Poll: What gender are you?

[JoeWras]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cooch96 I also belong to a kilt enthusiast forum, over 90% male, and it’s the most overly polite group I’ve ever encountered. Turns out it has to be polite to function, as there are very few authentic highlanders who wear a kilt regularly and are willing to chat with foreigners about their national garment. It’s a touchy subject, as miswearing the kilt is considered mockery and cultural appropriation by some.

I have a bagpiper, kilt wearing friend. This sub-genre is so small, they MUST support each other to the max!

Now, let's talk cars. Even the "chick car" forums get overrun with aggressive guys. The macho car forums are a mess. I am a Subaru Legacy/Outback guy and although the demos on this are very neutral, my sense on the forums is that it is about 70-30 guys to gals. It would be interesting to see a poll.

[Katsmeow]

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Originally Posted by trumpeting_angel Another reason for greater civility on some forums is not gender-based, it’s a culture that develops over time. Forum owners and moderators set the tone and police it, and the forum grows into a well-mannered crowd. This could be part of what happens here. I think, too, that this topic attracts people who are less impulsive and perhaps less inclined to have “something to prove.”

I think it is mostly about the forum administrators/moderators. I don't really think it is the topic so much. I've been involved in internet forums and mailing lists for over 25 years. I've been a moderator so long that I was a Sysop on Compuserve back when it was "the" place for internet forums and my Compuserve handle was a number...

Anyway - the tone of a forum or a mailing list is primarily set by the moderation. I used to own an adoption related mailing list that was extremely active. We had a great atmosphere because I wouldn't tolerate anything else. Other lists dealing with the same topic could be full of carping and back-biting. Often, the same people were on the other lists but they could get away with things on some lists that I wouldn't allow on mine.

As for young men -- during a lot of the past 10 to 15 years I was an administrator and/or moderator on a couple of forums that had a predominantly young male membership due to the topic (game related). I was definitely an outlier on those forums! Still -- they all had a great atmosphere because of how the site owners approached moderation, particularly, the issue of civility.

When you have a forum with a good atmosphere there is a lot that goes into it. And, it usually involves a lot of care taken by the moderators, much of which is unseen by the members. I think that the great atmosphere of this forum is mostly due to that reason, not due to the composition of the members....

[JoeWras]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katsmeow When you have a forum with a good atmosphere there is a lot that goes into it. And, it usually involves a lot of care taken by the moderators, much of which is unseen by the members. I think that the great atmosphere of this forum is mostly due to that reason, not due to the composition of the members....

I agree, but I also think it really helps to have some diversity of membership.


Very important too is diversity of moderators. This is what killed my sports forum.

[always_learning]

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Originally Posted by W2R People here are intelligent, articulate, and civil, and these matter to me more than what sex they are.

+1

Those three things make this a wonderful place to visit. I might also add that people here are "welcoming".

I've been on more than a few boards where troll-hunting is a valid sport so those with low post counts are routinely accused of being a troll and others where I am ignored because I post infrequently and am not part of the "in group".

I prefer a welcoming atmosphere.

[always_learning]

I'm female.

I have nothing witty to add.

[Nemo2]

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Originally Posted by W2R People here are intelligent, articulate, and civil

Exclusionary! What about those of us who are none of these things?

[RunningBum]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoeWras I have a bagpiper, kilt wearing friend. This sub-genre is so small, they MUST support each other to the max! Now, let's talk cars. Even the "chick car" forums get overrun with aggressive guys. The macho car forums are a mess. I am a Subaru Legacy/Outback guy and although the demos on this are very neutral, my sense on the forums is that it is about 70-30 guys to gals. It would be interesting to see a poll.

It's funny, most of the cars I've owned have been called by some to be "chick cars"--Mazda Miata, Honda CRV, for example. Apparently I was supposed to buy a Mustang, pickup, or full-size SUV. Oh well. I've been pretty happy with most of my car choices, though that early CRV really was under-powered.

[Dtail]

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Originally Posted by Nemo2 Exclusionary! What about those of us who are none of these things?

You are one of the site's funniest guys, so you can't have everything.

[ER Eddie]

I'm a bit of a contrarian, so I'll point out that you need a little conflict and negativity in any group/relationship, or it remains superficial and stultifies. Obviously it's a matter of degree, and most segments of the internet have too much negativity, personal attack, trolling, etc.

But forums can make the opposite mistake, too, and insist on too much niceness and harmony, screening out anything that might possibly lead to conflict or unpleasantness. You need to allow for some of that, or else things remain superficial and inauthentic, not to mention boring. Same thing in any relationship or group.

I heard some stats on it from Jordan Peterson (who does not exactly shy away from conflict, lol), saying that if the ratio of negative to positive drops below 1:10, the relationship is in trouble. That's from Gottman's research, the guy who is well known for intensive studies on marriage success/failure. Gottman's research suggests you need 5 positive interactions to balance out every negative one; that's pretty well known. This other stat is less well known, but to me it's more interesting. If the ratio drops below 1:10 (in other words, if there are very few negative interactions), then that also predicts marital failure.

I'm extrapolating from marriages to forums, and that's admittedly a stretch, but there's a point in there about things being too positive, nice, pleasant, conflict-avoidant, etc.

[MichaelB]

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Originally Posted by Nemo2 Exclusionary! What about those of us who are none of these things?

Just goes to show there's room for everyone here at E-R Forum. Even you

[JustCurious]

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Originally Posted by ER Eddie This other stat is less well known, but to me it's more interesting. If the ratio drops below 1:10 (in other words, if there are very few negative interactions), then that also predicts marital failure.

I was not aware of that. A marriage or relationship that does not have negative interactions predicts failure?

[ER Eddie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious I was not aware of that. A marriage or relationship that does not have negative interactions predicts failure?

Yeah. Now, I should add, HOW you engage in those "negative" interactions makes a great deal of difference. If you are contemptuous, belittling, stonewalling, or abusive, that is a "negative" interaction that is very destructive. So there are different types of "negative," and it matters a lot how you handle it. What we're talking about (I think, I haven't dug into it enough to be fully informed) are the typical frictions, disagreements, or conflicts that come up in the course of normal life.

It makes sense. Two different people will always have points of disagreement or friction. You've got different preferences, tastes, emotional states, points of view, etc. So you're going to occasionally rub each other the wrong way.

Engaging that stuff is part of learning how to operate in relationships -- negotiating differences, coming up with compromises, or maybe just tolerating the differences. It's also part of how you get to know another person. You learn a lot about a person in conflict/disagreements. You don't really know someone well, if everything is always niceness, agreeableness, and pleasantness. There has to be a little friction now and then, because that's just a natural part of two different people interacting.

[Nemo2]

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Originally Posted by ER Eddie if there are very few negative interactions), then that also predicts marital failure.

I'd posit that this situation would likely arise when there's total apathy on both sides, rather than complete compatibility.

[happy2bretired]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ER Eddie Yeah. Now, I should add, HOW you engage in those "negative" interactions makes a great deal of difference. If you are contemptuous, belittling, stonewalling, or abusive, that is a "negative" interaction that is very destructive. So there are different types of "negative," and it matters a lot how you handle it. What we're talking about (I think, I haven't dug into it enough to be fully informed) are the typical frictions, disagreements, or conflicts that come up in the course of normal life. It makes sense. Two different people will always have points of disagreement or friction. You've got different preferences, tastes, emotional states, points of view, etc. So you're going to occasionally rub each other the wrong way. Engaging that stuff is part of learning how to operate in relationships -- negotiating differences, coming up with compromises, or maybe just tolerating the differences. It's also part of how you get to know another person. You learn a lot about a person in conflict/disagreements. You don't really know someone well, if everything is always niceness, agreeableness, and pleasantness. There has to be a little friction now and then, because that's just a natural part of being two different people interacting.

Very good.[emoji106]

[Midpack]

Mildly surprised. It seemed closer to 50/50 to me, but then ‘gender ratio’ and ‘post frequency ratio’ could be different...no matter.

[Midpack]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katsmeow When you have a forum with a good atmosphere there is a lot that goes into it. And, it usually involves a lot of care taken by the moderators, much of which is unseen by the members. I think that the great atmosphere of this forum is mostly due to that reason, not due to the composition of the members....

+1000. I’m active on 4-5 forums, and this one is the most civil and pleasant. And I’m sure the mods are the primary reason. It’s been a while but I’ve been politely warned a couple times, and the warnings were understandable in retrospect. I could argue they were overly proactive or misunderstood, but I didn’t, and mods erring on the side of caution is probably best in the long run.

Forums that let posters have free reign devolve into chaos sooner or later IME, and politics is the most toxic topic I’ve seen on those other forums. There is nowhere online to have a civil discussion on politics that I know of, a small vocal group always ruins the discussion.

[Luvdogs]

It's funny, there's this almost entirely women's forum that I've belonged to for almost 20 years.

There's been a few reincarnations over the years so each time some of the "trolls, outliers/troublemakers" tend to drop off so it's "nicer" each time.

But whenever there is a "ten pager" it has always gone way off-topic.

Recently someone asked about keeping her cat and therefore catprints off of her new car.

Well the thread IMPLODED into indoor vs outdoor pets/pitbulls/declawing or not/should you care about catprints if you love your pet, etc.

Quite entertaining!!

[JoeWras]

Of course anyone who worries about catprints is just plain stupid!


There, added a little tension to the forum!.

[Luvdogs]

Yeah, it's kinda a free-for-all over there!

[jane_sm1th73]

I'm female. I like reading and walking my dog. My pleasures are therefore rather frugal. Probably why I have my very own pile of FI dough. BUT...

My analytical-type job is so benign that I have not RE'd and don't actually know when I'll pull the plug.

I don't have to go into the office except for monthly client meetings, and am indifferent about whose back I scratch or vice-versa (I am an engineer, after all), so I get the check without the drama. I do, of course, mind my manners and engage in civil discourse.

I am like the folks who posted on the "happily single" forum. Got my own dough and do not play nicely with men who give me the understanding that they want to share.

I'm the first to be astonished at how contentedly it's turned out, given the stress en route to getting here.