Single men of ER...chime in pls

[athena53]

I agree on the filters- DH was 15 years older, hadn't finished college, was a smoker when we met (quit soon afterwards because cigs were getting too expensive) and liked watching team sports. It was a match made in heaven anyway.


Thanks for the hints on the pictures. I uploaded 3 including a couple of full-body shots. I've been meaning to see if I can see what "the competition" is posting on OurTime but haven't done that yet.

[Danmar]

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Originally Posted by 2017ish Yes. I got lucky and got hooked on DW at age 19. Don't even like to think about how much the dating world (and I!) has changed since 1979; this thread is an eye opener.

Haven't really thought about this before, as we have a very happy relationship. But what do you guys who are fairly well off financially do? Do you understate your income/net worth to keep the gold diggers away?

It occurred to me that some people might have to go out and borrow an older less expensive car for a while? Hard to hide where you live I guess? I am a "babe in the woods" on this stuff. Would only work for a short time I suppose. Do the internet dating sites ask for financial information?

[Music Lover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FlaGator I did filter for education and looked for indications of broader life experience after a few episodes with women who hadn't been more than 1,000 miles from their birthplace. Just wasn't much to discuss, and wanted to have the right role model for my kids should something develop

I'm not sure how not having gone more than 1000 miles from home relates in any way to life experience. There are literally hundreds of topics than can be discussed besides travel.

[Music Lover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar Haven't really thought about this before, as we have a very happy relationship. But what do you guys who are fairly well off financially do? Do you understate your income/net worth to keep the gold diggers away?

One of my friends is very well off (mid 7-figures). He has told me that sometimes it's tough to know who is interested in him and who is interested in his wallet. Of course, he downplays his financial status as much as possible, but you can only hide it for so long.

Although I retired at 53 (now 55), I only have a modest pension and by no means am rolling in the dough. At first glance, it may appear that I've been somewhat successful, but anyone who dates me for my money will end up disappointed...

[dvalley]

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Originally Posted by Chuckanut You are very wise.

You guys are making me want to call my ex tonight and apologize...for her behavior I'm finding it very hard to forgive (generally I get over things pretty quickly but this time it got under my skin) but truth be told I'm also finding it hard to forget her.
Must resist the temptations.

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar Haven't really thought about this before, as we have a very happy relationship. But what do you guys who are fairly well off financially do? Do you understate your income/net worth to keep the gold diggers away?

OurTime doesn't require you to choose an income bracket so I didn't. I plan to be VERY low-key if/when I get to the point of meeting someone in person. I drive a 2012 Nissan Sentra and I don't look prosperous unless I really work at it (wear stuff from my business wardrobe and pile on the jewelry, and few guys can tell platinum from sterling silver anyway). Any discussions early in the game will be on the order of "my bills are paid and my finances are in good shape". If a guy wants to know more than that too early in the game it's a red flag.

[flyingaway]

If you do have money, should that be used to your advantage, similar to that of a tall man and a pretty woman?

[Danmar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by flyingaway If you do have money, should that be used to your advantage, similar to that of a tall man and a pretty woman?

I would think you may simply attract the gold diggers?

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by flyingaway If you do have money, should that be used to your advantage, similar to that of a tall man and a pretty woman?

Everyone is different but in my case, no. I want someone who can pay his own way on a Business-Class long haul once or twice a year. I'll paddle my own canoe but I don't want anyone else in the canoe just sitting there even if he's great eye candy.

[scrabbler1]

Add me to those who have been puzzled, if not annoyed, by the height restrictions women place on potential men they will date. And if someone challenges them on it, they come back with "why do men place weight restrictions on us?" Most, but not necessarily all women can change their weight. But when is the last time a man changed his height from 5'7" to 6'0"?


I recall seeing back in the 1990s on one of those TV magazine shows (Dateline, 20/20?) about how shorter men having so much trouble finding women to date. The show demonstrated this by bringing in women and asking them to pick from several men like in a police lineup but were told various traits about them as well. The shorter men in the lineups were given extra special positive traits such as income, profession, loving children, etc. But the women still kept ignoring the shorter men. It was only when the taller men were assigned criminal records did the women finally choose the shorter men! Sheesh!


Back in the 1980s, when I was in my 20s, I went to a singles dance/event at a nearby Jewish center. When I told my mom about it the next day, she told me, "I bet there were a lot of short men with beards there." And when I thought about it, I realized she was right. I asked her how she knew, and she replied, "shorter men have trouble getting dates, and often look young for their age. So, they grow beards to compensate." Pretty perceptive of her. BTW I am 5'11" and have never worn a beard.

[aja8888]

I'm 5' 11" so I guess would get nowhere on a dating/match site. But look at these guys (....George Clooney @ 5' 11" + others):

Hollywood Actors Heights - Tallest and Shortest Actors | British Vogue

[GravitySucks]

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Originally Posted by Fedup They are all successful career wise but lacking some social skills.

At early 20s they're not finished. She should consider the market like those you finish wooden furniture stores. Some work at home is required.

[Fedup]

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Originally Posted by GravitySucks At early 20s they're not finished. She should consider the market like those you finish wooden furniture stores. Some work at home is required.

She has 109 men to choose from, which one should she work with.

[aja8888]

Not single yet, but there is a high probability I will outlive DW due to her current medical condition. That sounds grim, but we both understand this is the situation.

If I were to become suddenly single again, there would be no way in Hell I would remarry. Not that marriage is a bad thing, but I can get by quite well with what I have and if I needed anything else, I could pay for the service. Several of my male friends are doing just this and successfully for a long period of time.

I could see a situation where I could live happily with another female, but that would have to be a truly unique situation. I would not pursue this goal at all.

Someone above mentioned singles bringing "baggage" into a relationship. I have been there, twice. It generally creates a lot of work for no measurable reward. The only way I see a no baggage situation is when all parents have passed, all siblings have also passed and neither person has/had children. Then it's all good to go.

[rodi]

Lots of thoughts on what's been posted here....

I was a late bloomer. Didn't get married till age 38. DH was an even later bloom... He was 47 when we got married. Neither of us had been married before.

To say you have to kiss a lot of frogs.... No kidding. I went through phases where I was super picky... and no one met my standards. I went through phases where I dated any guy that had a heartbeat.... not a good thing but it helped me figure out what I was looking for.

By my mid 30's I'd narrowed down my criteria to the following:

- self supporting. Didn't need to be rich - but needed to pay bills on time and be saving for retirement.
- Had to have some kind of ambition... Didn't need to be super successful - but if he was a poet - had to be working hard at writing and getting published... if he was a business man had to work hard at his business.
- Preferred someone who was at least close to my height (5'9")... My hangup... I like to be shorter or equal in height for a variety of culturally imposed reasons... But being legitimately within 1" was good enough...

I thought these criteria were reasonable... and the toughest one to find was the 2nd one... there are a LOT of men in their mid 30's who seem to want someone to take care of them and support them. I wasn't looking for sugar daddy - but didn't want to be a sugar mamma, either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tailgate I think that the harder you look, the more you stress about it, the greater you chance of not finding it. I was 38 when I finally gave up and quit looking.. within 6 months I found her and she found me.

This is definitely true. I pretty much gave up at 36... probably only went on 2 or 3 dates between 35 and 37 (when I met my husband). Fortunately, I didn't decline the opportunity when a former coworker suggested I meet his brother... Good old fashioned fix up. And having dated so many frogs along the way.... I knew he was a keeper pretty darn quick... We were married 9 months after we met, had our 1st kid 11 months after getting married... and it's been over 17 years and no regrets. I found my partner, friend, and someone who I can't imagine life without.

Oh... and in hindsight - my list did not have the most important trait.... A good sense of humor. Turns out making me laugh was the most important reason I fell in love with him.

[FlaGator]

Originally Posted by FlaGator
I did filter for education and looked for indications of broader life experience after a few episodes with women who hadn't been more than 1,000 miles from their birthplace. Just wasn't much to discuss, and wanted to have the right role model for my kids should something develop

Quote:

Originally Posted by Music Lover I'm not sure how not having gone more than 1000 miles from home relates in any way to life experience. There are literally hundreds of topics than can be discussed besides travel.

Might have just been my experience with those small town Southern ladies

For me, it's not the travel per se, it's exposure to different people, topography, climate, way of life, etc. that makes for interesting conversation. That exposure could have come from work experience, living in different places or travel.

To take an international travel example, saying "I have seen the Sydney Opera House" is good for 5 minutes. Talking about how life in Australia compares to that in the US can fill up a few hours. Domestically, I find the variations in cultures/lifestyles across the US fascinating, and enjoying comparing observations and experiences.

[flyingaway]

I think the height of a man and the face of a woman is very important for the first attraction. Once you know a person, they become less important.

[Fedup]

I did rejected going further with a guy who was 6'2, PhD of biotech something from UCSD, nice and super polite and decent looking. Guess why I wasn't too keen on him, it's not the height, he was way too polite. I was wondering how is he going to deal with the crazy and nonsense of the world by being way too polite. I didn't want to turn into the one who had to deal with all the craziness alone. My husband is polite but not super polite.

[Chuckanut]

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Originally Posted by FlaGator To take an international travel example, saying "I have seen the Sydney Opera House" is good for 5 minutes. Talking about how life in Australia compares to that in the US can fill up a few hours. Domestically, I find the variations in cultures/lifestyles across the US fascinating, and enjoying comparing observations and experiences.

I tend to agree, though I think the original comment is proof that finding the right person is hard. Two people with very different takes on the life experience of a third person. There is nothing to say except to wish each one the best.

[Sojourner]

Quote:

Originally Posted by scrabbler1 Add me to those who have been puzzled, if not annoyed, by the height restrictions women place on potential men they will date. And if someone challenges them on it, they come back with "why do men place weight restrictions on us?" Most, but not necessarily all women can change their weight. But when is the last time a man changed his height from 5'7" to 6'0"?

Hahah... I'll have to remember this one. Very shrewd observation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scrabbler1 I recall seeing back in the 1990s on one of those TV magazine shows (Dateline, 20/20?) about how shorter men having so much trouble finding women to date. The show demonstrated this by bringing in women and asking them to pick from several men like in a police lineup but were told various traits about them as well. The shorter men in the lineups were given extra special positive traits such as income, profession, loving children, etc. But the women still kept ignoring the shorter men. It was only when the taller men were assigned criminal records did the women finally choose the shorter men! Sheesh!

I remember seeing that, too, and being flabbergasted at how unreasonably important height was to virtually all those women. And years later I read an article about online dating where a group of women were surveyed to see if there were any patterns in the types of men they would and wouldn't consider dating. They found there was a lot of variation in what the women did and didn't want in a man... with the exception of height! They all had set their "minimum height" filter to 6'0". I suppose there must be something very deep in female psychology driving this. It's never bothered me all that much, since I'm close enough to six feet (5'10½") to fake it without being blatantly deceptive, but whenever I see short, single guys out in social settings, I can't help but feel bad for them.