My wife wants to get rid of the dog against my will...

[TromboneAl]

You do not have time for a dog. Period. Giving the dog to a good family is a win-win for everyone, especially the dog. Have them come visit and take the dog for walks, and play with her. She will love the new family in a few days.

Tell your wife "Honey, I've thought about it any you're right. I love the dog, but I love you more."

 

[Sarah in SC]

Can you tell here who has dogs and who doesn't?

[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage. ~Agnes Repplier

[/FONT][FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]The more I see of man, the more I like dogs. ~Mme. de Staël[/FONT]
[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]
One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why. ~Author Unknown[/FONT]

 

[Canadian Grunt]

To answer some questions: yes, it was originally my dog. yes, i need to spend more time with her, but i w*rk 70 hrs a week at times and put my kids #1 on the list when i get home, followed by eating, showering, wife, paperwork, then the dog. unfortunately that's the way it is right now. the wife is home all day with the dog...she doesnt work int he traditional sense of the word.

i plan on taking a more active approach, unfortunately it had to come to this to realize i was slacking

wife suggested we make her an outside dog, but that to me is even worse than her situation now...not cool.

connie: that is my exact argument with her! It's not what our family is about. quitting because of our own faults in unacceptable and not a tendency i want to pass on to the kids. we need to be sure we're doing everything in our power first before considering other option



thanks for the input, keep it comin'! I'm sure ive got a good one coming from one of you crazy dog people out there....and i deserve it

You might as well face it; you like the idea of owning a dog for some reason but you are not a dog person.

I suspect your wife resents looking after a dog she doesn't want, and who can blame her. Did you fully consult her on the decision to get the dog?

The dog is better off in another home in the long run. It will only remember you r place for a short period as it is neglected.

 

[DangerMouse]

I'm totally on your wife's side in this argument. I see this quite a bit, someone wants a dog, then they spend so little time with the darn thing that it becomes just another possession. Anyone who is not prepared to spend time with their pets on a daily basis should have them taken away. Dogs needs attention, they need to be taken on long walks - hooking it up to a run is not really a lot of fun is it?

As to your wife being peeved about the dog's hair being everywhere, well I would be the same. No way would I allow a child to roll around on a rug after a dog who rolls in poop has rolled on the thing.

The bottom line is it is your dog, you need to take better care of it or pass it on to someone who can. Don't use your work as an excuse, get up earlier and take it for a walk or instead of sitting home watching television get out there walking the dog.

As to what message it would send to the kids, the truth is they will get over it. I see that with my sister's kids, they would trade their current dog in for something cuter and fluffier in a heartbeat. Of course if you told them their current dog was going away they would spend 30 minutes sobbing their eyes out before their attention was diverted to something else.

 

[FUEGO]

Can you tell here who has dogs and who doesn't?

Hah! Very true! I think dogs are dirty unkempt animals that frequently smell bad and leave messes wherever they go. I feel the same way about my young toddlers. It's just that with my toddlers I fully expect them to slowly transition into increasingly smart, clean, well-groomed intelligent creatures that can assist with household duties. Someday. Hopefully. Maybe.

Or at the least we can get our kids potty trained by the time they are adults.

 

[toofrugalformycat]

Background: I'm a cat person as is DH but I get by with petting the neighbor cat once in awhile. Most of my other friends are serious dog people.
You and your wife have serious communication problems if she got so fed up with the dog that she was looking for a new home for the dog without discussing it with you first. You both are seriously neglecting your marriage.
You are neglecting your dog.
You are almost surely neglecting your children, too.
I've done the workaholic thing you're doing. Been there, done that, felt sorry for myself most of the time. It's not the road to happiness.
I hope you can figure this out yourself without a near death experience. That did it for me and a friend or too as well. If you think you may only have a few days left to live, you will not be feeling glad that you put in those extra work hours. You will be wishing you had one more chance to spend a sensuous vacation with your spouse, or a picnic with your kids, or even a walk with your dog.
Than again, maybe your priorities are different than most people. But you need to figure out what those priorities are, because right now it sounds like you are unhappy, your wife is unhappy, and your dog is too (kids too probably because they are aware of the tension between you and your spouse if nothing else).
Life is short. Get counseling. Make time for it. Delegate at your work. Take sick leave if necessary.
All this IMHO.

 

[freebird5825]

i have 2 dogs, both humane society specials. when dh2b came into my life, i already had the dogs and purposely stepped back and let him establish himself as "leader of the pack". in his past life, he was the sole caretaker of 1 dog. nobody else helped.
the reason i mention this is he needed to assimilate to my 2 dogs and vice versa.
past rules: dog care is shared, top to bottom. we were both w*rking at the time.
today's rules: i do the majority since he is still w*rking. it's a time share issue now, not a "yours-mine" issue. and he just loves those dogs! i used to have dogs under my feet, but now they are "his"

i agree with the idea of a family meeting and a vote. those who vote "keep the dog" have to take an assignment (or 2 or 3 AND perform it) toward the dog's care and attention. if the voter fails to perform, their vote becomes a "give it away" by default. keep it democratic.

BTW, this was a big issue in my family as a child. mom wanted a dog for 5 kids, dad absolutely did not. i can tell you we 5 kids resented dad a lot for his constant complaining, cuz we just loved that dog. and we 5 kids all took care of it. democracy ruled!

PS the family dog used to roll in dead fish on the shore when we took it for a swim. we learned to bring shampoo or keep it on the leash.

 

[growing_older]

There are a lot of problems here. Different expectations. Different tolerance of "normal dog stuff" and disconnect on who should be responsible for taking care of the dog to which person's standards. You need a lot of talking with your wife and likely some careful looking at what you can do.

If after all that you end up finding a new home for the dog, be careful with kids. Saying "I'm sorry kids but Mom is such a neat freak, she's making us get rid of your favorite pet dog" is not going to leave anyone happy with the situation. Same goes if you say something innocouus, but kids know that's what you really mean. Be careful.

 

[Urchina]

Can you tell here who has dogs and who doesn't?

But Sarah, wouldn't you agree that to condemn a dog (or any animal) to a life of not enough exercise, attention, love and time is unfair? You do border collie rescue, right? Surely it's better for those dogs to have second chances at a life that better meets their needs. I'll be eternally grateful to the family who sent our lab to the Humane Society. We've got a wonderful family dog; she's got a good home, with lots of attention, care and exercise. Maybe it would have been better for her if her prior owners had been able to care for her and meet all her needs, but it was better for us that they couldn't.

I completely agree with the posts on taking responsibility and moral compassion, and I agree that pets are not disposable. But to me, finding an uncared-for pet a new home isn't disposing of them -- it's being responsible to that animal's needs and cognizant of the current owner's limitations.

Of course, if the Fed does decide to rehome the dog, then the Fed (and kids, wife, etc.) shouldn't be getting another dog or pet. Maybe ever.

 

[Marquette]

I talked it over with Bandit.... our 7+ yr old rescue dog.

He thinks your dog should get a new pack to run with.

 

[freebird5825]

these 2 say "take a vote"
in their internet debut, we have "Rocket Dog" on the left, "The Big Guy" on the right [not their real names].

 

[Purron]

I talked it over with Bandit.... our 7+ yr old rescue dog. He thinks your dog should get a new pack to run with.

I think Bandit is a pretty wise soul.

 

[Rustic23]

Fuego
You may have your sites set to high with the kids

 

[calmloki]

Remember that Godfather movie where a proposal he can't refuse is made to the movie producer? Snuff the puppy, plant the pup's head in your bed next to your wife. She'll think twice about chirping up in the future. Uppity dang womens!

(sender does not advocate acting on this very tongue-in-cheek suggestion)
(sender just finished cleaning cat vomit from old grandpa indoor cat off two oriental rugs - not a problem, just age)

 

[jIMOh]

Make a list

hair on back dog yes wife no advantage wife

good kisser dog no wife yes advantage wife

happy to see you at
any hour of the day dog yes wife no advantage dog

can take a nap with you dog yes wife yes PUSH
wakes you up from the nap for no good reason dog no wife yes advantage dog

and keep going to see where this takes you.

 

[Westernskies]

I believe you can tell a lot about a person's character by his pets.

McCain:
2 dogs
1 cat
2 turtles
3 birds
1 ferret
13 fish

Obama:
No pets.

 

[shoe]

Fed if your wife was OCD you would know it. The mother of my daughter's childhood friend was the poster child for OCD. Before Kathy could go to sleep at night, every stitch of clothes that had been worn that day had to be washed, dried and put away. Then starting at the front door, she would vacuum the wall to wall all over the entire house and vacuum herself into bed. From her bed, she had a plastic rake that she would use to erase the footprints she made putting the vacuum away. Down in the basement, she had clean metal garbage cans that held, in order, ever single paper, every single book fair, pta notice, EVERYTHING that her kids brought home from school. I often wondered why her husband didn't insist she got some mental help. She was about a hundred pounds soaking wet from all the cleaning she did every day.

 

[calmloki]

I believe you can tell a lot about a person's character by his pets.

McCain:
2 dogs
1 cat
2 turtles
3 birds
1 ferret
13 fish

Obama:
No pets.

Godwin Ho! Hitler had a female German Sheperd given to him by Heinrich Himmler on Adolf Hitler's birthday and Hitler named the dog "Blondie".

Jesus had no pets.

Is there any conclusion to be drawn from these statements?

Edit: just remembered hearing about the lamb of God, so maybe i'm full of it.

 

[Westernskies]

Is there any conclusion to be drawn from these statements?

Probably...

 

[FUEGO]

I believe you can tell a lot about a person's character by his pets.

McCain:
2 dogs
1 cat
2 turtles
3 birds
1 ferret
13 fish

Obama:
No pets.

Hey, I was planning on voting for McCain but now that you point out that admirable trait in Obama, I may consider holding my nose and switching!

 

[Westernskies]

Hey, I was planning on voting for McCain but now that you point out that admirable trait in Obama, I may consider holding my nose and switching!

You'll want to hold your nose if you are going to step in $#!+

 

[kumquat]

just remembered hearing about the lamb of God, so maybe i'm full of it.

Wasn't the lamb sacrificed?

 

[tmm99]

My vote is... get rid of the dog (find a nice home for him.)

My feeling is your wife never wanted the dog (or any pets that make a mess) in the first place since she sounds like the kind of person who wants her house neat and clean. If she did agree to get an indoor pet when you got the dog, she probably didn't know what she was getting into.

You wanted the dog and since you have no time to give him the care he needs and deserves, you really have no choice is the way I feel. I think it's better for the dog too to find someone who can and enjoys taking care of him. I really think your wife feels she is at the end of the rope.

Since you don't do much with the dog, why do you want to keep him?? Is your issue more to do with "she is home all the time and she doesn't work like I do, so what is she complaining about?" (After all, you said, your wife comes after kids, eating and showering, in that order.)

I hope it won't get to the point of "choose wife or dog". At least at this point, you say the dog comes after your wife in the order of importance.

As far as I am concerned, some people are not pet kind of people, at least not "indoor pet" people. Nothing is wrong with that. I have indoor cats myself and I deal with vomits and litter bits on carpet, etc, but that doesn't bother me at all (I am kind of a lazy slob by nature), but I know stuff like that would drive some people crazy. And usually people like that don't have pets. Dogs would be too much work for me myself. I don't have that kind of time or devotion right now.


Anyway, find a new home for your dog... do it for your wife, for your dog, and for your marriage.

tmm

 

[Marquette]

I believe you can tell a lot about a person's character by his pets.

One of our roommate's has two chihuahuas that he lets urinate and defecate all over his room (the smell will knock you out if you walk by when his door is open). He also thinks Bush is one of the best presidents of all time because "he's a good, Christian man" and would gladly vote for him a third time.

Make of that what you will.

Maybe ex-wives are a better judge of character.

How many pets do you have?

Or, maybe, just maybe, we'll have to judge people's character by their actions....

 

[Bestwifeever]

Let another family have your dog.

I believe your children are very very young--oldest one not in school yet and youngest is under 2? So we have to take them out of the dog decision making--they will not be affected and are too young to "learn" letting your dog go to another family would equate to "it's okay to abandon people." And it's not fair to the older to have to go pick up poop and be responsible for taking care of a dog--he's too little to be worrying about taking care of a dog.

The hardest time for us having dogs was when we also had small children. They were always "my" dogs and we never thought about giving them away, but I can understand how your wife is overwhelmed right now with the children alone and you not available 70 hours a week, and to have a "dirty" dog (shedding, skin problems, poop-rolling) demanding her time is probably driving her crazy.

You know, a lot of shelter groups wouldn't let you have a dog with children as young as yours (remember Ellen DeGeneres's situation last year when she gave her shelter dog to someone with kids under 13 or whatever and the shelter group made them give the dog back?). Another family at another stage of their lives will love your dog.