My sister-in-law is missing - again

[MRG]

In your situation I agree.

In the case of my nephew, there is no reason whatsoever he cannot hide her car keys or disconnect the battery cable to her car. That would solve the immediate problem of her driving off and getting lost.

My dad quit driving and sold his car when the battery started going dead. I asked my BIL, where dad was living with DS, if he had helped the situation by disconnecting the battery. He swore he hadn't, but admitted it was past time for dad to stop driving. He'd never got lost just wasn't using his best judgement.

I know losing independence is hard. It would really suck for my actions to cause other's to lose theirs.

 

[Walt34]

Cannot anyone petition a court to try to setup something like this if they feel that the person is a significant danger to themselves or others?

Sure, anyone can petition the court, but as I wrote earlier getting the court to actually award custody or order confinement in a nursing home takes very strong supporting evidence. It is not an easy thing to do.

 

[gauss]

Sure, anyone can petition the court, but as I wrote earlier getting the court to actually award custody or order confinement in a nursing home takes very strong supporting evidence. It is not an easy thing to do.

So as a society we set the bar very high for someone to loose their freedom/decision making capability?

I guess a lot of this depends on the facts and circumstances of the individual family relationship involved.

Some parents may be more receptive to informal intervention by a child, and some children may be more equipped to pull it off.

 

[Marita40]

That's just awful. I hope the situation resolves quickly with no harm done to her.
I hope if (when) I get to that stage someone cares enough to take action on my behalf.

 

[Walt34]

So as a society we set the bar very high for someone to loose their freedom/decision making capability?

Sure, and it should be. I'm sure there has been more than one instance of people trying to gain control of a relative's [-]actions[/-] assets via court order.

 

[REWahoo]

If their is no conservatorship / guardianship in place, is it really the responsibility of another family member to try to manage the behavior of an uncooperative family member?

I suppose it depends on how concerned the other family member is about the health and well-being of the uncooperative family member and the public at large.

Perhaps I am expecting too much when I suggest the car keys get lost? That seems a simple, straightforward solution - at least temporarily - to the immediate problem.

Unfortunately (or maybe that should be fortunately) I live several hundred miles away and can do nothing but rant, pass judgement, and worry.

Update: She is home safe. She ran out of gas around noon, about 100 miles from home. A good Samaritan stopped to see why she was stopped on the side of the road, realized something wasn't right and called 911. The police called my nephew who went to pick her up.

 

[Walt34]

Glad to hear all turned out well. This time anyway.

 

[Dawg52]

Also glad she is home again. Can't imagine not hiding the car keys or disabling the car as already mentioned. Enough is enough.

 

[meierlde]

One thought is that some of the teen driver location features could be used here. There exist add on features such as this one that both track the vehicle, as well as send alerts if the vehicle leaves a defined area: https://www.theverge.com/2016/2/17/11026184/verizon-hum-teen-driver-location-speed-tracking-update or perhaps :GPS Vehicle Tracking for Teen Drivers - FREE TRACKER | Monitor teenage drivers with GPS vehicle tracking | Teen Driver Tracking
Or add the any vehicle on star solution which means you could call onstar to locate the vehicle. AddonStar | Aftermarker Onstar Solution | Long Island New York
Since they can locate stolen vehicles I would suspect they could provide a vehicle location in this case. You would have to check which solutions provide the ring fencing because that would warn if the vehicle leaves the fenced in area.

 

[powerplay]

It's good to hear that she was found and unharmed. I hope the nephew is able to remove her access to the car. She really sounds like an accident about to happen.

It's not easy to deal with these issues in a family. I'm sure we all have some experience within our own families of someone who shouldn't be doing something anymore.

 

[gauss]

Good to hear that the immediate situation has been resolved!

It would be very interesting if any of the researchers around here could find statistics on how "often" cases like this are correlated with significant harm to others/society.

Ie for every 100 cases of "gets lost at night" how many auto accidents involving significant injury occur?

Living in a media-saturated society, it seems there are many fears out there of very low-probability events.

-gauss

 

[REWahoo]

I think the GPS vehicle locator is a good tool but probably too late for this situation. Someone who becomes lost and drives around until they run out of gas doesn't need to be behind the wheel ever again.

 

[bbbamI]

This is the first time I've read this thread. I am so glad she's safe. What a frightening situation; I hope something can be done to keep her safe and content.

 

[pb4uski]

I think the GPS vehicle locator is a good tool but probably too late for this situation. Someone who becomes lost and drives around until they run out of gas doesn't need to be behind the wheel ever again.

+1 I wonder what the police said to your nephew about what he has to do to prevent this from happening again.

100 miles!.. She was probably driving without an idea of where she was or was going for hours!

Perhaps you can be of help by being the "bad guy" and insisting to your sister that she stopped driving before she hurts herself or someone else.... she may be more accepting of the message from a sibling than from offspring. You and nephew can blame it on "the state" if it helps.

 

[REWahoo]

Perhaps you can be of help by being the "bad guy" and insisting to your sister that she stopped driving before she hurts herself or someone else.... she may be more accepting of the message from a sibling than from offspring.

I doubt my input would do anything more than antagonize her as she doesn't hold me in high regard. Plus she doesn't believe there is anything wrong with her driving.

 

[Rickt]

REWahoo: Glad to know she is back home safe.

Regards,
Rick

 

[MissMolly]

This happened to my aunt a few years ago. Her kids (my cousins) knew she was getting bad but none were willing to be the bad guy and take away the keys. One night she left in the middle of the night. Her son, who is mentally deficient, lived with her and saw her leave but did nothing to stop her. He didn't understand the danger to her. When she had not returned the next morning, he called his sister and asked "where did Mom go last night"? A search ensured. She was finally found later the next day in another state - far more than 100 miles away. She, too, had run out of gas and was discovered by the police. She had not eaten. She had soiled herself. She was completely oblivious to what was going on. She was returned home safely and put into an Alzheimer/Memory Care facility shortly thereafter. This had not been the first time this had happened, but was by far the most serious incident to occur. She was no longer safe at home. Sometimes, you just gotta be the bad guy.

 

[MichaelB]

I doubt my input would do anything more than antagonize her as she doesn't hold me in high regard. Plus she doesn't believe there is anything wrong with her driving.

You getting involved while the son stands by and observes is not a good way to deal with this. Losing the keys and disabling the car seem to be simple first steps. Perhaps you can nudge him into doing that.

 

[NW-Bound]

...Perhaps I am expecting too much when I suggest the car keys get lost? That seems a simple, straightforward solution - at least temporarily - to the immediate problem...

A very temporary solution, if she is still capable of calling a mechanic or finding a way to get a replacement key. Or has an extra key set hidden.

Once a person becomes totally helpless, it's easier. The problem is the bad things that can happen up until that point.

 

[Teacher Terry]

When my friend had Alzheimer's she was going to the store and buying things she didn't want and then accusing her DH of buying all that stuff. Eventually I convinced him to sell one of the cars and hide the keys to that one. That worked.

 

[MichaelB]

A very temporary solution, if she is still capable of calling a mechanic or finding a way to get a replacement key. Or has an extra key set hidden.

Once a person becomes totally helpless, it's easier. The problem is the bad things that can happen up until that point.

If she lives with the nephew, he can make sure the keys stay lost. If he can arrange for Uber to transport her, she might find that to be a workable option.

 

[REWahoo]

A very temporary solution, if she is still capable of calling a mechanic or finding a way to get a replacement key. Or has an extra key set hidden.

I don't think she has the capability to do either.

 

[pb4uski]

Perhaps the best solution is to lose the keys or disable the car somehow, and then stall, hinder and delay at getting the car "fixed" or somehow get her to think that it would be very expensive to fix it so she'll decide it is best to sell it. I dunno. Just thinking out loud.

 

[haha]

I think the GPS vehicle locator is a good tool but probably too late for this situation. Someone who becomes lost and drives around until they run out of gas doesn't need to be behind the wheel ever again.

Like everyone else, I am very glad that she is home safe. My Mother was headstrong and her vision was poor, but she did not want to give up the freedom her car gave her. She finally sideswiped a parked car, and somehow my two local brothers got the keys, then got her to sign the bill of sale and title when they sold it. It made her quite angry, but it took more than a mother's anger to dissuade them and she eventually got over it. Where our family home was taxis were easy, and my sister lived right there and so it was not really a very big deal in external reality, but I think mainly a symbolic loss to her.

Ha

 

[REWahoo]

If he can arrange for Uber to transport her, she might find that to be a workable option.

I've suggested that as well. Just not that optimistic he's willing to be firm with his mom, but maybe a few more days of missed work trying to find her and dealing with the local police will help him build his courage.