Our changing thoughts on possessions...

[meleana]

Yeah, getting rid of multiple large dumpsters’ worth of my hoarder MIL’s stuff after her death, rest her soul, taught me a lot about possessions in later life, as well as what someone convinces themselves that their kids will want. It was a window into a mental illness we could only glimpse from outside her house when she was alive.

I read an article about a woman whose business is getting rid of crap after someone dies. Her point was, “NO ONE wants all this junk that people think has financial value or will be family heirlooms. If you want to do them a favor, get rid of all of it now. Better to put it out into the world where it has a better chance of finding a home, landfill, or someone else’s pile of junk than foisting it on your descendants to deal with. Even if some things have some emotional value, take pictures of them and put them in an album before you dispose of it.”

Harsh but pretty wise, from what I’ve seen.

+10!!!

 

[disneysteve]

I have Lenox blue crystal wine glasses and I am using them with my cheap wine! Use everything!

My wife started using our wedding crystal a couple of years ago. She got rid of the cheap (free with a fill up at the gas station) wine glasses she had used for years.


We still don't use our china though.

 

[Markola]

That's the essence of "Swedish Death Cleaning."

I had to Google that and, yes, exactly!

 

[BarbWire]

.... an 1100 square foot cottage on a postage stamp sized lot in a community that is similar to a 55+. We don’t even need a lawn mower.

Yep, you found the Holy Grail! I am still on my Quest. Small cottage, minimal outside upkeep (so no lawnmower!) but some private outside area (gotta grill!). Lock - n - leave community, but not 55+.....

1100 sq feet could hold all of my possessions easily....as long as there was a garage for tools and projects ....

 

[disneysteve]

For years, I've posted the annual "decluttering" thread over at savingadvice.com. It helps keep me motivated. I have to say that since finding this site and this thread specifically, I've been reinvigorated and have done quite a bit of decluttering in recent days.


Keep those stories coming of clearing out stuff, making more space, and cutting possessions loose. Whether we downsize our house some day or not, I want to keep downsizing our stuff. It is very freeing to have clean, open, uncluttered space.

 

[Amethyst]

The notion of guilting people into "getting rid of everything so others won't have to!" seems popular today, if newspapers are to be believed. Yet I suspect the fad will pass, because it goes against human nature.

Lots of us have always decluttered now and then, because it's part of life and home economy. We do not need to be guilted into it. Browbeating the other kinds of people will have predictable results.

Meanwhile, culling belongings is hard, tedious work. Telling other people to get to work - especially when one's cited reason is those people's impending death - rarely goes over well.

I cringe particularly at "Nobody wants your stuff! You think it's great, but everybody else sees it as pathetic, deplorable junk! You poor slob, jettison it now, or everyone will be angry after you're dead!" Not only is this tactless; it flies in the face of the mantras we've been hearing all our lives about "Don't let other people tell you what is worthwhile. March to your own drummer!"

And lastly, a rhetorical question: Does anyone really think the kind of person who fills barns with broken machinery and homes with piles of old newspapers and string, is going to listen to anybody?

 

[SheitlQueen]

For the last six months I have been purging everything in my house that I absolutely do not need. I have taken a lot of stuff to the dump and Goodwill. almost done, and then I'll go back through again because I'm sure there is more stuff I will decide I don't need. I am more into having experiences than having possesions.

 

[Calico]

[-]Tools[/-] Books do not qualify as things to be purged - only as things to be accumulated. <snip>

Fixed it for you!

My favorite bookmark:

 

[steady saver]

I have been actively decluttering our 2400 sq.ft home for the past couple of months. Each load I take to donate just lifts a huge weight off! I am not a hoarder/collector nor would most people consider that I have an overabundance of "stuff" but I know it's there and it weighs me down emotionally. I'm finally at a point where either the things I thought I would use or do don't interest me anymore...I want new experiences, not stuff. I keep thinking this is my way of preparing for post-pandemic exploration/travel. I have gotten a lot of motivation/ideas/encouragement from watching a YouTube channel called The Minimal Mom. She keeps me psyched up to get out the clutter and focus on what's important in life. I find myself asking the question she asks which is "do I want to manage that?" And the question is usually "NO!!!"

 

[EastWest Gal]

RayinPenn - I do have that BMW convertible, but I paid for it 11 years ago while working and would not spend the same money to replace it.
In general, we do buy less things.

That convertible isn't a thing. It's an experience.

 

[meleana]

Yep, you found the Holy Grail! I am still on my Quest. Small cottage, minimal outside upkeep (so no lawnmower!) but some private outside area (gotta grill!). Lock - n - leave community, but not 55+.....

1100 sq feet could hold all of my possessions easily....as long as there was a garage for tools and projects ....

Yup. That's what we have. 1100 square feet with a small front porch, but also a full walk out basement, a one car garage and a small two car driveway.

Clubhouse with big screen TV, gas fireplace, comfy furniture, bathrooms. billiard table and a full kitchen, and indoor mailboxes. And a small community pool.

$150 monthly fee includes the lawn care/mowing, trash pick up and plowing the road, the clubhouse and pool.

We were lucky to have just made it in on the last phase of new construction, as resales barely happen, especially for the one level homes. (there is a total of 85 homes, including the last 5 that are pending).

Not to mention the price at $249,000 (which ended up being $274,000 after the so called "upgrades" we made before closing.) OK, it's not waterfront and no views to speak of from the house, but we can walk to the public beach and boardwalk area on the lake.

The lot is technically a leased lot- BUT NO LEASE! Pay $100 at closing and it is good for 99 years and in renews every 99 years in perpetuity. Very unique deal with the city. The 10 1/2 acre land the development is on used to be a tent and trailer park before the first builder purchased it way back in 2008 and it evolved into this cute little community.

I always laugh when I think our former home was on 10 1/2 acres by itself and here there are 85 homes on the same amount of land. LOL!

Wasn't an easy find- especially in New England. It's pretty much one of a kind in this region. Just enough backyard space to grill (though we are not grillers). Some people grill in their front driveways. LOL!

Lock and leave- not a 55+, though a lot of the residents are of that age category. I would say most of people are in their 50's 60's and 70's, though some in their 40's (My neighbors to one side of me are in their early 30's). Just a couple in their 80's. But no age restrictions here. And you see young adults and kids of all ages visiting their parents and grandparents.

It's not perfect, and as in any home purchase there were compromises, but we did well overall I think. Been here a year now.

 

[Music Lover]

SueJ's story touched me about the cocktail glasses. My late wife and I had a set of Waterford glasses, goblets and liqueur glasses. They now sit in a china closet unused.

I have cut way back on consumption, and it does not feel right to drink Chateau Box (boxed wine) from Waterford glasses.
They are fairly expensive, and at some point I think I will sell them on eBay..

It's a glass but if you never use it then it's just an ornament.

If I had a fancy glass I'd use it every day. I'm worth it.

 

[Music Lover]

The notion of guilting people into "getting rid of everything so others won't have to!" seems popular today, if newspapers are to be believed. Yet I suspect the fad will pass, because it goes against human nature.

Lots of us have always decluttered now and then, because it's part of life and home economy. We do not need to be guilted into it. Browbeating the other kinds of people will have predictable results.

Meanwhile, culling belongings is hard, tedious work. Telling other people to get to work - especially when one's cited reason is those people's impending death - rarely goes over well.

I cringe particularly at "Nobody wants your stuff! You think it's great, but everybody else sees it as pathetic, deplorable junk! You poor slob, jettison it now, or everyone will be angry after you're dead!" Not only is this tactless; it flies in the face of the mantras we've been hearing all our lives about "Don't let other people tell you what is worthwhile. March to your own drummer!"

And lastly, a rhetorical question: Does anyone really think the kind of person who fills barns with broken machinery and homes with piles of old newspapers and string, is going to listen to anybody?

Keep your stuff if you enjoy it.

But the reality is that if the average person disappeared tomorrow a small percentage of their stuff would be worth something and a very large majority would be worthless or worth next to nothing.

My GF's mother moved from a 4 bedroom 2000 sq ft house to a 1 bedroom apartment. She took the best with her (10%), family took a few items, craft supplies, and some tools (20%), another 10% was sold at a garage sale for just a few hundred, another 10% was put by the road as giveaway, 20% was donated, and the rest went into a dumpster.

 

[1242Vintage]

Got a funny short story about getting rid of stuff.

FIL is a pack rat and MIL was the opposite. So when MIL asked FIL to get rid of something, he stashed it in the attic instead of the garbage bin.

Fast forward 20 years and newly married wife and I buy the in-laws old house. In laws moved to a much bigger home, but now FIL has a problem with the tons of stuff he has stashed in the attic the MIL doesn’t know about. His elegant solution, leave the hoard for the new owners!

When we moved in I noticed the ceiling of the carport was sagging. I went up in the attic and was astounded that it was completely stuffed full of junk.

My solution, hauled it all out on the weekend and deposited everything at the in-laws new home. I left it in their spacious 3 car garage when they were not home. MIL was hopping mad when she saw huge piles of “stuff” that she thought went to the dump was now taking up most of her garage.

Took a while for family relations to return back to normal.

And jokes on me. Last winter we had to clean out FILs big house and the attic space above the garage was you guessed it ... stuffed with junk. Rats had gotten to most of it and it all went into a huge dumpster.

 

[Amethyst]

Culling useless things, once you realize they are useless or you can't manage them any more, is just common sense. Which is something people have, or don't. One can't hector them into it.

I'm tired of endless articles and blogs that take a hectoring, indignant, self-righteous tone about it. Like that attitude would change anybody's mind.

Keep your stuff if you enjoy it.

But the reality is that if the average person disappeared tomorrow a small percentage of their stuff would be worth something and a very large majority would be worthless or worth next to nothing.

My GF's mother moved from a 4 bedroom 2000 sq ft house to a 1 bedroom apartment. She took the best with her (10%), family took a few items, craft supplies, and some tools (20%), another 10% was sold at a garage sale for just a few hundred, another 10% was put by the road as giveaway, 20% was donated, and the rest went into a dumpster.

 

[Ronstar]

Fixed it for you!

My favorite bookmark:

Thanks - Books are definitely in the do not purge category.

 

[Koolau]

Good friends on Island are moving to TX for a j*b! Both are 65 and old enough to know better. We helped them with their garage sale and have made a couple of trips to Salvation Army and Goodwill to get rid of the remainder. It was a good lesson in the way that "things" possess us - not the other way around. Their move will be on their dime, so possessions are definitely a liability. I think he'll ship one of his cars (the "new" one) and maybe some furniture. I tried not to brag when suggesting they move as we did (coming the "right" way ). We moved in a couple of suit cases each and bought used once we arrived. Everyone is different so YMMV.

 

[REWahoo]

Good friends on Island are moving to TX for a j*b! Both are 65 and old enough to know better.

I'm very disappointed in you for not talking them out of making such a mistake. Don't you get the news out there about all the fan hitting that's happening here?

 

[Souschef]

But Why not drink from nice glasses? You only live once. I have lived a very minimalist lifestyle, with nonmatching dishes and silverware my whole adult life, and I actually enjoy nice dishes and glasses!

Because I am basically clumsy. DW bought me a wineglass built like a battle ship. I had dropped it a number of times (empty)..
I we thinking about selling them, but it is such a PITA to get them wrapped. I was really spoiled when I was w*rking. i would just go over to shipping, grab a box and some bubble wrap and I was on my way.


I recently did some stealth purging of DW's stuff. I found a box with her cancelled checks from 2007. I also found some paperwork for the house she sold the same year. Out they went!

 

[skyking1]

This is the year I will be freeing myself of many things, almost all of it in the garage. We have 23 months before FIRE and I want to get rid of as much proverbial baggage as *I* can beforehand. DW does not have the accumulations that I do. My hobbies have been tool intensive and many have just dropped by the wayside. Sitting here I can think of many things that can just go.

 

[Koolau]

I'm very disappointed in you for not talking them out of making such a mistake. Don't you get the news out there about all the fan hitting that's happening here?

Our friend's attitude is "What's the chance it will happen again - in our life-time?" Probably a good point. Also, I suppose it's just possible TX will begin to strengthen the infrastructure associated with energy delivery. I wouldn't count on it, but it could happen. Good luck to all of you down there since YMMV.

 

[Amethyst]

We had more than 1200 books in our MD house, many of them my husband's collection from years of book club memberships (I am more a library user, so mine are mostly artist's design aides and other hobby-related books).

By giving them away, I managed to winnow the non-hobby volumes to about 400 of the best, ones I knew we still had some chance of re-reading in our lifetimes. It was still a lot of heavy book boxes to move.

Thanks - Books are definitely in the do not purge category.

 

[HF63]

Just like a house, we do not own the house the house is the owner of our time which as you know is a valuable commodity that you do not get back.
The endless trips to Home depot to look for stuff such a waste of life although at the moment I did not know better.

 

[Music Lover]

Just like a house, we do not own the house the house is the owner of our time which as you know is a valuable commodity that you do not get back.
The endless trips to Home depot to look for stuff such a waste of life although at the moment I did not know better.

It depends on the person. I want to own a house and enjoyed building decks and doing projects. Sometimes maintenance is a pain but for me it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make because the benefits outweigh the downside.

If you don't want to do regular maintenance either have a lot of money to pay someone or don't buy a house.

 

[Amethyst]

The linked NYT article supports my intuition that the reason "your kids don't want your stuff" is not that it is their parents' stuff, or that it is old. It is because they don't think the parents' old stuff is nice enough.

"Demand for top vintage and antique categories like rugs, desks and table lamps is up at least 20 percent on the online marketplace 1stDibs.com, with some categories up as much as 80 percent....The conditions are ripe for a love affair with all things vintage."

"Design from the 1980s is particularly popular among customers in their 20s and early 30s, who are drawn to the colorful, whimsical aesthetic. “It reminds them of their parents’ furniture so they’re attracted to it,” Ms. Wagner said."

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/05/realestate/vintage-furniture-instagram-pandemic.html