Revoking your parent's driver's license

[Texas Proud]

We are going through this right now....

I had to buy a new right hand mirror for my mom's car... she insists that she did not hit anything, but looked over and the mirror was against the side of the car and it was broke... after getting one, I left it at my house for a couple of months as other things came up... we went to pick up her car last week and there was a dent in the right fender and scratches all along the side... she admitted to hitting the back of a truck from the side.. she hit their towing hitch... it was sticking out... no damage to it...

But, she could not explain the scratches... so I told my sisters who also jumped on the bandwagon of telling her she should not drive.... I was not there, but she said to my sister 'would you take the keys away from your kid if they had two accidents'.... my sister said 'well, we have hopes their driving will improve.... we do not with you'... Later, I told her that it was two accidents within 1,300 miles... so yes, I would take the keys away...


The good thing is she only drives to the Y for exercise, the bank and grocery store.... all are at the same corner 3 miles from where she lives with a speed of about 35 MPH... she does not drive when there is a lot of traffic or at night... her license expires in Oct, so we will see if she passes the test... she did two years ago... she will be 93 then....

 

[haha]

Most of these old people should not be driving, ever. My brother took the keys away from my mother when her Taurus started showing damage along the R side like like Texas' mother. She never forgave him, being a stubborn hillbilly. My former FIL was still driving until a couple months before he died a few weeks ago at 97. And not driving well, either. But the Mercedes dealer was willing to lease him a new E-350 at 97.

Anyone who cares about their inheritance should stop this stuff fast. I actually cannot understand older people who move into car requiring locations. When I was still married I told my wife that my next move was to going to be to a condominium or apartment, not to another car dependent house somewhere. She disagreed, but I noticed that when she went out on her own she went to an apartment, no longer having a live-in handyman or auto mechanic. I have also noticed that non live-in BF handymen usually demand more in return, given that they are free to take their skills and labor wherever they wish.

IMO older people who want or expect some help from their kids need to realize that there are stakeholders other than themselves. The older generation has no right to unreasonably complicate the lives of the younger generation, or to give them avoidable worries. And I say this from the standpoint of the lead generation in my family.

Ha

 

[REWahoo]

The good thing is she only drives to the Y for exercise, the bank and grocery store.... all are at the same corner 3 miles from where she lives with a speed of about 35 MPH... she does not drive when there is a lot of traffic or at night...

TP, that was the justification this guy's kids used when asked why they allowed him to continue driving until he killed someone.

 

[W2R]

she insists that she did not hit anything, but looked over and the mirror was against the side of the car and it was broke

But, she could not explain the scratches

Sounds to me like the kind of things that happen to cars parked in certain parking lots, while the driver is not present. I always tried to park as far from my office as possible to minimize the scratches and dings.

 

[FreeAtLast]

My mother drove until she was 90 and we convinced her to move to independent living. On her final voyage she pulled into the garage too far, ran over the vacuum cleaner and hit the dryer.

The car was donated when she moved as she really did not need to drive.

In all fairness to her, she really drove very little, avoided nights, bad weather, stayed close to home toward the end of her driving years.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

When my father's driving began to concern us, our sister defended him retaining his car and driving privileges as his freedom. It did not occur to her that he was endangering other people's lives. She was right, bet we were righter.

 

[simple girl]

I used to work in an assisted living facility. One of our residents' children took her car away (she definitely wasn't safe). The resident knew her children took the car, but purposely called the police to report the car stolen to teach her kids a lesson. She was quite the spiteful one.

 

[Independent]

I haven't seen any comments on restricted licenses. My state uses them:

A restricted driver license is intended to ensure that you are driving within your abilities. Some of the most common license restrictions are those that:
-Require eyeglasses, corrective contact lenses, or bioptic telescopic lens to be worn at certain times.
-Permit driving from sunrise to sunset only, or prohibit driving during rush hour.
-Restrict the geographical area in which a person is permitted to drive, or prohibit freeway driving.
-Require special mechanical devices, or an additional side mirror on the vehicle.
-Require extra support in order to ensure a safe and correct driving position.

It seems that one good step for a parent is getting the restrictions in place as soon as they're appropriate - that makes for a more gradual transition.

I'd like to see them add "restrict type of vehicle". An elderly person driving a street legal golf cart on a residential street is a lesser danger than the same person driving a two ton 17-footer on that same street.

I'm already thinking that buying the right small car when I get there will ease the pain of giving up the flexibility.

 

[harley]

I haven't seen any comments on restricted licenses. My state uses them:



It seems that one good step for a parent is getting the restrictions in place as soon as they're appropriate - that makes for a more gradual transition.

I'd like to see them add "restrict type of vehicle". An elderly person driving a street legal golf cart on a residential street is a lesser danger than the same person driving a two ton 17-footer on that same street.

I'm already thinking that buying the right small car when I get there will ease the pain of giving up the flexibility.

Me too.

 

[Nords]

I used to work in an assisted living facility. One of our residents' children took her car away (she definitely wasn't safe). The resident knew her children took the car, but purposely called the police to report the car stolen to teach her kids a lesson. She was quite the spiteful one.

I'll bet she got lots of visitors on Mother's Day!

 

[simple girl]

I'll bet she got lots of visitors on Mother's Day!

Her kids were petrified of her! And so was I! She reamed me out big time once, and I never forgot it, to this day. Some people are just mean for being mean.

 

[Walt34]

I see from the other's posts that in many cases the parent gives signs of at least acknowledging to themselves if not to others that their driving skills are not what they used to be.

That's not the case with FIL. He's insistent that he's been driving since before WWII and he's fine.

But like I said to DW the other day one of the maneuvers he'll have to do is of course parallel parking. In real life that's something I do about once a year if that. So if I was facing a driver's test I'd be out there with the trash cans and practicing that a bit to make sure I had that skill current and nailed down.

He won't do that. Then he'll complain about what a cruel world it is when he fails the test.

 

[52andout]

I was reading in NY state you can anonymously contact the DMV and they decide if they call someone in to be retested. I am guessing if someone has a clean record they might be suspicious unless they are at least 80. I am thinking of doing this as SIL defends MIL driving as she does a lot of errands for her. I could be wrong but from what I have seen she is so unsteady and forgetful I can't imagine she is not a danger to others.

 

[Walt34]

I was reading in NY state you can anonymously contact the DMV and they decide if they call someone in to be retested.

Maryland (where FIL is) has a similar program. He knows someone contacted the agency but not who, at the moment he thinks it was someone from church. If he finds out it was me it's gonna get ugly.

If confronted I'll own up to it of course but there's nothing to be gained by rubbing his face in it.

 

[hakuna matata]

Reading this thread has made me glad that my father at 85 gave up driving on his own. He told me he just couldn't see the road one day. He had a blank spot where he felt he couldn't see so he pulled over, rested for a bit, then turned back home and never drove again. This happened this last year or so. He said he felt it would be bad if he hurt himself but he couldn't live with himself if he hurt someone else. I was pretty proud of the old guy! I hope I can follow his lead when my time comes....many years from now!

 

[Texas Proud]

Sounds to me like the kind of things that happen to cars parked in certain parking lots, while the driver is not present. I always tried to park as far from my office as possible to minimize the scratches and dings.

Yes...that is a possibility as she does admit hitting the truck hitch....


I did not believe her when she said her old car would just accelerate on its own... until I got in it and it happened to me... and it went up to 70 mph without me touching the gas... she bought a new car the same day...


And that is the rub... IS she at a point where she should not drive I do not know. She seems to be aware of traffic etc. so I can not say she is a danger... and she has passed the test the state gives.... the next one comes up in Oct... we will see if she passes...

 

[Independent]

Me too.

Those rubber bumpers are a nice feature for my future driving.

 

[mh]

Those rubber bumpers are a nice feature for my future driving.

If the self driving cars continue to develop as they have been lately I may be lucky enough to not have the problem myself.

 

[Nords]

I was reading in NY state you can anonymously contact the DMV and they decide if they call someone in to be retested.

Heck, I'd call in the license plates of half a dozen drivers that I see just going home from town.

But maybe that's what they're doing behind the wheel-- texting the license plate numbers of the unsafe drivers to the DMV.

 

[rmark]

So far my 88 yr old FIL seems to be doing ok - max speed 45 mph, no night driving, only to his girlfriends house and to the grocery store, all on back roads. Any longer or more complicated trips we drive him. It helps he lives next door to us.

Also, suspicious dents and scratches on the rear quarter panel can be caused by the baseball bat bouncing back against the car after hitting the mail box from the back seat window.

 

[Walt34]

Update on this. His driver's test is tomorrow, and no one (except perhaps FIL) thinks he's going to pass it. The thing that grates is that as far as I can tell he's not even thinking about what to do next if he can't drive!

So this will hopefully force him to confront the reality that he cannot stay where he is. In the longer run it may be a good thing as he's been pretty isolated as it is and if he moves to a continuous-care facility he'll be around a lot more people.

 

[Texas Proud]

Update on this. His driver's test is tomorrow, and no one (except perhaps FIL) thinks he's going to pass it. The thing that grates is that as far as I can tell he's not even thinking about what to do next if he can't drive!

So this will hopefully force him to confront the reality that he cannot stay where he is. In the longer run it may be a good thing as he's been pretty isolated as it is and if he moves to a continuous-care facility he'll be around a lot more people.

Let's hope that he gets a tester that will do their job...

Since we have confronted our mother, she has at least started to think about a plan B... she still thinks she can drive OK, and passed the driver test a little over a year ago, but knows that it comes up every two years...

Since we are not fixing her car, at least the tester will see the dent in the fender...

 

[sunnysideup]

Not yet but will have to sometime in the future. Dad's eysight is getting worse, but he is clearly not ready to let go of the independence. He does use the golf cart for most errands now, but he still drives the car a couple of times a week.

I feel for you and wish you luck with this.

 

[Walt34]

To everyone's complete astonishment he passed! Barely, but he passed.

So the chips will fall where they may. I can say I did what I thought was right but I'm going to stop

 

[REWahoo]

To everyone's complete astonishment he passed! Barely, but he passed.

So the [-]chips[/-] fenders, bumpers and broken headlights will fall where they may.

FIFY.

Scary.