Single Men - 40’s - No Kids - Dating Life?

[F.I.R.E User]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aja8888 The Two-Step is very easy to learn.

I am concerned about Covid-19.

[Amethyst]

Uncomfortable or downright obnoxious:

1) Pressure to have sex too soon.

2) Fretting about what other people will think.

3) Bringing up previous relationships, like you're not over them.

4) Talking over me (New York-style excited interrupting is an exception! People from there interrupt you because they are interested in what you are saying).

Quote:

Originally Posted by F.I.R.E User It also depends on how long it lasts as well. Any example of making you uncomfortable?

[rodi]

My husband was 47 when I met him, never married no kids. I was 37, never married no kids. I did not check his financials - I was more interested in the fact that he made me laugh and was easy to talk to. He is/wasn't perfect looking, neither was/am I. But we get along great.

As we dated more I found out he owned his home and car outright, had no debt. Found out he was family oriented. Found out he was open to kids. We were engaged 6 months after we our first date, and married 10 months after we first met. It's been almost 22 years.

Yes - I was working towards a goal of retiring at 55. His attitude was to work hard, then take a few months off to travel - he called it mini-pre-retirement practices. But he was frugal to allow that to happen. (And mini-practice retirements kind of went away when the kids came along.) Now we're retired, kids are out of the house (but still on the payroll during college).

I met my husband through the old-style fix-up. I'd worked with his brother, who introduced us. Until I met him I'd dated using apps, fix-ups, meet ups, etc. I'd also decided that I was going to work to be happy, whether I met someone or not. That was probably the best thing I did for myself... took the pressure of dating off.

The biggest thing to remember is that looks can (will) change. You need to *like* the person you get serious with.

[F.I.R.E User]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Uncomfortable or downright obnoxious: 1) Pressure to have sex too soon. 2) Fretting about what other people will think. 3) Bringing up previous relationships, like you're not over them. 4) Talking over me (New York-style excited interrupting is an exception! People from there interrupt you because they are interested in what you are saying).

How soon is too soon?

[kgtest]

I will say this, marriage is hard. I have been married 8 years now, and known her for 7 before we decided to get married. We knew eachother well, or so we thought but have recently started couples counseling to get to know eachother again. Recently we get bothered by the simplest little things and its incredible because we have built so much together not worth destroying. I make it sound dire, its not...but you have to recognize when these problems arise. More marriages fail then succeed these days and IMHO its because there is so much competition and distraction that folks can easily get caught in that trap.

There is no one formula, but I do feel for my friends now turning 40 that are still looking. It can't be easy to date at an older age, but again...sharing your heart with anyone is not an easy task. If people say it is they would be lieing or glossing over things.

[Mulligan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aja8888 Let's see....you are in Sugar Land, Texas, right? Do you know how to dance the Texas Two-Step? If not, learn. If so, dress up in jeans, boots and a western shirt and head over to a local dance hall and get to meet some friendly Texas ladies that like to Two -Step. You will have a good time and probably meet some ladies who are really nice people. If you are too shy to go alone, find a friend at your gym or neighborhood who likes to go and double up. That's something you can do to break the ice with ladies. In my opinion, there's nothing more attractive than a good looking woman in a western outfit who likes to dance. And boy, we have a lot of them here in Texas! (Secret...I married one of those good lookin' ladies 25 years ago!)

Right on Aja. Ya gotta be aggressive and go for it! My lady of 15 years I spotted at an activity I had to be at. I kept asking people until someone new her story. She was taken at the time, but the seed was planted and two years later I got my chance and it worked out and we are still together and life is great.
But in my single post divorce days, I hit every angle. Hell, I even spotted a hottie in a car, and had a cop friend run her license plate to get the scoop. It didnt work out long run, but who cares, it was a fun year while it lasted, ha.

[aja8888]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mulligan Right on Aja. Ya gotta be aggressive and go for it! My lady of 15 years I spotted at an activity I had to be at. I kept asking people until someone new her story. She was taken at the time, but the seed was planted and two years later I got my chance and it worked out and we are still together and life is great. But in my single post divorce days, I hit every angle. Hell, I even spotted a hottie in a car, and had a cop friend run her license plate to get the scoop. It didnt work out long run, but who cares, it was a fun year while it lasted, ha.

Your story runs along the same track as me with my flame. But the OP seems like the real shy type. If he's never been to a south Texas dance place he would be surprised if he went.

[Mulligan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aja8888 Your story runs along the same track as me with my flame. But the OP seems like the real shy type. If he's never been to a south Texas dance place he would be surprised if he went.

Shy is tough. I wish I had an answer. I wasnt outgoing back in the day but I learned to be. Its like major league baseball players are today. They dont care if they strike out 200 times in a year and hit .230 as long as they bag 30 dingers in a season. The world is your oyster once you dont worry about striking out. Because the next time you step up to the plate you may jack one over the fence.

[kgtest]

I found this article from PEW in regards to marriage trends within the US interesting.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-t...on-in-the-u-s/

To summarize, older people see more benefit to marriage, more people are accepting of cohabitant now than before rather than marriage.

Many cohabitors cite finance as a reason they are not married. FWIW.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-t...itation-00-05/

[kgtest]

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I am on the border of GenX/Millennial and have swung so hard I've fallen over before. But I finally hit one outta the park and am totally grateful. You gotta take shots on goal or you will never win.

[mistermike40]

This is an interesting thread

[LarryMelman]

Quote:

Originally Posted by F.I.R.E User How soon is too soon?

Twenty-nine. Eleventy-six. Pi over twelve.

Good golly, don't you have _any_ beliefs of your own? Must _everything_ be a question?

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LarryMelman .... Must _everything_ be a question?

Is that a question?

[F.I.R.E User]

So he has no mortgage? So who did the fix up connection? His brother that you worked with? Looks can change but not by a lot especially if you see them everyday.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rodi My husband was 47 when I met him, never married no kids. I was 37, never married no kids. I did not check his financials - I was more interested in the fact that he made me laugh and was easy to talk to. He is/wasn't perfect looking, neither was/am I. But we get along great. As we dated more I found out he owned his home and car outright, had no debt. Found out he was family oriented. Found out he was open to kids. We were engaged 6 months after we our first date, and married 10 months after we first met. It's been almost 22 years. Yes - I was working towards a goal of retiring at 55. His attitude was to work hard, then take a few months off to travel - he called it mini-pre-retirement practices. But he was frugal to allow that to happen. (And mini-practice retirements kind of went away when the kids came along.) Now we're retired, kids are out of the house (but still on the payroll during college). I met my husband through the old-style fix-up. I'd worked with his brother, who introduced us. Until I met him I'd dated using apps, fix-ups, meet ups, etc. I'd also decided that I was going to work to be happy, whether I met someone or not. That was probably the best thing I did for myself... took the pressure of dating off. The biggest thing to remember is that looks can (will) change. You need to *like* the person you get serious with.

[F.I.R.E User]

Marriage is just as hard as achieving F.I.R.E. Same concept.

Any suggestions?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kgtest I will say this, marriage is hard. I have been married 8 years now, and known her for 7 before we decided to get married. We knew eachother well, or so we thought but have recently started couples counseling to get to know eachother again. Recently we get bothered by the simplest little things and its incredible because we have built so much together not worth destroying. I make it sound dire, its not...but you have to recognize when these problems arise. More marriages fail then succeed these days and IMHO its because there is so much competition and distraction that folks can easily get caught in that trap. There is no one formula, but I do feel for my friends now turning 40 that are still looking. It can't be easy to date at an older age, but again...sharing your heart with anyone is not an easy task. If people say it is they would be lieing or glossing over things.

[F.I.R.E User]

You asked people for what? If she was taken why would you be interested?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mulligan Right on Aja. Ya gotta be aggressive and go for it! My lady of 15 years I spotted at an activity I had to be at. I kept asking people until someone new her story. She was taken at the time, but the seed was planted and two years later I got my chance and it worked out and we are still together and life is great. But in my single post divorce days, I hit every angle. Hell, I even spotted a hottie in a car, and had a cop friend run her license plate to get the scoop. It didnt work out long run, but who cares, it was a fun year while it lasted, ha.

[F.I.R.E User]

I am not very outgoing unless with close friends out and about but my work is it sales LOL.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aja8888 Your story runs along the same track as me with my flame. But the OP seems like the real shy type. If he's never been to a south Texas dance place he would be surprised if he went.

[F.I.R.E User]

Maybe it’s anxiety and Covid-19.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mulligan Shy is tough. I wish I had an answer. I wasnt outgoing back in the day but I learned to be. Its like major league baseball players are today. They dont care if they strike out 200 times in a year and hit .230 as long as they bag 30 dingers in a season. The world is your oyster once you dont worry about striking out. Because the next time you step up to the plate you may jack one over the fence.

[F.I.R.E User]

Marriage is just a piece of paper and brings in-laws into family.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kgtest I found this article from PEW in regards to marriage trends within the US interesting. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-t...on-in-the-u-s/ To summarize, older people see more benefit to marriage, more people are accepting of cohabitant now than before rather than marriage. Many cohabitors cite finance as a reason they are not married. FWIW. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-t...itation-00-05/