Poll:Do You Give Gifts to Your Spouse?

[braumeister]

DW still likes to receive gifts at Xmas and her birthday, while I couldn't care less. I used to generally get her a piece of jewelry, but eventually she decided she had enough and told me it wasn't necessary any more.

We hit on a simple solution years ago. Anything out of the ordinary that either of us buys in the month or so before one of those dates is handed to the other with the comment "This would make a really nice present for someone you love." The item is then hidden away, occasionally wrapped, and presented at the appropriate time. "Oh, that's exactly what I wanted; how did you ever guess?"

It works for us.

[Katsmeow]

This is all so interesting to read the different things. Some of these are great ideas.

I am actually really conflicted by this. On the one hand, I love Christmas gifts. It would sort of be weird to have Christmas with our kids and my mom and then have DH and I not give each other anything. It just feels strange. Of course, we traditionally do cards (yes, I save them all - love cards).

The thing as some mentioned is the stress of finding the right thing. This is why we moved to gift cards. Often, we didn't find the right thing. DH used to try to find jewelry for me and would inevitably spend money for something that I didn't really love.

The Keurig I gave him last year was notable because it was so much the perfect gift and I was lucky that I thought of it around Christmas time. But, usually there isn't that kind of serendipity.

The reason gift cards often worked for us was twofold. One was if one of us wanted to give something from a particular place but were uncertain about choosing the item. So DH gave me a Pandora gift card which I loved but I got to pick what I wanted.

The other thing was it was effectively a spending money addition. For years, in our budget we have each had a spending money category. Out of that we pay for all of our personal indulgences (books, games, hobbies) and our personal computer/electronics. So if I gave an Amazon gift card to DH it was actually increasing the amount of money he could spend on spending money. We usually preferred to give a physical gift if we could find one, but rather than get something just to get it the gift card was something.

But, we have decided to get rid of the spending money category. We are just going to spend for stuff like books or hobbies out of our regular budget. So, a gift card doesn't really do anything.

So -- I come full circle. I like the idea of gifts, but can't be sure I will find one that he will like (and vice versa). I like the idea of spontaneously buying a gift during the year on occasion if you come across something great.

But, how to handle birthdays/Christmas are still more difficult for me.

I sort of like the idea someone mentioned of going shopping at a mall together and each one just buying something they each want.

Maybe could do that for birthday as well. Yes, you could do that for something not the occasion but it would be a bit more festive.

[Scuba]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katsmeow This is all so interesting to read the different things. Some of these are great ideas. I am actually really conflicted by this. On the one hand, I love Christmas gifts. It would sort of be weird to have Christmas with our kids and my mom and then have DH and I not give each other anything. It just feels strange. Of course, we traditionally do cards (yes, I save them all - love cards). The thing as some mentioned is the stress of finding the right thing. This is why we moved to gift cards. Often, we didn't find the right thing. DH used to try to find jewelry for me and would inevitably spend money for something that I didn't really love. The Keurig I gave him last year was notable because it was so much the perfect gift and I was lucky that I thought of it around Christmas time. But, usually there isn't that kind of serendipity. The reason gift cards often worked for us was twofold. One was if one of us wanted to give something from a particular place but were uncertain about choosing the item. So DH gave me a Pandora gift card which I loved but I got to pick what I wanted. The other thing was it was effectively a spending money addition. For years, in our budget we have each had a spending money category. Out of that we pay for all of our personal indulgences (books, games, hobbies) and our personal computer/electronics. So if I gave an Amazon gift card to DH it was actually increasing the amount of money he could spend on spending money. We usually preferred to give a physical gift if we could find one, but rather than get something just to get it the gift card was something. But, we have decided to get rid of the spending money category. We are just going to spend for stuff like books or hobbies out of our regular budget. So, a gift card doesn't really do anything. So -- I come full circle. I like the idea of gifts, but can't be sure I will find one that he will like (and vice versa). I like the idea of spontaneously buying a gift during the year on occasion if you come across something great. But, how to handle birthdays/Christmas are still more difficult for me. I sort of like the idea someone mentioned of going shopping at a mall together and each one just buying something they each want. Maybe could do that for birthday as well. Yes, you could do that for something not the occasion but it would be a bit more festive.

I know this approach works for some, but I hate going shopping to pick out a gift for myself. Inevitably I can't find anything I really want on that day. I'd much rather make a list and either receive gifts from the list or even better, receive a surprise I love that I didn't ask for.

I wouldn't mind not exchanging with long distance friends and relatives. I have no problem picking out thoughtful and useful gifts for people I spend time with regularly, and actually enjoy it. Picking out gifts for people who haven't given me a list and whom I don't see often is much harder. I've asked a few times about not exchanging any more, but they still want to.

[Katsmeow]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scuba I know this approach works for some, but I hate going shopping to pick out a gift for myself. Inevitably I can't find anything I really want on that day. I'd much rather make a list and either receive gifts from the list or even better, receive a surprise I love that I didn't ask for. I wouldn't mind not exchanging with long distance friends and relatives. I have no problem picking out thoughtful and useful gifts for people I spend time with regularly, and actually enjoy it. Picking out gifts for people who haven't given me a list and whom I don't see often is much harder. I've asked a few times about not exchanging any more, but they still want to.

Yes, I mostly don't have issues with other people. I exchange gifts basically with my mother and my kids. My mom usually gives me a nice piece of Herend which I always enjoy. My kids either get me a small gift or a gift card which is fine. It is just with DH that this is an issue.

[frayne]

We naturally gift the grandkids and kids but nothing for each other. We look at Christmas probably much differently than most and don't decorate or put up a tree. DW does hang up the X-mas cards over the foyer entrance. We both feel it is pretty much a holiday for the little ones not to mention being way over commercialized. Wife is a Seventh Day Adventist and yours truly pretty much an agnostic and that might have something to do with the way of our thinking. YMMV and that is perfectly OK with us.

[tinner2u]

We quit giving each other Christmas gifts years ago. Totally transformed the holidays, no stress anymore, no shopping except for the little kids. Now it's all about family and being together. Also allows us to up our charitable giving.

[audreyh1]

We generally suggest to the other that they should go ahead and buy that thing they want for themselves.

If it's near a holiday, then we'll say - hey, that could be your X present!

[Mdlerth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jollystomper For us it is more about the thought than the amount. It is one way that to show that we are thinking of the other.

+1

[brett]

We have pretty much stopped giving gifts to each other. We may do a card once in a while. We will celebrate with a special dinner either at home or in a favourite restaurant.

If either of us wants something we typically go out and buy it or order it.

We asked our children a number of years ago to stop giving us Christmas presents. Instead, we wanted them to make donation to the local food bank and they have complied.

[ExFlyBoy5]

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxfirev5 On an unrelated note, when DD was in college and another on the verge we decided to cut back a little. I overheard my DD tell her brothers "I think they're millionaires or something and all I got was like pajamas". Somehow she forgot about the car a few months earlier. Now we all have a good laugh about it.

Love it...that gave me a good laugh!

[HFWR]

I got a guitar for my wife.

Pretty good trade, eh?

[Tom57]

Nothing at Christmas anymore. We are in our late 60's and buy what we want during the year. I do buy her good jewerly for some of her birthdays.

[Teacher Terry]

We stopped about 10 years ago. We go out for special occasions which we enjoy much more.

[audreyh1]

We have done special trips to celebrate big special occasions. Hawaii to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, fancy Paris hotel for DH 60th - even got the Eiffel Tower to light up! That last one worked out ahead of a planned trip.

We do often at least spend a day doing something fun.

[Scuba]

Quote:

Originally Posted by audreyh1 We have done special trips to celebrate big special occasions. Hawaii to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, fancy Paris hotel for DH 60th - even got the Eiffel Tower to light up! That last one worked out ahead of a planned trip. We do often at least spend a day doing something fun.

Wow - very cool!

[Koolau]

DW is trying to get fit (losing weight and hitting the gym, etc.) So I'm getting her a FitBit this year.

Back in the day, I liked to buy her gold (such as a nice chain with perhaps a gold sovereign pendant.) YMMV

[TromboneAl]

We have a system that works pretty well.

1. I, for example, will ask for a particular gift—and by "ask," I mean that I will order it on Amazon and then show Lena what she's getting me for Christmas. We will also get each other smaller gifts as surprises.

2. Since, as the OP mentioned, we can buy anything we want, we choose presents that are relatively extravagant (for us). Things we'd normally not shell out the dough for.

For example, for Christmas Lena is buying me the new Oasis Kindle reader. $250 for an eReader is extravagant.

[TromboneAl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by audreyh1 even got the Eiffel Tower to light up!

Is that code for something else?

[Throwdownmyaceinthehole]

I like buying Christmas presents, but Hubby doesn't want anything unless he can eat or drink it, so this year is the Serrano ham - thanks Robbie!!!, and Scotch. For me, I expect him to read my mind and get me exactly what I want.....but I did give him a list. It doesn't help that BOTH of our birthdays are days before Christmas so we usually do a nice restaurant with our friends that have the same birthdays. One year when we were moving, he didn't get me ANYTHING and I was crushed. Still brings tears to my eyes....

[Katsmeow]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TromboneAl 1. I, for example, will ask for a particular gift—and by "ask," I mean that I will order it on Amazon and then show Lena what she's getting me for Christmas. We will also get each other smaller gifts as surprises.

This is actually a pretty good idea.

All of this has been really helpful. I'm going to talk to DH and see how he feels about all this.