't enjoy looking at exceptionally good-looking women.

 

[Texas Proud]

Frankly, I doubt that. From my 58 years of experience with men on this planet, I have a hard time believe that a man would be just interested in a woman because he "could actually communite" with her. There's always physical attraction going on, if not immediate, then soon.

Then you would be wrong..

One of my best friends is a younger woman who is nice looking, but no sexual attraction between us... and I have know her for about 12 years now...

 

[AltaRed]

Then you would be wrong..

One of my best friends is a younger woman who is nice looking, but no sexual attraction between us... and I have know her for about 12 years now...

Similarly, I have some examples of long standing friendships with women, some considerably younger, in which the relationships are exactly that, simply friendship. No interest in contemplating or fantasizing about a sexual relationship. In other cases, there definitely is a sexual attraction. Bottom line: both situations can peacefully co-exist.

 

[bright eyed]

in my younger days i totally thought it was possible to have platonic relationships w/ boys...most of my closest friends were boys (high school/college) but it later turned out that wasn't their p.o.v. on the subject and i'm sad that we're not all as great of friends as we could have been if that wasn't the case...

 

[haha]

in my younger days i totally thought it was possible to have platonic relationships w/ boys...most of my closest friends were boys (high school/college) but it later turned out that wasn't their p.o.v. on the subject and i'm sad that we're not all as great of friends as we could have been if that wasn't the case...

I think there are 2 factors here- an attractive woman probably shouldn't expect a young man who isn't firmly atached to some other attractive woman to not be at least hopeful of boosting some sex from her.

An older man may easily have other goals, provided that he is 1) gay or 2) getting all the sex he can handle from his wife or girlfriend or 3) scared of the financial and emotional hit of annoying his wife by sleeping with you. Otherwise, if you are pretty or sexy, he wants to sleep with you even though he may not be very strong in pushing that goal.

Ha

 

[citrine]

I tried to see if one can have platonic relationships with men.....for me, that was never the case....either sooner or later, curiosity killed the cat.
Chemistry is a mysterious thing.....when it exists between two people....watch out! I have dated really attractive men and so-so ones.....but the ones with that strange chemistry, regardless of looks....I will never forget!
Now in my 30's....I'd rather have the chemistry and stability rather than those pretty boys!