Opinions: Why do some marry over and over?

I know a lady (who is in her 80's now) who has married 4 times (the 1st one died). She has been with the 4th husband for at least 40 years. She said she would have kept on going (marrying more times) if she hadn't met her current husband. No regrets. She is a self-made successful business woman (who retired in her late 40's!) so it wasn't money. (Her husband actually made less money than she did.)

She also told me about 20 years ago that she wouldn't want to be single (and she didn't consider living together or having sex before marrige to be acceptable) and that if her husband passed away before her, she would remarry.
 
I have an uncle who has been married 4 times and think in his case it is usually the wife who leaves. He is a nice enough guy, however everything he knows he learnt from my grandfather who was not a good husband.

Usually he meets these women who I think believe that things aren't that bad and they will be able to change him. 10 years later or so they are done.

His 4th marriage has been going for quite a while and I think this one will last because she loves the role she has been assigned of subservient female. To me it is whatever floats your boat and it works for them.
 
I think some people feel the need to always be "with" someone. So they find someone,not neccessarily the right someone, and get married. It doesn't work out but they repeat again and again just so they aren't alone.
 
rescueme said:
DW has been trying to change me for close to 50 years (42 years married - this September, but HS sweethearts before that time).

Rather than "moving on" and trying to change multiple spouses, she just wants to "improve" the original (but how can you improve upon "perfection)?... :ROFLMAO:
Click to expand...
My wife jokes that after 19 years, she's decided to keep me since it would be too difficult to train another husband. :)
 
Great - I get to become another weird statistic. When DBF and I eventually tie the knot, it will be #3 for me. Really young, dumb & stupid the first time (of 3 yr married on paper, spent a total of 8 mos together). Less so (young, dumb, and stupid) the second time (10 yrs). All is finally well (no longer Y, D, and S in the areas that matter for marriage!) and will be doing it right this time. Will be first time for him. Money is not an issue. Neither trying to change/correct the other....all is well!!

4+ marriages seems excessive...
 
OH, OH, OH....

Remembered another one that was from 20+ years ago...

There was this lady who had married someone out of HS... was with him 10 years and had 3 kids... went to the 10 year HS reunion and met her dream guy from HS... he was about to end his 3rd marriage... each lasting 3 years... they went out, had a fling.. he asked her to marry him...

Now, she goes back to her husband (in another state) and tells him she is divorcing him and marrying HS crush... which she does...

After 3 years... guess what:confused: He tells her to move on.... tired of being with her... and she was a knockout :whistle: I wonder if he kept it up.. he would be up to around #10 by now...
 
Perhaps some are so uncomfortable with being alone that they can't take it long enough to step back and think about what they really want. Also, they could be attractive enough to have frequent opportunities... and they take them?
 
Moemg said:
Most of my friends have been married two or three times so it's not that uncommon. It's usually a reasonably long first marriage , short second marriage and finally success . One of my guy friends was married five times . He used to say that he liked wedding cake . He was a little crazy (okay a lot crazy)but a great guy . I introduced him to wife #5 who was very straight laced . The match worked and they have been together over twenty five years .
Click to expand...

Just the opposite for me: one very short first marriage (3 yrs) in my youth, then 9 years single parenthood before remarriage, which lasted 24 years. I wanted a husband and a family; unfortunately, it didn't last forever. Now single again I wouldn't touch marraige with the proverbial ten foot pole. No thank you. :D

Elizabeth Taylor responded to that question (Why did you marry so many times?) by saying that she didn't believe in premarital sex. I think Za Za Gabor, who married 9 times, must have also believed in the same antique cultural philosophy. Zsa Zsa: "A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.":ROFLMAO:
 
There was one guy in our high school graduating class that was on his 5th marriage at our 10 year reunion. At least that is what he claimed.
 
I think even one marriage is insane, in America, for a man.
More than that the guy needs anti-psychotic meds. Why do something that is so capricious and usually so expensive to undo, unless undos are very rare, which we know they are not. ( This thread is an excellent illustration of that.)

Ha
 
My ex went on to marry several times. She remarried a week after our divorce was final. She was serially monogamous but she needed the supposed security of marriage too much. I was young and didn't see or recognize the signs. I lost track of her after husband #5.
I didn't date for years. I met my wife ten years after, and this marriage is as wonderful as the other was painful. We have been married for nineteen years. I didn't think I would find a LBYM simplicity appreciating partner much less one with the patience to put up with me and my geek bents. A lot of my LBYM developed from recouping from baggage from my first marriage. MY wife had similar experiences with her ex and had we both were slow to develop trust over money and spending issues in our early years together. We have always kept our finances separate, each maintaining our own joint checking and savings. It w**ks for us.
 
To paraphrase, next time I want to get married, I'll find a woman I don't like, and just buy her a house...
 
When my DW wife asks me if I'm happily married, I say "I'm so happy I can hardly stand it". Or sometimes I say "there are no words to describe my happiness".

We really have a great marriage - I just like to keep it fresh.
 
One SIL is now on her 5th marriage (or is it 6th? No one is quite sure.) and another guy I know is now on his 6th.

For myself, I think I'd give up after the second divorce. I can take a hint, see a pattern, etc.

As it is even after 22 years, for reasons that are sometimes beyond my comprehension, DW still thinks I'm "The best thing that's ever happened" to her and says so every day. So I guess I must be doing something right.

I read somewhere that the best marriages are the ones in which each thinks they got the better deal. If that's true then DW got shortchanged but I'm certainly not going to tell her!
 
FIL is engaged and this will be marriage #4 for him (he is almost 62). I've never really asked him why he keeps getting married (instead of just living with someone). When I ask DH why his dad keeps getting married, DH can only respond that it must have been all the drugs FIL did in the late '60's :ROFLMAO:.
 
So many people become unhappy after a number of years, both men and women... maybe we're not built to stay with the same partner longer than during the early childhood of our children. So many people cheat or start a new relationship thinking life will be good as long as they find "the right person". Yet when the initial hormone high wears off and the daily drudgery takes its toll, their new relationship often becomes unsatisfactory too. Maybe they needed the love hormones to feel happy, not the person they went after?

Our culture preaches monogamy, but are humans really made for lifelong relationships?
The lady who wrote this book is no scientist, but interviewed many people and concluded that she doesn't think so:
Women's Infidelity (sales pitch)
Women's Infidelity (table of contents)
 
Should we do a poll to see what kind of serial marriers we have here on ER?
 
Was married and divorced once, bad idea all around. Never again.
 
I'm single and about a year ago was looking to meet a man to date through an online dating site. Of the 20 guys I met (all nice looking, college-degreed professionals, in their 50s) for 'meet & greets', 3 had been married 3 times previously. Interestingly, they were among the ones (along with several once or twice-divorced) who wanted to get into a relationship with me before we even got to know each other to any degree. No thanks. I finally just quit doing online dating.

I don't know if these guys were just looking to be in a relationship and I happened to cross their path, if they were co-dependent, lonely or what. It seemed to me that they had not learned much from their prior failed relationships

Granted, the older someone is, the greater the possibility that they've had multiple relationships. IOW, someone in their 50s who's had 3 serious relationships is more common than someone in their 20s.


omni
 
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