Snakebit Friend (Rant)

[scrabbler1]

Update on SBF:

He didn't have any severe signs of Covid. He stayed away from me for 2 weeks and we wore masks the next time just to be safe. Then we went without the masks.

He has resumed driving and has had no issues there, thankfully. He has been coming to my place most weeks to offset all the visits I made to his place in 2020. But I have to go to his place to make a computer house call. His keyboard died and of course he doesn't have a spare one (or he does and he can't find it, of course!) to hook up or at least to test to make sure it's not the PC itself which is messed up. (His PC is password protected, so he can't sign into Windows to access the Settings function.) I'll bring a spare keyboard to test it out and to hold him over until he can buy a replacement.

He also got lost going to the Covid vaccination site last month, going the wrong way off the parkway, then making a panic call to me. He gets his second shot tomorrow and knows how to get there, we hope!

So he's still snake-bit, just not as much as before.

[harley]

Why would he call you if he made a wrong turn? Doesn't he have a GPS or a smartphone? Or is the just a technophobe? They have this new invention too, called a map. Pull over and figure out where you are. If I was you I'd be screening his calls. Let him learn how to deal with minor problems by himself. He sounds like a teenager.

[UnrealizedPotential]

I don't understand if your SBF is capable of figuring things out on his own or if it is just more convenient for him to lean on you when things go wrong. There isn't anything wrong with needing some help, but at some point you have to ask yourself , am I helping or hurting my SBF?

If the answer is you are helping him, ok, no problem, but if it is possible he can grow to be more reliant on himself , then you need to set more lines between how you can help him and how he can help himself.

I would guess it would be a fine line between giving him more leeway in helping himself and remaining his friend while still being there for him in case he really needs you.

[scrabbler1]

Harley, he doesn't have GPS. I'm not sure how "smart" his phone is; he can receive emails on it and send texts, that's all I know about it. He doesn't carry a map in it. The place he was going to, we had discussed over the phone a few days earlier how to get there, but he has no sense of direction. He had no clue how to get there to get his first Covid shot, a pretty important task.

UnrealizedPotential, if you read through the previous pages of this thread, you will see how I have stood up to him more and made him go elsewhere (i.e. he has other "sucker" friends he calls on) to solve his problems, especially his PC ones. When I was going to his place most weeks (when he couldn't drive), it wasn't a big deal to tend to his PC (and other) issues as long as they were small. I'm not thrilled to make a housecall for something which will likely end up being very simple and something he could have fixed himself.

Remember, he is partially disabled, so many routine physical tasks for the rest of us are difficult, if not dangerous, for him. For example, a small fix to a ceiling light fixture is dangerous for him because he has poor balance when he uses a small step-ladder. Combine that with his lack of mechanical skills and it makes him rather inept in general.

[scrabbler1]

Another update on SBF: I switched keyboards and my replacement one worked fine with his PC. But, oddly enough, when I happened to test his nonworking keyboard on my home PC later, it worked! I don't know why it didn't work on his PC. But he doesn't have to replace the one I gave him, although I strongly suggested he buy another one to serve as a back-up because I won't make another housecall for an ailing keyboard.

[pacergal]

scrabbler1--
you are a good friend.
Take care of yourself too, and be sure not to get to the point of feeling overburdened or taken advantage of.

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by scrabbler1 Quote: Originally Posted by harley Why would he call you if he made a wrong turn? Doesn't he have a GPS or a smartphone? Or is the just a technophobe? They have this new invention too, called a map. Pull over and figure out where you are. If I was you I'd be screening his calls. Let him learn how to deal with minor problems by himself. He sounds like a teenager. Harley, he doesn't have GPS. I'm not sure how "smart" his phone is; he can receive emails on it and send texts, that's all I know about it. He doesn't carry a map in it. The place he was going to, we had discussed over the phone a few days earlier how to get there, but he has no sense of direction. He had no clue how to get there to get his first Covid shot, a pretty important task.

I had just assumed that he had something like Down's syndrome or autism (which sure does NOT preclude him from being your friend!). He does not sound fully functional (unless I am expecting too much from him which I might be).

I don't have GPS either, and I could probably use my cell phone but never do - - I keep a road map atlas under the car seat and a few local maps in the glove compartment. I haven't had to use any since the 1990's because I know my way around here, but they are there just in case. Can he use maps? Maybe you can buy some maps for him, so he can keep them in the car.

As for the keyboard, I think that could happen to a lot of us.

[scrabbler1]

SBF update: He was cruising along the last 6 months until another PC problem arose. He was getting an annoying popup telling him his PC had some viruses. It was a fake McAfee popup, trying to get him to click on a link within it (which he did not do, of course). Furthermore, the popup was disguised as a Windows Security Notification, one of things which appear on the right edge of the screen with the legit notifications.

He couldn't make those popups go away. Closing them just made them reappear a few seconds or minutes later. They also made noises when they appeared, making them more annoying. I showed him how to look for recently installed programs, but there were no suspicious ones.

It took me a while to figure out what was going on, about 45 minutes - nothing I could have talked him through because I was learning about the cause and what to do about it when I was there. There was one of those browser add-ons (he was using Edge) which was flagged as having malware on it, so I deleted it. But that didn't seem to be enough. These notifications included a web address, and I was able to identify them in a list of websites within the Edge browser settings and then block them using a drop-down menu. That kept the popups from reappearing which is good enough. Tough stuff, even for me, to figure out. No chance he could have done it.

[donheff]

Quote:

Originally Posted by scrabbler1 SBF update: He was cruising along the last 6 months until another PC problem arose. He was getting an annoying popup telling him his PC had some viruses. It was a fake McAfee popup, trying to get him to click on a link within it (which he did not do, of course). Furthermore, the popup was disguised as a Windows Security Notification, one of things which appear on the right edge of the screen with the legit notifications. He couldn't make those popups go away. Closing them just made them reappear a few seconds or minutes later. They also made noises when they appeared, making them more annoying. I showed him how to look for recently installed programs, but there were no suspicious ones. It took me a while to figure out what was going on, about 45 minutes - nothing I could have talked him through because I was learning about the cause and what to do about it when I was there. There was one of those browser add-ons (he was using Edge) which was flagged as having malware on it, so I deleted it. But that didn't seem to be enough. These notifications included a web address, and I was able to identify them in a list of websites within the Edge browser settings and then block them using a drop-down menu. That kept the popups from reappearing which is good enough. Tough stuff, even for me, to figure out. No chance he could have done it.

I am losing my ability to do this sort of troubleshooting, or maybe just getting to impatient to bother. I volunteer for a neighborhood village (helps seniors age in place) fixing PC problems. I used to get enough action that I could keep up with stuff like this. But, over the last few years, problems have become quite rare. I'm still fine fixing some PITA printing problem or a WIFI issue because they pop up fairly often. But now when I see a request to fix a "virus" issue or "slow PC" I usually wait to see if some younger eager beaver will take it. Often those problems signal an old beater that hasn't been maintained. It can take an inordinate amount of time and research to get things going. Sometimes the best solution is to wipe the machine. I am willing to do that to my own machines but I won't do that on someone else's. I don't want to own the problem - that is for pros.

[tulak]

Personally, once a system has been compromised like this I wouldn’t trust it. You might be able to clean it up, but do you really know that everything was removed?

If this was to happen to me, then I’d end up doing a clean install and manually add back my data. Fortunately, I’m paranoid and careful what I install - or click on - and it hasn’t been an issue.

This is why I think Chromebooks are great alternatives to Windows, especially if all you’re going to do is consume web content.

[pacergal]

scrabbler1--you are such a nice friend!

[scrabbler1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tulak Personally, once a system has been compromised like this I wouldn’t trust it. You might be able to clean it up, but do you really know that everything was removed? If this was to happen to me, then I’d end up doing a clean install and manually add back my data. Fortunately, I’m paranoid and careful what I install - or click on - and it hasn’t been an issue. This is why I think Chromebooks are great alternatives to Windows, especially if all you’re going to do is consume web content.

That seems a bit extreme. We ran Windows Defender and Malwarebytes and they found some stuff which we either deleted or quarantined. If he were to do a clean reinstall every time one of those programs finds something bad, all he'd be doing is reinstalling Windows!

[easysurfer]

Good troubleshooting Scrabbler.

I'd think a Malwarebyte scan to show no more malware on the PC is good enough.

Now, if the PC was compromised with a keylogger, then I'd have the doubt in my mind to restore from a backup or clean re-install just in case. Probably a Malwarebytes scan would be good enough too, but I'd want to eliminate any doubt in my mind. (Actually, had a keylogger hit years ago).

[tulak]

Quote:

Originally Posted by scrabbler1 That seems a bit extreme. We ran Windows Defender and Malwarebytes and they found some stuff which we either deleted or quarantined. If he were to do a clean reinstall every time one of those programs finds something bad, all he'd be doing is reinstalling Windows!

It might be extreme, but I keep a lot of sensitive data on my computer so I prefer to be extra cautious.

[scrabbler1]

Another minor but somewhat exasperating misadventure with SBF.

He had 2 more problems with his PC in the last few days. The first was his system frequently hanging, with some but not all websites unable to work properly. He was getting those small popup windows asking him to either Wait or Exit (I think those are the options). The other problem was that he wasn't seeing the normal Power options in the Start Menu., so he couldn't Shut Down or Restart his system cleanly. He was pulling the plug on it, a difficult task because of the setup of his system and his partial disability.

When he called me earlier today, I was trying to describe the power cord so he could unplug his system from the back of the PC. To my shock, he could not identify the power cord! I tried to describe it, a large cord, bigger than the USB cables and lacking the 2 round things on the monitor cable. But he was clueless about which cord to pull.

Then, just as easily as he was unable to view the Power options, they appeared! He did a Restart and his system began working properly again, at least for now.

Still, I am losing my patience with him and his inability to do simple things like identifying a power cord. I am sure he was doing something weird to prevent himself from viewing the Power options from the Start menu.

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by scrabbler1 Still, I am losing my patience with him and his inability to do simple things like identifying a power cord. I am sure he was doing something weird to prevent himself from viewing the Power options from the Start menu.

I'd have lost patience with him years ago. It is difficult for me to believe that anyone in the 21st century could not identify a power cord. Perhaps he (subconsciously) simply wants attention.

Maybe it's time to take him to a computer repair shop, if such still exist, and pass these chores off onto them. If he had to actually pay someone to identify the power cord, surely he'd figure out how to do these things himself a lot faster.

I have never in my life relied upon someone to do that sort of thing for me. The reverse side of that coin is that I have had numerous otherwise intelligent people want me to do computer/networking stuff for them. The more you help people, the more helpless they get. Then they start wanting you to help them and/or their friends over the phone. It just gets worse and worse.

[RetiredAndLovingIt]

Text or e-mail him a photo next time, maybe that would have helped.
And maybe he can do the same back to you when something goes wrong.
You're a good friend and I'm sure he really appreciates you.

[aja8888]

I have a friend kind of like that, although he is not disabled in the slightest bit. Actually, he was VP of Human Resources for a major oil company and is now retired several years.

I can't even count the number of times I went to his house to help him with numerous computer problems and cell phone problems. He doesn't even know where he (or his wife) store photos on their devices.

Recently, I asked him how, after 30 years of having a computer in his face at work, he doesn't even know what a browser is or what is the "Files" folder is used for. His answer was that he had "people" at work handle it for him. I politely told him I wasn't "people" and if they have another computer or cell phone question or problem, they should take it to a shop.

I am simply amazed that smart individuals can operate these devices for decades and not have the slightest idea what is on the devices besides a power switch.

I also believe that some folks stay this way on purpose and I call that plain laziness.

[scrabbler1]

Latest misadventures with my SBF.

His PC wasn't powering up. Pressing the power button did nothing. But other devices such as his printer and a desk lamp also weren't working. I checked the power strips and switched the plugs into other empty sockets within and between the power strips as well as checking they were plugged into the wall. Surprisingly, there was a unknown problem and nearly everything got powered up - the lamp, printer, modem, monitor. But the PC itself still wouldn't power up. I tried switching its plug into different sockets but it didn't work.

After we played our Scrabble games, we took his PC to a nearby repair shop. We went in separate cars because I'd be heading home from there, and the repair shop is closer to where I live. But he got lost on the way there. I called him on his cell, a good thing because he had already passed the place and was heading further away! He finally made it there and he turned in his PC. Took 10 days for them to fix it but whatever was wrong it wasn't serious (I don't know what caused it) and didn't cost much ($70 including parts and labor)

Even though I tried to explain to him, and demonstrate on my PC how to reattach all the cables (monitor, speaker, power, USBs), he still preferred to wait 3 more days for me to come over again. Took me 5 minutes to attach everything and it powered up normally. But he forgot his Windows password so he had to reset it.

While he was working on his password reset, I was fixing a problem with his kitchen ceiling light fixture. A bulb among its 4 bulbs had burnt out but when he unscrewed it, the metal part became detached from the glass part, preventing him from inserting a new bulb. Probably not his fault, as this has happened to me before (but very rarely). But it's a major PITA to try to get the metal part unscrewed from the socket if there is no bulb attached to it. He had some small pliers and with some difficulty I was able to loosen the metal part and unscrew it. He had a new bulb and I screwed it in and it worked fine.

SBF strikes again......

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by scrabbler1 While he was working on his password reset, I was fixing a problem with his kitchen ceiling light fixture. A bulb among its 4 bulbs had burnt out but when he unscrewed it, the metal part became detached from the glass part, preventing him from inserting a new bulb. Probably not his fault, as this has happened to me before (but very rarely). But it's a major PITA to try to get the metal part unscrewed from the socket if there is no bulb attached to it. He had some small pliers and with some difficulty I was able to loosen the metal part and unscrew it. He had a new bulb and I screwed it in and it worked fine.

I've heard you can sometimes get the metal bulb base out of the socket by sticking a potato into it giving it a good twist. I assume you have to whittle the potato down a bit to get it to snugly fit into the bulb base. I admit I have never tried this technique.