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TromboneAl · 06-14-2012, 08:42 AM

Tomorrow my trio will be performing in a venue where people are sitting and listening. In between songs, I was considering telling this joke, but now I think it's too racy. What do you think?

Two old ladies, Gertie and Susan, are outside smoking cigarettes, and it's raining. Gertie says to the other "What's that on your cigarette?"

Susan replies "It's a condom."

"A condom, what's that?" says Gertie?

"It's something you can buy at a pharmacy, and I cut the tip off, and put it on my cigarette, and it keeps the cigarette from getting wet."

Gertie thinks that's a great idea, and she heads down to the pharmacy, and asks for a box of condoms. The pharmacist is puzzled, since Gertie is about 92 years old, but he asks what brand she'd like.

She replies, "It doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits a camel."

GrayHare · 06-14-2012, 09:00 AM

Nightclub: Go for it.
Conservatory: Nope.
White House: Flip a coin.

REWahoo · 06-14-2012, 09:11 AM

You can also tell this one:

Q: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste.

**Alan** · 06-14-2012, 09:26 AM

I would tell both jokes. But then I'm a furriner, so folks just shake their heads and say, "You Brits!!"

I'm giving a talk myself on Monday to an audience of 80 young geeks, and was thinking of a joke to tell to warm them up.

**MichaelB** · 06-14-2012, 09:30 AM

Don't tell it as a joke but instead as an anecdote, something you overheard during a recent gig.

W2R · 06-14-2012, 09:36 AM

I was married to a sailor for 23 years and it is hard to shock me with off color, gross, or risqué jokes (and I have told a few myself, back in the day). That said, to me both jokes are a little too much for a public venue like that. So, if I were in your audience, wanting to kick back and enjoy a pleasant and tasteful performance, I would not appreciate hearing them. I voted "no". Call me a wet blanket.

REWahoo · 06-14-2012, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R

That said, to me both jokes are a little too much for a public venue like that. So, if I were in your audience, wanting to kick back and enjoy a pleasant and tasteful performance, I would not appreciate hearing them. I voted "no". Call me a wet blanket.

OK, Wet Blanket, I told the thermometer joke in church. It was a eulogy for my brother at his funeral - one of his favorite jokes.

Midpack · 06-14-2012, 09:43 AM

Obviously depends on the makeup of the crowd...so you'd know better than any of us. The joke would be tame with some audiences and over the top with others...

Mulligan · 06-14-2012, 10:04 AM

I don't know about your venue, but I thought it was funny.

Sarah in SC · 06-14-2012, 10:24 AM

Anywhere there is alcohol served, you can get away with it.
That precludes funerals, except maybe in REW's case!
I love that you told the thermometer joke at the eulogy, though.
I'm giving one on Saturday and don't think I can work it in.

JOHNNIE36 · 06-14-2012, 10:33 AM

Like Midpack, it depends on the audience. Young people are more tolerant to off color jokes. I for one, don't appreciate off color jokes or any with sexual content in the presence of my wife. I am always embarrassed for her. That's just me. I voted no.

W2R · 06-14-2012, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REWahoo

OK, Wet Blanket, I told the thermometer joke in church. It was a eulogy for my brother at his funeral - one of his favorite jokes.

Yes, but you are a Texan and as we all know, Texas is always an exception in cases like this.

Signed,

- - - - Wet Blanket

brewer12345 · 06-14-2012, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JOHNNIE36

Like Midpack, it depends on the audience. Young people are more tolerant to off color jokes. I for one, don't appreciate off color jokes or any with sexual content in the presence of my wife. I am always embarrassed for her. That's just me. I voted no.

Isn't she capable of being embarassed for herself?

Bestwifeever · 06-14-2012, 10:37 AM

As long as the drummer is ready with the "bah DUM bumb" at the end.

REWahoo · 06-14-2012, 10:45 AM

Al, you might find these less controversial - other than the moaning and groaning:

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. Now it's syncing.

When chemists die, they barium.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? The saurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of Communism class because of lousy Marx.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Velcro. What a rip off!

haha · 06-14-2012, 10:49 AM

A possible problem with the Camel joke is that it is really old, so most everyone has likely heard it. Another is that this is America, and some people may be sensitive to allusions to bestiality.

Ha

Meadbh · 06-14-2012, 11:27 AM

Al, you didn't provide enough information to guess the composition of the audience. Also, we don't know whether your trio normally wisecracks during gigs. If you are not accomplished at comedy improv, I would suggest giving the jokes a pass. They could fall very flat and would probably offend some people.